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Welcome to Equestria (Rewrite)1,413 words
Ponyville: Pinkie Pie(Rewrite)921 words
Ponyville: Applejack and Rainbow Dash (Rewrite)808 words
Dream sequence 1 (Rewrite)500 words
Ponyville: Meeting the shy (Rewrite)1,555 words
Ponyville: Generosity Ensured (Rewrite)1,500 words
Captured (Rewrite) (Edited)2,013 words
Nightmare Moon (Rewrite)3,267 words
Memory Lane (Rewrite)939 words

Memory Lane (Rewrite)

"Now you know everything," I finished up.

"And you still don't remember anything about your past?" Twilight asked.

"Sadly, no." I said, sorrow evident in my voice. Normally, whenever somepony brings up my past, old pain from the life that I didn't remember plagues me. This time, however, it felt like a burden that I didn't even realize was there has been lifted. "Thanks for coming, Twilight. After finally reliving everything from my past, it felt like a burden was lifted," I told her. I would of continued, but at that moment, Twilight gasped, eyes wide in surprise. "What?" I started to get worried.

"I- It's your necklace...." was all she said.

'What about my necklace?' I wondered. Taking a closer look, I noticed it started to glow lavender. "That's odd, I don't remember seeing it do that...." I started before the glowing faded. I didn't have time to wonder what caused it before it started to glow again, but in six different colors; blue, orange, red, pink, purple, and lavender. I didn't react well to that. Ok, I lied, I reacted horribly to it. My wings flared in alarm, I started to use my magic to try and take off my necklace, but I felt a pain in my horn, forcing me to stop. Suddenly, six wisps of energy separated themselves from the necklace and started to orbit around me, getting faster and faster as it lifted me into the air. "Help!" I yelled out, forgetting that I told the guard to leave us be. Though, thankfully, a guard came rushing into the room and saw what was happening. But before he could do anything, a bright light exploded outward before I blacked out.

"Ugh..." I groaned. I stood up on my legs, using my hands to push myself off.....

Wait, hands?!

Taking a look had my forelegs, I saw what I recognized as hands, I also noticed that my forelegs seemed to have morph into arms.

"W- Where am I?" I wondered aloud, "What happened to me?" Suddenly, an image appeared before me. Taking a closer look, I recognized the scene, It was the day before I disappeared, before I was attacked....

"Ok, see you tomorrow, Destiny!" I called out.

"Later, Heather!" I got off the bus and started to walk home. Even though it was a long walk, it was one of the only times that I can actually think without being interrupted. While I was deep in thought, I heard some bushes shaking off to my left. Taking a look, I couldn't pinpoint the source, in fact, I didn't see any bushes. Shrugging, I turned back to continue only to run into what I recognized as a manticore. 'Manticores are real?!' I immediately turned to high-tail it outta there, only to run through what seemed like a portal.

I blacked out.

After sitting for what seemed like hours, I finally remembered everything. My old family, my old friends, my past life. Even a few ponies.... no, people, who hated me, who wanted to make my life miserable. I took a look at my arms, only to find my forelegs in their place, hooves replacing my hands. 'I can't tell anyone about what I saw....' I thought to myself.

"Sunny?" a voice said.

'Damn it....' Turning around, I saw a dark blue alicorn that I recognized as Luna (who I found out was Celestia's younger sister, so that makes her my aunt).

"Are thou ok?" she asked with worry evident in her voice, "Thou was sitting there for hours without moving, causing us to get worried. Not to mention that thou fainted earlier."

"Yes, I'm fine, just..... lost in thought." I lied. I was anything but fine. Sadly, Luna seemed to see it on my face.

"We can see it on thy face, what is bothering thou?" she asked.

Taking a deep breath, I said, "Ok, just... don't tell anypony what I tell you, ok?" As I sat there catching her up, her eyes got wider and wider with each thing I said.

"Art. . . art thou joking?" she questioned.

"I wish I was," I sighed.

"Thou may want to wake soon, for thee mother is worried," my eyes widen at that.

'Crap! I completely forgot about how she'll react!' I started to panic, until I felt a hoof on my shoulder, calming me down.

"Don't worry," Luna said soothingly , "She's fine, albeit worried about thou, but fine."

"Ok, I'm ready..." I was suddenly blinded by a bright light.

Several weeks later....

It took days, but I've gone through nearly every book in the Canterlot archives to try and find a way home.

"Sunny?" A worried voice called out.

""Yes, mom?"

"It maybe time to give up; you've been up for days!" she told me, "Get some rest." As reluctant as I was, the only thing keeping me from slumber were the occasional cups of coffee.

"Maybe you're right...." I started before exhaustion washed over me. Catching me in her magic, she lifted me into my bed before I passed out. Maybe, just maybe, I could live here, even with everything I've been through.

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StarzGecko

StarzGecko #1 · Nov 10th, 2015 · · ·

It's a really good story! Even when the chapters update jump everywhere...

icecreammac

icecreammac #2 · Nov 11th, 2015 · 1 · ·

For once, I'll be leaving a small review. Of course, that's only because I have very few issues with this chapter. There were still some errors here and there, but again, it's nothing a good editor couldn't deal with.

Captured Edit

I noticed that you added some to the chapter "Captured". I just want to briefly mention that I liked what you did with the chapter. The revelation to the girls was short, but well done. Everyone seemed in character in the additions. Good on you.

Memory Lane

I have two issues with this chapter. First, the cut telling us that several weeks have passed doesn't mesh well with the first sentence after the cut. I understood what happened, but it was jarring. I suggest removing the "several weeks later" and adding something that tells us the information we need. For instance:

After my several-week-long recovery, I decided to do some research about what I saw. It took days, but I've gone through nearly every book in the Canterlot archives to try and find a way home.

This way, we know that several weeks have passed, and it's clearer that she only spent a few days researching, so there's no clash between the two time clauses.

My second issue is that I don't think Celestia would tell Sunny to give up. Don't get me wrong: She'd surely tell her that the odds of finding what she's looking for are very slim. I just don't think she'd tell her to give in, even if Sunny spent several days searching.

The Final Conclusion

This review wasn't as small as I initially figured, it seems . Oh well.

It seems we finally get a bit more insight into just how Heather got into Equestria, with a third-person view that made sense, even given that this was a first-person story. Good on you for that. The mystery, though, still persists on who was behind this all, though that can wait for the sequel, which you said was in the works. I look forward to reading it.

Now that the review is out of the way, I have a few parting words. I know I said this in the last review, but it has been a wild ride. I really enjoyed seeing this story evolve from a somewhat rushed few chapters into an interesting, well-paced story about a human girl trapped in a pony body. I know I've said before that it's hard to make those work, but I think you've done well in making me care about Sunny. I know I've been giving you criticism for your work to help you along, but it was you that actually put in the work writing your story, and for that, I take my hat off to you.

It's been great working with you and helping you make your story great. I eagerly await the sequel to this story. When it comes up, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be there to read and help. I know I say this a lot, but seriously: Good luck, my friend, in all of your future endeavors!