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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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noice
Good so far, can't wait for the next chapter!
I like dark stuff... so have a like!
I think this is worth tracking, but not near a fav yet, It needs to be cleaned up a little. Also, you need to take out the notes you put in the story, because if you're making a serious story, those kind of things can take you out of it. If you really want to keep them, then put footnote markers where the notes are and move the notes down to the author's notes.
Yeah, Definitely take out the notes. You've got an interesting idea, plenty of build up.... You could use a little bit more description and personal thoughts between all the dialogue, but the plot seems enjoyable, and while the story is kind of campy, you're not apologizing for that, so it works really well. Interested to see how this turns out.
*reads first chapter* Ooooooo, yeahhhhhhh... this is one story that DEFINITELY deserves my 'special treatment'.
Hee hee.. ahaha... AHAHAHAHAHA!!! *cough, cough!!*
This is amazing. Keep it up!
6076667
Thanks. If I may ask, what are the laughs for?
6076688 Oh, that laugh? Yeah, I'm totally not crazy or evil or anything... i48.tinypic.com/34gkayb.gif
6076924
(Sarcastically) Yeeaaaahhhh, suuuuurrrrreeeee.
This villainry is simply FABULOUS!
Nice story so far!
you repeated the same lines
Nighmare
twilight is galaxy star. it was honestly the first thought that came to my mind the second it was brought up
(Laughing while saying this) OH SHIT, I dont know what's worse. The fact she said it, or that she said it so casually.
6201759
I think it goes with out saying I didn't intend for that to be comedic. And be ready for the next chapter. It's got plot twists a plenty.
6201785 most if not all readers will bust out in their best pinkie pie impression after reading the last lines.
6202323
Doesn't mean it's intentionally funny.
6187103
It should probably be something along the links of 'remind me to lecture/tell/reprimand/punish Diamond Tiara and Silverspoon for bulling Applebloom, Scootalooo and Sweetiebelle'. Sounds a bit better than 'order' and 'cmc'
What. WHAT. WHAAAAAT!?
6211347 Plot twists are a bitch, aren't they?
In seriousness though, I couldn't resist with that. Now that I think on it, I wonder how many stories have Cadence being part changeling, and Luna and Celestia both have daughters, Luna's being sealed in Celestia's. Jeez, I don't think any story I've read has had both of those, or even one.
Huh. Rainbow is an alicorn, and Cadance is working with them.
...
*pushes button*
"That was easy."
6218940
Best part. The alicorn thing was an on the spot thing.
I'll be honest here. This story is really good with twists.
15/0 too many surprises
6259914
Thank you. I'm actually working on a third story that has plot twists I'm certain few, if any, others have published here on Fimfiction.
Myah!!!
Hmmm...No death and no mind control, maybe some screwy reveal that shows twilight really isn't the evil one here?
6286207
You know, I hadn't thought of that second one. The making her a unicorn part, yeah, but not the dark magic thing. I might just go with that.
The ultimate Irony for Tia would be that she becomes the student, where she is forced to learn from Twilight, either through amnesia, forced forgetfulness, stripping of power or something similar.
Please make twilight WIN.
GOD THIS IS GETTING INTERESTING
it was better if twilight looked more evil in her new form at at the bottom, probably dark purple hoofs with smokes covering them.
but still, she looks like to be a pain in the ass for mother Celestia.
I'm satisfied, but please release new chapters faster.
6314410
Working on new one now, and I work on my stories in a rotating fashion, with this being the second in the cycle before it repeats, so it depends on when the other ones are updated.
I feel like this should be an area where the story splits up, you should do it to fit what everyone wants.
Well done, keep up the good work.
Thumbs up on the sex scene's, and well done so far.
Woah. Unexpected...
6383084
What was unexpected?
6383111 I didn't expect Celestia to fall to evil twilight...
Good job, and I found the reference.
XD no one made a comment for fear of being nuked...
I'm sorry but someone has to do it.
6771538 The link didn't work
This fic needs an editor to fix it up a bit, but it's still really good so I'll keep reading
ok stop now it starting to get ridicules this story
Why does Twilight hate Rainbow and Pinkie? I'm not a 100% sure why.
If you don't hate Flash then why did you just randomly murder him?