• Published 30th Dec 2015
  • 30,702 Views, 2,580 Comments

It's A Screwed Up Life - Autum Breeze

Life can become very confusing when you go from working in a factory to waking up as a pony with Choas Magic. Wait. Did I say confusing? I meant FUN!

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The Filly Floating on the Clouds without Wings. Wait, WHAT?

The Filly Floating on the Clouds without Wings. Wait, WHAT?


Rainbow Dash soared through the sky, smirking as she zipped around clouds, using them as maneuver practice.

With Discord’s defeat the other day, things were returning to normal around Ponyville. She still couldn’t believe he’d turned her against her friends and tricked her into abandoning them.

Thankfully, she’d never have to see that ugly face of his again. He was going to remain in stone this time, no doubt about it and nothing of his chaos was left to worry about.

“Hi, Dash.”

She glanced to her left as she passed a cloud, where a small pink Earth Pony filly was waving to her.

“Hey,” she grinned casually, waving back, then went back to flying— before skidding to a halt in midair and whirling back around.

The filly just kept smiling at her. An Earth Pony filly... on a cloud.

Dash shot back, intent on saving the filly from falling to her death.

The younger pony just giggled and stood up, before hopping off the cloud.

Panic surged through Dash as she saw the filly’s hooves leave the cloud. She had no idea how the filly hadn’t been falling through it, assuming maybe it was like that spell Twilight had used so her friends could come to the Young Flyer’s competition, but if she left the cloud, she’d fall for sure.

She was inches from the filly, before; again, she skidded to a halt, her eyes wide as the filly floated in front of her, smiling with her eyes closed.

“Hey,” she said in a cheery voice.

Dash just stared, her mouth agape. “I... but you’re... and you’re... but, how...? Huh?!”

The filly just giggled. “Race ya. Three, two, one, GO!”

With that the filly shot through the sky, away from the Pegasus.

Now, whilst Dash’s mind was struggling to comprehend what she had just seen, the indication of a race snapped her out of it and she swooped after the filly.

Nopony was going to beat her in a race, not even an Earth Pony that was somehow flying.

She flapped her wings and shot through the air to catch up to the filly.

The two soared through the skies over Ponyville, a few ponies even glancing up in confusion at the pink and white contrail alongside her signature rainbow one.


“It’s disaster, Twilight Sparkle!” Spoiled Rich stated to the unicorn, stomping a hoof. “She’s a beast in pony form waiting to explode!”

Twilight was having Spike take down notes as she listened to the mare with the upturned nose.

She’d come a few hours ago, informing her that Discord had not be defeated completely. Before she and the girls had gotten to him and turned him to stone, he’d created a monster that survived the Elements’ power and had been terrorizing her family.

From what she’d been told, this chaotic beast Discord had create cared nothing for others and did as it wished, much like its creator.

It was a wonder Mrs Rich had even gotten away, considering the nightmarish things she’d describe the beast doing. Twilight was shocked she’d survived the night.

“I fear for my family, Miss Sparkle,” the mare said, sounding frazzled. “Please, you must stop her before she ruins everything!”

Twilight nodded, before looking down to her dragon assistant. “Spike, did you get all that down?”

The little drake nodded, rolling up the scroll. “Should I send this to Princess Celestia now?”

The unicorn nodded. “We can’t waste a second. The sooner we get the Elements of Harmony, the sooner we can stop Discord’s monster from destroying everything we know and love—”

Her words were cut off as a ring of rainbow colour exploded across the sky, followed by a steam of rainbow light soaring down and crashing into the ground several metres away, pushing up dirt for several metres before it stopped, a deep groove left in the ground.

After casting a spell to clear away the dust forced up, Twilight saw a rainbow-maned Pegasus climbing out of the hole at the end of the groove, calling out in triumphed.

“Ha! Beat you!” she called out, looking up at the sky.

“Yeah, but only cos I wanted it to be a fair race.”

The cyan mare looked down as the dust cleared to show a small pink Earth Pony filly with a slightly curly purple and white mane and tail, eyes that had spiral pupils and was wearing a small propeller beanie cap on her head.

“ Yeah, sure ya did, kid,” Rainbow smirked, bopping hooves with the younger pony. “Keep telling yourself that and you’ll be a great flyer one day.”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. Flyer? But, that filly was an Earth Pony. Why would Dash say—?

“That’s her, Miss Sparkle!” the older Earth Pony’s cry made Twilight glance to see she was pointing her hoof. Following it, she saw it was pointed at the filly. “She’s the monster! Get the foolish mare away before she is killed! Hurry up, you stupid lizard!” she snarled, turning to Spike, who flinched. “Send the letter to the princess before we’re all doomed!”

“Wait,” Twilight held up a hoof, closing her eyes. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You were talking about a little filly?”

The other mare’s attention returned to the unicorn, her eyes frantic, but narrowed. “Yes! Why are you stalling?! Send the letter and turn her to stone before we’re doomed!”

“Wait. What?” Dash frowned, looking confused, glancing from Twilight to Spoiled Rich. “What’s this about stone and doom?”

Twilight looked warily at Spoiled Rich, who was glaring at the filly, who just glared right back. “Mrs Rich here came by telling me a being of chaos Discord created before we beat him is roaming about and that we needed to find it and turn it to stone, like we did him.”

Dash’s expression changed to shock, then determined. “Alright. Want me to get the others? What’s this thing look like?”

“I’m standing right here, you know,” an annoyed, slightly bored voice said from Dash’s side. “I can hear what you’re all saying.”

The cyan mare paused, before glancing down at the pink filly, who cocked an eyebrow at her.

There was a pause, before Dash turned to Twilight, an eyebrow raised in disbelief and pointed to the pony next to her. “Her?”

Twilight gave a single nod.

“She was telling you to get the Elements so we could turn this filly to stone?!” Dash’s eyes narrowed, turning to Spoiled as she finished her sentence. “What in Celestia’s name is wrong with you?!”

Spoiled took a step back, looking offended. “Wrong with me? Wrong with me?!” She pointed at Dash. “You’re the one standing next to that beast! Stop her before she gets away!”

“So, I’m a beast because I don’t follow your stupid, I’m in charge of every single thing in your life, even what you should think rules?” the filly was giving Spoiled Rich a deadpan expression. “Really? Really?”

Spoiled looked from the filly, to Rainbow Dash, to Twilight and Spike. “What? She’s evil! Discord created her; that makes her evil!”

“No, Discord just gave me my chaos powers,” the filly states simply, a magical window appear next to her, showing Discord in what looked like a padded cell, holding a similar-looking filly, who slowly changed to match this filly’s appearance. The window faded and she looked coldly at the older Earth Pony. “I’d only be evil if I used them the way he did. You actually made me, Spoiled Bitch.”

With that, the filly turned and walked away, heading towards Sugarcube Corner, but paused for a moment and glanced over her shoulder.

“Oh, and, just for that, your chances or my ever thinking of you as my mother just went up in flames. Good work.”

And she walked off, leaving the four others to what would come next.



I yawn as consciousness returns to me.

For a moment, I ponder why I feel odd, before I remember.

I’m Screwball now, in Equestria.

I sit up, stretching my arm, flexing my fingers, before looking down at the digits with a grin.

Hey, you expect me to just go to sleep as a pony when I’ve been human twenty-four years of my life? Maybe sometimes, but I’m still getting used to everything. It’s odd enough that I went to sleep as a young human girl, let alone a pony.

I crick my neck, before getting out of bad and shaking my head.

Looking around my room... you wouldn’t think it belonged to a Chaos-Empowered pony.

It’s larger than a normal pony’s bedroom would be, but that so I can go human or anthro, or even pony-human if I want to.

Anyway, the room is pretty basic right (at least thinking of Filthy Rich's family) now, a very expensive-looking bed with a plush mattress, a desk with a vanity mirror, some draws and a closet for clothing, nothing really special. I hadn't really wanted to do any redecorating yesterday. Everything was still a bit too overwhelming, so, aside from changing the size and height of the room, I haven't done much with it yet.

I’m honestly looking forward to my first real day in Equestria. I’m not real counting yesterday, since it was a bit of a hubbub.

A firm knock on the door causes me to be pulled from my train of thought and I wave goodbye to the thought passengers on there as I go.

I frown, walking over and pulling the door open.

The mare I’d rather shove burning hot forks into my eyes than see is standing on the other side, her surgically upturned nose making me wanna give her an uppercut to it.

Her eyes widen as she stares up at me with fear. “Wh-wha...?” she asks, her mouth hanging open.

I can’t help but smirk. “Oh, right. You wouldn’t know a human if they stood in front of you nude.” Which I am, by the way. Didn’t see a reason to give myself clothes too, not with what I’d been doing with myself last night... and would be doing other nights, too. “I’ll fix that.” I shift back to pony form, returning to being smaller than the mare in front of me. “Better?”

She blinks, before her expression becomes the only one I can really imagine she has on a regular basis, snobby bitch, I like to call it. “Well, now that you’re up, you will learn the rules of how things work around here.”

“Yeah, sorry,” I say, making Screwball’s trademark beanie with a propeller appear before settling it on my head. “Princess of Chaos. Don’t really pay attention to rules, so buh-bye.”

I move past her and start walking.

“What is that... thing on your head?” her voice demands at me.

I stop, turning around to look at her, giving a slightly bored look. “Um... a beanie? You do know what that is, right, Spoiled? Or do you need a foal to explain that to you?”

Her expression becomes a scowl... so, not really any different from her usual look. “I do know what a beanie is, you little abomination to ponykind. Why are you wearing it?!”

I glance up at the beanie, then close my eyes and shrug. “Uh, cos I wanna?”

“Well, you will certainly not being wearing that out of or inside this house,” she says in a tone that clearly means it is not negotiable. Yeah, like that’s gonna change my mind. “If I must deal with you being seen and associated with me, I will not have ponies thinking a foal I gave birth to enjoys wearing such... common attire.”

I snort. “Oh? What, are you gonna force me to wear a tiara like you do Diamond? Good luck with that, Spoiled.”

She snorts. “You will address me as Mother or Ma’am. Are we clear?”

I chuckle, putting a hoof to my chin in mock thought. “Lemme think about that. Um... nope.” And I turn to leave.

“Get back here, this instant, or you’re grounded!”

“Like to see how you’d enforce it,” I call back, my sneer oozing into my voice. “You can’t make me follow you blindly, Spoiled.”

“You’ll get no allowance for a year! And you will address me as Mother or MA’AM!”

I make a bag of bits appear, floating next to my head. “Try again.”

“I’ll get Princess Celestia to have you turned to stone!”

I stop.

I don’t turn around for a long moment.

I hear her snicker. “That got your attention, didn’t it, you chaotic beast?” she says, her tone thick with superiority. “Now, you’ll follow my orders to the letter and do exactly as your told or else you can join that other chaotic monster in the Canterlot Gardens, where you really belong.”


“Hmm?” she sounds annoyed. She should be scared. My voice had barely been a whisper and my tone was cold as ice.

I slowly turn to glance over my shoulder. “You’d seriously... have the princess of Equestria... turn a foal, innocent of any crimes... to stone, just because she wouldn’t follow your orders blindly and without question?”

There’s a flash and I’m suddenly floating eye level with Spoiled, my eyes narrowed and filled with hate.

“You’d condem a child to an eternity in stone, just because you couldn’t control her?! Are you seriously that heartless of a cow, Spoiled Rich?!”

She tries to back away, but, like the dumbass bitch she is, is already standing against the wall, thus has nowhere to go.

I feel cruel, though I personally think it is righteous, glee as I see the fear in her eyes.

How could she even think that? I’m her fucking daughter?! She gave this body life, technically speaking, even if it woke up in a comma and she just said she didn’t care if her own flesh and blood was turned to stone, just because they didn’t obey her rules?!

After several long minutes of letting her stew in fear as I glare into her eyes, I pull back and turn away.

“Y-you can’t talk to me that way!” she yells after me, though I can still hear the fear in her voice fighting her anger. “I’m your mother and you will show me respect.”

Glancing over my shoulder, I gave her a cold glare. “I'll give you all the respect you deserve. You have no right to call yourself my mother, Spoiled Bitch. And, from your words, I can tell you never will.”

With that, I return to looking ahead and walk down the stairs, not feeling in the mood to float. I need to do something fun to take my mind of the bitch that I’m now biologically related to. Wonder what I could do.

Author's Note:


Next chapter is still the same day and Screwy will meet a certain pink mare.

Well, i honestly wanted to write more, but i don't think i should, since it's already past 2pm here and i'll have to get off soon and i can't use the computer to write tommorow.

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and, til next time, later everypony.\

PS. Did you really think a human that turns into screwball WASN'T going to have THAT kind of fun with herself?

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