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When Rainbow Dash finds out that she only has a week left to live, she writes to the one pegasus who knew her the best. The only pegasus she called a family to her.
This is my first ever attempt at writing a fic. Its honestly not the best, but I wanted to start writing, and this idea came to me, so I went off on it. I hope you all enjoy!
Also i'm not sure who created the cover pic, I just took one off of google. Props to the creator!
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Nice little short story. However something's should be changed just so they're a little bit easier to read
"I will" should just be I'll, you know, just silly stuff like that
And perhaps separating the letter from the story just so it doesn't take a second to realize the settings changed. It breaks the mood.
Other then that it was nice and I enjoyed it in that sad feel kind of way
Long sorry short: thumb obtained!
And because I'm sleep deprived you get a follow as well
I appreciate it! I'm going to go through it tonight after class if i get the chance and fix those type of things. I also made the letter separate from the rest. I honestly forgot to do that when I transferred it to here from MS Word.
Thank you again though!
My main question is what did Rainbow Dash die of
2359427
A sickness
That was a very touching story and I commend you for writing it. I expect other amazing stories from you, but its going to be hard topping this one.
2364252 Thank you! It definitely means a lot to me, and im about to start writing another story soon! Its hard to balance Navy life and writing. ^.^
you should keep writing man
2387716 I actually have another story that i am working on at this moment! I am hoping to have the first chapter of it up tomorrow night at some point. I just need to find a pre-reader.
2387990 can't wait to read it man
That one dislike is making my OCD go batshit crazy
Alright, I tend to be a sucker for fanfics like this. Added to Twilight's Library.
Loved it, here, have a reading! XD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDvaFKyPWTw&feature=youtube_gdata
2466908 Thats awesome! :) I appreciate it ^.^
This was a great story.
I saw a few mistakes in it, though. First of all the title should be Rainbow's Last Wishes not Rainbows last wishes. If you mess up the title, how do you expect the reader to think you could write a masterpiece like this one?
rarity sweetie manehattan : These names should have the first letter capitalized because they are proper nouns.
What’s up squirt! There should be a comma before squirt because it is addressing Scootaloo. You really don't want to mess up the first sentence of your story or people are going to judge you.
I don’t want you to be sad squirt, which is partially why I was reminiscing with some of the good times. There should be a comma before squirt again.
c’mon Scoots There should be a comma before Scoots.
2526199 I definitely appreciate the feedback! I am going to go and make all of those changes in the morning! There's always those little things that get missed, as well as some larger ones that a hectic lifestyle caused me to miss. >.<
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Rainbow's last wishes
Grammar score out of 10: 6. You have various grammar mistakes, there's no capitalization for the characters names or places like Manehatten, and you should use more commas more often.
Pros
-The premise was interesting.
-The characterization was good. I could imagine Rainbow Dash writing the letter for Scootaloo.
-Having Fluttershy take care of Scootaloo is a nice idea. You should use this for a sequel.
Cons
-The "Scootaloo is an orphan" background is a cliché.
-You have some issues with grammar and capitalization.
-Letters don't contain ellipses or rectifications; those belong for a narration or a dialogue.
Notes Section: Overall, this is a good fic, but it tends to drift towards average. Using too many periods forces the reader to pause at every moment, and that interrupts the flow of the lecture. The idea of this story and the background for Scootaloo have been used too many times to the point is not original anymore, but you still tried to work with these elements, and I approve it. Another problem is that at the beginning, this is supposed to be a letter yet it looks like a dialogue with all the ellipses and things like "I know that this isn’t the easiest thing to hear, erm, well, read..."; I don't think that letters are really written this way. And as I pointed above, names and cities have capitalizations; that's one of the most basic things you have to learn as a writer. I would recommend you to search a proofreader and/or an editor to help you with any future projects as to avoid these mistakes.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at this story: Rainbow in the dark
Ahem...
i606.photobucket.com/albums/tt146/mortablunt/AHAGoldenRules_zps05e8649e.png
Really nice letter/short story, got dem feels going
you could almost make a series out of this 
This...actually made me tear up a little...and this is coming from a guy that giggles like a psychopath whenever I read anything Dark and such...damn it...*grumbles while whipping eyes*
The part of the story after the letter needs serious work. You have multiple tense shifts throughout, and the usage and verbiage are very awkward in a few places. The tense shifts are pretty inexcusable.
I never cry but this made me cry....
Reminds me of the time I lost my 10 year old sister.. :(
It's 8 in the morning
