Caffeinated

by bonamb

Lunacy

"Celestia! This wondrous beverage known as 'coffee' is most exciting! It sets our hooves atingling and our ears aflame!"

The aforementioned celestial alicorn looked up from her desk to where her sister, Princess Luna, ruler of the night sky, guardian of fertility, Regina Obscurum and several millennia year old alicorn was standing after breaking down her door, complete with a smouldering mane and an insane grin. Dropping her head into the worn groove in her desk she sighed, then looked back at her sister.

"I did suggest that you should stick with tea Luna"

"BLEAGH! We found the chef's culinary skills in that foul fluid's preparation lacking!"

"But that was the tea I ma-"

"LACKING I TELL YOU." Jittering a bit, Luna twitched her head to stare out of the window "We asked thine student, the scholar of the Sparkle to brew us a cup of this delightful drink. She was most happy to acquiesce!"

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "And how many cups, exactly did she make you?"

Eyes flicking back to her Luna giggled "We have no idea! We lost count after the thirty seventh."

Celestia looked down at her desk again. Yes, that groove would be seeing quite a bit of usage today.

"Well Luna" she said, raising her head "I suppose someth-"

Luna was gone.

Oh for Faust's sake.

Where could she have gone? What would she do?

From down the hall came the sound of inane giggling and clanking. Ah.

Cantering in a stately manner out of her ruined door and down the hallway she followed the noise. Rounding the corner, only hard won experience from millennia of ruling a nation and even longer of her sister allowed her to keep a reasonably straight face. Somehow, Luna had managed to hogtie a pair of guards together after divesting them of their armour, and tying them to the chandelier, where from they hung like a couple of very sorry looking baubles. Drawing her eyes from the sight Celestia looked down towards the end of the corridor, only to see the back end of a cackling, jangling, golden mass disappear round the corner.

Pursing her lips, the ruler of Equestria picked up the pace and hurried after her sister, who seemed once again to be caught within the throes of madness. For the third time this week.

Still following the noise she encountered other pairs of guards who had been at ease in front of various entrances. All were tied to the ceiling, or other surfaces, and all were lacking in protective gear. For whatever reason, the few night guard that were still on shift were safe within their armour, the only clue of Luna's passing being the mildly resigned look on their otherwise blank faces.

Now concerned, Celestia upped the pace again to a gallop, flying past nobles and guards alike in pursuit of her wayward sister. Lanterns guttering in her wake, she skidded round the corner and into the doorway of the throne room and this time, her jaw did drop.

Somehow, Luna, after collecting what seemed like the majority of the castle armoury, had deigned to steal the throne and then after placing it on top of the pile of armour, to lounge there, grinning a Cheshire grin.

"What"

"GREETINGS dearest sister of mine! We hath found a marvellous use for the tinfoil that is known as solar plate!"

"Luna." Celestia rubbed the base of her horn "You stripped all my guards of their armour."

"And is not nudity the more prevalent attitude in this society of ours Celestia?! Thine guards should fit in with the norm as to not scare the peasants!" She gestured a forehoof and sent a mail shirt through a window "Tis only sensible".

"No Luna I meant - oh nevermind." She let out a long breath before trying again "Luna. You are currently sitting on my seat, which seems to be upon an absolute fortune of solar armour. Would you mind explaining yourself, as I am sure the simulative effects of caffeine only removes inhabitations, not adds new ideas... Luna are you listening to me?"

Luna yanked her head out of the armour pile, a belt hanging around her horn and a sword in her mouth. "Parfton?"

"Why."

The venerable princess of the night considered the question for a moment before her eyes widened in realization. Then, rising up, she made several indignant spluttering sounds around the sword before finally spitting it out. "WHY CELESTIA? THOU ASKETH US A QUESTION THAT EVEN THE SIMPLEST OF FOALS AND MOST LIKELY DISCORD WOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE ANSWERING." She skittered to the edge of the pile and raised a forehoof in preparation for speaking. "FIRSTLY, SISTER MINE, WE FEEL THAT THE LUNAR GUARDS ARE UNDEREQUIPPED IN COMPARISON TO THINE SOLAR SOLDIERS"

"Luna, we've been over this. Its just because the lunar guards have their own internal blacksmithery while the solar do not. It was your tradition!"

"SECONDL-" Attempting to walk forward, Luna was cut off by gravity exerting its cruel hold, causing her to fall face first into the armour and slide down to Celestia's hooves. Struggling back upright, she continued her tirade into Celestia's chin. "Secondly dear sister, WE WISH FOR A THRONE OF OUR OWN!"

Blinking and taking a few steps back Celestia protected herself from the impact of The Royal Caffeinated Voice up close. Opening her eyes she squinted down at her sister.

"A throne. Luna. For the last time. This is a diarchy. We rule together."

"Not so sister dearest! What is that mine eye spieth unpon yonder gaudy pile?"

Celestia rolled her eyes. "A hayburger"

"TIS A THRONE. And a sore sight on mine eyes at that! It is an object belonging to you, of which I do not own a counterpart as I should do, as is my right as a ruling prince!"

"Princess."

"Tis what I said!" Luna rose upon her hind hooves and gesticulated wildly "And the very fact is an insult to my very being! An insult that I shall no longer stand for! Tis TREASONOUS. GUAR-" Her mouth snapped shut due to the golden glow now surrounding it.

Celestia hung her head and sighed, wishing she had her desk with its all too comfortable groove. "Luna."

The blue alicorn made a few muffled sounds, unable to get her words past the magic encircling her mouth.

Releasing the spell, Celestia stepped back again. "Luna. Do you remember the wing of the palace that is being built because of this exact complaint, of which you have made no less than three hundred and forty six times before. Because I do. As a matter of fact, the throne room should have been completed yesterday."

"A THRONE?! TIA WHY DIDST THOU NOT TELL ME OF THIS WONDROUS GIFT?"

Raising a defeated eyebrow and sighing again Celestia grumbled into the floor. "Other than the three hundered and forty five times I did not counting just now, I have no idea."

"COME SISTER! LET US GO SEE THIS MARVEL OF THE NIGHT" Tottering past Celestia she started towards the door, leaving her sister still staring at the disaster scene.

"Oh, Luna, you should probably wait until the coffee wears off, at least before you- "

THUD

Celestia turned to see her sister splayed on the floor, hind hooves twitching at odd angles in the air.

"crash..."

Author's Note:

Considering doing a few chapters for the other princesses.
It may be amusing.

Please comment, like, subscribe, favourite, sacrifice a fluttershy to the dark lord disc- and follow!

Criticism is also appreciated so that I may write gooder and not misplace so many vowels.
Thank for reading my word vomit.

I seem to like disasters. No idea why.

Comments

[RustyNails]

Disasters are exciting. Bring them on!

[PrincessTwilightSparkle1]

Celestia should really learn to hide the coffee from her sister. Luna on a caffeine high is frightening indeed.

[TJHoofer]

Somepony needs a decaf...

[bonamb]

6907467
EGADS. MINE SUSTENANCE HATH DISAPPEARED FROM MY SECRET ROOM OF BEVERAGES. WHAT IS THIS TREASON. TIAAAAAAAA.

[MABfan11]

introducing Team CFVY(pronounced "coffee")

[Suika999]

where is goes "celestia heard inane gigling"i suspect u mean "insane giggling"

[HarmonyRain]

6907528 FINALLY another RWBY( pronounced like ruby) fan high five brah!!!!!!!

[fluffyunicorns]

[Raichu]

Great story, bro.

[High_Fidelity]

Luna is best when hypercaffeinated. I approve wholeheartedly.

[nemmathepotato]

This story made me smile. Good work!

[bonamb]

6907544 Nah,
inane means "lacking sense or meaning; silly."
so tis a bit more lighthearted than the heavyhanded "insane" :P

[CrackedInkWell]

6907812 Agreed! It's rather funny what goes through Her Majesty's head when on a big caffeine rush.

[Suika999]

6908945
Ignore that terrible spelling and grammar! My sister doesn't get that you're not supposed to comment with OTHER PEOPLE'S PROFILES! I did NOT write that comment

[Dan]

I was an usher at my sister's wedding. Prior to the ceremony, I was blitzed on energy drinks, pacing back and forth in the church annex muttering T.S. Eliot.

They wash their feet in soda water
Et, O ces voix d’enfants, chantant dans la coupole!

[Rambling Tree]

Not even coffee can make the night last forever.

[Rakenja]

oh, she crashed.... She crashed really hard

[[[[Celestia turned to see her sister splayed on the floor, hind hooves twitching at odd angles in the air.

"crash..."]]]]

[Perteks]

derpicdn.net/img/2013/12/12/495552/large.jpeg

derpicdn.net/img/2014/4/21/606094/large.jpeg

[Snowdrifter]

I see a flashback here - if this is what happens to Luna, what happened to Twilight when she first had coffee? What is twilight doing while Luna is running about like this?

Oh, the possibilities!

[PonyDragon]

Princess Luna, ruler of the night sky, guardian of fertility, Regina Obscurum and several millennia year old alicorn

Isn't that one Cadance's job?

---

Good story!

Better don't combine Luna and coffee.
But what will happen if she finds Red Bull?

Note:
A few times you are using the term "armour". Better replace it with "armor".

[bonamb]

6956681

A few times you are using the term "armour". Better replace it with "armor".

Us proud tea drinkers prefer to have more "u"s in our nouns, also, aside from america it is the preferred spelling in most varieties of English.
*adjusts monocle*
Yep the majority of the viewerbase is american but... Stubbornly British.
andthespellcheckersaysitsrightbecauseicantspellforpotatoes

Isn't that one Cadance's job?

Cycles of the moon - Menstrual Cycles etc. Cadence is the fun part, Luna is the messy bit you have to deal with afterwards.
But that's just my headcanon
Although I don't believe equines have menstruation cycles, they have a "heat" instead.

[BlueYoshi]

Yeah! Luna on caffeine! That was a hilarious story to read!

[Crimson Eon]

6918203 java crashes all the time doesn't it?

[BlueColton]

Oh this is just a hardy-har-har story.
Liked it. Liked it a lot.

[Jakomi of the Rose]

6918854 I love that comic. Luna's hilarious.

[Radiant Sparkle]

So... Twilight makes a pot (or ten) of coffee for Luna. Seems to me she may have been winding up the Princess of the Night just to enjoy the chaos.

I can just see Discord leaning against an exterior balcony looking in, a happy grin on his face. "I've never been prouder of that pretty purple pony than I am right now..."

[FanOfMostEverything]

Came here from the Dr. Wolf reading. The chapter title exquisitely encompasses this story. Hilarious insanity from start to finish. Thank you for it.

[Monarch Dodora]

I must say, I was growing tired of 'Luna discovers coffee' fics. But that opening line is just brilliance, and the rest was pretty entertaining. Thumbs up, sah.

Us proud tea drinkers prefer to have more "u"s in our nouns.

Oh Gods yes. Armour every time. 'Armor' feels like it's made of tinfoil. And colors are never as colourful as colours.

[bonamb]

7014568

I was growing tired of 'Luna discovers coffee' fics

There are others??
Poo.
Its so hard to be completely original these days. You plagiarize somebody without even knowing about it.
Darn.
Ah well, next one will just have to be far more... unique.

[MerlosTheMad]

7014568

"Celestia! This wondrous beverage known as 'coffee' is most exiting! It sets our hooves atingling and our ears aflame!"

It should be "exciting", though.

[bonamb]

7015493 Oops. Fixed!

[Midnight Quill]

7014812 Hey, see it positive: 1st, you did a good approach here, and 2nd: look at me, I accdently look like I stole from "Siege of the Crystal Empire" (official Comic), since the story I work on now has slight parallels (uuh, Chryssi and Sombra working together^^), but I had not even known there was a comic like this until somepony pushed my muzzle right onto it
Btw, I like your Celestia. Calm and experienced. Thousands of years of "You have had this before, Tia. You have not bucked them before and you are not going to do it today"

[bonamb]

7036216 Celestia now remembers why she sent Luna to the moon.

[Midnight Quill]

7038904 Haha, might be possible. She should rather be happy that Equestria does (seemingly) not know energy drinks... there is a nice short comic about Pinkie discovering them for herself

[MitchellTF]

Needs more Luna on Coffee. Yes, it's an entire fic of it. It needs more.

[Dances With Unicorns]

Anyone read the IDW MY LITTLE PONY: MICRO-SERIES #4? I think that the cover art should inspire more Luna on Coffee stories.

1.bp.blogspot.com/-zhVfFJmHwwI/UqoqXzCf12I/AAAAAAABoUY/k3-s4Q50VS0/s1600/BbUI6LHCEAI2-jv.jpg+large.jpg

[Yoshifan30]

Wow lol that was some crazy story right here and apparently Luna cannot hold her caffeine of coffee and she basically went insane in the castle and Princess Celestia had to stop her before she keeps on making trouble and she has a lot of patience when it comes to hyperactive Luna but good thing the caffeine wear it off poor Luna she's going to have a huge headache when she wakes up this was a pretty good one keep up the good work

[Bojack H]

luna better probably visit the royal bathroom facility because coffee is a laxative as well.

[RainbowInfinityReadings]

I hope you don't mind, but I did a reading of your story which can be found below. I hope you enjoy.

[TheOneAJ]

https://youtu.be/xh3Yx7u2lxA pony and wolf did a reading too