Humanity’s Lucky I Ain’t Discord part Gamma
Humanity’s Lucky I Ain’t Discord part Gamma
___________________________________________________________
As I return to conciseness, I feel confusion. Wasn’t I with Applejack before? Why am I lying in bed?
I sit up, looking around with bleary vision. A quick touch of Chaos Magic and that’s taken care of.
My room seems normal... I’ve yet to really decorate it yet, so it pretty much looks like it did when I first started living in the mansion.
A knock on the door pulls my attention.
“Um, come in,” I say, failing to stifle a yawn, a second before realizing if it’s Spoiled, I’ve just given her permission to enter, so the wards I put up won’t hold her back.
However, the pony that walks in is Randolph and, on his back, he’s carrying a small tray that has a smell of spices and fruit coming from it.
“Good morning, Miss Screwball,” he says in a sombre tone I haven’t heard from him before. “Are you feeling better this morning?”
I blink for a few moments, before it finally clicks in my head and my ears splay back. I must have fallen asleep whilst Applejack was hugging me yesterday and she brought me back home, maybe even told Daddy and Diamond what had happened.
Sure hope Spoiled didn’t learn about it. She’d probably just try and find a way to use it as leverage over me, the manipulative bitch.
I sigh, giving a small nod. “I’m okay, Randolph. Yesterday I just...” I sigh again, lowering my head. “It’s hard to always be care-free, ya know?”
He places the tray in my lap with delicate easy, before looking to me with a sad smile. “We all have our off-days, Miss Screwball. Even Pinkie Pie has been known for a slump every now and then.”
I inwardly shudder. Yeah. I honestly don’t wanna run into Pinkie during a slump like when the show first saw her not nice nutty side. I know about all the jokes regarding the idea of Pinkamena being a creepy crazy side to Pinkie and kinda felt bad for the idea after listening to a reading inwhich Pinkamena herself says how it's hurtful that everyone acts that way about her, when she's a consciousness trapped within Pinkie Pie and having to watch from inside as Pinkie lives their life, whilst she can do nothing. Still, I'd rather not test the waters, if you catch my drift.
I smile and Randolph, thanking him for bringing me breakfast, before something else clicks and I turn to him with a raised eyebrow. “Why’d you bring me breakfast in bed? I have school today, don’t I?”
Randolph shakes his head. “Considering what Miss Applejack told your father last night when she brought you home, he’s decided it’s better that you take the day off school, Miss. Enjoy your meal. I’ll be back to retrieve the dishes in a bit.”
With that, he turns and leaves, closing the door behind him.
I sit quietly and eat my soup. It’s a unique kind of soup I’ve never tried before and it perks me right up. It’s a spiced fruit soup. Raspberries, lemon juice, apricots, ginger, things I’d never have thought you could put into soup and my tongue is dancing with the flavours.
Within minutes I’ve finished the soup and am washing it down with a glass of water, feeling much better.
Shortly after I finish, Randolph returns, I give him my thanks and compliments to the chef and he heads off with a small smile, leaving me to my own devices.
I lean back in bed, thinking.
A whole day where I’ve pretty much nothing to do. So, how do I pass the time without getting really bored?
Glancing out my window, I can see Cloudsdale in the distance and getting closer.
Guess it makes sense. Nightmare Night was a two days ago, so winter was probably running a bit late this year.
I can’t help chuckling at that. What, did Ponyville have a thing for its seasons being late before Twilight came around?
Putting that out of mind, since I doubt Daddy will let me help with bringing in winter after what Applejack probably told him last night, I try to think of something else to do.
Well, I didn’t visit Principal Cinch or even look for the EG Discord last time I went to the EG world, though I can account that to what I learned about the me in that world distracting me.
I sit up, my eyes wide with realization. If there is a Discord in the EG world, maybe I can get him to help Lilac. Sure, I doubt he has Chaos Magic like this world’s Discord, but maybe he can do something else to help her.
Unless he’s just a janitor, like the fandom usually seems to think.
Nodding to myself, I leave a copy of myself who will sleep the whole day and teleport through the dimensions.
___________________________________________________________
“Oh, for fuck sake!” I snarl, wrapping my arms around me, braking out into shivers.
I’m back in the EG world and human again, but I guess I need to focus on my clothing when arriving if I’m not coming in through the portal, because, like last time, I’m nude upon arriving.
The only difference this time from before is that it’s freezing, with winter coming in and I’m in the buff.
Teleporting back to where I’d hidden my nudity the last time here in the park. A snap of my fingers later and I’m back in the clothes I’d been wearing last time, before I realize, with it being winter, these clothes won’t be enough to keep me warm.
After a few seconds of thinking, I snap my fingers in recognition, before doing so again to use my magic.
There’s a flash of orange light. When it fades, I’m now wearing a purple woollen jacket with darker-purple furry bits at the bottom, the ends of the sleeves and the collar and my Cutie Mark just bellow my chest. The rest of my outfit is pretty much the same, only now they’re warmer so keep out the cold. My hands are now covered in fluffy purple gloves instead of say that one glove you put both your hands in, like the ones in Madeline. Talk about a dumb design. If you need to use a hand for something, you’d have to take it out of the glove to do so, exposing it to the cold in the process.
With my winter attire done with, I lift my wrist and activate the scanner. I want to find Discord first, before going after Cinch to give her some well deserved chaos for what she’s done and what I know she’ll do in the future.
The scan... doesn’t reveal what I was expecting.
“Wow,” I blink, going down the page I’ve found on the Discord of this world. “I... wow. He’s got a PhD in micro and Neurosurgery, physiology and is even a psychiatrist?”
Okay. Did not see this coming, though the whole brain thing does kinda fit with him, really, when you think about it.
“And he’s a member of the School Board for the area on top of all that?” I ask, shaking my head. “Sheesh. Where does he find the time for it all?”
Wait a minute. Neurosurgery?
My mind flashes an image of the Lilac of this world and my fists tighten. Maybe I can help have after all. It won’t be anywhere near as fast a recovery as what I had, but maybe Discord can be of help to the me of this world like the one in Equestria helped me.
Nodding to myself, I scan for his location, before facepalming. He’s at the same hospital Lilac’s being cared for in? Oh, come on. Someone has got to be playing a joke on me here.
Shaking my head, I lift into the air and teleport to the hospital.
___________________________________________________________
Doctor Deviant Discord was sitting in his office, going over some paperwork for one of his patients, when the intercom buzzed.
“Doctor Discord. Front counter paging Doctor Discord.”
“Yes, Nurse Coldheart. What is it?” he asked into the intercom.
“A young girl has arrived. She asked to speak with you. She apparently has an appointment.”
Discord took out his pager and looked through his list of appointments for the day... before frowning. There was a new appointment listed that he was sure hadn’t been there when he’d last checked.
After staring for several minutes, he shook it off and spoke again. “Very well. I’ll be there in a bit, Coldheart. Tell her to wait. I’ll be there in a minute.”
After some quick reshuffling of his papers, he got up, putting on his rimmed glasses and headed out to the waiting room, where several people were waiting for their appointments with their respective physician.
“A Miss.... Screwball?” he called out, quickly glancing at his pager to check her name.
A young girl got up, her appearance at once causing Discord to cock an eyebrow in confusion. Her hair was a messy, curly thing coloured both purple and white. She was wearing a purple woollen jacket with darker-purple furry bits at the bottom, the ends of the sleeves and the collar, with the image of a baseball and screw just under the chest area. She was wearing a dark-purple skirt, pink and purple striped tights and purple ugg boots.
However, the most startling and baffling thing about the girl were her eyes. There had no pupils. Instead it looked like her irises were purple spirals. It was the most bizarre thing he’d even seen in all his years in medicine.
The girl walked up to him, nodding.
It took him a few moments to pull his gaze away from those bizarre eyes and he turned, stumbling a bit as he led her to his office.
Once inside and she’d sat down in the chair next to his at his desk, he looked to her with confusion and uncertainly. “So, um, what’s the problem, miss?” he asked, trying his hardest not to keep letting his gaze drift to those spiralling eyes.
The girl named Screwball closed her eyes. “Actually, I’m here because of one of the other patients in this hospital.”
That pulled him out of his stupor and he regained his professional air. “Oh, um, right. Are you family, or a friend?”
“You could say I’m a distant relative, yeah,” she said, glancing away briefly. “Her name’s Lilac. Lilac Rich.”
Discord brow furrowed slightly. The same sounded familiar.
He brought up the patient fillies and scrolled through them, looking for the name.
“Ah, yes. Here we are,” he said after a few minutes. “Lilac Rich. In permanent chair in the psychiatric ward and...” he paused, his brow creasing as he read the patient's file. “Wh... what is this about?” His tone was less friendly now as he read through the patient’s symptoms and condition. “Why haven’t I been informed of this sooner? She’s been here how long?” He scanned her time before sitting back in shock. “Since birth? What in the world is going on here? This girl’s condition could’ve been treated at least ten years ago with the advances in science. Why hasn’t she been brought to my attention til now?”
A growl came from the girl as she folded her arms, her face a scowl. “Why does that not surprise me?”
He glanced at her in both confusion and annoyance. “What are you talking about?”
Screwball snorted, before looking to him. “Her father, Filthy Rich. I bet he kept it from your notice, am I right?”
Glancing back at the file, he saw that, in the beginning, it was indeed a Filthy Rich who had had the child put into permanent care... though oddly never checked in on her.
“Yes,” he said slowly, before returning his gaze to the girl. “He said any information about a possible cure was to be given to him only. Something about not worrying his wife..." A snort of anger from the girl caused him to raise an eyebrow. "But... how could you know...?”
The girl scoffed, clenching her fists against her arms. “I know this Filthy Rich, Doctor Discord. All he cares about is his reputation and business and nothing more. Lilac would've risked his reputation because of the condition she was born in. Even if she can now be cured, Filthy wouldn’t want the world to know his wife gave birth to a child that needs that kind of help.” She then snorted, looking away with a dark smirk. “Actually, knowing him, if you manage to cure Lilac, he’ll milk it for everything it’s worth, just to help get more business out of pity. Filthy Rich is a horrible person, trust me, I know his family personally.”
Suddenly Discord’s eyes widened as he recognized the name. “Wait a minute. There’s a woman named Spoiled Rich on the School Board I’m with who's husband's name is Filthy. Are you telling me that her husband the man you’re talking about are the same man?” he finished this with a small glare. He did not appreciate others badmouthing his fellow board members in any way, especially their families.
The girl nodded, her expression unwavering under his tone or stare. “I’ve sent you a file that should explain everything, doctor. And, if you want the best for your patient, you’ll keep Filthy away from her. The girl’s mother will gladly pay whatever it takes to afford the surgery and rehabilitation for Lilac. Her husband, however, will do everything in his power to prevent it.”
With that, the girl got up and left.
It took Discord several moments to realize what had happened, before he got up and hurried out to stop the girl and ask just what she meant, but found no sign of her.
When he asked Coldheart, she shrugged, not having paid attention.
Discord frowned, returning to his office and opening his emails. Finding one mark “to Mr. Deviant Discord of the School Board” but with no return address.
Wary that this could be a trick, he had a virus scan go over the email. When it turned up clean, not sure if he should or not, he opened the email.
___________________________________________________________
I hover above the city, heading towards my next destination with a scowl. I still can't beleive how messed up this is. In Equestria, Filthy Rich is a kind buisness pony who is understanding and a wonderful father, whilst his wife is a self-centered bitch, who will even use her own children to get what she wants. Here, it's the exact opposite; Filthy lives up to his name as a busniessmen and his wife is a kind and understanding member of the School Board. Honestly, what I learned about them and how drastically they contrast to the ones I know is charring, to say the least.
After a few moments, I sigh, a smile coming onto on my face. I may not be able to expose Spoiled in Equestria yet, but the Filthy Rich here is another story. Plus, now Lilac has a chance of becoming sentient again.
However, with her taken care of, there’s a woman with an attitude the same as Pony Spoiled's that needs to be taught a lesson.
After some time, I find myself over Crystal Prep Academy. Floating down and following my scanner, it doesn’t take long for me to find Principal Abacus Cinch.
She’s sitting at her desk, going over some paperwork. I can’t help noticing the smirk on her face.
Frowning, I snap my fingers and move down out of view of the window as a screen appears before me. I’ve now got a view of the room as if I’m a fly buzzing around.
Moving the image to show what she’s looking over, I glower at seeing it’s some things Twilight did to improve Crystal Prep’s reputation.
A bell rings and Cinch gets up, muttering something about lunch not coming quick enough today, as she moves over to a small bag and takes it with her.
I blink as I take that news in, before I smirk and snap my fingers. At once, I teleport and find myself in a cafeteria. It looks like any other cafeteria, a long line with food options and tables in neat rows throughout the place, each with their own groups, showing the cliques.
As my gaze moves over the room, I can’t help noticing Twilight. She’s sitting at a table all by herself on the far-end of the room.
Sighing, I turn my gaze around, intent on waiting for Cinch to come so I can give cause her some bowel discomfort, when I notice a humanized pony I recognize. Twist is sitting not too far from where I’m floating, invisible to all.
She has the red hair and her freckles and glasses, sure, but her hair’s tied back in two ponytails and she doesn't quite give off the same friendly nature as her pony counterpart.
I frown, before remembering that I saw her in the Friendship Games short Pinkie Spy. It had been brief, but she was there.
I scratch my chin, wondering if she was at the Friendship Games, before slapping myself in the head. Of course she was there. All of Crystal Prep went to the games, even if only twelve of them were competing.
Shaking my head, I turn my attention to the doors just as Cinch comes in.
At once, I notice everyone goes a bit stiffer and any sound of conversations pretty much stops.
Looking to Cinch, I feel my blood boil at the smirk on her face as she looks over the room, before moving over to a table that students quickly move away from to let her eat alone, to which she smirks again.
Once she gets it though, I snap my fingers, adding the same type of laxatives to her food that I did to Tiara when Pinkie and I were pranking the town, only this time, I’ve quadrupled the dosage compared to what I gave Diamond and Silver Spoon.
I wait whilst everyone else is eating, grabbing myself a corn beef and cheese sandwich whilst I’m I do.
After Cinch is half way through her food (she even eats as if she’s better than others), I see her eyes widen and, despite trying to act calm as she gets up and moves out the room, I grin an evil grin as I watch her go, before snapping my fingers, appearing before the rest rooms.
Wearing a shit-eating-grin even bigger, I snap my fingers, making a “Out of Order” sign appear. However, only Cinch will be able to see it. No one else will.
I lean back against the wall and wait, snickering as she comes striding down the halls.
The way her eyes widen when she sees the sign almost makes me keel over in laughter.
At once she moves at a much faster pace and I follow, using a little magic to tell where she’s headed so I can get there first, finding myself in front of the Teacher’s Female Toilets.
Cackling like a madwoman, I snap my fingers, putting another “Out of Order” sign that only she’ll be able to see there.
When Cinch arrives, the repressed scream she holds back is almost too much as I roll around in the air, laughing like a loon. As I see her turning her head towards the Male’s Toilets, I do the same as before, leaving her the main Male’s Toilets, the ones the student can only use cause they’re not allowed to use the staff ones, as her only option, which means she’ll have to wait even longer.
She yells in rage, before storming off, myself following behind as she barrels her way down the halls to reach the Male’s Toilets.
When she gets there, she opens the door, only to find five guys, three of whom I recognize as the human versions of Jet Set, Trenderhoof and Neon Lights (I’d still like to know why he’s attending Crystal Prep, to be honest), all of whom freeze at the sight of their principal standing in the open doorway, with a look of bloody murder.
“OUT!” she bellows and they scram, not wanting to question her.
The sounds of Cinch moaning as she releases at last in one of the cubicles pushes me too far and I almost pee myself with how much I’m laughing.
After several minutes, I leave, with a nice recording to use whenever I want against Cinch. Or maybe I’ll just upload it onto Youtube without a care and see how she takes it.
As I leave Crystal Prep, I look up at the sky and see it’s fairly late in the day.
Deciding I’ve had enough fun for one day, I snap my fingers, passing through the dimensions, back to Equestria.
Ah. Cinch has been given some hell. I would've preferred to give her more, but couldn't really think of anything by the time i got to her part of the chapter. If there are any ideas that won't contradict the Friendship Games, please leave them in the comments.
Also, if you want the recipe for the soup Screwball had, you can find it HERE.
Next chapter, Screwy's first Hearth's Warming Eve- eh. wait. isn't that later in the season? What's going on here?
Oh well, you have that to look forward to, not to mention i get to write in a part i've been dying to do since The Learning Curveball. 
Anywho, this will be my last update before heading back to work, as i've got work tomorrow, but, since Australia is directly after that, i'll use that day to try more updating, might even try another fic that needs an update the involves our favorite human-obsessed mare and her new family.
Well, that's all i can think of for now.
Hope you all enjoyed this chapter (and seeing Cinch get some of (though i plan on there being more) the just desserts she deserves) and, til next time, later everypony
Stats
Page generated in 0.035 seconds
Total duration
987 users online
116,189 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
"Unless he’s just a janitor, like the fandom usually seems to think"
OMG YOU ACTUALLY READ MY COMMENT!!!
Awesome!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Loved the new chapter, and I hope we get to see Dr, Discord's actions having read the file screwball sent him. Also speaking of said file. What did it say? And finally I still think Screwball should pass out candy while disguised to gender flip ponies for a day or so.
Good story so far. Could you please add fix something that is absolutely driving me up a wall? It snapping your fingers, not clicking them.
6860679 you mean that one time Discord pretended to have
ceruleanblue fluGreat chapter
One concept I think could improve this story is that we've often seen Discord use the Furry Tip of his Tail like a Hand & he can even Snap his Fingers using his Hand-Tail thing, so instead of having Pony Screwball smirk to make things happen, she could use her Tail like an Arm with a Hand & Snap her Fingers using her Tail like an Arm with a Hand, hey if she has the same powers as Discord, then why not have her use the same methods he uses to use her powers.
6864273 true but I get the impression that it was more of a marriage of convenience kinda thing besides we saw how she felt/acted around diamond not to mention when she was told lilac would never wake up
I can believe it takes me all this time to see what you did with the chapter title.
Ins't that a deadly dosage at this point ?
Plus Cinch isn't the type of person who let things unpunised. I'm pretty sure the cafetaria staff will be fire for food poisoning, as well as the janitor.
6870326 Spoiled is a pretty awful pony, not Filthy. He doesn't seem to be the type of pony who married someone for money or statut. He must see something in Spoiled, right ?
6872217 nah I doubt it besides I heard no mention of him being there when diamond and lilac were born and if he was there he must've heard what spoiled said about lilac yet he remains with her so it might be the whole "I've gotta be there for my kid even if her mom's a huge cunt" thing
Chaos.
I just wanted to copy a few chapters, to read it at work, so I noticed this already, and I hope she isn´t always in Equestria girls.
Not sure If I´m going to add my comments that I made offline since I have read the story at work today. but even if she´s angry, I somehow get the feeling that it could be seen as an overreaction against everything that looks a bit like Spoiled, and even if he is bad, he never really tried to get along with her I guess.
Since I fear I have called it something else yesterday, I actually wanted to know if he is somehow thinking like a child a bit, because I want to understand how he is exactly that mad at Spoiled. He is angry about her acting like that, but it is like he would expect her to stay nice, while he is using his power against her.
I´m on his side in a way, but there is something missing for me.
However one thing I remember that I was warry about. I didn´t liked it that he has to act like he could change the fate of this world. I actually liked it, that she could just visit Luna on Nightmare Night, and it did indeed no harm.
If I had her power, I'd include a large amount of beet color extract with the laxative. Turns the poop bloody red.
Hehe very nice chapter, good work.
First, you need commas before and after "say" because you're inserting something into the middle of a perfectly good sentence and need to mark the context switches. ("...instead of, say, that one...")
Second, for the record, those kinds of hand warmers are called muffs.
What a booooring way to stay warm. She should have pulled out an sunbrella to block that cold.
7331654 Yes! Finally! Someone understands!
Spoiled explicitly wanted Lilac/Screw's existence a secret from Filthy in the pony-verse, yet like here in the EQG-verse, he was well aware of her existence in both worlds, secretly visiting her while on "business". The best in this parallel world is for Filthy to collaborate in relinquishing guardianship for Dr.Discord to claim her as his own. Though in there the possibility for full cogent recovery, let alone physical rehabilitation should her surgeries prove to be successful, will put her out of any actual interaction to any major characters in the EQG timeline; not even any proper sisterly bonding, since this one will be non-magical and so socially impaired, that meeting new people in her vulnerable and "young minded" state would prove painful for those that might potentially form a bond with her, namely a sister who never knew that she had twin that recently awoken with the mentality of an infant.
I'll bet that the scene where Cinch was on the toilet was something similar to the famous "Toilet Scene" from the Movie "Dumb & Dumber(1)", and it would have been just as hilarious if Screwball made it so that the toilet Cinch was using Wouldn't Flush!
6867199
I agree.
Um...did something change in this chapter? Or is my memory just REALLY bad right now? I ask because I recall Spoiled being just as bad in this version of EqG as her pony self, if not worse.
8370122 I gotta agree, shouldn't it be Spoiled who hid Lilac away in other universe as well, or did I miss something?
8370122
8406185
Good memories, especially since you two apparently missed the memo. The author did indeed edit this chapter and all the others that deal with this subject matter.
I believe he mentioned these edits in an authors note on one of the later chapters.
At first I thought the soup screw ate was soap
I don't like the edit to this chapter, in which the fact that filthy rich is bad news and spoiled rich is the nice one.
Nothing ever comes from this change, no doubt about equestrians spoiled might have a good side, nothing about if eqgirls mr ritch might have some type of redeeming qualities. No wondering if her mr.rich might be doing something shady on the side. Nothing.
At least nothing ever comes up in the chapters I have read so far.
Randolph, you're a better mother than pony Spoiled ever will be, it seems.
10440767
Butlers supposed to be
10480834
I like how this version of Randolph is getting a decent shot at some character development. Usually he’s shown as a stuck up arse.
The soup recipe looks worth a shot.