Now with COVER ART, made by the amazing: Grammar404
07/21: Featured? After I released a rather...not so well done chapter? It certainly has to be a glitch in the system. Somebrony call the agents Smiths.
Nightmare Moon was enjoying her new life as a high school student, pegasister and future overlord of our world. She had a family, friends and overall a decent life. She didn't plan on going back to Equestria, knowing she wouldn't be accepted back there.
Yet one day Celestia and Luna try a new teleportation spell. It didn't work as planned and now Nightmare and her family are stuck there for the time being.
Chapters (5)
Intriguing. Let's see where this goes.
6125829 You added this to short? I hope to make the following chapters at least 3000 words each.
6125833
Misclick due to cheap touchscreen. Should be in the right grouping now. Thanks, I missed that.
6125848 Not a problem.
Looks good.
So far it seems pretty good, but how did Nightmare Moon become human?
6126270 I don't want to spoil the story, but the explanation itself is rather simple.
You have my attention *follows story and upvotes*
honestly if NMM ended up on a human world I would think it be the same one that is connected to the mirror due to closeness. Will read for now.
Good start! Will follow.
6126348
I'm guessing when Nightmare Moon was banished from Luna; she was banished to another world?
...
Jack Daniels? Really? That's the best name you could come up with? I like the story so far but...it's detrimental to the story, to me at least. Some editing is needed.
Jack Daniels?
stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/1032236_o.gif
6129573 I couldn't resist.
Ch 2.
Still going strong!
Would be funny if the kid called Celestia "Sunbutt".
I really wanted to like this story but the second chapter kinda failed me. It started with naming the dad Jack Daniels. It really sounds like you didn't put much thought into the names. Still, I hoped that was the only mistake.
It was the whole history of humanity lecture that did it in for me. Not every HiE fic needs that lecture. The ones that do have a legit reason for bringing it in. You could have had them talking about 'Sarah' and her magic some more.
The son was, quite frankly, rather annoying and kinda stereotypical. I know he has been exposed to magic but how doesn't he freak out a little by the ponies? He just looks at them and thinks 'oh, that's a thing now. Cool.' His disrespect humor towards Celly felt a bit forced imo, like he does that every other day despite never meeting her before.
The premise was what brought me in but the execution was poorly handled. I do hope you improve your work.
6138168 Ouch
X_X
6140176 sorry. I've been taught to judge by writin mechanics than content, but I didn't notice any glaring problems in that except maybe dialogue.
My advice is to get a proofreader or editor that can look it over. They may be harsh at times but it can help your story. Keep in mind that you shouldn't have to cater the story to them and they should provide constructive critisism, not verbal abuse. Hope it helps.
6140525 Thanks and I approve your criticism. It's just I have an issue of handling criticism not well and need to ease my mind sometimes, like with that smiley.
6140553 Trust me, no one like their stuff criticized. But like forging a beautiful sword or armor, the raw material has to take a few beatings before it can be a great work of art.
6129573 hey at least it's not John Smith
Hm! I am interested in your story. Hopefully in the next chapter will be interesting!
HAhahahahahahaha
Ok, this is really good.
Old concept with a new spin, good writing, nice comedy.
Very well done, I look forward to more.
to be continued...
nice story Me like.
Hehe nice chapter, good work.
Moonie Trolling Celestia, PRICELESS!
Figures Moonie would like Past Sins
This is a good story so far and I can't wait to read more of it.
Hmm...An interesting take on NMM.
And...heh...Brother and sister can fight.
Okay have to ask. Did this NMM come from Luna or was a Parasite?
6423811 Who knows? XD
I am very sorry, but this is something I have to keep for myself for now.
6424031 that does not bode well. I do not support the Parasite route so that is the determining factor for me.
6424145 We'll see, we'll see. Unless you want a spoiler? I can send a private message.
6424461 you can Pm me on the answer to my question.
It's alive.
There're some spelling mistakes, and...why the abuse? I mean, someone kicking their child in the crotch is abuse- why such an extreme?
6518507 I...might have not been in my right mind, while writing this section. (alcohol)
I thought it was funny at the time.
6518534 Oh
I get it she's really good... but winner of the world championship? Against adults who've trained their whole lives? Feels like it's rather pushing the envelope. Having competed in international tournaments would be impressive enough, or even just holding a national ranking
6518673 My way of thinking is this: alicorn = a lot of freaking power (who says she didn't cheat? I don't know ;) )
But seriously, NMM has the power to move the sun and moon. I don't think it's exaggerating things. Maybe with her brother, I admit. Luckily, like all authors in this kind of thing I have a very easy excuse:
It's fiction!
6518673 i personally was guessing her age being the defining trait that would win her such title, With her more than likely having used said sword skills in battle before unlike most of her opponents it would give her a great boon in such a competition. I mean most of those skills would still be their and the physical skills would have to be translated from a quadruped to a biped body but the battlefield and combat tactics? It really doesn't matter the species their still going to be tells, feints, and counter attacks and such in personnel combat and the Nightmare is old enough to have experienced a war or three.
6518683 Ehh... alright. I can suspend my disbelief for the sake of seeing where this goes. Really big titles like that are just one of those little things that bug me and pick at my brain, or like when an author says that something was hundreds of decibels loud.
6518842 Bingo, she remembers everything from her alicorn life thus all the battles she has been in when still one with Luna. A simple adjustment and she has centuries of experience vs a couple decades of her opponets.
So good. Need more NOW
Good job hope you continue
How long till the next chapter is out?
Its been over a year now, how is this story doing?
It would be a tad bit sad for such a good story to end here.
Not to sound like an impatient twelve year old, but I kinda miss this story
7741691 dude, the author hasn't logged in to FiMFic in 60 weeks, the story's DOA.