• Published 30th Dec 2015
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It's A Screwed Up Life - Autum Breeze



Life can become very confusing when you go from working in a factory to waking up as a pony with Choas Magic. Wait. Did I say confusing? I meant FUN!

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Kicking Plot holes in the Plot hole

Quick not: You will need to have seen Madeline and the New House to understand part of this chapter

Kicking Plot holes in the Plot hole

___________________________________________________________

“Yo, Diamond. What up?”

The pink skinned girl in question looks up to see me leaning on a tree branch, grinning.

“Screwball!” she calls excitedly, waving.

I walk down through the air as if down a set of stairs and meet her, giving her a hug.

“What’s going on, my sister from another mother?” I ask, lightly punching her in the shoulder.

Diamond holds up a small bag filled with colouring books. “I’m on my way to see Lilac. You wanna join?”

I smirk, flicking my nose with my thumb. “Why not? Wasn’t much going on in my world anyway, and any excuse to meet with my inter dimensional sisters, right?”

Diamond chuckles and we both walk down the street in the direction of the hospital.

“So, how much longer do you think before they let Lilac out of the hospital?” I ask as we pause before crossing the road.

Diamond smiles. “If all goes well, by the end of the year.”

I grin back, my hands behind my head. “Sweet. So... how’re thing going at CHS, ya know, with Sunset Shimmer an’ all?”

At once a look passes over her face and she looks away. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

I lower my arms, my expression becoming firm, yet understanding. “Diamond, I know it’s hard to forgive her for the last three and a bit years for all she’s done, believe me, I know. But, if you and the rest of the students keep shutting her out and holding everything she did over her, none of you will ever move on. You of all people should know how it feels.”

That makes her expression sag a bit and she refuses to meet my eyes. “You talking about him?”

I shake my head, my expression becoming firmer. “No, Diamond. I was referring to how you treated everyone because it’s how he made you act. It took a bit of time, but everyone forgave you in the end, right?”

“Only because Sunset was worse,” she mutters.

I shake my head. “That’s beside the point. You know how it feels to have everyone ostracizing you for your past mistakes. Well, Sunset’s mistakes were far larger and more soul shattering than yours ever could be. She let her anger and desire for power blind her to the truth, which is why the crown turned her into that demon. Then, once the Elements took that all away, she saw for the first time just what she’d done. Remember, it was her past in Equestria as well as here that has since haunted her. How would you feel if everything you thought of was shattered right before your eyes and then everyone treated you as a social pariah when you were just trying to make amends?”

Diamond remains quiet for a while, until we turn onto another block and the hospital comes in sight. “I’ll... I’ll try, Screwy.”

I gave a soft smile. “That’s all I ask.” Then I grin again and slap her on the back. “So, hows about we talk about lighter topics. What’s your mom up to? I notice she’s not coming, or is she already at the hospital?”

Diamond recovers from my throwing off her momentum, before shaking her head. “Nah. She’s been busy for a while. She had to talk with Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna about the cost of the damages caused at the Fall Formal, not to mention she’s been figuring out the budget for the Friendship Games this year. She says they’re going to be something the games have never seen.”

I can’t help snickering. “Oh, you have no idea.”

She glances to me, confused. “Wait. Do you know what’s going to happen?”

I smirk and put a finger to my lips. “Let’s just say I do, but, being a being of chaos, I’m not really allowed to say anything. Risk to the timeline and all that.”

She pouts, before looking away. “So you won’t tell me if we finally beat Crystal Prep for once?”

I shake my head, putting a hand on her shoulder as we walk through the sliding doors and head towards Lilac’s room. “Sorry, sis, but no dice. I will say though that Cinch will get what’s coming to her.”

Diamond looks to me in confusion. “Huh?”

I somehow manage to scowl and smirk at the same time as I look away. “Let’s just say, if Daddy dearest ever decides to marry again, he and Cinch would be perfect for each other.”

“That makes me nervous,” Diamond says as we stop outside Lilac’s room.

I smile and slap her on the back. “Don’t worry. I got those two covered.”

We enter to find Lilac lying in bed, watching her room’s TV.

As Diamond goes over and hugs her, I glance at the TV, wondering what’s on. To my surprise, it’s a show from my own childhood, back as a normal human; Madeline, the cartoon show based on the books by Ludwig Bemelmans and adapted for TV. The episode currently playing seems to be Madeline and the New House. It’s the scene where the main characters’ new neighbours are storming off after, for some dumb reason, the woman of the two neighbours thinks and almond on top of what I think is carrot cake is a flee.

I frown as I watch it play out. Something about that scene and the one after it always bugged me as a kid (the first time around kid, that is), but I could never understand what it was that bugged me so much.

After the door closes in the show I realize one thing that bugged me was timing. As a quick experiment, I make a stopwatch appear in my right hand and time until the neighbours return. When they do it’s been just over thirty seconds. Even taking show time into account... Oh, those rotten...

“Hey, girls?” I say, causing Diamond and Lilac to pause in the latter’s examination of the colouring books. “I’ll be right back. Gotta kick and plot hole in... well, I guess the plot hole.”

Before either of them game respond, I snap my fingers and teleport away.

___________________________________________________________

Miss Clavel and the little girls all dismayed after the door was closed by their two nasty neighbours.

“Don’t let their bolstering mislead you all.”

All of them jumped, turning around and being met with a most unusual sight. Standing on the railings of their apartment was a teenager with long, messy-curly purple and white hair and eyes that somehow had purple spirals for pupils. She was wearing a pink tank-top with a baseball and a screw on the front, a dark-purple skirt that was very short, pink and purple striped tights and purple shoes, a pink glove that reached to above her elbow and had no finger slots on the left, along with a purple rounded bracelet and the same but with the opposite colour scheme on her right.

It took a moment for them all to recover from the oddity of someone just standing on the railings, before Miss Clavel realized the danger the child was in.

“Young girl, get away from there!” she called out in fright, hurrying over, but the girl just hopped down, doing a somersault before landing on her feet.

Miss Clavel let out a sigh of relief, before opening her eyes and seeing the girl was gone.

“Not a bad place, really,” she turned around, as did the girls, to find the mystery girl was lying on the couch, scratching Genève behind the ear, which the brown dog was highly enjoying. “At least, it would be if you didn’t have to fit twelve little girls, yourself, your cook and dog all in here at once. Really gotta wonder what Cookuface was thinking when he suggested this arrangement.”

It took several moments before they all were able to shake off the oddness, Madeline stepping towards the girl, a puzzled frown on her face. “Who are you?”

The girl stopped scratching behind the dog’s ear and sat up, putting a finger to her chin, as if in thought. “Huh. not really sure if I should use my name here, outer dimensional beings watching and all that jazz,” she said, waving a hand. “Let’s just call me your Chaos Godmother for now, huh? Adds more mystery, ya know?”

Looks of confusion were exchanged.

“Shall we just call you Chaos?” Nicole asked, putting up a hand.

A shrug was her answer. “Now, onto the matter at hand...” the girl got an oddly wistful look on her face. “Ah, to say that without having to pony pun it. The joys of inter-dimensional travel to worlds with humans.” Shaking her head and leaving them all with that weird sentence to try figuring out, she snapped her fingers and, suddenly, the petition given to Miss Clavel by their neighbours was just in her hand. “This is a lot of tripe.”

The gathered girls all glanced at each other, not sure what to make of what she’d just said.

“S’ppose it would help if we had the culprits present,” Chaos shrugged, snapping her fingers again and, to the shock of everyone present, their two neighbours suddenly appeared, hanging upside down on the wall by the door leading outside.

“Wh-what in zee world?” the moustached man asked, looking around in confusion and shock.

Chaos seemed to bounce off the couch, landing perfectly in front of the down upturned people. However, now she was wearing a scowl and, for reasons neither the girls, Genève or Miss Clavel could understand why, the look sent chills down their spines.

She held the petition up to the seemingly bound people, her teeth bared. “How dare you lie just because you can’t handle having a few children around for a while, you heartless jerks!”

“Heartless?” the woman asked, glaring at Chaos, yet with fear in her eyes. “We only wished to keep our home peaceful and quiet.”

“That’s the biggest load of cow patties I’ve heard in my life!” Chaos shouted, before standing up and rubbing two fingers to her temple. “You have no idea how hard it is to censor myself in front of these impressionable young girls when dealing with filth like you.”

Before they could respond, the strange girl continued.

“You were gone for maybe thirty seconds, maximum! There’s no way on God's Green Earth that you could’ve gotten all those signatures within that time. Especially not when your reason for such a petition is cruelty to children! You might have found a few jerks like yourselves to sign it, but I have HIGH doubts that every single person in this building would sign something like that without at least getting to know these children and, as you so described dear sweet Genève, this dangerous menace first. The only way so many signatures could’ve been put on that paper in such a short time is if you made them all yourselves.”

With a flick of her wrist, the paper was gone.

“I just sent that fake petition to the police, along with a note describing how you two treated Miss Clavel and these wonderful girls without provocation. They’ll be coming to your homes later. And you,” she whirled her attention specifically on the woman, who flinched, before the cake she’s refused somehow floated over and Chaos grabbed it in one hand, before pulling the almond off the cake and holding it right up to the bound woman’s face. “Does this look like a flee to you, you miserable cow?! No? That’s because it’s an almond you stupid miserable cow!”

“And you, you fat jerk,” Chaos rounded on the man, her nostrils flaring. “You treat Genève like a mindless beast, but she saved Madeline’s life and even the mayor of Paris honoured her for heroism some time later for more acts of heroism in which she saved around a dozen drowning pure bred dogs. What have you done in your life that makes you more special than her?! I’ll tell you what, NOTHING!”

For several moments, Chaos stood there, breathing heavily, whilst everyone waited, tense, unsure what would happen next.

After a while, Chaos seemed to calm down, a blank look on her face as she looked at the town nasty neighbours. “Now that I’ve chewed you out and outlined your stupidity and cruelty, as well as put the police on your trail, I’ll send you back to your lonely, bitter lives.”

She snapped her fingers and both of them were gone.

There was silence for several long moments, before Madeline decided to ask, “Um, not that we do not appreciate your help, Chaos, but... how did you know all of that?”

The girl turned, giving Madeline a kind smile. “Let’s just say I’m no normal girl. Plus, it’s not like things that seem impossible, like say, a magic carpet, have never happened before, right?” She gave Madeline a wink as the smallest girl gasped. “Oh, and, just so you all know, this means you’ll be counted as witnesses to their actions. Don’t worry, though, you’ll be in the clear. Oh, and you should be getting a letter from Pepito right about... now.”

As soon as the word left her lips, there was another knock at the door. Opening it, Miss Clavel was given a post card, before the postman left.

Reading it, she moaned, “Oh no,” before handing it over to Madeline.

“It is from Pepito,” Madeline said, beginning to read as the asked what it said, before gasping and crying out, “They’re tearling down our old house!”

The girls all gasped.

“And I’ll help with that too,” they all turned to Chaos, who was smirking. “I’ll send you all back right now, along with Cooku himself, giving him the info dump straight into his head. Would certainly explain how it happened in the episode. Also, sorry, but none of you will remember me. It’ll be better for you that way, with how those two jerks will be claiming a girl was magically holding them up against the wall of this place. Can't let anyone watching know either. Would bring up too many questions. You might spot me hanging around Paris every so often though.”

And with the sound of her fingers snapping, the world turned to white.

___________________________________________________________

I pop out of the Madeline cartoon’s universe, reappearing in the hospital room, only to find Diamond is staring at me open mouthed.

“What?” I ask, glancing from her to Lilac, the latter of whom’s giving me a big smile.

“Screwball teach nasty neighbours!” she cheers, before clapping.

I blink, before turning to the TV, then back to them. “Wait, you both saw me do that?”

Diamond nods, lookign confused. “But, why does it feel like I shouldn’t know that, but I do?”

I frown, putting hand to my chin in thought. “Hmm. Guess I subconsciously wanted you two to remember it, so whilst what I did will make sure no one else notices me meddling in that episode, you still did. Then again, maybe no one ever questions the timing because of what I did?”

After a few moments, I shrug.

“Eh, whatever. Let’s have some fun, huh?”

Lilac cheers and Diamond, though she has an expression that says she wishes we’d talk more about this, but agrees and we sit around and talk with Lilac as my double enjoys the new colouring books.

___________________________________________________________

I pop back into Equestria several hours later, finding myself above what I take a moment to realize is that temple from the episode Daring Don’t.

I groan, facehoofing. Great. So that’s happening now, huh? And it’s really canon? Dammit.

Sighing, I float down and notice Twilight and the others keeping the weird tribe ponies at bay by playing Keep Away with the final ring needed, whilst Dash is helping Daring Do lift the last ring up on the pedestal.

“STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER” shouts a loud voice and I turn, giving a deadpan to Ahuizotl, who pauses as I’m in his way, his expression becoming confused.

“Ug,” I groan, before holding a hoof up, a sphere of red energy glowing around it.

“Oh no,” the beast replies pathetically, before a huge explosion blinds everypony around. When it clears, old Ahu is lying unconscious, a stupid expression in his face and his tongue hanging out.

With silence ringing all around, I turn and look, still wearing my deadpan, at Dash and Daring. “Hurry up and remove that last ring, will ya?”

Dash and Daring glance at each other, before doing so, Dash calling out that everypony needs to get out before the place comes crashing down around us.

Knowing that, somehow, Ahu and the tribe ponies survive the place falling on top of them, I follow the others out.

After the dust clears, I nod to the others, teleporting away just as I hear Ahu shouting, “Daring Do, I will have my revenge!” and facehoofing at how lame it sounds. Also, thanks for completely forgeting about the filly that busted your ass, Ahu. Jerk.

___________________________________________________________

“So, what did you do today?” Diamond asks as I pass by her room, heading towards my own, having teleported here right after visiting Sugar Cube Corner in the Equestria Girls’ world. It’s strange, but human Pound and Pumpkin aren’t nearly as cute as their pony counterparts.

“Eh, not much,” I shrug. “Just went into an alternate dimension to speak with another version of me, hope into a fictional story to deal with two cruel assholes who were treating a bunch of kids like trash, then came back to Equestria and helped the Element Bearers beat a stupid monster from a story book series in our universe that it turns out is real.”

“So, nothing out of the ordinary then, huh?” she smirks.

I smirk back. “Nope, nothing.”

We nod and I head into my room, closing the door behind me. I nod to Randolph, who leaving, a tray with several sandwiches and a glass filled with a chocolate and caramel brownie thick-shake left on my dresser.

Author's Note:

If it isn't obvious, yes, the was a nod to the Madeline TV show episode Madeline and the New House.

and, yes, i made it because i recently realized that huge plothole that, even when you take show running time into account, still makes no sense. There is literally no way those two jerks could've gotten so many signatures that fast and without everyone else in the building at least investigating to see if their claims about the girls being so noisy and Genève was really such a dangerous menace to be true, because they all would've found them false, with the girls being polite and Genève being quite the kind and smart dog.


Dunno when the next chapter will be, or when in season 4 it'll be. But i'll be working on some other stuff next, including one i've pretty much just been challenged to write another chapter for after the 1 of the commenters declared it officially dead.

Hint: It's main characters are two Alicorns.


Anyway... hope this was okay and that any Madeline fans got a kick out of Screwball giving those two the third degree.

Til next time, later everypony

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