Metals
Joined 31st May, 2012 ·
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The dialogue really confused me, it took me ages to figure out what was going on and who was saying what.
Make sure that you only start a new paragraph when a new character is speaking.
What is even happening? Is the comedy tag for how bad this is written?
i loved it (A.J. is fav pony)
Thumbs up!
A.J. is my fave pony too!
I'm sorry about that guys, I just went through to fix the formatting errors. That was my bad.
711322 It doesn't always have to be ONLY.
I enjoyed it! Then again, anything with Applejack I like xD
712513
I dunno, I thought the part where AJ tried to hide her enjoyment from him was pretty darn funny :P
(Getting ideas for my story now...)
712705
Yes, the title ALONE provokes lolz
Okay this is one of the best clop fics I ever read, and I'm not really big on anal sex outside M/M fics!
And I agree fully withTheXIIILightning, a Twilight sequel/second chapter/whatever is needed.
HumanxApplejack?
I approve of this.
After reading the story I still don't see the need for a comedy tag, sure you make some jokes but this really isn't a comedy. I didn't really get much of an applejack vibe from this; meaning you didn't use her personality much. You could have replaced her with any mare and the differences would be only just so.
In the party section you can keep from confusing people by saying he heard bits of other ponies conversations or something similar, not just random out of body voices from nowhere.
I think you could do more with a drunken pony, if you really want that comedy tag anyway.
3/5 stars: nothing memorable, nothing terrible, but worth a read as is if you just want to read a nice clop.
i liked it, really well done
kina seems like you left it open for a follow up
That was fun
The comedy tag has been duly removed.
I enjoy this. But then again, I guess you already knew that
Found some errors. All in all, fun read.
Your body tenses in response, riding out her orgasm as practically slams you into the back wall of the shower.
Should be a "she" or an "it" or something there.
a lusty grin become her only visible feature as she saws her body
Should be "becomes".
I liked it. You get a thumb from me.
I really enjoyed this
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Now you've got me waiting for a Twilight version... hope you don't dissapoint
Very interesting.
Looking forward to Twilight wanting to learn about anatomy.
711306
Well it is second person xD
I read this as myself in this situation. I felt like a douche.
nextlol.com/images/thumb/12674-spiderman-approves-of-this.jpg
I find it kind of nice considering I speak in the same manner as aj so I easily understood her
But, -I don't have a penis.
allot of undeserved hate in the comments, this is one of the finer aj clopfics ive read
so we can expect a Twi-Hum clopfic from you soon maybe yes?
yummy
Saw decription was like
YESH!
Read story and was like "Should I be worried or turned on by stalker Twilight?"
Pretty good quality, one of the better clop fics I've seen on here.
A month later and this is still one of the best stories i've read:) good job!
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/261/7/7/boton___me_gusta___png_by_monidesigns-d5f59cv.png
I read the description and I was all like
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw8529_small.png
And I read it and it became one of my favorite stories of all time.
The things I live about it.
1. Applejack is drunk. Oh my god, Cuteness overload.
2. Shower scene.
3. Applejack hides her pleasure.
4. Well written and flows really well.
5. The personality is PERFECT. It seems just like something AJ would do at all times.
6. That accent is adorable. Does anyone else think that?
MORE PLEASE!!
The "Human" tag is for human in Equestria stories
7772288
I'll blow up the vans straight away if anyone gets on the bike, yeah?
... you raise your hand up to her lips...
I suggest you clarify that you're touching her labia, not her facial lips. There are some human fics in which the latter is true.