I'm a recently returned writer and plan to release alot of stories again.
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a week has passed since Rainbow Dash and Tank Separated, shes been avoiding everypony, but today she would try to stop slacking off. Scootaloo on the other hoof is worried for her big sister and tries to find an answer.
(edits were done by a friend, he don't got an account on here.)
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Not bad, but the ending was kind of abrupt.
5908900 I see I'll try harder for it not to be abrupt nexe time ^^
A little rushed...
5909561 I have rushing issues but thx I guess.
Thus the pet stories truly begin.. A bit rushed though...
Ha. I just stumbled upon this image. http://fav.me/d8rc8ry (What are the chances?)
5916737 that's awesome, now I need to ask if I can use that as coverart^
Heya, CMC_Scootaloo here!
I love the idea behind it, but the execution could have been done way better.
It is, as you said, rushed, you lack punctuation and you wrap everything up too quickly.
Usually, I immediately favourite a Scootaloo & Rainbow Dash story, but since you wrote it so rushed, there are no emotions behind what you wrote, which ruins the enjoyment of reading it.
If you want to become better as an author, you should try taking your time with stories and get a better editor (or better, learn the right grammar and punctuation yourself).
Edit: I recommend reading this writing guide:
https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
It should cover everything that is important for a good writing style.
5931695 I'm usoly good at writing but I do have some issues with rushing, even with a pre readers help it just don't turn out to well, but I try, that's all I can really do is try.
While it's a very good premise, the sentences are far too run-on. However, since that is literally the only problem with the story, I will withhold any declaration on its quality until you've had a good chance to correct it. Some strategically-placed commas would do wonders for its readability and impact.
5991698 That's the only problem with the story?
What about the two sentence resolution. Or how Fluttershy just knows it's only going to take a week for Rainbow to get over Tank's hibernation, because this sort of thing is the same for Everypony. And what about the abundance of telling?
Matt11: Dude this is not your best stuff bro.
6049937 eh, sometimes writers rush, I plan to try to make stories good, at lest, I'll try.
6049945 Everpony plans on making their stories good, no one is saying you didn't try. But if you knew you were rushing, why publish this? No one wants to read a writers half-assed ending.
adorable, that scoots is helping rainbow dash with the tortoise incident