• Member Since 20th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen May 10th, 2021

Fizzy Orange


Set in RainbowDoubleDash's Lunaverse. Corona has been defeated by the Elements of Harmony, but she has not yet given up on her desires for conquest. While she is still too weak to dare a new confrontation, she is still unwilling to let those annoying ponies who dared defy her go unpunish while she recovers. She decides to unleash her one and only true immortal ally, one that was sealed away by Luna centuries ago. This ally will set the world on fire on her behalf, starting with Ponyville! It is time for the phoenix to rise from her ashes once again, time for the world to tremble once again at the name... Philomena!

Meanwhile, in Ponyville, Trixie, Pokey Pierce and Raindrops investigate a series of strange arsons...

This story takes place about a week before Carrot Top of the Line. For official chronological order of Lunaverse stories, and everything Lunaverse, please come visit us in the Lunaverse Group!

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 253 )

A few grammar and spelling issues throughout, but overall solid and it'll be interesting to see where this goes.

849724 Thanks. My usual proofreader is busy with real life and I'd rather not impose. If you've spotted anything particularly glaring don't mind sharing it. I completed this last night so I might have let quality slip without noticing in my drowsy state.

And is the last part all supposed to be in boldface?

EDIT: Never mind, I think it's a problem with fimfic itself...

849902 Nah it was my last tag that wasn't closed properlyy, sorry about that.

And a few open bold tags....

850086 Those should be fixed by now.

She could hardly believe it herself. To be reduced to this! Sadly there was no other way as she was still too weak from her recent defeat to teleport her minions around, and she didn’t dare leave behind the only support she had in this world to be devoured by roaming beasts. As feeble as the zebra was, she still knew her way around this dastardly Everfree Forest, and her humble hidden adobe had been covered with enough wards that even Luna had failed to find her in her moment of weakness. The baby dragon wasn’t much, and he certainly could use a lesson in loyalty from his stripped friend, but he made for a decent beatstick should the need arise.

I think you mean striped. Stripped is the past-tense of stripping.

Before him stood the artificially aged baby dragon from earlier. Fully powered by the greed Corona would constantly denied having, the purple dragon now stood at least two head taller than the red one. Furthermore, his eyes, devoid of any spark of intelligence, spoke of nothing but violence and anger. With a roar, Spike threw himself at the other dragon.

'denied' needs to be in the present tense 'deny'.

850178 Thank you! Fixed those mistakes.

From prankster to straight antagonist....Man, Philomena might actually be scary.....


You're welcome!

And I found another:

The two unicorns continued to head toward the residency, Trixie falling into silence as Pokey began to tell a long and convoluted stor. Thankfully for Trixie, something was about to come up that would afford her some freedom from all that rambling.

'stor' needs a 'y' on the end since I think you meant 'story'.

Like this concept. Will you be having Philomena as the fellow corrupted companion of Corona, the eternally loyal companion (as in not evil, but still won't abandon her mistress), or an inherently good creature who was locked away before she realized what Corona had become (and thus become redeemed in the end)?

Just loaded up the page, haven't read yet, but that pic! :pinkiegasp: This is the Philomena story!

I know this is only the first chapter, but now I have no choice but to put everything else on hold and start reading right away.

850339 So apparently 'stor' is a word in the english language because my spellchecker failed to mention that typo :facehoof:

Hmmm.... I'm not entirely sure about the Comedy tag up there. It seems to me that Corona should always be treated seriously. Not that there shouldn't be comedic moments, the nature of the character basically requires them. But making it one of the main draws is risky.

Apart from that, I enjoyed the story. I"m excited for the next update.

Now I gotta make some tweaks...

850409 Don't worry about your mention of Spike and Zecora looking for a phoenix. Without spoiling anything, I will simply say that I will make it work with your story, not ask for the other way around, so don't change a thing.


I want to seriously strangle the spellchecker sometimes. Often when it's stuck on automatic. :twilightangry2::flutterrage:

One of these days I'm going to write a fic that's me (the author) and the characters versus the spellchecker whose unchecked corrections and missed mistakes are wreaking havoc with reality.

850427 Sounds like one of those meta twilight fic, like the ones that make favs and upvote sound sexual :rainbowlaugh:

Alright, just finished, and so much yes. I was worried my enthusiasm might be wasted on boring lead-up stuff. Nothing boring here though and I'm sorry for doubting you. This was a truly delicious opening and has me ravenous for more. :rainbowwild:

I don't know about you, but favs, likes, and especially comments always get me... :trollestia:

*Ahem* -- er um rather... nothing to see here folks. :twilightblush:

850467 Thanks! I hope I can live up to the potential of this one then :pinkiehappy:

Zecora's adobe? :twistnerd:

Spike's reaction to being used as a weapon of mass destruction makes me think of Alien 9. He's going to end up a basket case. And not the sort of cute little basket Twilight lets him sleep with in the show.

Awesome! :pinkiehappy: I really like Pokey in this one.

Poor Spike.

850562 it's 'home' now, just so it creates an aliteration 'humble hidden home' :trollestia:

Oh my God it's grammatical editing I'll actually be useful for: Early Modern English!

“Quiet!” ordered Corona, turning to face her two minions with anger etched on her regal face. “Minions should not be heard, unless thy Queen requires it!”

In Early Modern English, "you" and its variants are used for plural in all cases. So it should by "unless your Queen" if she's speaking to both Spike and Zecora (well...technically, it's supposed to be "ye," but I used "you" throughout LNLD).

Quick reminder:

I speak
Thou speakest
He/she/it speaketh
We speak
Ye speak
They speak

“We are Celestia! We are the Sun! We are thy Queen! Bow!” she declared stoically.

...actually...I was going to point out that Corona never once used the royal "we" in LNLD despite constantly having the upper hoof, but actually, I think I like her suddenly picking it up. It just goes to further show how insane she is: she has even less power than in LNLD, and yet she's using the royal "we" as though she's speaking for the State and all of Equestria.

“Thou shall cleanest this filth out once expelling thy lunch you complete,” she ordered, looking back to Zecora.

Yoda, Corona has suddenly become. Either that or she's hanging out with Zecora too much. Also, it's thou shalt. Unless she's started to partially take Cheerilee's advice.

Awakest, our servant! Wreckest havoc in our name!

I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be "awaken" and "wreck."

Ah ha ha ha ha. Oh I'm going to need your help with that a lot over the next two months. :pinkiecrazy:

Believe it or not it's actually surprisingly easy once you get the hang of it...

850924 Thanks for the tips, I changed the 'thy' to 'your' and went with awaken and wreck. I also slightly modified that expell thy lunch line so it doesn't feel too Yoda-ish. Hope you enjoy it nonetheless, we haven't seen Corona in a while.

Holy Discord- onna-stick this went dark fast. I know that L!verse is supposed to be slightly darker, but this is really dark. Dismemberment and death of a sentient on screen? The heck?


Well, Corona DID give it a chance to surrender peacefully....

'Sides which, it wasn't a named character, just Dragon A. And done in a kind of comedic way.

At least I assume the goal was comedy seeing as the scene ended with the Tyrant Sun, the mad god, the terror to all of creation, saying "ew."

Nice chapter, cant wait for the next one.

Yeah, but I'm still of the mind that L!verse cannon stories should be Y-7, not Y-13. Although Y-13 would give a different feel, which may be what you writers are going for.

Unless the L!verse target audience was L!bronies from the start.

855528 It was done OFF SCREEN technically. Plus Corona's a bad guy, gotta show that at some point.

Oh, goody. A gritty retelling of both Dragonshy and Bird in the Hoof. That being said, we might finally get a good look at why, aside from being a zebra and thus sort of not understanding what Corona is, she's so devoted to the hateful, greedy maniac the Tyrant Sun is. My guess is that she sees herself as the one chosen by fate to restore her to sanity.

Wow. That was slightly more gory than I anticipated, despite being done mostly off screen. :rainbowderp:
Still sounds like it's going to be a fun ride as usual! :pinkiehappy:

I'm guessing that the “…And then I said ‘I’m not, and don’t call me Oatmeal'!” Quote is a reference to Pinkie Pies' famous line "and then I said 'Oatmeal, are you crazy?"
If so, I like very much.

Good to see Pokey on top form. Ponyville politics just isn't the same without his SHARP wit. Though snappy replies aside, it was cool to see him willing to jump into action when the need arrised.

I must admit that having greed Spike as an attack dragon is bad enough but now she wants MORE weapons to her arsenal. Starting with a pheonix, yeah I wasn't sure if character's scary factor could go upwards from being a sun tyrant but it's definitely going upwards.

That said, the little ew she gave before the opening credits was brillant :rainbowlaugh:

860182 I'm sorry, somehow your comment slipped past me :facehoof:

But yes, yes it is a reference to that line :pinkiehappy:

When the evil!Philomeena phoenix comes, there is a possible way to stop it.

1) Snuff out its fire powers by keeping it down in a body of non-flammable liquid too large for her to boil away with flames (e.g. pin it down at the bottom of a lake with a boulder, get it stuck in a sticky swamp bog, with possible involvement of some kind of gravity spell).

2) When evil!Philomeena's pinned down, kill it somehow (e.g. drown it in the mentioned body of liquid. I personally prefer taking it out when it's soaking wet and stomping its head into a bloody pulp.)

3) Evil!Philomeena would do as any phoenix do when it dies by turning to a pile of ashes, before rebirthing itself in a burst of flame. When that happens, blow half of the ashes away before it regenerates, and keep the remaining half in a jar of water so the ashes can't burn. That'll keep her down for good.

Even if it somehow manages to regenerate, it'll be locked in a twisted cycle of death and rebirth as it would do so in two separate halves in two different locations, causing it to die in agony, only to reborn, then die, reborn, die, reborn, over and over again... :pinkiecrazy:

Look, I know it's exceptionally cruel in execution, but that's the only way I could think of on how to defeat an immortal monster like that. And that's assuming there's a way to get step one started to begin with.

Just a question: how much do you think Corona actually cares about her immortal pet?

I got a couple of edits for you:

In a flash all humidity in the dreary caved was eliminated, the walls and floor turning as dry as they would be in the desert.

Cave instead of caved, and

And off course the air was as humid as she had been led to believe. Nothing could catch on fire under normal circumstances.

Off course I’d still get top billing,” said Trixie, putting her hoof to her chest in mock offense.

Of course instead of off course.

But yeah, this is a fantastic opening chapter. We're seeing more of the big bad and her minions (with a new, immortal foe to fight) plus I liked how you showed the beatdown through Zecora's and Corona's reactions. Even though I'd bet dollars to doughnuts Phil's at her "near 'death'" stage (I mean come on, it's the Flower Trio. They'd overreact to anything.), it's still great to see a phoenix as the villain in a story.

Here we go! Chapter 2! Originally it was going to be much longer but I decided to cut here since I hadn't updated in so long. Don't be affraid to point out any of my horrendous mistakes. Hope you guys still enjoy it so far! :pinkiehappy:

“The world is burning! Burning!” shouted Lilly, suddenly waking up.

“It’s okay Lilly, it’s over now,” said Rose, soothing her friend.

This, somehow, didn’t calm the excited mare “Oh no! It’s all over! Over!”

Raindrops smiling made me chuckle, but for some reason this part made me nearly fall out of my seat laughing. I don't know why, objectively it's not terribly funny, but every time I look at it I laugh a little.

Anyway. My only real complaint here is that this was too short!

To say Trixie was surprised by the visit was an understanding.

I think you mean "understatement."
Also, you have Trixie call Raindrops "Rainsy" at one point, which is, if you'll pardon my bluntness, kinda stupid, which Trixie usually isn't.

1089305 Oops.:pinkiegasp: Thanks for spotting that one.

Got another suggestion for the nickname?

Great to see this updating! I like the way you're weaving the two plots together. Random fires over Ponyville is actually a pretty scary thought. I'm impressed that Trixie's arcane sight can pick up earth pony magic - that's usually pretty subtle - but then, Trixie was always good at sensing magic.

wasn't the Mayor's name "Ivory Scroll", not "Mare"?

:pinkiehappy: Even better than just one big torch, and it works well with the natural phoenix tendancy to troll!


"Philomena: Living Weapon of Mass Disruption." Corona might as well have said "This is the voice of the Mysterons. We know that you can hear us."

She could always call her 'RD'

1089555 'Drops' is the mocking nickname Rainbow dash uses, and probably all the bullies at Flight Camp. So Raindrops doesn't like it. So it's either 'Rain', 'Rainy' or 'Rainsy'.

1089622 Yes and I adressed her as Ivory Scoll in there too. 'Mayor Mare' is basically her title.

1090467 Ah! Captain Scarlet! Plus a phoenix is immortal :derpytongue2:

1090332 1089552 Thanks! I'm trying not to make this story as short as my previous ones.

1090722 I would, but then that sounds like Rainbow Dash.

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