3.4: Crazy Little Things Called 'Sirens'
The early night was dark, and beneath the shadows and the twisted gnarled trees of the Everfree Forest, where the stars and moon could not reach, it was even darker. It was through this darkness that crept a single beacon, a vibrant magenta glow projected by a unicorn's horn as its lavender coated owner made a slow but deliberate pace through the foliage and underbrush.
Every so often the mare would stop, point her horn forward, and then swing her head from left to right and back again as though searching out which direction triggered a greater response before resuming her march.
Twilight Sparkle was a unicorn on a mission, a quest, a crusade and somewhere in this forest laid the answer that would solve all of her problems. Soon she would be able to prove her worth, face down this trial, and pass the test. Yes, the test, Twilight was good at tests; she never failed, and tonight would be no different. She just had to find the…
It was then that she heard, something, and paused briefly, as her ears twitched about attempting to discern the sound. It wasn't any sound she would have expected from her intended mark or any other beasts of the forest. No, this was something different, musical, song-like, hauntingly beautiful even. Twilight didn't care. She had only a singular goal on this night. Nothing would distract her and so she resumed her steady trudge.
Yet as she made her way over the muddy and moss carpeted ground, weaving between trees and ducking branches that tore at her increasingly disheveled blue and purple striped mane, the sound only grew louder and more insistent. She paused, once again lowering her horn and turning her head to check the path, "Well it's along the same route," she said to herself, "No harm in sparing a few moments to investigate while I'm here."
As she made her way further along she could start to make out words, lyrics rather. Something was definitely singing.
…please oh please, don’t decline … come and dance on the river’s bed…
Well it wasn't quite singing. Twilight was no musical expert, but she tried to keep herself well read on a wide variety of subject matters. Magic was her talent, her passion, her life, but any good scholar needed to maintain a well-rounded foundation of more general knowledge, to suitably converse with others of high education if nothing else. No, this wasn't proper song, not as defined by modern standards at least, more like the steady rhythmic beating of a pre-classical Cavallian chant.
She actually preferred such as compared to more contemporary works. Not only was its value to the arts backed by centuries of academic study and acknowledgement, but its evenly measured rhythmic pace was decidedly sensible, not at all like the blaring cacophonic gyrations of modern so-called musical artists. Ha! This was proper art, precise and categorical. Twilight made a mental note that she would have to try her hoof at writing a Cavallian chant one day. It would be a good meditative excise to practice between her other studies.
…come on in, the water’s fine … please oh please, don’t decline…
As she drew closer to the chant's source, the lyrics became ever clearer and Twilght could now also make out the sound of running water, a river of some kind. Now that she heard it clearly she wasn't sure how she had missed it before, until she also noticed the chant was timed evenly with the water's steady flow, the two distinct sounds blending into a unified whole.
Twilight was actually becoming quite eager to meet whatever talent was behind this masterpiece, and so picked up her pace. She even allowed her original purpose in coming to the forest to slip to the back of her mind, not forgotten, but less insistent.
…come and dance on the river’s bed … come on in and join the dead…
Okay, that last part was a little morbid, she thought to herself as she slowed to a stop. Then again, wasn't good art supposed to be moody? Were not so many of the classic epic tales tragedies? Of course, that's all it was. Even in a place as unnatural as the Everfree, full of so many monsters, a thing of such refinement couldn't possibly bear any real malice. Besides, even if it did, no mere beast of the night was a match for Twilight Sparkle and her mastery of the arcane arts.
Taking a deep breath she stepped out and into the clearing that the river had cut through the forest, calling out hesitantly, "H… Hello?"
All was still and silent for a moment. Before her, Twilight saw a trio of aquatic equines basking in the river's cool waters beneath the moon light. Instead of furry coats they had scales, and where a pony would have a mane these creatures instead had fins, with similar fins attached to their fore-hooves, while their hindquarters seemed to taper off into a fish-like tail beneath the water. Although they were each a slightly different shade of green, and other than the fact that one had a stallion-like build while the other two were more mare-like, their most individually distinguishing characteristic was their brightly colored-eyes; teal for the first, yellow and red for the other two.
The trio made no immediate reply, instead only staring back and forth amongst each other before resuming their chant.
Come on in, the water’s fine … please oh please, don’t decline
Come and dance on the river’s bed … come on in and join the dead
Twilight smiled gently "My, that really is a nice chant. A bit dreary maybe, but poetically insightful."
Again silence was her only response, then the one with red-eyes turned to her compatriots, "It's not my fault this time. My harmony has been spot on for weeks. Even if this is another musical pony our song should work perfectly."
"Well if it's not you than what is it?" spoke the yellow-eyed creature in a critical tone.
Red-eyes snapped a harshly defensive reply, "How should I know! Maybe you're the one who's screwing up this time?"
"As if!" blared yellow-eyes, "You're just trying to make excuses to cover your own shoddy voice work."
"Pipe down both of you." The teal-eyed creature interjected as it swam between the two, "I've got a much simpler way to figure this out." Then turning to Twilight gave a shout, "Hey, you! Unicorn. So why exactly is our siren song not working on you?"
Twilight wasn't sure she liked the implications of what the three were discussing, but couldn't resist the urge to show off a bit, "Oh, that's easy. I'd have to be pretty stupid to go hiking in someplace as dangerous as the Everfree Forest without casting a few basic protective wards.
Teal-eyes gave a satisfied nod then turned back to his compatriots, "See you two, it's no one's fault. This unicorn is just using magic to protect herself."
Getting a bit frustrated with having twice now been referred to dismissively as unicorn, Twilight coughed to catch the trio's attention "Ahem, I have a name. It's Twilight Sparkle, and—"
"Like we care what our dinner's name is," interrupted red-eyes, but then paused before continuing, "Though I guess with whatever those spells you cast, you're off the menu. Now why don't you just run along so we can get back to our siren song before we starve," and finished with a dismissive wave of a finned hoof.
Twilight was definitely getting uncomfortable with being treated as a literal hunk of meat, but with her wards in place and the trio water-bound she knew she was safe enough. Besides, there was something nagging at her that she had to assert, "Yeah about that actually. If you'll beg my pardon, it's not really accurate to call it a siren song, now is it?"
"What do you mean?" said yellow-eyes with a raised eyebrow and mild irritation at the edge of her voice, "Of course it's a siren song. We're sirens and that's our song, simple as that."
Now Twilight grinned as she straightened her posture and took a properly informative tone, "Well first off it was more of a chant, not quite Cavallian, but similar enough."
"Great," drawled red-eyes sarcastically, "it is another music pony."
"Who me?" came Twilight's somewhat sheepish reply, "No, I dabble in a bit of everything, but my real talent is magic," and as if to prove it, she turned slightly to show off her starburst cutie mark.
"What, you mean that freaky tattoo fetish you ponies have is actually supposed to mean something?"
"Well it's not a tattoo. They're called cutie marks and—"
"Sorry," red-eyes interrupted again in a tone that conveyed very much the opposite, "Don't care. Now then, since you clearly don't know what you're talking about, why don't you leave it to us professionals to decide whether what we do is chanting or singing," then gave another dismissive wave.
"Well, I kind of doubt that any of you have an actual degree in the musical arts," Twilight groused, "But fine, whatever. Call it singing if that makes you happy. The real problem is that you aren't sirens."
Teal-eyes' head cocked sideways a bit, "Come again?"
"You. Are not. Sirens," she repeated with extra emphasis.
"Oh great, now she's a zoologist," red droned as she rolled her eyes.
"Probably another ignoramus that thinks we're seaponies," added yellow-eyes now very obviously annoyed and agitated, "I'll tell you what we told the last nutter who tried telling us that. This here is fresh water and we're certainly no herbivores."
Ignoramus, nutter, Twilight would show them. She had a point to prove after all, "No, of course not," then she proceeded in an escalating lecturous tone, "You are most certainly not seaponies, or more accurately, you aren't any variety of hippocampus which would also include merponies as well. Notably, while aquatic, hippocampus still have mammalian qualities. Also, while hippocamps do prefer saltwater, they have been known to form freshwater colonies in larger lakes."
"Don't know where you get your info lady," quipped yellow-eyes, "but we've seen Hippos before, they live down south in zebra territory."
"Oh yeah, during our summer vacation two years back?" added red-eyes while licking her lips, "Those were some good eats; felt stuffed for weeks after that," then she rolled back to stroke her belly.
"That's not what she said," teal-eyes interjected, "She means those pony-griffin half-breeds."
"Mmm… some griffin would taste good about now too," red declared with a toothy grin and hunger in her eyes.
"Wow, no. You're all wrong," proclaimed Twilight, then glancing at red-eyes, "Except you. You're just creepy." This conversation was getting decidedly more awkward by the minute, but she couldn't just leave without first enlightening these poor deluded creatures.
"First of all," she said looking at yellow-eyes, "What you were trying to refer to is the hippopotamus. Second," she turned to teal-eyes, "You were talking about hippogriffs. What I said was hippocampus, the technical term for the tribes of aquatic ponies. They all sound the same because hippo is an archaic term meaning horse-like, though it's something of a misnomer in regards to hippopotamus. Actually, it's kind of funny, seeing as their name means river horse, which would have otherwise been better name for what the three of you—"
"Alright fine." said the yellow-eyed creature as she cut Twilight off bluntly, "So what if seaponies have a fancier name? We all seem to agree that's not what we are anyway; so if you already know we aren't seaponies, what makes you so certain we aren't sirens?"
"Well, according to historical records the Sirens were three beautiful, but dangerous creatures, who had the power to charm ponies with their music."
"Three of them, three of us, and they charm through song too; not seeing the problem," said the teal-eyed creature with bored disinterest.
Twilight fixed her gaze firmly on him as she further appended, "Yes, but that wouldn't account for you being male."
"Right," drolled yellow-eyes sarcastically, "The all sirens are girls crud," then with dull exasperation, "Like we haven't heard that one before. How would breeding even work that way?"
"They didn't need to breed; they were immortals… well, sort of. It was said that to maintain their power, the Sirens had to feed on the negativity and distrust of others. The more of this negative energy they consumed, the stronger their voices became, and the farther they could spread their dark magic."
"Alright then," sneered red-eyes, "But if these supposed sirens of yours were so powerful, how come we ain't never heard of them?"
"That was just a double negative," Twilight corrected. "Anyway, it's not really surprising you've never heard of them though. Their existence largely faded into myth and legend after they were defeated and banished by Starswirl the Bearded over a thousand years ago."
"Hmph… Seems to me that if all these real sirens you keep blathering about aren't around anymore, then there's no reason we can't be the new sirens," teal-eyes grinned then pressed, "Besides, if you've never seen them with your own eyes, exactly how can you know they ever even existed in the first place?"
Twilight simply beamed with pride as she answered, "Books!"
"Books can be wrong," yellow-eyes jeered in a cheeky tone.
Twilight stared in wide-eyed shock, gave a single twitch of her right ear, and then grit her teeth as she issued a deadly rasp, "Not my books!" She could feel it, an inferno welling up deep inside her, an emotion that threatened to transcend and make itself physically manifest. How easy it would be to just give into that sensation, to watch these creatures burn, but… no.
These were just poor ignorant souls living in the untamed wilds of the Everfree. They understood not the wretched blasphemy they spoke, and she… she was Twilight Sparkle. She would not incinerate, no; she would educate, and with that the storm past as quickly as it had begun allowing her to regain her composure as though she had never lost it. A single hoof reached absently to snuff out a small flame at one of the frayed tips of her mane. She then proceeded in a chipper tone, "I've made sure to double and triple check the citation sources for every last book in my collection to ensure authorial accuracy."
"Alright then miss smarty pants," sneered the yellow-eyed creature, "If we aren't sirens or seaponies than what exactly is it you think we are?"
"That's easy," came Twilight's matter of fact reply, "Kelpies."
"What?" red-eyes barked out with a laugh, "Okay, now I know this unicorn's daft. She thinks we're seaweeds."
"That's kelp moron," chided yellow-eyes as she mimed slapping her compatriot upside the head, "But she's still a loon."
"Whatever," red-eyes griped, "As fun as this little chat has been, it's done nothing for my appetite. Now why don't you just go back to wherever you came from and leave us to our thing."
"Actually I have something to find on the other side of this river."
With that all three sets of eyes lit up with wicked glee as they each flashed a sharp toothy grin.
"Well why didn't you say so in the first place," stated yellow-eyes eagerly.
"Yeah," red-eyes agreed with obvious exuberance, "Would have saved us all so much time and effort."
Finally teal-eyes declared, "Guess the only thing left is for you to give it a swim."
"Right," came Twilight's protracted response, "What kind of fool do you take me for?"
Red-eyes licked her chops, "The tasty kind, I hope."
Twilight narrowed her gaze as she gave a harsh, but mostly deadpan retort, "I don't think so."
"So what then?" quizzed teal-eyes, "Think you can fight your way past us?"
"Might want to reconsider," yellow-eyes cautioned with obviously false concern, "We've kinda got you outnumbered."
"But please don't let us talk you out of it," concluded red-eyes.
"Oh, I think I'll manage," and with that the unicorn began to charge her horn, its glow increasing from a dull magenta to an almost fiery white.
At the same time the trio begin to hum in harmony, as they prepared their own musical magic to counter the unicorn's attack. Both the whites and blacks of their eyes faded away, leaving the sockets filled only with solid colored orbs that began to faintly glow. The very water about them began to bubble, churn and rise about them, lifting them upwards with it.
Tension mounted in the air as both sides seemed to prepare for the inevitable clash, until
*POP*
With a sudden flash of light the unicorn vanished, gone from sight as though she had never been there to begin with. The trio blinked, their eyes quickly returning to normal, as they ceased their harmony. While the water around them settled back into the river, they looked confusedly between each other.
"What, where'd she go!?" demanded red-eyes.
"Well, it's been fun," came the unicorn's voice, but now from behind. The trio turned and to their combined utterly disappointed astonishment they saw their prey, now safely on the opposite bank, "But I really do have to get moving."
As the pony disappeared past the treeline and into darkness, the sirens turned to look at each other.
"Well that went swimmingly," groused yellow-eyes.
"So, what now?" intoned red-eyes with more than a bit of a grumble, "I'm still hungry."
"Let's go upstream," teal-eyes suggested, "See if Steven's got any good scraps."
Red-eyes looked a bit disappointed but conceded, "Well it's better than starving."
As they swam off, teal-eyes asked, "So either of you actually buy any of what that unicorn was saying?"
"Heck no!" yellow-eyes trumpeted, "What do ponies know anyway?"
"Yeah, they'd be useless," started red-eyes who then flashed a razor edged smile as she finished, "If it weren't for how tasty they are."
With that, all three enjoyed a round of shared laughter before swimming in earnest off and into the night.
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Edit: A whole bunch of proofing that should have gone in a PM. Also, just to be a douche, First!
Really, from reading through your stories, your biggest issues seem to be wording, dropped letters, and quotes. I notice that a lot of your dialogue ends up being as follows:
"I am the best pony." Bestpony said with a mocking tone in her voice, before continuing, "also you are very clearly not the best pony."
Keep in mind that the sentences in the quote are connected to each other, not to the break. A good guideline is to check how it would be written if it were not broken, for example:
"I am the best pony. also you are very clearly not the best pony." Bestpony said with a mocking tone in her voice.
You'll catch a lot of the unnecessary commas, and the missing capitals. And you'll make my job (as well as that of anyone who proofs) much easier. Not that I mind helping, but I figure one of the best forms of proofreading on my part is helping to prevent the same errors in the future. But then, that could just be the teacher part of me. *Insert Cheerilee emoticon here as there appears to not be one*
Other than the issues, it is an enjoyable read. I'm not sure if you'll keep the red: I enjoyed it because I am a nerd about such things, but I can see why you might drop it. Assuming that Twilight is heading backwards along the path of the Luna Six in the direction of Ponyville? Or is she in fact heading to the palace, to investigate? If so, it might be interesting to see some of her other dealings with the various challenges of the Forest that the six had to deal with.
So here it is a brief side story for your enjoyment. Sorry for the delay. I know I promised to have it up by Monday, but well technical difficulties and all.
Anyway, personally, I'm mostly on Twilight's side in this matter, pretty much my whole reason for writing this in the first place, though the girl seriously needs to learn to chill and not be so pushy. Ultimately though, I tried to leave everything vague enough for each reader to make their own decisions. Are Twilight's sources accurate, or do the "sirens" themselves really know best, or does any of it even matter?
I'm also quite aware that I took a few liberties with some of the more common kelpie myths, which I was only loosely familiar with when I first came up with this idea. That said, a monster that adheres its rider in a world full of equinoid races just doesn't make much sense to me. So I'm happy to leave it at horse-like river monster that lures victims to a watery grave.
Special thanks go out to RainbowDoubleDash, not just for creating and opening up the Lunaverse, but for basically commanding me to write this particular story. Without that this might have never gotten past being a one off joke on the message boards. Also, I would like to thank Blackbelt who helped give me the courage to actually go through with publishing this silly little thing, as well as major help punching up one particular spot and suggesting the chapter sub-title. Finally, a big round of thanks goes out to Mally for proofing the heck out of this. Being the finicky self-indulgent artist I am, I sort of ignored a good chunk of that advice, but he was still a big help. Give that little penguin a few more cigars.
737400
Well, it wasn't meant as an imperial command, but if this is the standard result then I'm going to have to start handing those out more often. This was hilarious!
In hindsight I probably should have made the sirens kelpies, but then we wouldn't have this gem. So in the end: worth it.
Hell yeah, it's finally up!!!!!
Awesome.
737728
Well my apologies if I've feed that African sized ego of yours too much. It's not like you made me do anything I didn't already want to do, just helped push me over that line from idea into reality.
It also pleases me so much to hear you pay my story the double compliment of being both a hilarious gem while also sorta providing a passive agreement to its founding conceit. Careful with that kinda of flattery though, or yours won't be the only geographically sized ego.
Ah, Twilight. Her delusions and smug superiority are always fun.
I liked this a lot. Twilight does seem a bit Flanderized -- I don't think the reimagined Twilight would get that flustered/irate in response to a single 'books are silly', instead she'd probably just think whoever said that was dumb -- but it works well within the story. I also like this other take on the kelpie myths.
I did think that the digression on reproduction went on a little bit long (and perhaps could have been excised entirely), but other than that, no big complaints. Nice job!
737895
Well, don't forget that this is following close on the heels of some two-bit stage magician telling her she doesn't know anything about magic *and* goading her into making her look like an idiot in front of Ponyville.
She's not the best right now.
737917: Fair enough.
737895
Always interesting to see differences of opinion. The internal rage following the 'books can be wrong' line was originally more subdued, almost not there at all. That's the part Blackbelt had me punch up. I didn't go near as extreme as he suggested, but I thought I'd found a happy medium. I have her lose her cool mentally, but it barely shows through in her actual words or actions. Had she only randomly encountered these three on any other day, she probably would have more easily blown it off, but as is, it's sort of compiling on top of the stress she's already dealing with in regards to Trixie (which 737917 seems to have already pointed out). Plus, while it was the first time they insulted her books directly, they had already been basically mocking both her and her knowledge for pretty much the entire conversation, with that last part basically just being the straw that broke the camel's back such as it were.
Glad you enjoyed my take on kelpies, also hoped you appreciated my little shout-out to yours.
Sorry if the reproduction tangent seemed a bit long to you, and yeah it probably could have been left out, but personally I think the story is funnier for having it. Not like any of it goes into explicit detail, keeping things fairly textbook level.
Heck yeah, I woulda had Twilight blow something up.
Ah, Lunaverse Twilight. Such a dork.
I gave a number of chuckles to her lecture, there. So pedantic and so... her, even canon-Twilight would do that, methinks. Wonderful!
737400
Like I said earlier, I quite enjoyed reading this, and would be happy to work with you in the future. A younger me might have taken umbrage with you not using all of my advice, but I've since learned the difference between 'advice' and 'commands'.
I hope to see more from you in the future.
739797
If it helps lessen any lingering "umbrage", you did help push me over the edge on including the red part. I also never flat out ignored you, I weighed each decision to do so very carefully first. I might be something of a self-entitled artistic snob, but I try not to be overly arrogant about it.
739871
Shoosh. Like I said, a younger me.
A younger me was also severely in need of getting his ass kicked.
738589
compared to the 
you suggested.
Plus the disparaging remarks about their parents, don't forget that. My final take is almost
739540
Yes, yes she is. Also a bit rude, even beyond having the nerve to lecture a trio of innocent river dwellers on their own true nature.
Unsolicited Author's Note: She makes a big deal about insisting to the sirens that she has a name, but never bothers asking theirs. That was one reason I had for ignoring a piece of Mally's advices, and left all instances of "red/teal/yellow eyes" uncapitalized (other than being too lazy to Ctrl-H it all). Where as Lyra used those as more proper nicknames, even if only internally, Twilight just never bothers coming up with any way to specifically address them and the narration just sort of has to make do.
I actually did consider giving them real names at one point, but felt that if even RDD hadn't bothered, who was I to be so presumptuous in doing so (plus the afore mentioned laziness). Heck for all I know they're like medieval Scottish gargoyles and don't have individual names amongst themselves. So maybe, just maybe, Twilight was being culturally sensitive rather than inconsiderately rude, probably mostly inconsiderate though. Bah, I'll leave it to some other author to decide.
739890
Most of us needed our asses kicked when we were younger, some of us might still be in that phase too, though the concept of younger is all relative (RvB 10 year idiot rule and such). Besides, older usses are just younger usses with more layers built up on top. No reason to risk anything trickling down into the basement.
That was a charming little add-on to Boast Busted! It was delightfully fun! Well done Emeral!
Gotta love that dorky Twilight!
This was very funny. And it's great to see L!Twilight used as a protagonist.
741636
I'm not so sure this story actually had a proper protagonist, and I'm even less sure it would be Twilight (maybe as some kind of ineffectual villain protagonist). She's the one making all the trouble here. The "sirens" where just minding there own business and trying to grab a bite to eat. Granted they eat ponies, but they are never any real threat in this story.
741662 I struggled in my decision with how to word that, but the story is told from her point of view. So, even if she's not the "Hero" of the story (there's not really a right side here) she's still the protagonist.
I'd noticed that she dismissed sight-unseen the possibility that there's a village loaded with the other sort of kelpie; that's news to Dinky and the L!Six.
740162
Incidentally, while I never gave them names, I have taken to at least mentally calling the sirens/kelpies/cannibal sea ponies Krazny, Zhelty, and Chirok.
There's a joke there if you can find it.
746789 747269
Well considering DatB is a non-canon story Twilight may well have good reason to be skeptical. Besides after seeing the 'sirens' argue about hippopotamus and hippogriffs when she spoke of hippocampus, and also having one of them mistake kelpie for kelp I'm not sure she has much reason at all to trust the accuracy of anything they are speaking about. After all they're just ignorant forest hicks, she's the one who's educated and well read here.
747811
Other than that they are all Russian names, or at least that's what Google is telling me, I'm not getting the connection. Could maybe be the meaning of the names, but I can't find them in any of the typical resources I use for that. Probably thinking to hard on this and overlooking something simple. (pre-edit: yes it was simple, those are just Russian for the colors, I think. Finding an auto-translate that doesn't insist on spitting out Russian letters was difficult. As best I can tell, they even match perfectly with the ones I was already just starting to associate them with.)
I am liking the names though. In a future revision I could conceivably have the narrative pick them up after Twilight leaves and the perspective shifts to follow the trio as the blow-off everything she said.
748609
Yup, they're just the Russian words for their colors. Though technically Krazny and Zhelty should actually be spelled Kraznyj and Zheltyj, but when transliterating we normally drop the J since it's superfluous to an English pronounceantion.
For those who don't speak Russian (and don't feel like translating), kraznyj, zheltyj, and chirok translate as red, yellow, and teal, respectively.
Twilight is WAY too obsessed with books! But this fic is awesome!
Wait, how have I not seen this fic yet?
I must read it now!
Okay, now I've read it; and RDD was right, it's hilarious.
definitely worth reading. Your other stuff is better, though that's to be expected. 
830061
True.
This one really was little more than a silly little rant. It's hardly even a proper story as there is never any real tension, just characters talking at each other and never reaching any particular conclusion. I'll take moderate refuge in the fact that it's just an aside to the larger tale that is Boast Busted, but that's still mostly just an excuse.
Though this fic did help get me into Twilight's head, so EoI might not exist without it.
830094 Well there is the technical conclusion in Twi running off and the kelpies disregarding her and swimming away. Sorry, my infrequent pickiness required me to point that out.
for it leading to EoI, I guess. 
I'm going to stop pestering you here and let you get back to that, or whatever else you were doing.
And
737400
That penguin is a Piplup from Pokémon. Anyway, nice story. That is, Lunaverse story.
1077554
Yes, yes it is, still a penguin Pokémon though, so my originally statement stands; I was internationally being generic.
Thanks for trying though.
⸘Steven‽ ¿Who is this Steven? ¡I shall go play with my Magnets!
I'm disappointed in you, Twi. You were wrong. A species which is asexual is indeed incapable of sex, and either goes extinct quickly or reproduces asexually. The word you seem to be looking for is "hermaphroditic," and if we want to be more precise it sounds like sirens are simultaneous hermaphrodites.
An odd word, "hermaphrodite." What is it that's so quintessentially masculine about Hermes? Seriously, Aphrodite makes sense, but Hermes seems so arbitrary.
And really, asexual? It's not exactly a popular form of reproduction among complex organisms; I'm not sure off the top of my head if there's any members of the animal kingdom that primarily reproduce asexually (and if there are, they're probably on the simple side of Cnidaria at the most complex). Hermaphroditism, on the other hand, is rather common.
2191405
Well the "true" sirens did indeed supposedly go extinct, so you might have a point.
Still though, in a world with functional magic there could be methods of reproduction beyond our limited scientific understanding. Actually, even in our own world their exist some reasonably complex mono-gender species, like the New Mexico whiptail, which while it can breed by hybridizing with certain other lizard species, they are also full capable of doing so without via parthenogenesis.
Plus there is always the possibility of bizarre alien biologies, like say the Namekians of Dragon Ball Z, or the Assari of Mass Effect.
2191533 The New Mexico whiptail is certainly something I didn't know about; thank you for alerting me to its existence. It's a pretty interesting species.
Nevertheless, no matter what biology sirens may have, the point stands that Twilight was unambiguously wrong when she said that asexual does not mean they don't have sex (and don't tell me she meant "doesn't mean they don't reproduce" because the whole story is about Twilight insisting on being precisely correct). And I'm not going to apologize for using Occam's Razor to conclude sirens are hermaphrodites either, even if it's probably not as reliable as finding Twilight and bugging her to change her answer to something less obviously wrong.
2191906
Well it's kind of the point that Twilight has got her facts less than perfect. Marine biology isn't her area of expertise, same as with earlier in the chapter when she tries applying her limited understanding of music to critique the trio's song. She's more or less supposed to come across as something of a presumptuously insufferable know-it-all, who acts like she knows more than she really does.
2192063 She shouldn't be saying anything I can verify as wrong, though. I know nothing about fantastic marine biology (and presume the same applies to most people reading this story), so I can't check anything she says from her knowledge of that subject. All I can check is things that any human or pony with a fraction of her education should know, like the definition of "asexual." She comes off as pompous, and as trusting too absolutely in books over more direct sources of information, sure, but to me she doesn't come off as wrong to me outside her flagrant misuse of "asexual" and her misinformation about kelpie populations, and with her debating fantastic marine biological classifications, I don't see any way to plausibly show her as wrong except by bringing up topics where we would be inclined to trust anecdotal evidence over her, and it doesn't seem likely for the conversation to drift so far towards the practically more than a few times, if that.
And when she's talking about music she just sounds like she's being persnickety about definitions; I have no doubt that under a definition of "song" that does not include chants, which I would consider a valid definition (though obviously not the only valid definition), the kelpies were not singing, they were chanting.
2192101
That's sort of the the trick of it now isn't it, because it's not so much a matter of Twilight's -- flagrant misuse of "asexual" -- so much as her just using a specific definition of the term, and while perhaps not your preferred choice, the term can be accurately used to describe a species that lacks sexual dimorphism and/or that reproduces without the need for any kind of sexual intercourse.
2192114 And that's what I said. "Lacking sexual organs and/or independent of sexual processes" is exactly what the kelpies correctly took "asexual" to mean. "Having sexual organs and making use of them in sexual processes" is something Twilight implicitly said describes sirens, thus contradicting all valid definitions of "asexual." Even the one where it is a sexual orientation.
It helps that the variety of valid definitions for words is more or less inversely proportional to word length.
2195030
Actually, no. You seem to have somewhat missed the point. The trio here (or at least red) initially misinterpret the term; assuming it means, "something that has sex a lot."
Whereas what twilight says basically amounts to a statement that while oceanic sirens had physical characteristics that other species identify as making them look female, that such was a misconception.
To go back to something I mentioned previously, as a gendered species we humans might try to identify Nameks as male or Asari as female because that is what they look like to us, but as neither of those two species actually possess gender differentiation our attempts to ascribe them with such qualities would be inaccurate. Nor would it be accurate to call either species hermaphroditic, as they don't possess both male and female sexual organs, but rather have a completely different manner of reproduction; Nameks need no partner to reproduce, they just spit up eggs, and while Asari do engage in a form of psychic mating, the actual biological process is wholly self-contained to a singular parent with no genetic contributions from the partner.
2196692 Firstly, this doesn't change the fact that Twilight said the term does not indicate how much sirens have sex, when it by definition does.
Secondly, I want to call a debate foul on you because I suspect you were deliberately withholding the information that I has misinterpreted Red's statement.
Thirdly, your examples seem to both be asexual (a bit debatable with the Asari, but that's not really the point), so of course they're not hermaphroditic.
Fourthly, all Twilight told me about sirens is that they do engage in sex and do not have separate genders, which is enough to conclude that they fit "hermaphrodite" better than any other category I have a word for, and not enough to even remotely justify theorizing beyond that.
Fifthly, Twilight can try to use "asexual" to mean "does not have separate genders" all she wants; it won't make it a correct definition unless she can get a lot of other ponies to use "asexual" in the same way.
2201255
1) Actually that was more or less exactly the point Twilight was trying to make, that the term "asexual" does not mean "has lots of sex".
2) I did not intentionally withhold the information, I was simply unaware you had made such a misinterpretation until that last post.
3) Again, that is basically my point, Nameks and Asari possess secondary characteristics that make them look male/female to human eyes, but in truth they both have a wholly asexual biology.
4) If that's how you interpreted the scene, well I guess I'm sorry, but that was not the intent. It is only Red-eyes who ever says anything about "having lots of sex", due to her own ignorance, while Twilight is only attempting to disavow her of that misconception.
5) Accept that really is already a fully valid definition of the term.
is it just me, or did twilight sound more like doctor who in that whole gambit
2654989
Twilight got a bit absent-minded... kinda funny really!.Then again, the Kelpies were of inconsequential threat to her.
Twilight you just trolled them. Love it.
Twilight's so close to canon in this that I can imagine this happening in the canon-verse.
4809787
Thank you. I certainly tried to be true to who Twilight is regardless of verse. After all, L!Twi is basically still supposed to be mostly the same pony, just one who didn't learn the lessons in friendship from the first episode.
4809858
You're quite welcome, it's great to see AU characters who seem in character for the main universe.
Must resist the urge to call these Sirens: Sonata,Adagio, and Aria. I won't do it, no!
5319653
Wouldn't work anyway, since one of them is a guy.
...and if it helps, their meta-narative names are Krazny, Zhelty, and Chirok.