Mmmm...Problem with the story is that you aren't differentiating the personality between Twilight and Midnight much, (Granted they are the same person technically) but again...they aren't, you need to really find ways to differentiate the two otherwise the whole transformation (Apart from the mature areas) is pretty pointless. I would advise major re-writes of the whole story and really REALLY emphasize the difference personality

There's some real potential here with this concept but it just hasn't been reached, it just seems a tad lose and confused, the flow seems un-natural the beginning seems rather pointless as this story unfolds, and it just seems all over the place...I suggest get pre-readers and editors! This Story needs some major re-work. Again...this concept should work....it needs tighter execution.

Oh and this chapter has a bit of pacing problem...Not enough buildup and you just go straight to the sex way to quickly. Good clop is all about pacing and description.

Well, Spike would kind of have to change back. Bit hard to have a teenage dragon walking around in a world without magic. Can you imagine the panic.

6901899 Thank you for the tips. I'll try to include them in the future. I have a hard time writing clop. Everything else? Well as long as I'm not tired and not distracted, it goes well.

6903695 Well if you have trouble writing clop stick to you're strengths...make the story more about the girls dealing with the fact that there friends part demon again

And always read and re-read you're work before a publishing

500 bits say Rarity.

6903783 Yes, now that I think about it, it would have been the better idea.

6913635 Well you can always re-write...Lots of authors do that.

Welp. Instafave.

6901899 The thing is there really isn't much of a difference, the change is more in the field of out going rather than ImabitchWorshipMe.

The biggest changes are the subtle ones. changing the character completely though, would make the part where Midnight reveals herself a moot point that would require the elements automatically. however with only a few changes, she can easily get away with keeping her powers as long as she endangers no one.

6903695 I honestly think you did a good job, the only hint I could give you is patience and let the clop pace itself.

When are you going to continue the story? Because it is very good

Eager for more!