- Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Last Friday
Dark0592
Here lies the wistful delusions of the sleep addled mind. Actually wait, no, just me.
Dark0592
Joined 18th Mar, 2012 ·
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is this what i think it is?!
edit: also; first! (i finally got one!
)
Haven't read it yet but I will, the intro makes a bad first impression though.
when Twilight gets hurt really bad fighting off and Ursa Major, Luna does something drastic and does something she hadn't done since before the Banishment.
a single decision to save the life of a loved one leads to an adventure, and old foe turns friend?
TwiLuna
Needs capital letters at the start, off "an" ursa major, and "an" old foe. Needs a few edits.
THAT PIC IS WHAT DREW ME IN CONSIDERED READ.
545253 that depends on what you think it is 545275 thanks for telling me, I'll fix that up 545288 found it on google images, its the story
Why does twilight always end up becoming a vampony?
Honestly i am genuinely surprised that she hasnt become a vampony yet in Blood is thicker than freindship
why she had not asked Spike to send a letter?
this would be a lot faster
ad thus a new imortal was born into the world of equestia
545317
we talked about you writing a twi vampony fic a short while ago, remember?
545339 well I was inspired by 'The Vampony Chronicles' and she's the only one I really see making the vampire thing work without making sort of a mary sue or the dreaded sparkler story (A.K.A. the twilight saga)
in that case yes it most certainly is!
545345 Perhaps my friend, Perhaps
545353 oh yeah in the comments of that one story
545370
im gonna dig into this as soon as i finish the epilogue of the story im reading right now
yay!
545378 chapter two will be out momentarily
545383
you a damn industrial printing machine or something?
already?!
545317 works for me
545410
Hearts and Nightmares had five chapters on the first day, I type really fast and that coupled with a quick mind = quick chapters. of course it's going to slow down once i start giving my other stories attention again though, but for now speedy mc speed writer mode is on!
545432 *fits the story
545439
well, if you can type that fast and keep the idea's flowing; the pace cant slow down to badly, i mean; i know of some stories which i literally have to re-read every time it updates because the pace is so damn slow
545345
huh. i really dont care seeing as were in equestRIA and not equesTIA.
Since you said your writing more chapters I'll hold back from posting the typos, none of them are to major anyways and I think only one made me reread the sentence. Good story so far. A little fast paced but given the situation it's acceptable. Just be sure that future chapters are properly paced.
545475
quite the smartass arnt ya
Fuck yes! Another twilight vampony fic! *hoofpump*
545495 that's always been a bit of a problem for me...pacing is weird in my mind, and the typos are my laptop autocorrect thingy being stupid and the fact that I wrote half of it on the bus...yeah 545600 lol, it took like an hour to find that cover pic...almost no fanart whatsoever
was going to post this an hour ago, got caught up watching a knight's tale
"Spike go downstairs and wait until I call you, this won't be hard to watch." I ithink you mean that it won't be easy to watch or that it'll be hard to watch.
545874 yeah, the bus made my laptop derp with the backspace
;3
545883 Shitty, but I get what you meant.
so how frequent will updates pop out
Nice, I'll see how it goes.
Another update already!
Sweetness!
I am loving this story. Thanks for sharing \m/
545920 once a day until i run out of steam, at least I'll try. if it gets popular enough it'll take higher priority when I start going back to my other fics though
TwiLuna has been more popular lately, good. This story is epic so far, the 'Vampire Twilight Sparkle' is like some sort of trend, It's a good mix but makes me think of a different Twilight.. which should never... never! be mentioned here.
Pacing was better, story was great, and much less typos. I only saw one while reading through normally. Would have liked to see Luna react a bit more to Twilight's recovery speed considering she said it could be days before she recovered. Keep it up, going strong so far.
546141ah those little minor details : / she is a vampony after all...
546149 I know and apparently a pure-blood one and that, and she is Twilight Sparkle. Didn't have to be much, just a few lines would have been nice is all. I'm very anal about consistency and callbacks to previous events. If someone says something and it is referred to later in an event or dialogue I want to see at least a mention of it even if its only one or two sentences. But I am picky, so yea feel free to ignore me
.
546184 eh, the little things sometimes escape my mind when later events for the chapter are currently overpowering all thought. can't be helped too much other than to put it as a filler conversation later
545520
For you convenience and perusal i have included color and Meme forms.
google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-Address&rlz=1I7TSNJ_en&biw=1080&bih=772&tbm=isch&tbnid=LIVWxBsLTI4sxM:&imgrefurl=http://e621.net/post/show/197100&docid=eeJL26fDD4SbfM&imgurl=http://e621.net/data/32/ba/32ba02bc914be022e649f095da54fd78.jpg&w=1000&h=750&ei=KIikT8XLF9CN6QH90e2fBA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=310&vpy=426&dur=102&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=140&ty=151&sig=112986108865225821827&page=2&tbnh=130&tbnw=173&start=20&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:16,s:20,i:154 google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-Address&rlz=1I7TSNJ_en&biw=1080&bih=772&tbm=isch&tbnid=jgDHS2RKm0G3QM:&imgrefurl=http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/you-dont-say%3Fbefore%3D1335237529&docid=seTeIaw0f7-9TM&imgurl=http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2xyteWVxe1r0f5vto2_500.jpg&w=500&h=417&ei=ZcCkT7-RFe_16AHL9ci7BA&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=208&sig=112986108865225821827&page=1&tbnh=121&tbnw=145&start=0&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:79&tx=132&ty=78
This seems like a knock off of the vampony series from another artist...
and concept seems same 
Oh, I love those vampony stories :)
Sadly, I never finished my own
I just don't see where this is going to go yet, except for the clop.
545370
Truth is... I was planning on making a story very close to what you have here. It was going to be something of a "what-if" story that branches off my original line (after I was finished with it).
Aww it's too bad that my story didn't make it into your brain to inspire you to make something like this.
I wonder just how much this story will unfold... I'll be waiting!
545253
Why do I always see you whenever I look for stories!!!!
(It's not a bad thing btw)
The narration seems way to fast at the moment, slow down a bit, let the readers breath. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png
favorited and a
to you good sir
so incredibly awesome!
im so looking forward to more!
i look forward to seeing how luna will handles that one!
"“I see...so...about that...you said...Vampirism can only be given to those you truly love?” Twilight asked cautiously."
i was so sure she was gonna take longer than that to get it!
on another note: im feeling analytical; so im gonna point out the potential errors i found (some of those i picked up i might have perceived as an error in my haste, while in fact; they were not...and i don't have every rule in english down perfectly yet):
chapter 1:
"this won't be hard to watch"
im guessing you mean to say "this will be to hard to watch" or "this won't be easy to watch" or something similar to that
"“Of course...Spike, write to Celestia and I when she wakes...but that might be days later, depending on how fast she recovers...”"
sounds strange; "that might be days from now" or something like that sounds less strange
chapter 2:
"but there are too many vital points too close to the scar that doing so may damage, like the nerves in the eyes or even parts of the brain..."
sounds a little abrupt: "may cause more damage" might sound better?
"“I would have grieved just as great for her loss...I am very glad I was able to save her.” Luna said."
it's not twilight who suffers a loss; thus "over her loss" i think would be more appropriate; although im not certain, something about that sentence still bugs me
you seem to have an extreme love for the word "but"; it everywhere!
in some places it's frankly not needed (it sounds better without it, while the sentence still says the same thing). in other places you could exchange some of them to other appropriate words in the connector group
not many grammatical errors other than what i pointed out above, there are some places where you might want to apply some type of punctuation though.
all i have to day is keep up the good work and once you start slowing down revise the old chapters and find all the little mistakes you ignored in this rough drapht that way the story looks as awsome as it is
i do wonder how Queen chrysilas ties into all of this, and i do hope celestia can join in on the fun i do always love that kind of thing.
546435 i was inspired by 'the vampony chronicles' but I'm doin my best to knock out as many similarities as i can
546590 lol same, the only place i know it's going is the adventure tag later
546597 that's some of the thins I'm not the best at when it's not about a main character. the explanation of the dark gift was supposed to be lengthy and Luna was explaning it all so it was drowned in dialogue. the chapter is named 'Vampirism' for a reason
547002 i see him everywhere too...
547428 i get stuff like that a lot. I literally upload these chapters as I finish them and I'm surprised my errors are so minor. I try to go back and fix them if I see them while writing, but other than that the fimifction editing thing is kinda weird. and yeah But was used a lot, i noticed it too. as for those other errors, half of them were intentional and half of them were my brain being derpy
547573 Chrysalis comes in soon, so does Celestia. I'm still working on their integration though
Ehhh too much dialogue. You retold the entire tale of the Ursa attack, that we just read, through a dialogue
Other than that, not much else to say. I'll keep track of this, curious to see where it goes.
I am loving this so far. I wonder how Twilight will use these new powers. But PLEASE tell me she doesn't sparkle in the daytime, despite the fact that her name is TWILIGHT SPARKLE, I am hoping that that is not the case. Otherwise, great story so far. Looking forward to more.
547678
sorry if this one is a bit dry, had to be done to get the basic feel of how Twilight starts out rather boringly