Equestrias Newest Guards

Shocks #1 · Mar 24th, 2016 · 13 · · chapter 1: prologue ·

Yes two characters are meant to be a mix between human and alicorn, yes they are going to be immortal, and yes they will be very strong, but their strength will start small and grow over time. And if you are going to say, this story has clichés in it, then don't, please, it's better for my head if you ignore and clichés and try to focus on the story itself.
Also there will be clop, but not to start off with.

And in that moment you've lost half your reading audience.

Meteor_Mirage

Meteor_Mirage #2 · Mar 24th, 2016 · 4 · · chapter 1: prologue ·

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Well, this is the most blatant troll I've seen in years.

gypsyfox

gypsyfox #3 · Mar 24th, 2016 · · · chapter 1: prologue ·

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Well you described me almost perfectly

Shocks

Shocks #4 · Mar 24th, 2016 · 2 · · chapter 1: prologue ·

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7060360 Or. Is. It?

*Inception bwaaaa*

lost worlds

lost worlds #5 · Mar 24th, 2016 · 1 · 5 · chapter 1: prologue ·

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Hehe, sorry but I just decided to leave a disclaimer for the fact that there will be clop, and the fact that there will be OP characters, I also stopped an earlier story because I was told it was to 'cliché', so I realized this disclaimer would be better for my sanity. I also don't care about becoming some sort of popular writer, I just want to make a story that entertains people and gives them something that they enjoy.

The General

The General #6 · Mar 25th, 2016 · · · chapter 1: prologue ·

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Intriguing, needs some grammer correction in parts, but it has got me hooked for more!

lost worlds

lost worlds #7 · Mar 25th, 2016 · · 1 · chapter 1: prologue ·

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Thanks, thing like that actually make me happy to try and continue to make people happy.

DAMN HAMSTER

DAMN HAMSTER #8 · Mar 25th, 2016 · 5 · · chapter 1: prologue ·

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This wasn't entertaining. Self-inserts and cliches don't form a good story.

lost worlds

lost worlds #9 · Mar 25th, 2016 · · 3 · chapter 1: prologue ·

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It will get better and more interesting, and the main reason for the cliche warning is because I don't know what everyone considers a cliche, so if I did put one accidentally, then I didn't want to be prosecuted for it.

lost worlds

lost worlds #10 · Mar 25th, 2016 · · · chapter 1: prologue ·

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Okay then.

lines n stuff

lines n stuff #11 · Mar 29th, 2016 · 2 · · chapter 1: prologue ·

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Nate himself was white with curly brown hair and brown eyes. He wore a hooded jacket with a pattern red, blue, and black as well as a black shirt that showed a wolf on a small island with trees howling at the moon. He wore his own semi-loose blue jeans and a pair of black sneakers that had a red bottom. He stood 5 foot 11 & 1/2 and while he wasn't skinny, he wasn't fat either, he also lacked the same muscle build that the stranger had.

okay. that was a little bit of a rusty description, but I can shrug it off...

Nate was meeting nine friends on this day, TJ, Jennifer, Wesley, Jacob Y, Theo, James, Jacob C, Paddie, and Larry.

t-that sure is a lot of names. But I'm sure the narrator won't take the time to describe every single one of them in the same awkward manner-

TJ was white with had curly dark brown hair and hazel eyes, stood 5 foot 7 & 1/2 and wore a open greenish hoodie that had a purple/grey striped t-shirt underneath with grey jeans and black sneakers, he was skinny and strong, even though he didn't show much muscle.
Jennifer was white with long curly blond hair and blue eyes with a ring of green around the iris, stood 5 foot 8 and wore a blue jacket over a pink sweater and blue jeans and blue shoes with green detailing, she was skinny, but still wasn't as skinny as TJ, whom she was dating.
Wesley was black with a black colored Afro and dark brown eyes, stood 5 foot 10 and wore a light yellow hoodie with blue jeans and white sneakers, he was evenly set over his body and it was always hard to tell if he had any muscle to brag about.
Jacob Y was Asian with blackish hair that went down his right eye in a very anime style, stood shorter than most his age at 5 foot 7 & 1/2 and wore a grey hoodie with blue jeans and black sneakers with green edges, he was decently round and didn't much muscle, even though he new how to fight.
Theo was white with strait dark brown hair and brownish green eyes, stood 5 foot 10 & 1/2 and wore a black hooded jacket that had a black shirt with blue jeans and completely black sneaker, he had a decent muscle build and could hold himself in a one-on-one fight.
James was black with black hair in a mini-fro and had dark brown eyes, he stood 6 foot & 1/2 and wore a rust colored hoodie with blue jeans and blue sneakers, he was more 'round' than Jacob Y and was considerably muscular.
Jacob C was white with semi-long dirty blond hair and had sky blue eyes, he stood 6 foot 1 and wore a black T-shirt with blue jeans and tan sneakers, he was thin with a decent muscle build.
Paddie was white with longish brown hair and green/brown eyes, he stood 5 foot 10 and wore a heavier tan colored coat with blue jeans and grey sneakers with a white bottom, he was averagely built but was also fairly strong.
Larry was white with short black hair and darker blue eyes, he stood 6 foot and wore a greyish black closed hoodie with blue jeans and red sneakers with black trimmings, he was semi-round but was the most muscular out of the group.

I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready for the slam jam.

I enjoyed it, though! Keep writing and improving, I believe in you!

lost worlds

lost worlds #12 · Mar 29th, 2016 · · · chapter 1: prologue ·

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Thanks, that actually makes me feel better about writing this after some of the hate, also this chapter was literally meant to be mainly the descriptive part.

Amethyst Blade

Amethyst Blade #13 · Apr 5th, 2016 · 1 · · Equestria hype ·

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Equestrias Newest Gaurds

Guards
That is in the title...

Amethyst Blade

Amethyst Blade #14 · Apr 5th, 2016 · 1 · · Equestria hype ·

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10 friends, Nate, TJ, Jennifer, Wesley, Jacob Y, Theo, James, Jacob C, Paddie, and Larry find themselves in the land of equestria after meeting up and nearly getting caught by people trying to kidnap them. When they wake up they find themselves changed on a physical, and somewhat biological level that leaves them like the ponies they meet. split evenly two members gain strong magic, wings, and extraordinary levels of strength. Two gain wing and the abilities of pegasi. Two gain magic akin to unicorns. Two gain extraordinary strength and durability. And two gain bat like wings as well as an ability to see in the dark. Can these friend cope with this strange new land, will they protect it, or try their best to leave.
Yes two characters are meant to be a mix between human and alicorn, yes they are going to be immortal, and yes they will be very strong, but their strength will start small and grow over time. And if you are going to say, this story has clichés in it, then don't, please, it's better for my head if you ignore and clichés and try to focus on the story itself.
Also there will be clop, but not to start off with.

10 friends, Nate, TJ, Jennifer, Wesley, Jacob Y, Theo, James, Jacob C, Paddie, and Larry find themselves in The Land of Equestria after meeting up and nearly getting caught by people trying to kidnap them. When they wake up and find themselves changed on a physical, and somewhat biological level that leaves them like the ponies they meet (It's "met" if this happened before they got transformed). Split evenly, two members gain strong magic, wings, and extraordinary levels of strength. Two gain wing and the abilities of pegasi. Two gain magic akin to unicorns. Two gain extraordinary strength and durability. And two gain bat like wings as well as an ability to see in the dark. Can these friends cope with this strange new land? will they protect it, or, will they try their best to leave?

Yes two characters are meant to be a mix between human and alicorn, yes they are going to be immortal, and yes they will be very strong, but their strength will start small and grow over time. And if you are going to say, this story has clichés in it, then don't, please. It's better for my head if you ignore and clichés and try to focus on the story itself.

Also there will be clop, but not at the start/later in the story.

Ok...This is my attempt at fixing the description...In spelling and some other minor errors.

Here's a little tip. When you post a story, your description and title must be grammatically corrected. People want to read a grammatically corrected story. They don't want to swim through a sea of words that they can barely understand. And the title + description reflect the grammar and spelling of the story itself.
Good plot, good characters and good flow doesn't mean much if readers struggle if not unable to read the story.
It is even worse if you attempt to use a more controversional plot point with terrible grammar and spelling.

As for HiE genre itself. You should use a single human, a small group of humans [2-3 (4-6 is stretching it but might be usable with good writing skill)] or straight up a whole community like a small town or something like that. Then there are also first contact stories, human are native to Equestria world and ongoing human-pony relation stories.

As for my personal opinion of this...Sorry to say this, but, while i love the HiE genre, not many HiE make a good impression on me and this isn't one of the better ones.

lost worlds

lost worlds #15 · Apr 5th, 2016 · · · Equestria hype ·

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7097747
Thank you for the help and honesty Amethyst, I will admit that my grammar and spelling are 'sub-par' compared to everyone's, and I don't expect everyone to love this story, all I hope for is to entertain those who will like this story as well as improve my overall writing ability.

Kriegor