• Published 30th Dec 2015
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It's A Screwed Up Life - Autum Breeze



Life can become very confusing when you go from working in a factory to waking up as a pony with Choas Magic. Wait. Did I say confusing? I meant FUN!

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Wow. Turns out Nightmare Moon is Really Stupid

Wow. Turns out Nightmare Moon is Really Stupid

___________________________________________________________

The portal drops us down, myself holding Spike in my magic, Twilight at once raises a shield, blocking Starlight’s Crystal Encasement spell.

I open my mouth to try and talk some sense into Starlight, but suddenly Twilight leaps into the air with such force it pushes Spike and I back.

The suddenness off it throws me off a bit... off the clouds, that is.

It takes a few moments for me to realize Twilight accidentally knocked me off the clouds and that I’m now falling.

I right myself in the air quickly, before noticing the sound of Spike’s screaming.

Glancing down, I see he’s falling too.

I facehoof, before rolling my eyes and teleport him up to where I’m floating, keeping him aloft with my magic.

“So much for the plan,” Spike shrugs, looking up. I follow his gaze to see Starlight and Twilight having a big magic laser battle. “Guess I can’t blame her. She really doesn’t want us to have to go to anymore alternate timelines.”

I’m about to answer him, before I notice something. Something that could be a big problem if we want to keep the timeline going.

Sure, Twilight’s keeping Starlight occupied from stopping the race, in any way, with the battle the two are having, but that battle could also be a problem.

Lots of foals are already noticing the fight and watching, cheering as they gather to see how it goes.

I guess I can’t blame them, if I were like them, with no concept of the risks to the timeline or show and I saw a unicorn duking it out with an Alicorn, I’d be pretty interested to— oh crap!

I look to Twilight and feel myself panicking. Twilight’s an Alicorn and everypony is seeing it! This could screw things up really badly, even if the race isn’t stopped!

“Anypony got any popcorn?”

I absentmindedly poof up a box of popcorn and toss it in the direction of the voice, not really paying attention.

As Twilight and Starlight start looking tired (though, despite her being an Alicorn while Starlight’s just a unicorn, I can understand it with the amount of times Twilight’s cast the time travel spell in short amounts of time, following whatever we were doing in the other timelines), I hear a voice shout “Whoa!”

It’s the same voice from before and as I turn to see just who it was, my heart leaps into my chest as I suddenly realize the voice sounds familiar and upon seeing who it belonged to, start to panic.

Dash is sitting next to the two bullies on one of the clouds, the box of popcorn I’d poofed up held in her hooves.

Twilight teleports over, looking as worried as I feel as I hurry over to join her with Spike. “What are you doing? You have to finish your race!”

Rainbow Dash just waves a hoof. “No way! This is way more exciting!”

“See?” we glance behind us as Starlight walks towards us. “You can’t stop me no matter what you do.”

I glare, but the portal opens up and pulls us in before I get even get a word in.

___________________________________________________________

The portal dumps us onto the Map in the new timeline and I get the same headache I’ve gotten the last two times I’ve ended up in an alternate timeline, alongside the pain of being dump a lot more forcefully than last time onto the Map, so hard we all bounce right off it and hit the ground.

“That’s strange,” Spike says, sounding confused.

“Well, you obviously don’t mean us falling,” Twilight says as I shake my head to clear the headache enough to think clearly, “because that’s becoming pretty routine.”

Spike shakes his head. “No, it’s just the other times we’ve come back, it’s been day! But look!”

I follow his pointed claw and notice it’s night time. I can’t see the moon due to all of the trees. Are we in the Everfree Forest again? Why? What did the changes in the past do to lead to another Changeling timeline?

“Why would the Map bring us back to a different time of day than when we left?” Twilight asks, looking up in contemplation.

“Um, maybe we should figure it out later,” Spike says after the sound of leafs shuffling and twigs snapping.

Glancing behind us, a pair of Timberwolves have come out, from nearby, one leaping up onto the Map.

The others back away in fear, while I just give a deadpan stare.

One of them sniffs the air, before they both turn to us. Since I’m closest, they leap at me.

“Ah, buzz off, ya wooden Chihuahuas,” I say in a bored tone.

The two collide with me, only to tumble off of me and flop to the ground. They pause for a moment, shaking their heads and blinking, before looking up at me as I tower over them.

We just stare at each other for a few moments.

“Boo,” I say flatly, causing them to yelp and hightail it away from us, whimpering as they go.

“Huh,” Spike says as he and Twilight join me. “Didn’t expect that.”

“So, new timeline,” I say, looking around, frowning. “We’re in a forest again, Everfree, I’m pretty sure. Think it’s another Changeling timeline?” I look to Twilight as I finish.

She frowns, glancing around. “I hope not. I don’t want to have to go through with Shining Armour and Cadance what we did last time.”

Yeah. I wouldn’t be surprised if Twilight arranges some family time to spend with those two back in our own timeline once this is all over and done with.

“Well, whatever the timeline, let’s explore,” Spike says, hurrying off into the forest. “Can’t fix what’s wrong if we don’t know it first.”

I facehoof and the two of us hurry to catch up with him, myself foregoing walking and just floating through the air.

We have no idea where we’re going, so we’re understandably confused when we come out into a clear to find a stone bridge leading to a large castle with a bit of a night theme to it.

“Um, we are still in the Everfree, right?” Spike asks, glancing between the two of us. “I don’t remember this fancy-looking castle being here.”

Me neither. Glancing around, I notice something off. I can feel the Tree of Harmony’s power, it’s magic is still there, if faint. I can’t sense anything to do with the Plunder Vines, though.

This is weird.

“Wait,” I look to the castle, then the cave where the Tree of Harmony is, before looking to the castle again, then Twilight and Spike. “If the Tree of Harmony is there, shouldn’t the Castle of the Two Sisters be where that castle is?” I point ahead of us.

Twilight frowns. “That is weird.”

A howling from off in the distance sounds and Spike scurries across the bridge towards the castle, shouting “Well, don’t just stand here!”

“You know I can handle the Timberwolves, right?” I groan, before we follow after him.

We get to the door, myself opening it with my magic and we get in, Spike and Twilight quickly pushing it closed, to which I just roll my eyes.

Turning to look around the castle hall, I notice it’s in much better condition than it should be and the walls all have a very blue motif.

As we start looking around, heading towards where the throne room is, I notice the torches we pass lighting of their own accord, with blue flames.

Why am I suddenly getting a Maleficent vibe from this place?

Eh. Probably just my imagination.

“This place looks a lot cleaner than I remember,” Spike says as we ascend a set of stairs into the throne room, myself opting to walk for a bit

As we reach the top of the stairs I notice a night-themed tapestry lying on the floor, but it’s quickly caught up in a familiar blue aura and lifted onto the wall as a certain alabaster mare comes into view and... Yeesh! What is Rarity wearing? That black suit or whatever it is really doesn’t look all that good on her. Though, that could just be because it’s combined with her having put her tail and mane in a bun.

That is not a very good look for her.

Rarity takes notice of us, giving us a look that reminds me of the nobles from Canterlot. This cannot be good. “The castle isn’t open for viewings today. The tapestries all need changing.” She looks away with an annoyed expression. “Again.”

Wait, viewings? What?

Spike hurries over to his, his face filled with joy. “Rarity, it’s me!”

The look Rarity gives Spike... actually hurts me. “I don’t socialize with dragons,” she says the last word like an insult, turning her head away as if in disgust. “I don’t know anypony who would.”

The look on Spike’s face causes me to want to hurt Rarity for a moment. Friend Zone 2.0.

“Rarity,” Twilight says, hopping over Spike as I try to comfort him, “you have to listen to me! The future of Equestria’s at stake!”

Rarity gives the mare now in front of her a disinterested look. “I don’t know how you know my name, but I am far too busy to entertain some tourist’s ridiculous fantasies.”

I frown. “Tourist? Do you have whatever stick you’ve got shoved up your ass so high up there you’ve gone blind?”

She gives me an annoyed frown.

I just give her a deadpan stare back, grabbing one of Twilight’s wings and hold it out.

We stand there for several moments, Rarity looking over Twilight, before her eyes widen in shock and confusion, before she goes into a deep bow.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, Your Highness,” she says, keeping her head down. “I didn’t know the princess had another relative.”

I cock an eyebrow. Relative of the princess? I mean, okay, I can kinda see where she’s coming from, but something about the way she said it feels... off.

“P-please, forgive me, Your Highness,” she says, her voice a mixture of fear and uncertainty. “B-but, I fear I must beg your forgiveness, Your Highness. I am unable to recall your name. Are you a cousin to Princess Cadance in some way?”

Okay, so Cadance still has the title of princess. Good to know that wasn’t screwed with in some way. Then again, how would it have been, when she was a princess before Twilight got her Cutie Mark?

Uh. All these alternate timelines of the real timeline are doing my head in.

“Now that I have your attention,” Twilight says firmly, “I have to get back to the Map so I can stop Starlight from changing the past, because every present I come to is worse than the last!”

Huh. Twilight just rhymed. Is that some kind of back effect from having been around the alternate timeline Zecora for as long as we were?

Also, really smart there, Sparklebutt. Like this version of Rarity will have any idea what you mean when you mention the Map or Starlight. Not to mention you just ignored Rarity’s query as to your name. Then there’ the fact you didn't even need to tell her that in the first place.

Seriously, did somepony hit Twilight with the idiot stick before this whole time travel mess started?

“Time travel, you say?” another voice says from behind us, making me jump.

We whirl around and I realize something I’d somehow been oblivious to when we first got here, likely due to Rarity taking all my attention.

There’s somepony sitting on a single throne shrouded in semi-darkness.

Quickly glancing around, I notice something about all the tapestries and even some of the windows I’d failed to see before. They’re all night-themed and several are depicting a certain black mare.

As we look back to the throne, the pony sitting there slowly leans forward, revealing the Mare in the Moon herself, Nightmare Moon. “Now that’s something I would like to see.”

So, just to clarify, we’re in a timeline where Nightmare somehow beat Celestia, the Plunder Vines seem to be under control, though the forest is clearly a lot thicker than it should be and we literally just informed her that we have the means to travel through time.

Well, we’re fucked.

Nightmare Moon laughs as several ponies wearing what I assume is armour, with bat-like designs, step into the room and stand in front of her, before surrounding the three of us.

Nightmare lifts into the air and lands before us. “Tell me how you came by this magic to travel through time.”

I stare her down. Um, so Rarity notices Twi’s an Alicorn, yet none of these ponies do? Stupid Manehatten Syndrome.

Wait, this is an alternate timeline, so how does that...? Gah! Starlight’s time travel sucks ass!

“The princess asked you a question!” one of the guards says angrily in a very familiar voice. I glance at her, only for my jaw to drop as she removes her helmet, revealing Rainbow Dash with a flat hair cut. “And unless you wanna end up in the dungeon, you’ll tell her what she wants to know!”

I blink, before snarling. “Okay, first of all, no, she didn’t ask us anything! She demanded it! Big difference! Second, what the hell, Dash! So much for being the most loyal pony! You turned you back on Celestia to serve this,” I point at Nightmare, “self-centred jerk of a princess?!”

Dash and the other guards all glare at me.

“How dare you question my loyalty to the princess!” Dash snarls at me, getting right in my face. “Once I saw how wrong we all were and how Celestia lied to her subjects for all the centuries Princess Nightmare Moon was locked away, I knew who deserved my loyalty. The real royalty of this kingdom.”

“Thanks, that brings me to the third thing I wanted to point out,” I say, grabbing Twilight’s other wing this time and holding it out. “Are all of you blind or do you just not see other Alicorns when Nightmare’s around? Does Cadance not count as royalty or something? Rarity seemed to think she does, so what the hell?!”

They all stare, before shocked expressions come over their faces, all the guards looking to the black Alicorn for answers.

She provides none, however, as she too seems to have only just now realized Twilight is an Alicorn and seems quite taken aback and the revelations.

“What? How? You... you were never,” she glares at Twilight. “How did you manage this? You were not born an Alicorn! I have seen your dreams!”

I blink, before it clicks.

Oh, that explains Dash’s misplaced loyalty. Luna’s magic in the Dream Realm allows her to shift the thoughts of ponies ever so slightly to ensure they have the right outcomes in their dreams and learn from them. In a way, it’s like very subtle mind altering, but on a much, much, much smaller scale and, since Luna isn’t one to manipulate others, no harm can come from it.

With Nightmare in control of such a power, however...? Yeah, I can see how that would go.

“Never mind,” Nightmare says firmly, though looking annoyed. “You shall tell me later. For now, you will tell me about this Time Magic of yours. Nopony in my kingdom but me should possess a magic powerful enough to change time.”

Wow. Ego much?

Your kingdom?” Spike asks from behind Twilight’s legs.

Nightmare stares firmly at him. “Who else?”

Spike smiles uncertainly. “Um... Celestia, of course!”

Dash and the other guards all give each other worried glances. Guess like when Scar took over from Mufasa and forbid anyone from speaking Mufasa’s name, the same is here? Wow. It’s even a sibling thing too. Weird coinkydink.

Instead of getting angry like Scar would’ve though, Nightmare just laughs... and loses all intimidating factors for me.

How are you meant to be scared of a villain when their evil laughs just get goofier and goofier?

“My sister has been imprisoned in the moon for years!” Nightmare says, indicating to the window, where we can see the moon with a silhouette like the Mare in the Moon, only with a large blotch of pink which I guess would be Celestia’s mane. “But it is no less a fate than she’d sentence me to!”

I’m about to correct her, as the situations are VASTLY different, since Celestia had no choice and Nightmare likely just did it for revenge, when something else about that catches up with me.

I just stand there for several moments as Nightmare and Twilight talk about something, I don’t pay attention.

A slow smile creeps onto my face, before I start giggling. It starts off softly, then gets louder and louder, until I’m holding my sides, guffawing with hysterical laughter.

“And just what is so funny?” I struggle through my laughter to see Nightmare giving me a very stern glare.

“Y-y-you’re so stupid!” I cackle, before falling to my sides laughing like a looney.

Everypony just stares at me, the guards, Twilight and Spike in shock, Nightmare in a mix of anger and confusion.

“And just why am I, as you put it, so stupid?” she asks flatly.

It takes a few seconds for me to get my laughter under control. Once I do, I take a few deep breaths, before grinning at her. “Word of advice. Never blab the location of where you locked away your enemy around a Being of Chaos.”

Before any of them can respond, I pop away, only to return a second later. Only this time, I’ve brought company.

Standing next to me is an alabaster Alicorn with a flowing multi-coloured mane and tail and sun for a Cutie Mark.

Everypony’s eyes widen, the jaws of all save Twilight and Spike hanging wide open, completely dumfounded.

“Oh, and before you try anything funny, Nightie-Poo,” I smirk, taking on my anthro form and snapping my fingers.

There’s a blinding white flash and Nightmare gets tossed backwards.

When the light fades, where Nightmare was standing before, Luna, looking like she did back in episode two of the first season, is laying on the floor.

Nightmare, however, is not gone. Standing up from where she fell, she stares in shock, bewilderment and fear at Luna, before her body starts to warp until Nightmare Moon looks like a ghostly shadow.

“What is the meaning on this?” the shadow demands, looking from Luna to myself. “Who or what are you?!”

Oh, I can’t resist. “Why, isn’t it obvious, Nightie-Poo?” I say in a much different voice, one that causes Nightmare’s transparent eyes to widen in horror, before my body shifts, taking on a more mismatched shape.

Standing before her, I now have the appearance of Discord. “And here I thought you were smarter than that.”

Celestia is staring at me in bewilderment and utter confusion. “Discord? What...? How did you escape...? Why did you free me if...?”

I wave a hand (literally, I take off my lion’s paw and wave it) at the white Alicorn, before smirking at Nightmare as I reattach my appendage. “Later, KK. For now, we’ve a certain Nightmare to handle, do we not?”

I look to the shadowy form of Nightmare and smirk as she gets into a defensive stance. “I will not let you defeat me, Discord, you pathetic patchwork! If you want to kill me, it won’t be easy.”

I fold my arms, giving her a combination of mock offense and amusement. “Now, really, Nightie, what kind of a creature do you take me for. Death?” I wave a paw, making a disgusted sound. “So dull. No chaos at all to be had in death. Life, on the other hand,” my smirk returns, “well, that’s full of all sorts of surprises now, isn’t it? Enjoy the new lease.”

Before she can respond, I snap my lion paw. There’s a flash of light and suddenly, a wailing starts.

Everypony just stares as, where the shadowy form of Nightmare Moon had once been; there now lays a small black Alicorn foal with a purple mane and tail.

I frown. “Hmm. Didn’t mean to make her look like Nyx. Eh,” I shrug. “Guess it makes chaotic sense.”

“What in Equestria?!” Dash cries, turning to glare at me. “What did you do to our princess?!”

As she leaps up to attack me, I snap my now talon fingers again, a wave of orange light moving around from me in the same way a Rainboom spreads out.

As it washes over each of the ponies, they blink, staring as if in a daze.

I switch back to my anthro pony form, giggling at the confused look on Celestia’s face. “Nah. Don’t worry. DD’s still locked away in stone. Though, if you can find a mare named Fluttershy, she might be able to help you reform him.” A card appears, floating next to Celestia’s head. “Call me if he gets a little outta hand at any point, kay, KK? Me and my DD will be glad to help.”

Twilight frowns at me. “You could’ve gotten Celestia out of the moon and dealt with Nightmare this whole time?!”

I shrug. “Hey, I didn’t know KK was in the moon. Thank Princess Blabberpants for that. Speaking of which.” I teleport over to the wailing foal and pick her up in my arms.

At once she calms down, looking up at me with teary eyes filled with confusion.

I walk over to Luna, whom Celestia is helping up and kneel down, holding out the foal. “Luna, I know it wasn’t great and watching Nightmare do what she did even after returning from the moon must have been horrible for you, but, this isn’t Nightmare Moon anymore. This foal is the life she was, but given a blank slate. It won’t be easy, but I know you and Celestia can work things out and you can raise this filly to love the night just as much as you do.”

Luna looks from myself to the foal, who sees Luna and starts reaching out for her, smiling like any foal, while uncertainty clear on the blue Alicorn’s face.

“Don’t worry,” I stand back up a little, so the foal doesn’t feel like I’m taking her away from Luna. “Twi, Spike and I will stay a while; help you sort things out here first.”

“Yes,” Twilight nods, stepping towards the alternate version of her mentor, before giving me a look. “Though Screwball will be a lot less impulsive next time and actually give word what she plans.”

I shrug. “Hey, I saw what was happening and how simple it was to fix.” I roll my eyes. “Really, Lulu, I doubt you’d have needed to worry too much, even without our help. Nightmare was a total idiot.”

The foal responds with a raspberry, though whether it’s aimed at me in reaction to my insulting her former self, aimed at her former self, or her agreeing, I’ve no clue. It is adorable, though.

___________________________________________________________

“We cannot let Starlight do this again,” Twilight says as we walk through the slightly less thick forest towards the Map.

It’s been about a month since Nightmare was removed from the throne.

Ponies were uncertain if they’d awoken from a dream or not after I removed the mind-hold Nightmare had on them all. Unlike the other mind related spells I’ve dealt with, that one was thankfully very minor and messing with it didn’t cause any damage to anypony.

I was able to help weave a story to keep the populace from going after Luna, or her new foal. It was a pretty believable one, when you get down to it.

Nightmare was an entity that threatened the life of Luna’s unborn foal unless she gave it control of her body and she did, the Nightmare then erasing all knowledge of her back in the past. Now that Nightmare was gone, she and her foal were free again and she gave birth a short while after the Nightmare was beaten.

Dash and those guards who’d been present and of course Rarity, know the real story, but agreed to keep it quiet, for the princesses’ sake.

Now that Luna was looking the way she did a thousand plus years ago and some semblance of normal has returned, we’re heading back, despite Celestia’s offer that we were free to stay.

Oddly enough, it turns out this timeline’s version of Twi and her parents moved up to the Empire after Nightmare, reluctantly, gave it over to Cadance to rule, if under heavy supervision to ensure Cadance didn’t try anything against Nightmare.

“I hear that,” I say firmly as we hop up onto the Map. “I dunno what kind of future would come next, but it’d be nice if I don’t have to worry about that.”

Twilight nods and braces herself as she casts the spell. “We must stop her, before it’s too late.”

Author's Note:

And there's the Nightmareverse chapter done. Next, a chapter i've been eager to get to. Discord's timeline.

Let's just say Screwball will meet somepony there from her past she NEVER would've expected and gets a prize in the end.

I'll leave you all to guess what that means til next chapter.


As to when the next chapter will be out, that i'm a little unsure of.

With the long weekend here, i'm going to use that time to at least write one new chapter to a certain fic that falls into a catagory of fics with humans becoming something else in alternate equestrias.

Only hint i'll give to what it will be or where that update is going is this: Titans, GO!



Hope your enjoyed the last two chapters and, til next time, later everypony

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