• Member Since 2nd Jan, 2013
  • online

Level Dasher


Reader, Writer, and Grammar Na— I mean, Editor. :twilightblush:


E
Source

If one lives immortal life, they may often find it rife
With events that cause them strife, which may make them want to roar.
This tale is of one such being, who thought life was disagreeing
With her when she lost her sister, who forever she’d adore.
Perhaps another can step in, since she’s lost one she does adore…
Would you like to read some more?


I was inspired to write this when Unique SKD took his own shot at 'going Poe' (said story has since been deleted, unfortunately). It just took me a while to work out the kinks with this one.

My second story in poem form, I followed the trochee as best I could. It wasn’t easy.


Editing and brainstorming provided by Shahrazad
Cover picture by pokerface3699

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

Loved it! :pinkiehappy:

Well done!

Hey, youngblood! Don't you feel as if your time is running out?

The Raven is one of my favorite poems. This is now also one of my favorite poems. Thank you.

7913689 No, thank YOU! :twilightblush: I'm always thrilled to see my stories/poetry make an impact. :twilightsmile:

This review is brought to you by the group, 'A for Effort'.
Name of the story: The Pheonix

Score out of 10: 8

Truly a great story, the pros and meter, never boring.
But alas, I have a job, and no error's worth ignoring.
Thankfully, as I can see, the spelling went perfectly,
With neither typo nor tense out of place,
the grammar in the story gets ten out of tenth place
The review isn't not done, of course, on I go: Forever.

With a rhyming meter as the shtick, the story's pace is a little quick,
but read it slowly, that's the trick, or else you'll miss what makes it tick.
This lovely little tale, of sun and fire, for us you did avail.
And through my heart, across the waves, a wondrous moral that could not fail.

A few lines hurt the flow, but I'll bet you didn't know,
but alas, I must tell you so, so, as a writer, you might grow.
A poem's a lovely melody to tell your story for all to see,
and for that effort, I salute you... reverently.
But now we must journey around the bend, but I'll remember this story, a feathery old friend.
Now, to the end we must always go: Forevermore.

A wondrous tale, a hidden gem, go read this story — ahem. Forgive my rhymes, forgive my meter, for I have no experience in musical theatre, but... Just go read it, jeez :facehoof:

8402661
I'm not sure if I want to ask how long it took you to put that together, but it was really good! :pinkiehappy: (and that last line :rainbowlaugh:)

Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it. And yes, I know one or two of the lines were a bit off, so that's very fair. :twilightsmile:

But after a short while, I could rise up with a smile, And the phoenix, all the meanwhile, she just sat there like before. She then grinned at my advance, so I chose to take the chance To

“Oh dear phoenix,” I did claim, “if to stay here is your aim, Then you need to have a name if you did not have one before.” She then squawked her great displeasure that she lacked that very treasure, So I asked, “May I’ve the pleasure to give you one you’d adore?” She then nodded, so I started thinking of one she’d adore, But some time, I needed more.

see if she could enhance my life, for her I did adore. “Oh phoenix,” I then said to her, “your presence I adore! Would you linger here some more?”

Sorry how did this go wrong. :twilightoops:

8461828
:unsuresweetie: How did what go wrong? I don't see the misformatting that you've written...
8461829
And thank you. :twilightsmile:

8461846
You’re welcome. I was tired I think that’s why.

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