Keep Daddy D From Doing Something Stupid? You Realize What You’re asking, Right?
Keep Daddy D From Doing Something Stupid? You Realize What You’re asking, Right?
___________________________________________________________
“What is the meaning of this?!”
I lazily lift my head from my Past Sins book to see Spoiled standing in the middle of the living room doorway.
“You’re going to have to be a bit more specific there, Spoiled,” I roll my eyes. “I may be a being of chaos, but I’m not a mind-reader.” Not that your mind is worth reading in the first place.
She stomps up to me and points an accusatory hoof in my face. “Why are you not taking me?”
I slightly raise an eyebrow. “Huh?”
“To the Gala!” she shouts, her nostrils flaring. “Why the princess is inviting you in the first place is beyond logical thinking, but the fact you’re not taking me as your plus one, me, of all ponies?!”
Oh. I deadpan. A few days ago I received an invite from Princess Celestia to this year’s Grand Galloping Gala... and it seems, despite all the shit she’s done, Spoiled thinks I’d honestly intend to bring her along as my plus one instead of who I’ve chosen.
“So, let me see if I understand this right,” I say slowly, teleporting my book back to my room in a puff of pink smoke, “despite the fact that I know for a damn fact that you were fully willing to leave me locked in the hospital without being cured, tried to hide my existence from the world, have treated me like a possession rather than your own flesh and blood, not to mention tried to get rid of me several times and even said you were willing to try and get the princesses to turn me to stone simply for not obeying every stupid little thing you expect of me, you honestly think you have the right to expect me to bring you as my plus one, or that I’d even want you to be my plus one in the first place?”
She nods, firmly. “Yes!”
I just stare at her for several long moments.
“How did Grandma and Grandpa fuck up with you so bad?”
Her right eye twitches. “Excuse me?!”
I float up into the air, my foreleg folded. “I’ve already made my choice, Spoiled and you’re not, nor will you ever be, it. You don’t always get what you want out of life. Deal with it.”
With that, I teleport away to Sugarcube Corner... only to find a massive number boxes stacked all throughout the place.
Looking around, it takes a second for it to click and I facehoof. Okay. Seems that episode’s events have started. Would explain why the bitch chose now to demand I take her.
I look to Pinkie, who has an expression of frustration and disappointment of her face.
Oh, right. She was exicted about Discord placing an order for all the cakes, but then cancelling it.
I blink, before smirking. I know a way to solve Pinkie’s problem and have a bit of amusement at the same time, as well as do some good.
“Don’t worry about it, Pinkie,” I float over to her, grinning. “That order will still be valid.”
She blinks, cocking her head in confusion. “How? Discord cancelled his order.”
“And now my Mommy Dearest will take it instead,” I grin, a check appearing before Pinkie. “Take that to the bank and you’ll be able to get your payment. As for these,” I nod towards the boxes of cakes, which vanish in a flash of white light, “I’ll give them to orphanages, homeless shelters and maybe keep a few for my family.”
Pinkie cocks her head. “Homeless shelters. But, we don’t have those in Equestria.”
I shrug. “They do in the human world. I’m sure the other you will know what to do.”
She blinks, before grinning and nods, grabbing the check and bounding out the door.
With that taken care of, I float out of the bakery to see as Discord teleports away from Fluttershy and Tree Hugger.
Hoh, boy. This could be awkward.
Deciding to try and get him calmed down a bit, I teleport to DD’s dimension, knocking on the door.
There’s a pause, before he opens it. He looks surprised for a moment, before grinning and pulling me into a big hug.
“He-llo, my little Screwy!” he cheers, before holding me outstretched, grinning. “You have a ticket for the Gala, don’t you?”
Whoops. Should’ve seen that coming. This is going to be even more awkward than I thought.
“Um... yeah,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck nervously. “But, you see, I’ve already asked Diamond to be my plus one, so...”
His expression sours and he lets go, before turning back inside. If not for my ability to defy gravity at will, I’d have flopped to the ground.
“Look, DD,” I say, floating in after him, just phasing throught the door when he closes it in my face, “you can’t blame or be mad at anypony for not inviting you as their plus one. One, you didn’t give any indication you were interested until today and two, you’re invite is just late.”
He gives me a look as I look around, noticing I got here after he increased the number of dust bunnies under the furniture and dirtied the windows and the dishes. “And just how would you know that, daughter of mine?”
As if on cue, a cry of alarm comes from outside.
I point a hoof over my shoulder at the door, a deadpan expression on my face.
We teleport outside to see the mail pony with the snap with a heart Cutie Mark floating uncontrollably through the distorted space that makes up Discord’s realm.
Discord reaches out an arm and pulls him in. “Are you perhaps looking for me?”
“Are you...” the pony takes out the envelope and reads the front before looking to him again, “Disthcord, our current resthident? I can’t find any sthtreet numbers in thisth placeth.”
Discord takes the letter, opening it to reveal his ticket. “My ticket to the Grand Gallapoing Gala,” he cheers, showing the ticket to the mail pony. “I was invited after all!” at once, his mood changes as he narrows his eyes, moving his head til he’s nose to nose with the pony. “Why is this so late?”
“W-well, I got a little lostht after I esthcaped the flying badgersth,” the mail pony stutters. “Can you point me in the direction of the bottomlessth pit? I think I can make my way back from there.”
“Oh, over there,” Discord say uninterested, waving his paw in a general direction as he lets the pony go, causing them to float away again, “somewhere. Just go over there.”
I give Discord a disaproviing look as he walks away, focused only on himself as the mail pony is grabbed by some creature I’m not going to bother trying to guess.
I shake my head, teleporting in front of the odd creature, a large mallet appearing above me that swings down, whacking it in the head.
The creature drops the mail pony, disoriented.
I grab the mail pony in my magic, apoligize for what he’s been put through and teleport him back to where he works. Poor guy. I never did find out what happened to him in the show. Probably better that way, to be honest. I doubt Discord went back to save him.
___________________________________________________________
“We’re here! We’re here! We made it to the Gala!”
“You never told me they’d be here too,” Diamond grumbles as the CMC go by with their big sisters. Diamond’s wearing a long bluish-grey silk dress that stops just above her waist with a bet of diamonds and pink highlights at the bottom ends, a broach around her neck with a diamond in the centre and pink fancy shoes on her front hooves.
I roll my eyes, before nodding to the door, where Discord and The Smooze have just come in. “Trust me, sis, you should be more concerned with Discord’s plus one than the Element Bearers’.” I myself am just wearing a plain blue dress that goes to my waist and that’s all.
Diamond makes a disgusted face. “What is that thing?”
“It’s called The Smooze,” I say, waving a hoof. “Though, trust me, it’s better to have around than the original.”
She looks to me with a mixture of curiosity, horror and disgust. “There was another one of those things?”
I nod. “Yeah and, trust me, the less you know, the better off you are. I can shrug it off because, well, I’m me. You’d probably be traumatized by the idea for the rest of your life. Frankly, anypony would.”
She gives me an uncertain expression, before nodding slowly. “I’ll... take your word on that.”
After a while, the lights go out and I turn, only to facehoof. Oh no, not Discord’s failed attempts at comedy. This is gonna hurt.
“Check, check, check. Is this thing on?” he says into the mic, before looking out at everypony. “Good evening, fillies and germs! I just flew into Canterlot, and wow, are my interspecies parts tired!”
The sound of a rimshot goes off in the background, followed by silence.
Diamond leans a little closer to me, whispering, “Was... that meant to be a joke?”
I groan, my hoof still planted on my face. “Yes. Yes, it was.”
A watermelon appears on a stool and Discord is dressed in a fedora, a white a red striped shirt under a black vest. He taps the melon, saying, “Knock knock!” followed by silence.
Discord looks out the crowd. “You’re supposed to say "Who’s there?"! This is the most basic of jokes!” He pulls out a hammer and smashes the melon.
“You’re the most basic of jokes,” Maud says from nearby, causing everypony to start laughing.
Even Diamond’s chuckling. “Now, that was funny.”
“What is that?!” Twilight cries and I look behind, only to groan. Right. Forgot about this part.
I levitate myself and Diamond up onto one of the chandeliers to avoid The Smooze.
“Now that I think about it, this is kinda like what happened last time,” I say, looking around at the hall flooded with green goop. “Luckily it’s just in here... for the moment.”
We watch everything play out, myself giggling when Tree Hugger starts her meditative thing to calm The Smooze, while Diamond just looks on in bewilderment.
As everything plays out, even Discord ripping open a hole in reality leading to that weird puppet pony world, Diamond gives me an odd look.
“Aren’t you, like, going to stop him?”
I shake my head, giving a bored expression as I look down at The Smooze hurrying after the shiny orb Discord throws, resting my head on a hoof. “It’ll work itself out. Doesn’t make me any less disappointed with his behaviour, though. Even good, he’s still got a lot to learn.”
“Did you really think I’d abandon you just because I have a new friend?!” Fluttershy demands.
Oh boy. This isn’t gonna be pleasant to sit through.
Discord glares at her. “Yes, because that’s what you did!”
“No, Discord!” Fluttershy shakes her head firmly. “I invited a friend to a party! I didn’t abandon you! What if you had a friend that you could discuss chaos-based magic with? Would that mean we weren’t friends anymore?!”
Well, technically he already does, with me, but does that quite count as friendship when it’s a kinda father/daughter thing? Well, I guess, technically, parents can be friends with their children and... Oh, whatever.
“Uh...” Discord stutter, before noticing me giving him a disapproving look from above. “No, I suppose not. It would just mean that I’d have different friends for different things...” I shake my head as his expression shows he finally gets it. “Oh, oh, dear, it looks like I’ve perhaps overreacted just a skosh.”
Diamond looks to me, confused. “Did he really not get that idea?”
I roll my eyes. “Eeyup. You nailed it on the head.”
“Hey!” I blink, before blushing as I notice Discord is now sporting a nail in his cranium.
I giggle sheepishly. “Uh, oops. Sorry ‘bout that.”
A short while later, we’re hanging near Twilight and Celestia because I know what’s coming and know Diamond should find it amusing. Or shocking. Either way, I’ll be amused.
“I’m sorry, Princess Celestia,” Twilight says, looking away. “I thought I could give you a break tonight, but it turns out I was in over my head.”
Celestia just smiles. “You have nothing to apologize for. This has been the most fun Gala in years!”
Diamond’s mouth hangs open as Twilight says, I know, it was a—What?! But there was ooze all over the place! And one of the guests threatened to send somepony to another dimension!”
Celesita grins. “I know! Can you imagine how dull it would have been if I hadn’t invited Discord?” I burst out laughing as Twilight seems to freeze up, her brain just not able to process what Celestia just said. “Come on! Whoo! The night is still young!”
I look to Diamond, who still has her mouth hanging open and seems in a shocked state, much like Twilight.
I giggle, before bucking her in the ass. This knocks her over and out of her trance.
“Guh, what?” she asks, shaking her head a bit.
“Come on, sis!” I cheer, pulling her along with my tail wrapped around her body as I pull her into the air. “Just like the princess said, the night is still young! Whoo!”
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OH BOY INCEST
seriously though, this just sounds wrong
I don't know....
On the other hand I didn't get the joke Maud made.
I just woner why doesn;t Celestia hire Jugglers, magciains, and Trapeze artist to etertain the ccrowd on mini stages during the Galla?
Waant some ice for that, Discord?
Point to the deadpan snarker!
I've always had this idea where Screwball interrupts Discord's performance to teach him a lesson in comedy,
So before the part with the Watermelon, you could have had Screwball teleport onto the stage, and she could have told Discord that if there's one thing she knows about Comedy, it's that you've got to Know Your Audience, so Screwball then floats in front of Discord, pulls out a weird looking Ventriloquist Dummy that she calls "Oddball", and performs a routine:
Screwball: Hey Oddball, you seem kind of upset, is something wrong?
Oddball: Oh you bet something's wrong, I've searched High & Low, but I simply can not find my priceless Canterlotian Urn.
Screwball: What's a Canterlotian Urn?
Oddball: Definitely a lot more than We ever will! (rimshot)
Then everyone breaks out laughing, because the joke uses wordplay for the Word "Urn" like a type of Vase, and the Word "Earn" like receiving Payment for something, and saying that it's "Canterlotian" makes it sound as though their speaking about the citizens of Canterlot, who are mostly composed of Wealthy Ponies, so they're pointing out that the Ponies of Canterlot Earn a lot more money than they ever will, and Screwball is showing Discord that That joke works for all of those snobby wealthy ponies.
That would have been something I would have found funny & entertaining.
8376698
i know screwball can do pretty much anything, but i don't think he turned his face into a yes....whatever that is
Still love it tough, keep it up!
8376826
reminds me of a short story i read where Twilight's battles with Starlight in "cutie re-mark" caused her to wind up in an alternate reality where The Smooze was eating everything...a VERY short and unsatisfying story where Twilight simply apologized to Twilight and cast the time spell again.
(yes, an alternate Twilight actually appeared)
I want to say this because as the daughter of discord and princess of chaos... Couldn't she just Google the next few episodes in the show? I mean surely they are out by then and she would be able to view them to know what would happen next. Now I understand that you don't want her entirely being all knowing throughout the entire story, but there's just an option you may have not considered until now.
8376698
i.imgur.com/HM14Wge.gif
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/205/726/shame.gif
8389474
Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!!!! As soon as screwy mentioned not knowing how to feel about starlight, I was like, didn’t she already use google? Can’t she just watch the actual show? It’s totally out by then, and anyways, she can time travel. Freaking time travel!!
You kinda missed Discord making a joke about Twilight in the Comedy Act and Celestia giggling about it. Just something I noticed, considering it was one of my favorite parts of the episode.
Looks like Twilight got Bluescreened...
8584795
Screwy was brought to Equestria in the middle of Season 5 airing, not the end.
8376777
Someone like the Great and Powerful Trixie?
At least Diskord will clean up his own mess... Who's gonna clean up Trixie's mess? No insurance will cover this mess... It's already becoming a tradition to make a madhouse out of Gala...
Shoggot or something?
img2.joyreactor.cc/pics/post/full/%D0%9B%D0%B0%D0%B2%D0%BA%D1%80%D0%B0%D1%84%D1%82-Lovecraft-art-%D0%A5%D1%80%D0%B5%D0%B1%D1%82%D1%8B-%D0%B1%D0%B5%D0%B7%D1%83%D0%BC%D0%B8%D1%8F-%D0%A8%D0%BE%D0%B3%D0%B3%D0%BE%D1%82-2766607.jpeg
Or something completely indescribable ?