• Member Since 27th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

lost worlds

After a year or so I finally decided that I should make an account on this site to comment and or write because I love reading the stories posted here.

Comments ( 34 )


You wound me, I honestly want to make my story better and you call me a troll, I may do such things in other places but I rarely find my writing, my form of art and expression to be a troll. You hurt me deeply, so no kibble for you young man.

This made my nipples hard

Jack's life should get better. This is Equestria, a land of love, tolerance, and monster attacks. He has a chance to pull himself up by his own will and determination. please run with that.


I already plan on good things to happen to him, but I know how I could also turn those into a proverbial hell for him, I would prefer to keep it to mostly physical pain rather than emotional.

8036280 Thank you for the clarification. Physical pain is easier to bear. Pain is just weakness leaving the body, right?


Yes, in a way, though if I have enough people want me to emotionally hurt him, It would still be able to be tied into a certain development in his character that I have planned that would be rather Earth shattering for him. But I agree with you're point, physical pain is easier to bear, as it usually leaves quicker than emotional pains.


:fluttershysad:, Also, can you be a little more specific please, if you're going to criticize, at least leave constructive criticism rather than just saying "get help", that's just annoying as hell.

You are an evil, sadistic monster to leave us on a cliffhanger. I don't know if I can handle waiting for more, so please write fast!


I've got myself on a strict weekly schedule AT MOST! So the longest you'll have to wait is a week, maybe less. Also thanks so much for the support :heart:.

Let Amber live. Poor kid needs some hope.


I'm glad that you share my view, honestly I want to make his life better, but I like the idea of giving the commenters a voice in my story, so that's why I ask. Also don't forget the polygamy question, with no one saying anything about it I'm leaning towards just going with it.

Maybe let her die and that will cause him to kill the ones who killed her and also they could have gained power to have revenge on him. Also it will make it his mission to become stronger. And for the polygamy idea mabey have Luna, nightmare moon and chrysalis because they may also experience the death or a lover

8132686 If it's well written and fleshed out, then multiple partners is my preference. Keep the "herd" under 8 members. It's not a harem-fic, right?

I suppose I could have Chrysalis redeemed, though in case you don't remember she's currently in the canterlot dungeon, While I like the idea of having Luna and nightmare moon (also my main idea was that if Amber died it would cause him to seek revenge, obviously, but it would also destroy his drive to have a relationship and he would likely push everyone away out of a paranoid fear that he would lose them).

I already planned to keep the size under 8, 'cause I do plan for it to be herd, not harem (though if people want harem, then I can put harem).

imo both this story and amber need to die

I thank you for you're opinion, and it can go directly to my complaint department *points to trash can*, If you don't have anything constructive to say, then just don't say fucking anything :ajbemused:.

As much as I want to be mad, 'your' sarcastic response was constructive, SO THE POINT GOES TO YOU ON THIS DAY GOOD SIR!


I really do mean this, I can only take such sarcastic BULLSHIT for so long before I lose my cool. Stop trying to piss me off, this is your warning, continue to do so and I will block you.

8138619 I was merely fixing your mistakes. :)
You should get an editor, for your writing is jumbled, incongruent, rushed, and lacks any evidence of any large effort.

Good day.

On a side note, your MC (main character) lacks any real personality. He really should be fleshed out, and you should stop pushing and forcing things on your audience.

This story's events occur in quick succession, with not a ton of time that you could use to give this story and its characters life. You could also fix the grammatical flow (as opposed to the chronological flow) and spelling errors.

Thanks for that advise. On the note of my character though, he is meant to be that way, as he is meant to be emotionally unstable. Not only that, but he is also slightly insane, I mean, who the hell else willingly fights a small army of changelings in damaged clothing, no armor, and with no weapons other than his body. His personality is that he doesn't have one that's all that clear cut, as it can shift based on his mood and the circumstances that put him there, like how he goes from paranoid, to happy, to angry, and then to sad/depressed in the latest chapter (which only spans over the course of a day).

The human last name is cresten wich is spelled similar to crestfallen wich means sad or diprest like how he was when he was first introduced:twilightsmile:

I'm really tempted to say that that was my original idea to begin with, but I hadn't even thought about it. Though that is a really great connection, I wish that I had thought of that :twilightsheepish:

Thought I'd give this a reread, maybe I was too dismissive the first time around.

Still an awful read. Your "OC" is an unlikable chump that can die a horrible death and still not elicit sympathy or satisfaction.
This "plot" is stale cancer that reeks of wish fulfillment.
The dialogue reads like it was produced in a fifth grade writing class.
The supposed "romance" was flat out cringe. I couldn't do anything but skip those "parts".
I'd provide advice if there was any to give. Maybe a better writer than I could salvage...this, but I would just delete it and run a magnet over the device used to write it.

That would honestly hurt if I held the capability to feel most common emotions at the same level that others do. Honestly I already see the places I went wrong and could fix them if I spent the time, which I actually do plan on doing at some point, but for moment I have been more focused on my other story "Accidental Warriors" so I haven't spent the time to fix it. Sorry for the waste of your time, I hope you have a wonderful day.

So you're a self diagnosed sperg.

That actually explains quite a bit now.

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