• Published 30th Dec 2015
  • 27,076 Views, 2,508 Comments

It's A Screwed Up Life - Autum Breeze

Life can become very confusing when you go from working in a factory to waking up as a pony with Choas Magic. Wait. Did I say confusing? I meant FUN!

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Looking Back On the Past

Looking Back On the Past


Zecora keeps giving me an odd look as we just stand in the clearing.

I frown, rolling my eyes. “Okay, seriously, Zecora. Can we move it? I may have Chaos magic but I don’t wanna be out... here... after... dark...”

I facehoof. Oh, great. I’m Screwball. I only now just realize that means Discord is my dad. Great. Just great.

I sigh. Well, maybe if I find who he fucked to make me I can...

I shake my head.

Nope. Not even gonna question the logic of how he could knock up a mare, cause her go through eleven months of pregnancy, give birth and the foal grow to a young filly’s age within a matter of hours. We’re talking a being of chaos, here. Trying to work logic into this in any sense of the word will only result in a headache.

With it obvious Zecora isn’t going to simply take me to her hut I prepare a teleport, not questioning how I know how this shit works, since I’m Screwball and relying on Chaos Magic here.

“So, let’s go to your hut.” Zecora blinks and I use her train of thought, which, thanks to my talking about it, leads me straight to her house.

The world warps around us and we’re standing in the middle of her hut, right next to her cauldron, which is empty for the first time since I first saw her in season one.

She staggers, then looks around. “But... how did you know where to find my home? I never told you where I rest when in the forest I do not roam.”

I shrug. “Zecora, you’re dealing with a pony with Chaos Powers. Do you really wanna try explaining it all? Here’s an example: Would you wanna try figuring out Pinkie Pie?”

She visibly blanches. “I... think I’ll pass. Why did you bring us here, if I may ask?”

Again, not quite a rhyme, but I’ll let it slide.

“I need help figuring something out,” I say, my eyes scanning her cupboards. “I need to know who my pony mother is.”

She blinks, before frowning. “Your mother?”

I nod, before sighing. “I don’t wanna admit it, but there’s a strong chance Discord’s my biological dad now. So, I wanna know which mare he knocked up to have me. if I gotta live with somepony, it may as well be whomever shares my DNA.”

She stares at me for several moments, before her expression becomes that of the calm Zecora I know from the show.

“I think I have just the thing.” She walks over to a small cupboard and opens it.

I float into the air using my magic and look over her shoulder. Inside are two bottles. One I recognize as the potion she gives Twilight at the beginning of season four, but the other bottle’s reasoning eludes me.

It has a dragonish head design. Other than that, it looks just like the one Twilight is given. The liquid inside is blue.

Zecora turns around and doesn’t even flinch when she sees how close I am, holding out the bottle to me.

“I dare not use it myself, for the results would be tragic. It only responds to Chaos Magic.”

I frown. Seriously? She seriously just has this potion that needs Chaos Magic to work?

“You can turn this potion from blue to brown. Take a sip, and you will learn whom you were born from in this town.”

I look up, shaking my head. Well, it would have to be rhymed in some way, wouldn’t it?

I focus on the potion and see a small bit of a yellow glow move from my body into the potion, which fizzes, before turning brown.

Lifting it up with my magic I glance at the zebra, who nods.

Shrugging, I take a sip, before everything turns white.


When my eyesight returns, I look around. I’m in a hospital room.

“Congratulations,” I turn to see a slightly younger-looking Doctor Stable than I’ve seen in the show. “You’ve two twin fillies.”

Looking to where his looking... my expression deadpans. “Really? She’s my mother? Is this some kind of twisted joke that I know even Discord wouldn’t find funny, even before his reforming?!”

Laying in a bed just across from me is a pony with a pink coat and a mane a darker purple than my own. The surgically upturned nose makes it very easy to identify Spoiled Rich and she’s sleeping. Typical, her daughter is born as she sleeps through the happy moments of mother and daughter's first time together. Would explain why she treated Diamond like a project instead of her own flesh and blood in the show.

I sigh. Well, I guess it makes sense. Diamond and Screwball do share a colour palate and it’s not like the two would be the first twins the show ever had...

Wait a minute. Twins?

I look around and see a window.

Floating over I look outside. Everything looks normal.

I lean back, scratching my head. “Um, am I missing something here?”

The room warps and I suddenly find myself standing in what I can tell is the emergency ward for newborns. Ya see it enough on TV and you know the place.

I scowl as I see Spoiled Rich standing in front of a tub containing a foal that looks like either Diamond Tiara or myself, I can’t tell which.

“Will she ever wake?” Spoiled asks, her tone not sounding concerned, just bored.

“Um, well, Mrs Rich,” I turn at the sound of Doctor Stable voice to see him standing next to her, “your second daughter, Lilac... she... she won’t ever wake up.”

My eyes widen at that news, but Spoiled just looks disinterested. “You mean... she’s a still-birth?”

The stallion sighs, taking off his glasses and looking down. “Not quite. She’s alive, but...” he sighs again. “She will never wake up, Mrs Rich. She will always be asleep. She has Unresponsive Wakefulness Syndrome.”

Spoiled looks into the tub where the foal sleeps soundly, not looking any different than any other foal.

“Don’t tell my husband about this,” she says after some time. I frown at her tone. Again, it’s not one of concern, it’s one of annoyance. "Keep her alive if you must, my husband is so soft he’d probably become a ball of mush if she died. He’d be useless to me after that.”

“M-Mrs Rich?” Doctor Stable asks, his eyes widening a bit.

Spoiled turns, looking at him over her shoulder. “And keep this to yourself. If word ever got out that I gave birth to a foal that isn’t even able to wake on its own, I’d be a laughingstock.” She smirks as she walks away. “At least her older sister can be of use.”

I glare at Spoiled as she moves along down out the ward.

That... that bitch! She gets told one of her children will never wake up and she just brushes it off and tells the doctor never to mention it, to save her reputation?

As I glare after the stuck-up mare my eyes are blinded by a white light.


When I can see again, I’m back in Zecora’s home, though the wood beneath my hooves looks burnt.

“Did you see your family?” the zebra asks, though I can hear a hint of annoyance in her voice, most likely due to the burn marks I’d caused.

I frown, nodding. “But, still I don’t understand why I have Chaos Magic. Apparently, Discord isn’t my dad, Filthy Rich is and his stuck-up, full of herself wife is my mother... but I don’t know why I’m the way I am now.”

“Perhaps less far back, maybe today, holds the answers that you seek,” she says, holding the potion out to me. “Another sip of the potion will give you a peak.”

Shrugging, I take the potion in my magic and take another gulp.

The moment I do, light flashes before my eyes.


When my eyesight returns, I find I’m standing in a padded room. Looking around, I see only one other pony... and shiver at the sight of her.

It’s me... well, Screwball. No, Doctor Stable said my name is Lilac?

Whatever. Anyway, she’s just sitting against one of the padded walls, her eyes blank and vacant, a bit of drool dribbling down from her lips and down her chin.

I shudder again. This is what I was like before? What happened to make this Lilac the Screwball I saw back in part two of the season 2 premiere?

“Oh-ho-ho. This will work.” The voice is followed by a being comprised of a mishmash of creatures, causing me to frown. Discord. Just what is he doing in here?

As I watch, he levitates the unresponsive Lilac into the air and looks into her eyes.

“Hmm, you are quite the depressing sight, little pony,” he says, before a grin spreads across his lips. “How about we change that? I have always wanted a daughter to help me rule my realm of chaos.”

He clicks his talon as, as I watch, Lilac’s eyes change from blank into purple spirals and her Cutie Mark of a baseball and a screw appear on her flank. She blinks a few times, before laughing and start moving her hoof over her lips like I saw her doing when she flew passed the screen in the premiere.

Discord chortles. “Ah-ha-ha-ha! Welcome to the world, my little... Hmm. What’s your name?” He clicks his talon and a clipboard appears before him. He frowns as he looks down. “Lilac? Oh, no, no, no. That will never do.” He scratches his chin for a few moments, before glancing at her Cutie mark. A light bulb appears above his head, which lights up a second later. “I know. I’ll call you Screwball! What do you think, my little Screwy?”

The filly just continues to do what she was doing with her lips before.

Discord seems to take that as a “yes” because he folds his arms, nodding. “True, true. Warping those five was quite the amusing show. Now, have fun, my little Screwball,” he clicks his talons and she vanishes. “I’ve more chaos to sow.”

The room warps and I see I’m standing in Ponyville after Discord has warped it to his own image.

Looking around, I see him taunting the Element Bearers right before they blast him back into stone.

Smirking, I look around, only to see the past Screwball hovering in the air, looking in the direction of Discord and the Mane Six, a confused expression on her face.

Not too long after, Discord is turned back into stone and the Elements send a wave of rainbow light flying in mine and the past Screwball’s direction.

I turn my head as she gets slammed by the wave of the Elements’ power and is hurtled into the Everfree, myself following her due to her clearly being the point of this past vision.

She lands on the ground in the clearing I woke up in, remaining motionless. As I watch, I notice tendrils of yellowish-orange magic seeping into her. Looking around, I see it’s all the Chaos Magic the Elements forced away.

Is it all going into her, um, me, due to her, me being the only Chaos Being around at the time?

After a while, the magic ends, all having seeped into the unconscious filly.

Light flashes, blinding me once again.


I blink a few times and see Zecora looking at me expectantly.

I sigh, looking away. “Well, Discord didn’t take part in the whole me being born,” I begin, not meeting her gaze, “but it seems he is the reason I have Chaos Magic.”

She nods, before indicating to go on.

I sigh. “And... I now know my pony birth family.” I grunt. “The Richs.” This is going to be interesting.

I blink, before a sneaky smile forms on my lips. Oh, this is going to be very interesting. And fun, too. For me.

Author's Note:

There's the next part to this fic.

So, Screwy now knows her heritage. wonder what she has planned for the Richs?

Also, as i'm sure you've noticed, this won't have chapter numbers, just titles. thought it would fit better, this being a screwball story:pinkiehappy:

You'll have to wait until next year to find out, as i'm going out tomorrow and tomorrow is the last day of 2015, though i'm probably already out as you're reading this due to my posting this fic on the evening of the 30th and probably won't be up til some time New Year's Eve, whilst i'm out.

If you're in Rundle Mall or Tea Tree Plaza tomorrow, let's me up and chat. I'll be the key wearing a Go Home, Berry Punch shirt.

Anyway, next chapter won't be able to come out quite as quickly due to needing a song finished up which i'm getting TheMyth to help me with. Hint: the song's It's a Hard-Knock Life, just changed to fit the title and scene in the next chapter.

Once i've gotten a few chapters of this out, i plan on getting back to my FIve Score story, so fans of that can look forward to that.

Well, that's all from me for this year, i guess.

Hope you've enjoyed this story so far and, til next time, Happy New Year everypony

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