• Published 30th Dec 2015
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It's A Screwed Up Life - Autum Breeze



Life can become very confusing when you go from working in a factory to waking up as a pony with Choas Magic. Wait. Did I say confusing? I meant FUN!

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Ryoga's Ratted Out

Ryoga's Ratted Out!

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“Are you okay?” Akane Tendo asked sweetly, bending down and picking up the little black pig. “Oh, he’s scared.”

The little pig squealed, tears leaking from its eyes.

She pulled him close to her chest. “Poor baby.” She got up, keeping the pig close. “Come on, let’s go.”

The red haired girl that had been lying on the floor used her legs to propel herself up so she was facing Akane.

“Just hold it. We’re you going?” she asked with concern.

Akane just turned and glared at her. “We are going to bed.”

“But you can’t!” she shook her head. “That pig’s, uh… he’s, uh…”

“Well, go on” Akane said, giving an expecting look.

“He’s a… he’s not really a…” words were failing.

Akane chose to ignore her, looking down to the pig. “Don’t worry, baby. I won’t leave you with that nasty Ranma.” She smiled sweetly. “Be a good boy and stop crying, okay? ”She followed that up by kissing the pig on the snout, causing its eyes to go wide, sparkling as it blushed, hard.

“And I think that’s enough of that.”

The two girls blinked, confused by the addition of a third voice, before a squealing made them look to Akane’s arms to see someone standing there, a kettle in hand, pouring water on the pig.

Her hair was bright purple and white, a mess of curls.

She was wearing a plain white T-shirt under a dark blue overalls shirt-pants combo, with pictures of a baseball and screw next to each other, just over where it ended at her thighs on her left side, mismatched purple and white socks and big yellow boots, matching the propeller beanie atop her head.

Before either could try to understand who the girl was, why she was in the house or even how she got in, Akane cried out as the pig in her arms grew huge, revealing a naked…

“R-R-Ryoga?!” Akane stared, wide eyed at the butt naked boy on the floor.

His face was a mask of horror and embarrassment. He whirled around at the new girl, glaring. “What have you done?!”

“Prevented you from messing in something you shouldn’t, idiot,” she opened her eyes, revealing them to be purple spirals, giving him an unamused look.

“Wh-wha… what’s going on?!” Akane cried, looking from the girl, to the boy to Ranma.

“Ryoga here followed Ranma and Genma to Jusenkyo, resulting in him falling in the Spring of Drowned Pig,” the new girl said, matter of factly. “Frankly, it’s his own fault.”

“How dare you?” Ryoga shot up, glaring at the girl, pointing at Ranma. “It’s Ranma Saotome’s fault! I wouldn’t even have needed to follow him had he been a man and—”

He was cut off by the girl smashing her fist into his head, slamming him to the ground.

“You are so pathetic! Ranma explained quite clearly to you that he waited in the lot BEHIND YOUR OWN HOUSE for THREE DAYS STRAIGHT! You’re the idiot who somehow got lost despite how close it was to your own house! You lost that match by forfeit, Ryoga!”

“W-wait,” the two looked to Akane, who’s face had gone white. “P-P-chan was… Ryoga the whole time?”

The new girl and Ranma nodded.

There was a long pause, before Akane’s face went yelled and she yelled, punching Ryoga right in the face.

“I… I can explain, Akane,” he said, holding his right cheek, looking up to her pleadingly.

“You don’t get a chance after what you just pulled!” she growled, cracking her knuckles. “You’re a worse pervert than Ranma!”

“Hey!”

“Much as I would love to watch you give Ryoga the beating he so rightly deserves, Akane Tendo,” Akane blinked, noticing the new girl was now in front of her, glaring down at Ryoga, “I need to drill something into this idiot boy’s head.”

Without warning, the girl pulled a giant drill with “Information” written on it and slammed it into Ryoga’s head.

The boy yelled in pain, the other two stunned, frozen in horror what they were seeing.

But, when the drill was pulled away, Ryoga’s head was untouched and, somehow, he was still alive.

“Get it now, Rygoa Hibiki?!” the new girl said, tossing the drill away and pointing at him. “Ranma has nothing to do with your suffering. You are the one causing your own suffering and, frankly, I feel you deserve EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND of it!”

“Whoa. That’s a bit much, doncha think?” Ranma asked hesitantly. She was glad to see Ryoga getting what he deserved, but this seemed a bit much.

The girl glared at her, causing Ranma to freeze.

The girl folded her arms. “No. I was watching the show again over the last two days before bed and I realized how horrible and pathetic a person Ryoga is and all the problems he causes.”

Ranma and Akane glance at each other, confused.

“Show? What show?” the blue haired girl asked.

The new girl glanced at her. “My name is Screwball. I’m the Princess of Chaos. I can watch your world like a TV anytime I want. I do enjoy the chaos, it is in my nature, after all. However,” she looked to Ryoga, no mercy in her eyes, “having recently been rewatching, I noticed things regarding Ryoga Hibiki and it made me realize he is a disgrace to all men.”

Akane cocked her head. “How do you figure that?”

Screwball held up a figure, an orb appearing above it, showing images of the last couple days and the past Ranma had informed Akane about regarding Ryoga. “Ryoga blames Ranma for everything. After he assumed Ranma didn’t show up for the fight, instead of doing the logical thing and waiting to see if he’d return, Ryoga, with his shit direction, tried to follow and when he arrived at Jusenkyo, assumed Ranma would just be there and fight him. It was his own fault that he didn’t avoid falling into the Spring of Drowned Pig.”

“You’re wrong!” Ryoga stood up, causing Akane to cry out and cover her eyes.

Screwball growled, snapping her fingers and Ryoga was in his normal attire.

“And just how am I wrong, Ryoga?” Screwball asked, folding her arms, giving him a look that said she wouldn’t believe anything he said.

Ryoga clenched his fist. “I endured unbearable torments chasing after Ranma. China’s a big place, but it’s even bigger when you’re crossing it on foot!”

Screwball deadpanned. “So? Ranma and her dad did and you don’t see them complaining.”

Ryoga explained how he’d travelled mile and mile until he found Jusenkyo, only for what he’d assumed to be a random panda and red haired girl, though now he knew it had been Ranma and Mr. Saotome, to knock him off a cliff into the spring that cursed him, all the while trying to paint it as if he was a victim and it had all been Ranma’s fault.

“This is all your fault!” Ryoga glared at Ranma. “If you’d only shown up to take your beating like a man—”

BANG!

Ryoga dropped to the floor, having been punched in the head by Screwball.

“Even drilling it into that thick skull of yours didn’t do the job?” She bended down, grabbing him by the shirt. “Let me spell it out clearly for you, you moron! Ranma DID show up. YOU were the one who didn’t show. You didn’t have to follow him to China. You didn’t have to go to Jusenkyo. Ranma is not the one at fault here, Ryoga. It. Is all. You! You chose to follow him to China. You chose to go to Jusenkyo. If you hadn’t you wouldn’t be stuck with this curse. But you did. You are the one who ruined your life, not Ranma! You’ve made your bed, Ryoga Hikibi, now sleep in it! Take some damn responsibility for just once in your pathetic life!”

“How could you know all the suffering I’ve seen?!” Ryoga demanded of her. “It’s been hell, I tell you. Pure hell.”

Screwball just rolled her eyes, glaring. “A hell that, I repeat, YOU FORCED UPON YOURSELF!”

“Ya know, thinking about it, she does have a point,” Ranma said, looking up.

Ryoga then gave a warm smile, closing his eyes. “But even though I’m under this curse, a curse I’ll carry for the rest of my life, somehow she finds it in her heart to love me.”

Screwball leaned over to Akane, a bored expression on her face. “You’re the “she” he measn there, Akane.”

“Huh?” Akane looked from her to Ryoga, who was giving her a warm look and nodded.

There was a long pause, before Akane yelled, running forward and slammed Ryoga’s head into the ground.

“I don’t love you, Ryoga! I thought you were P-chan! I was loving him! To think, you’d sink so low as to pretend to be him just to get close to Ranma! I don’t know what you did with the real P-chan, but when I find out…”

Screwball blinked, locking eyes with Ranma, before the two sighed, facepalming.

Akane still didn’t understand there never was a P-chan. It was Ryoga the whole time.

“Well, it’s something I guess,” Ranma conceded.

Screwball nodded. “Yeah. Well, I guess that’s better than nothing. However, a word, Miss Tendo?”

Akane stopped pummelling Ryoga’s face to turn, glancing up at the other girl. “Yeah?”

Screwball gave an annoyed frown, holding up a finger. “Let me make one thing perfectly clear, Akane. Ranma is not a pervert. From day one he has done nothing to warrant such an idea. She came here and didn’t try to hide that she’s a guy. You merely never gave her a chance to explain and when you found out, you jumped to conclusions. Anything Ranma does, remember that he’s barely ever thinking about that stuff.”

“Where are you going with this?” Ranma couldn’t help feeling lost.

“Any time you see Ranma with another girl, or they act like there’s something special between them, do not blame it on Ranma. It isn’t his choice. They’re the ones choosing, without bothering to question him. He is your fiancé, and that is that. Even if he says he doesn’t agree to it, he does not and will not ever go against the morality he has to follow because of that. If ever a girl is warming up to him, you need to blame them, not him.”

“Uh… what?” Akane seemed very confused.

“Plus, every time he’s says you’re “So uncute” remember this is Ranma, you’re dealing with. He’s a guy. Guys in this time period are really reserved about truly expressing themselves. It’s his defence mechanism. And any time he’s giving you a hard time, it’s not out of malice. Nine times out of ten, it’s because he’s honestly worried about you. You just take it way too personally.”

Ranma tried not to laugh.

“And you, Saotome,” the red head went ridged as the spiralling eyes fell on her, “don’t think you’re not to blame either. You need to cut it down a bit. Akane is your future wife, so start acting like it.”

“W-wait a minute!” Ranma shook her head, pointing. “Didn’t you say you’ve been watching us? Then you know meddling is going to change things! Why would you risk what could happen?!”

“This world will work fine despite my meddling,” Screwball put her hands behind her head. “The events are going to pretty much play out the same, you’ll both just be a little more aware and not jump to so many conclusions. And, trust me, it is fun watching you and Ranma fight, Akane, but when you jump to conclusions as big as you do, without actually letting Ranma explain, it gets real old, real fast. I dunno which is honestly more annoying: Watching you two bicker about the easiest to explain things if you’d both just stop and talk for a second, or the misunderstandings in the love life of Keitaro Urashima and Naru Narusagawa.”

The two looked to each other. Who in the heck were Keitaro Urashima and Naru Narusagawa and what did they have to do with anything.

Screwball folded her arms, sighing. “Point is, I wanna watch you guys not bicker for the stupidest of reasons and get through your lives. Plus,” she glared at Ryoga, “I want him to suffer for his actions.”

She then give an uncomfortably happy smile.

“Toodles.”

She snapped her fingers and was gone.

___________________________________________________________

“Someone is certainly a bit salty.”

I give DD a deadpan glare as I reappear. “Don’t you talk. You’re a far worse meddler than I am.”

He shrugs. “Guilty as charged.”

Author's Note:

A little something i wanted to write since i couldn't get much else done this week.

yeah, i've recently been rewatching Ranma 1/2 and once it got to Ryoga, i realized how much of an asshole he actually is and how he himself is the cause of his own suffering, but he's so pathetic he blames it all on Ranma instead of taking responsibility.

From now on, i'm watching those episodes and scenes with the idea Screwball did indeed visit the anime's world and, while she still does't know there is no P-Chan, Akane at least understands that sometimes it isn't P-Chan, but Ryoga.

this was just something i really needed to get off my chest because it's been buzzing in my head all week.

anyone else a fan of Ranma 1/2 and feel the same about Ryoga? let me know in the comments.

next time, we'll really get back to the story

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