"I've traveled the world, seen many things and found my way out of everything. But how can I keep from getting close to ponies who care so much, and for no real reason. Yeah i saved a life or two but why is that so special to them, oh well. But i can't just let them in, i can't let anyone in...."
A pony with something to hide has come to Equestria, and by mere chance has befriended the royals of this new and strange land. What will become of a pony who wanted to be alone in a new world of friendship?
Inspired by the MLP Analyst group, this fan fiction fetters many of them such as mad munchkin, silver quill, doctor wolf and others.If any of you from the MLP Analyst group happen to be reading, i hope you enjoy with everyone else.
I'd sit tight everyone, the chapters may seem short at times but this story is going to be a long one, have fun.
I think you mean Wandering, not wondering.
6336733 it would seem i did, well its like i said, i no English well :P
Honest truth? This isn't a bad story in the slightest, and I'm genuinely curious about Jax and his history. But you could use an editor.
Still, that's not enough to discourage me keeping an eye on the story.
6371794 to be honest i have had to use a online editor program, i just got what i think it a better one so we will see what happens, i feel i could have done better in the last few chapters but i also feel i made up for it in chapter nine, i just need to edit it and should be ready, cover and all
6372357 Nothing wrong with something to help with spellchecking, but it would help to have an actual human being look over the story at points. You're using words that sound similar but mean different things, for instance, and having another person look the story over would help.
6372530 ill check through them again when i get the chance, but i know i dont have anyone to do it for me, i tried
6372724 Well, I'd be willing to give it a shot.
6372868 well let's see how my next chapter go's first, but even still I couldn't pay you so it wouldn't be right
6373121 Alright, but I wasn't expecting payment. Just offering my services.
6373175 0.O that would actually be really helpful, we will see how this new program go's first, and we will see, in the mean time enjoy the story, there's a lot to come
Well, it's cleaned up a bit, but again, my services as an editor are offered.
6379399 ill hit you up on DA
You need an editor otherwise good story.
6424036 trust me i know, i look through the chapter before posting and use a grammar program but there's only so much i can catch with a reading disability
6424036 He's working on it.
6425009 It's fine like I said good story I hope you expand on his past soon.
6425713 trust me it will be worth the wait
The plot thickens...
Keep on going! The story is really good.
6500195 Thank's guy, I'll get to the end as soon as I can.
so what did you guys think of the ending?
It's an interesting story but your really need to re-read what you write. You make a lot of mistakes when using words, even in names (I spotted a bad written Celestia in the chapter) and it makes the story somewhat painful to read.
I'm not the best to point this since I make a lot of mistakes myself but you need to read carefully before posting. You didn't use correctly the word "Captain", which is Shining's rank, and used "caption" instead every single time.
Read your chapter before posting, or find someone to proofread your chapters. It'll improve the quality of your story and will help you obtain more readers
6559017 thanks for the advice, I do read them over just have trouble spotting the mistakes, what part did you find bad with Celestia tho?
6560104
That's the one I was talking about. I also saw beofre that one 'Flutter Shy' when her name is one word and 'Ponyvill', missing the final 'e'.
I'm sure that there's more but that's what I saw just skipping around the text
6560228 ok i think i fixed the things, thanks again hywther!
Can't wait to see Twilight freak out when they get there!
Well, Discord's not gonna leave him alone. This is a given.
6796322 trust me it will but fun, be sure to check out the cover art linked in the author's note to see another treat that will be popping up in the story, and if youd like a character or oc to appear in the next cover art just leave a link
I didn't notice it in the prior chapter but in this one your slipping tenses really badly. When you're not even consistent within the same sentence, somethings wrong. You're mainly writing in past tense, so keep all your verbs outside of dialogue in past tense (some exceptions do apply but the previous rule is a better rule of thumb).
Awesome chapter, and having Silver Quil was a great Idea!
Oh great we're going to have to replace Twilight...
How much was it pinkie?
9,000!!!
Oh I totally forgot... I know there is a Romance tag, but I haven't really seen anything for it yet.
Well that be played out later? If so I we'll wait and see who gets Jak.
I remember when this first came out, I thought maybe it was Celestia/Jak but applejack/Jak is great to.
Don't tell me any spoilers of who it is, just wondering if the tag is a thing here.
6839423 yeah iv had some trouble this week with getting work done, thanks for pointing out the problem, im look over my writing and see if i can fix it :)
6839451 dont worry she will be fine next chapter....... i think......
6839466 there will definitely be some romance between Jax and one of the characters as well as more surprises, personally I think i did a good job with it, but then that could just be me having an ego. but yes that will play out eventually.
I want to like this story but the grammatical and typographical errors within this work are too great and too distracting. The problem I have is that on an subconscious level, I associate errors with a lack of care because some of them feel like they're so obvious to me that all you need to do is the reading test and they would be immediately noticeable (reading test is reading it out loud). You're spelling also needs a lot of work. You use homophones in many places and use incorrect words that create weird imagery. The amount of times you've used nerves instead of nervous, I believe is every time. I've seen Ponyville spelled without the silent e multiple times as well. What's weird about the latter issue is that you should have run into the word Ponyville multiple times if you read pretty much any of the literature on this site that aren't exclusively OC, Equestria Girls, or Canterlot based.
6839874 to make a long story short, certion complictaions that were out of my controle restricted my education up untill the start of last year when i went back to college. Add that i have dyslexia, or rather was placed as tho i do, my english skills are vary poor and I'm sorry this is ruaning the story for you and maybe even making it painful to read my response. it his me just how long its been since i have had a real english lesson when i say the word "Homophone" i havent heard that word since elementary school.
i have however come across a book called rules for writers and will start reading it as of right now, so with any luck my writing will improve over the next few months.
thank yu for voicing your concerns, i hope i can fix the problem
6839874 just started to re-read the new chapter (something I seem to have forgotten about) you were right :P
Does Jax have anything to do with the Jax from Jax and Daxter?
6866095 no, but id love to hear how you came to that conclusion?
Great chapter! How old is Jak?
6866944 I did have his age written down somewhere but I seemed to have lost it, as it stands now I would say he's around 26 years old so a little older than the main six but around the same age range.
6866944 oh and almost forget, GLAD YOU LIKED THE STORY
Even the Princess of the Night enjoys quiet solitude now and again.
6891837 and doing so with a friend is rare
Aww Luna has a crush, I think Jax is making every mare like him.
But oh boy, sounds like we'll get some party excitement soon!
6892667 I hate to give any spoilers but this is really where the story starts to take off
6892702 Yay! Finally some action and adventure
6892944 oh if you want action and adventure, just wait for the crystal festival
Always am pal~ Good start so far.