- Member Since 22nd Dec, 2011
- offline last seen Aug 31st, 2023
Gabriel LaVedier
Just another University-edicated fanfiction writer who prefers the cheers and laughter of ponies to madness and sorrow.
Gabriel LaVedier
Joined 22nd Dec, 2011 ·
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Like the idea!
Edit: first!
That was pretty good
You should continue this.
768607 a.deviantart.net/avatars/t/e/tealcindeedplz.jpg
Love it!
This is going to be interesting.
Yeah! This is good.
I'm staying to watch.
Looks delicious, I'll be sure to sample this later.
A bit... strange. Interesting, though
Very unlike any other clop fic I have ever read. Very intelligent, as a matter of fact.
reminded me of tiarawhy's chrysalis flash game.
Very nice.
769383
I had the idea before I saw that. It was a pretty... obvious thought for terrible, terrible people like me
But seeing someone actually doing it made me bold enough to put it on paper.
Neat ending!
Hmm... most curious. The first story squicked me just a bit, because of the prison rape aspect of it, but I admit to being a bit prudish. It was nevertheless interesting, and I found the description of Changeling biology and genitalia to be the sort of crunchy detail that I always find fun.
As a story, it was intriguing. As clop, well, it didn't do anything for me, as such, but then I am not certain it was supposed to?
"Harlequine". I just... well.
This was more sensual (and less squicky) than the previous (pervious?) story, and the use of language was well crafted. I found Delicious Love to be lightly ribald, but not actually cloppy, if that makes sense. With the title of the series 'Clop Clop', the expectation is perhaps for something more explicit, but perhaps that is just me. Ribald is fine.
One thing I find missing though is languid descriptive passages. The events transpire, and there is some effort to elaborate upon them, but it strikes me that the purpose of both clopfiction and ribaldry is to engage the senses. I think there may be room for slightly more purple prose in such works, where the reader's eyes are drawn to details and their imaginations to sensations of all sorts in more detail. I am not speaking of going into discolorations of radial rings as much as, oh, tiny pearlescent beads of sweat glistening in enchanted moonlight, more or less.
All in all, well crafted, but for me, at least, curiously distant, at arms length (foreleg's length?). These are my thoughts, for what they are worth.
Not bad at all. You have a talent for this, and I urge you to continue. Exploring your limits and what you're capable of is always a good thing for writers
I couldn't stop laughing. Should I be laughing? Oh woe is me, for I am beset with a barrel of befuddlements!
769903
Ahhh, your words fill me with joy. And shame, but that is because chastisement is meant to fill one with shame.
The first story was meant for an audience that is very... perverse. Referenced above, there exists a Flash animation of Queen Chrysalis using part of her unnatural anatomy in the fashion of Marianne in this story. It gave me the nerve to write about it, though even before that I had considered it. Maybe it's just me being a male that makes me able to appreciate something like this. And I glossed the "rape" aspects of it. Who is to say that she was a victime? She may have seduced him. After all, she knew well enough that he lusted for at least one pony celebrity. That implies some kind of connection between the two. Plus, she did not refuse his offer to tend to her needs. And she did not pull away from his mating, unnatural though it was. Hmmm... consider it in this aspect: If the bars were not there, because in honesty they are an artistic touch more than a coercive one, would you still percieve it as rape? Also, he married the dear girl. No matter what, those are his foals. Equestrians are very family-oriented. He is a proud and noble father.
Now, the second... the story now fills me with shame, start to finish as it neither tittilated nor pleased you. It was... a sampler platter of sensual scenes, because I erred too far in the otehr direction. I feared, for example, if he worshipped all four shoes down to sugared slurry, or even merely adored them and broke them to pieces one at a time, that would bore the reader senseless with repetition. Likewise, consuming all four stockings. To say nothing of the sheer volume that would be eaten, in consume every last bite of Luna's raiment. I actually find it curious that you consider the tale ribald. To me it is openly and almost viciously prurient. It leaves off coy implications of intimate activity with naked descriptions of teats and passages and delving tongues gathering up fluids from within. Could it be more explicit? I argue not, unless one became merely vulgar, and I was raked across the coals for a single usage of the vulgar term "dick" in my last intimate encounter with these two. So I... I don't knwo what you expected of me. I only know I did not deliver.
And for that I am truly sorry, and deeply, DEEPLY ashamed. I have failed you.
770405
Sweet Celestia, now I feel terrible. I did not in any way mean to be as critical as I must have sounded. Oh my. I am sorry then.
With regard to the first story, I see your points. I think, for me, there was an issue of power inherent in the concept of a jail-cell, and prison where a prisoner, is by definition, rendered without freedom and put at the mercy of those who guard them. The fact that marriage happened after became doubtful to me because I suppose I balk at power inequities where sex is involved. It is likely my own issues then, I think.
As to the second story, you are correct in that it is more explicit than I gave it honest credit for, I think my mind became confused with all the gobbling and the eating as to what exactly was being savored and in what context as some point, forgive me my inattention. As to my comments about whether the work succeeded for me or not, you should know that I am possibly not the best audience in general for such things - while I am not entirely asexual, I am close to it, leaving me to appreciate such fictions on other grounds, and that probably means that I am looking for things most do not. My love of purple prose is that - lacking enough prurience, I find my enjoyment in strange and curious arrangements of words, or in complexities about the characters and their relationships, making me a poor judge of erotic fictions on that score.
I wanted to do more than just say 'nice job' or some such banal thing, but perhaps I erred too far in trying to critique things outside of my range and purview.
Forgive me if... I failed in this regard?
It's always great to see an update from you, especially when it involves Luna. You do a great job writing clop, "Royal Hospitality" is probably one of favourites of all time because of how... classy it feels (Luna makes sex sophisticated!). Reading a short where she and Bad Apple go at it again is a welcome sight.
This other story... Now THAT'S something I wish I could see fleshed out into something a bit longer. The premise felt pretty good, it's just too bad that it's cut down to a simple sex scene, then the end. I do hope you have more of this kind of thing planned, and as always, I look forward to what you'll do next.
771468
Well, as i said, it was a challenge I set to myself. I know it almost seems to BEG for more, but I like to think the reader can take the fertle (
) ground I provide and invent their own ending to the story that suits their taste, within the provided framework.
771056
I'm actually sorry I made you uncomfortable. In truth, I never expected that it might. I'm such a romance-loving, happily-ever-aftering, heartwarming d'awwwww-using softie that I thought folk would rebel at the fact that the guard was NOT a sex-hungry monster, Marianne was NOT a cringing victim, and that I had them both not only fall in love but remain together even if the primary motivation was to have children without the fear of death. I knew the power imbalance was a problem, in the abstract. But I had hopes that from the context that it was minimized. I guess I should have put him inside the cell, to negate the power difference somewhat.
Speaking of power imbalance... I actually had a somewhat uncomfortable moment writing part two. I didn't want to give the wrong impression of Luna's relationship with Bad Apple. When she commands him to stop and drop, in a sort of D/s domme manner, she may have seemed like... exactly what it says on the tin. That's not it at all, which is WHY Bad Apple was so openly cheeky and completely non-serious. He was breaking the masquerade and openly shattering the prosceneium arch. He was winking at Luna, his fellow actor but also his audience, letting her know, unambiguously, he understands that it's all a lark. And making her break character, even slightly, warms his heart, because it shows she appreciates his efforts, and because it confirms, organically, she is NOT a domme as she may appear. They are equals... insofar as intimacy is concerened, of course. I guess one of the other reasons it felt off was I chickened out on having him in the subserviant position, even as a cheeky servant.
770313 Oh I'm totally with you there. I couldn't stop laughing, myself.
It's like a love-child between Shakespeare and Jamie Oliver
-Glassed
The ending made me feel good
772783
Glad you like a touch of happily ever after.
>Stallion brains were designed to work in only mode at a time
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Mr_Cake.png
768574
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/firstpost.png
768607 a.deviantart.net/avatars/t/e/tealcindeedplz.jpg
768589>>768803>>768815>>768875>>769123>>769383>>769493>>769633>>769836>>769961>>772783 a.deviantart.net/avatars/i/k/ikrplz.png
>Royal Canterlot orgasmic scream
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
770405 >Ahhh, your words fill me with joy
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/008/549/If%20you%20know%20what%20I%20mean..png
774696
that flash was pretty good. Chrysalis is best horny pony/insect/shape shifter thing.
769558
cheers to you good sir, cheers to you.
OHHH GAWD FOOD RELATED SEX RUNNNNN!!!
I'm trying to picture the details, but just can't seem to reconcile it right now; I guess there are worse things than trying to visualize changeling genitalia. Now I'll have some context for the full changeling story.
Yes, this version works better for me. Not a few clever lines in there, I must admit.
Sometimes all it takes is just a few well placed notes to ring my bell, it seems.
778173
I am so glad you enjoy it. It was good for me, going back and seeing where I could improve things. An excellent exercise. As well, you were right about a missing intimacy. These two are my go-to lovers. If I want to show a fairy tale romance that will be written in legend, it's them. Devoted and passionate intimacy is a must.
778168
I suppose it was a bit of fail on my part. Try to imagine a pie crust. Cut down the top once and you have the "regular" genitals. Cut again, perpendicular to the first through it and you have the Changeling version. I had originally considered a circular aperture but that seemed too sphincter-ish and left no easy place for a clitoris analogue.
779312
Ah, Luna and Bad, my favorite couple. Interesting concept with the full edible gown, though I have to wonder why the bodice and corset would have even been created if only to be placed on the upper body; does that not negate the purpose of those pieces of clothing? You would think they'd be flipped around.
That pie crust analogy did not help really, as I had come to a similar conclusion which took me time to reconcile the two. I do need to ask, since there would be four peaks, does that mean she has four clitorises? I think that's the last detail I have not worked out.
780213
Yes. I thought I had put that in the text. She has four clitorises, one at the apex of each point on the cross.
A bodice, as I was using it, is generally a kind of upper-body undershirt, while the corcet tends to be a waist-based cincher and clothing securer. The text may have been ambiguous, but the dress literally has no front, it is open from neck to floor. The bodice and petticoat cover her body to maintain modesty, while the corset keeps the dress from falling off, and covers the part of her midsection that the bodice misses. And yes, there is overlap in the bodice and corset there. You may have been thinking of a corselet, or bustier
782216
I asked because depending on the configuration, she could have two or four apexes and I wanted to be clear.
I'll concede the corset point, as I do tend to equate corset with bustier and I shouldn't. My issue with the bodice is that it's not covering anything important, hence making bodice-ripping pointless in that case. Just me nitpicking as usual.
784371
Granted. Though my escape clause excuse is that the act itself is the scanalous thing. It implies a certain force and level of sexual need, ripping away even "useless" decorative clothing.
785483
Works for me.
That was one of the most "Well, I think that might be a happy ending...maybe," moments I've ever had.
Upside: All the mad interspecies sex you can shake a stick at and you're not in prison!
Downside: Hope you like medical researchers poking and prodding you a lot.
787041
No need to poke and prod, that's what her husband is for
Really, about all it means is a LOT of prenatal care and examination of the children after birth.
Very interesting and well writen.
A new take on buffalo-western ponies relations... I like it! Also I found that this chapter was much more deserving of the comedy tag than previous ones, that last few lines and the whole take on "raiding" was pretty funny. Good work, I look forward to more!
That was...new? I don't really have words for this. Pat yourself on the back, you rendered me speechless (for now).
866572
It was the gang-bang, wasn't it? Kinda threw you off?
865574
I wanted it slightly ridiculous but uncompromisingly sexual, lewd and base but also with a weird enlightenment to it. Even the raping and pillaging is different in Equestria. The raiders are well-loved guests that politely wait for the homeowners, are friendly towards new arrivals and are willing to try new things in order to be nice guys. The raided parties cheerfully provide take-away supplies and eagerly savor the sexual act because in a way they control good bits of it. It's a ridiculous bit of interspecies group sex fantasy that says positive things about all involved.
866625
Not really, more Onyx's predilections.
867417
Onyx: Decadent society mare in love with potency. At least she knows what she likes.