- Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen April 19th
Dark0592
Here lies the wistful delusions of the sleep addled mind. Actually wait, no, just me.
Dark0592
Joined 18th Mar, 2012 ·
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enjoy my friends, Dawn will not be put on hold for this one but all otehr stories- which already were on hald- are unfortuanately still there. if any of you wish to pick up any of my on hold stories we can collaborate
part three/four of the Prologue, this one's short but the next will have heavy action (sparring)
i would not read this if it wasn't for how badass twilight looks
Pretty good. Keep going, i want to see where this is going
732353 I could collaborate with you if you want, it'd be really cool
734851 pm what story you'd like to pick up and we'll talk
buahahahaha!! of course pinkie uses a light machine gun!
Ok, I'm just curios to see what you do with this.
Now this looks interesting. Don't get me wrong, I love your weapon choices, but personally would've thought Pinkie's chaotic personality'd work well with a flail, Dashie being the fastest would work well with wristblades, AJ's brute force'd go with a heavy weapon like an axe or sledgehammer and Twilights perfectionist outlook'd make her perfect for the Katana.
Just checking, a glaive is a poleblade right?
I'm trackin' this mate.
734942 with pinkie I'm going with the psychopathic brute method. as for Twilight, I thought everything was too simple. Dash would be good with the wristblades, but with her high speed and flight getting in close wouldn't be as easy so I went with the longer, but still very versatile, Long Katana. as for AJ, I thought something simple like a longsword would work. not too fancy and it gets the job done.
a Glaive, at least the one I'm thinking of, is basically a staff with a blade on each end which is curved. this is actually exactly what I was thinking of, the second from the left. http://images.wikia.com/avp/images/8/87/Glaive.jpg these are actually from the game Predator-Concrete jungle.
Fluttershy, with a sniper rifle....
pardon me while I walk oddly hunched over to the mens room
734972 You bring up fine points. Ultimately Pinkie's fighting style... well, she's chaos incarnite, it's ultimately open for interpretation isn't it
? Twilight would be one to experiment with a weapon until she mastered it, then promptly drop it and look for something else she doesn't know how to use (Damnit, I loved Concrete Jungle.), but the two I'm still a bit confused about are Applejack and Dashie.
Technically something with a long blade would be hard to swing quickly and given the weight distribution and her love for speed, she'd probably struggle with the weapons weight slowing her down. ... Or since it's a fantasy setting, will it just be deceptively light? (Completely forgot about that for a sec. If it is the case then yeah, it's work with her.) You're sure that her speed and ability of flight'd work against her getting in close? Can't see how, the closer in combat one is, the faster they need to be and in the show, there's the scene where she's trying to teach Applebloom martial arts so she could incorporate her knowledge of that as well. Add blades on a pair of shoes and you've got a lethal weapon in the form of an anthro Dashie. And wings could provide an easy escape method from the majority if the gets swarmed. I get the impression not all demons have the gift of flight.
And Applejack... nnnevermind. In fantasy settings they'd be more for cutting but realistically they were more for hacking and even the hilt was a weapon. That alone could be improved by her sheer strength so really the only one I'm not sure of is Dashie.
735045...he's her brother because it fits into the story. and you picture that in your head because holy shit that's exactly what I had in mind...
735154 it's actually sort of in the way a Katana is made. Dashie's strong so the weight wouldn't matter as much and a Katana has a certain aerodynamic to it. plus, I remember seeing a pic of Gantz RD and whenever i try to picture her with a weapon it's always a sword...
well guys bad news, I was going to have the final prologue chapter in but open office just gave me a big middle finger and made me lose the incomplete 5 pages I had...so unfortunately the spars are going to be toned down big time...there's going to be a lot of sexual awkwardness though (as in awkwardness related to the sex tag yet not quite sex) involving revelations in sexuality and crushes of the sort. after the prologue is when the story picks up though
735172 I accepted the brother bit, still confused as to how that makes him a DracoMage. Sure, he was a dragon in the show, but he's human(esc) here, and his siblings are both mages. So, at some point, a heredity lesson, or even just a passage on how Spike got the attributes of a Drake(human/dragon hybrid, so I'll assume that would make sense here), would be excellent. And that's what you were thinking because it's a great idea, and would look badass with his spiky green hair rustling in the breeze all strong magic seems to generate.
Also: RD in Gantz? Do want. Link?
735184 ... If it's Word, it ya might be lucky enough to find it under "Open recent" even if ya haven't saved it.
Personally hoping the romance won't be the dominant part of the story, but that's just me
.
Still can't picture it, but it probably comes down to me being closed-minded. Will probably understand in time.
735374 Eh, I'm with Dark on this one. Dash with a katana just somehow makes sense. I guess if effective armor could be put on wings, then blades on the tips of those would makes sense in pony form, but a sword would be better in human form. You have more flexibility that way, and wrist blades, in my experience, are more of a hassle than a help. They usually get in the way when not in combat, and in combat, unless you train with them for years, you tend to just punch with them instead of do the proper strike for the blade. Sure, it makes your punches harder to dodge, but they are also heavy; even lightweight ones can make your stance unbalanced.
735453 Point taken. Sorry about sparking this thing, I was honestly confused.
Wait a second. Are we talking about the same kind of wristblade? I've been talking about something similar-ish to this and failed to consider there might be other kinds.
But yeah, you're both right. Dashie with a katana works if she can swing it quickly and judging from Dark's reasoning, sounds like she can.
735591 Ah, I see the confusion. No, I think that would be classified, oddly enough, as a glove. A fang-blade glove, to be precise. This (though smaller, and not glowing) would be the wrist-blade I thought of. It leaves the hand completely uncovered, acting as a bracer around the forearm with a blade extending in a direction. Normally, the direction is curved back for easier use outside of combat, though it can have a hinge that snaps it forward, extending the blade beyond the hand.
Your weapon does make more sense for Dash than mine, so I see your point, now. Still, I would almost expect Applejack to be the more hands-on fighter if those were available.
Interesting choice of skill sets and weapon and I've got a soft spot for awkward teen romance so this works for me. Hope you continue with that angle.
I look forward to seeing how you handle action sequences but at the moment I notice you seem to favor actions and dialogue over descriptions and details so that might have to change a little if you want good action.
At the moment none of the characters have very strong interpersonal chemistry but I suspect that once they get to doing things together and competing that will change.
Also of note is that the girls seem to take the fact that they've basically been conscripted very calmly. I didn't hear one of them agree to becoming a part of the army. As far as I could tell the lot of them just got dragged out of high school to fight demons from hell. Maybe that's an issue you plan on bringing up an I think it could be pretty interesting.
Anyway despite all the thing I just said I liked and faved this story.
I like this fic.... But I would have preferred gears weapons
735218 http://johnjoseco.deviantart.com/gallery/29033906?offset=240#/d411e0s and yeah i probably should
735374 in the next chapter it will, but as for the story in general it'll be back and forth- i like to keep a story varying in dominant genre a bit
735591>>735632 you're both right. it's got the caw like the first- except there's four of them- as well as the curved blade that can swing forward similar to Rayne in Bloodrayne
735738 hm, i see it now. perhaps I should touch on that subject.
736730 never played the game, wouldn't know anything about it. only weapon i know is that saw rifle thing
Johnjoseco? Hey I used his stuff for my RD vs. AJ fic... He really is awesome, isn't he...?
Whoa whoa whoa. Why are the reaver gauntlets so different? You just gave twilight claws. Thats it? Rarity's got those... Oh well, I guess I'll just wait for the next bit... Impatiently... Seriously, good story thus far, I look forward to it.
736944 oh yeah, i have at least two pages of my DA faves gallery with his stuff...
best story ever:flutter rage: thank you, you are a god to wrighting
737270 *writing* and thanks, that made me smile. awkwardness involving the sex tag is coming. it's gotta when there's a house full of freakishly gorgeous women right?
FIRST comment mother**ers: flutterrage: ahaha
737362 you can actually get banned for that...
hoo-e four chapters in less than 24 hours? if I finish this as fast as I did crimson night at this pace we'd have 44+ chapters on our hands. but I have no idea how long this is going to be. just like with crimson dawn- and any other story really- it is very susceptible to change via reader input so tell me what you guys think and any suggestions in the comments and you just might see it used. thanks to s00perguy for the basic idea and design assistance on the reaver gauntlets.
it's up to you guys. shall we keep Emerald, add her to the team and pair her with spike? or is that just going to be a one time thing and you guys can create the OC that pairs with him. your choice!
*looks at title* ummm...i sont know wether to be scared or joyfull at this chapter?i bet it will be great.
*after reading* well that was actually ok and actually...great compared to most story's i have read
736906
Have you got an x-box? Because if you haven't, your missing out...
Favourite game ever!
...after halo...
737451
If you mean EmeraldxSpike that would be interesting if you mean as partner sure why not.
737626 nope only got a pc
737582 much easier to write things like that when they're humanized
well played good sir well played indeed
two mustaches for you
736906 Are you talking about Twilight's gauntlet weapon? Cause that's kind of what I gathered for that. Shadow and I were talking about what wrist-blades were, and it all depends on who taught you, mostly.
Now, OFF TO READ THE 4TH CH-- PROLOGUE!
Okay. I am okay with this. I am very okay with this.
I'm not sure if I've ever told you this, but you always capture Twilight's slightly awkward and formal speech perfectly. Just felt like sharing.
738125 who taught me what?
738308 Who taught you(subjective) what wrist-blades were and how to use them.
738350 um me. wristblades and claws i get from what i see on shows like predator and stuff like that and just basically how to sue them. animes like Naruto a bit as well, it's not really a specific style i refer to when writing them.
738402 I see. But you don't. You(subjective), second-person. "It all depends on who taught you." As in "It all depends on who the teacher was." For anyone. "you". Second-person.
I am floundering, trying to explain. Please tell me you get it, now.
738482 nobody's taught me what they are or how to use them, I gleaned the information over my imagination mixed with what I've seen
Well the action scenes were exactly what I was afraid they'd be, low on description and a little disjointed resulting in something that overall wasn't very exciting. I also found it odd how close they all came to killing eachother in a sparring session. Surely there's a way to practice that doesn't require Pinkie to swing that axe around, that's just and "axe"ident waiting to happen.
I'm sorry I couldn't resist
i was laughing so hard at that scene.
That said the character interactions were very nice and the scene with Twilight and Celestia in the bath tub achieved sexual tension very nicely. To be honest though I thought Rainbow stole this chapter with the line "Well, does this turn you on?”
Also your partnering RD and Pinkie? I'm fine with that but last chapter gave me the impression you were shipping AJ and RD with this line: "But she wasn't the only one, Dash and Applejack couldn't take their eyes off each other."
Overall a good chaper but the action was disapointing,
738734 i think i was still deciding who to pair with who, i was going with RariShy at that point, but I think I decided to go with LunaShy. as for the action...it's because I lost the entire chapter and couldn't bring myself to write it all over again, didn't have the patience...I'll try to make up for it next chapter
738809
Ah. Fair enough. I guess I'll have to wait till next chapter before I make my judgment.
As for the pairing I'm not really worried about who pairs with who but I found the way you seemed to jump from one copule to another a tad disconcerting.
739166 while I wouldn't have a problem with it at first you'd think it'd just be boring. but spike, you're living with a bunch of BADASS girls. you won't get bored
739327 I haven't really been jumping couples though...and I think what I was doing with the slight AJ/Dash was to imply they were *cough cough* 'open minded'.
739417
Fair enough, I probably read a bit too much into that anyway.
well guys tell me what you think, did I balance the action and fluff right? the action will make the gore tag proud when the real fighting starts but this is just a taste. also, what do you guys think of Casual Celestia?
I like it. The fighting could be a bit more and drawn out but its okay. I love the fluff. All and all.
Moustache for you. And a thumbs up!
Ah, well that fight was a definite improvment over last. Over all acceptable but not examplary. I'd suggest opening up more sentences with "-ing" words, it just provides a stronger sense of the action happening. That said you should allways vary sentence structure so throw in a few other types of sentence openers as well.
I liked the casusal way they all handled there fights 'I really wouldn't fuck with me right now.' and 'Shoot, sorry 'bout that...was aimin' fer the wall.' had me chuckling.