Sis had always been a fan of this little freak show. To actually land in their world can be easily described as bad-shit insane. Include a strange black sword along with weird summoning dark pony powers and you get my only clue as to what might have happened to my sister. And it's not even a good one.
I don't have any kind of proof that she's actually here in this world. Plus the locals act like they've never seen a human.
[Added neither adventure nor slice of life tag, 'cause it'll change from time to time. Looking for a proofreader right now.]
Chapters (1)
I like the premise, but it isn't executed as well as I would have liked.
It is still unclear where Seb lives. Sounds like England, but I got reminded more of Germany.
You got a few spelling mistakes spread all over the chapter to the point it's almost challenging to read.
The pacing is good, I like that.
You need an editor and a proofreader, otherwise this interesting tale could turn out without any followers. There are actually groups for such things.
I wish you the best of luck with this story, I truely believe it has potential.
Great story can't wait to read more.
6015704 Sorry, you'll have to wait for quite some time. It's just a small hobby of mine, not to mention finding the time in my overall ongoing life to write anything isn't easy either. At least not without getting rid of my social life. I plan on at least another story, one with smaller chapters, less thinking (might result in more errors), which I can update more often. I have some ideas, in fact, this story here? It's a year old. I deleted it from fanfiction, 'cause I ran out of ideas (plus tests were coming up in school). I opened up the folder a few days ago, changed a few things (the ending of the chapter, originally Seb woke up in Twilight's house) and uploaded it.
6014751 Thanks for the tips. A friend of mine pointed me to a group where I could ask. He's longer on this side and helped me navigating around. About the potential, oh man you make me nervous. I have looked around before signing up and the community is totally different from fanfiction. I don't know how to describe it. It's just new terrain for me^^
6017313 I looked around Fanfiction a bit myself. FIMfiction is alot more personal and gentle in their approach, like the fandom itself.
This is so cool