Chapter 1.
About a week had passed since Tank went to sleep for winter. Rainbow Dash was handling things pretty well, however seeing her friends with their pets had made her miss him alot, now she tries to avoid her friends and has been avoiding Flight training with Scootaloo, it has hurt her to do this but Tank meant everything to her.
It was now monday she has barely eaten or slept and shes barely done any exercising, her eyes were very red showing she has gotten terrible sleep. She got out of bed and tried getting something to eat maybe today would be different.
As the rainbow maned pegasus made her way to the kitchen she hit her head on the wall trying to wake herself up she rubbed her head and decided to just get cereal, as she poured it in she was reminded of her times with Tank she and him used to eat cereal together new fresh tears appeared.
Rainbow Dash slumped onto the table “Oh Tank, I miss you so much” she said as she cried “I’m starting to wish I truly did stop winter, then things would of been better, for me and him.”
Rainbow Dash soon finished her meal she had managed to finish her meal but now she had to get some fresh air she knew she didn’t need to spend the rest of her life in her home, maybe a walk would help, she could also go visit Fluttershy while she was at it.
Rainbow Dash started her walk by walking through ponyville it was a decent walk however the only thing that bothered her was she could see filly’s with their own pets it bothered her so much it was almost like they were rubbing it in her face, she turned her head around trying to ignore it, but she ran face first into a tree, “Stupid tree, look where you're going!" she exclaimed knowing fully well a tree had no emotions what so ever.
Dash made it to Fluttershy’s house she knocked on her cottage door, “I just need somepony to talk to, that all” she repeatedly said to herself.
Soon enough Fluttershy answered the door and smiled when she saw Dash, “Dashie are you feeling Ok you've been ignoring everypony for weeks now, d-do you still miss him?” she asked concerned.
Rainbow Dash’s only answer was a simple nod, “I just need somepony to talk to and you came to mind” she said walking into the Yellow mares cottage and sat down on the couch.
Fluttershy went to get some tea, she didn’t bother getting Dash any because she knew she didn’t like the stuff, when she got back she took a sip, “Now what would you like to talk about Dashie?”
“I just don’t get it I said my goodbyes to him while he hibernates or whatever and I still miss him” Rainbow Dash said.
Fluttershy giggled a little, “Dash… thats quite normal anypony would feel that way sometimes when you lose something it takes a while to get over it, I’d give it about a week until you finally get over this, trust me Dashie I know alot about this” she said giving Dash a little hug.
Dash smiled she knew Fluttershy would be able to help her in this situation, she just had to try and get herself back together, piece by piece, day by day she would spend her time trying to exercise and all the other athletic stuff she loves, and maybe spend time with Scootaloo.
Rainbow Dash thanked Fluttershy and flew out of there to return home if she was going to get herself back together she needed to do a lot of exercise..
______________________________________________________________________________
Scootaloo sat alone on her bed it had been a week since Dash taught her how to fly and it was getting a bit boring sure she had her friends and most importantly her mother but without Dash it seemed just boring.
Scootaloo got off her bed and decided she'd find out what's going on maybe Fluttershy knows, she has always known what's wrong with most ponies.
As Scootaloo galloped out of her room she almost got out of her house but she thought she'd tell her mom where she was going, “Hey mom I’m going to Rainbow’s I’ll be back later” she shouted.
Dizzy Twister walked in, “Ok Scootaloo but first give momma a hug” she said opening her hooves, she was the type of mother that wanted to embrace her child before they left, sure it was embarrassing.
Scootaloo blushed as she hugged her mother, sure shes down for doing this it was her mom and not like anypony would see, but she had important matters to attend to.
Once the hug was done Scootaloo blushed once more and walked out the front door heading off to Fluttershy’s cottage upon getting there she saw Rainbow Dash flying away she wondered why her mentor was here, but shrugged it off and walked over to the front door and knocked on it.
Fluttershy answered it and smiled at the filly in front of her, “Hi Scootaloo what is it you need” she said softly.
“I was just wondering, why has Rainbow Dash been avoiding me, is she...is she getting sick of me? am I slowing her down? I can try harder” she said breaking down a little she was afraid Dash just did not want her anymore.
Fluttershy tapped the filly on the shoulder, “No shes just saddened that Tank had to go into hibernation, but give her a week and she'll be back to normal, I promise” she said she opened her eyes to see Scootaloo was gone, “where did she go?” she asked herself and returned back to her work.
Scootaloo knew exactly what she needed to do now, if she was going to cheer Dash up it would have to be done in a way only she knew.
Scootaloo soon made it to Rarity’s place usually Scootaloo wouldn't bother going here but sadly she needed something made.
Rarity was of course doing her usual things making dresses she heard the bell on her door ring and said “Welcome to my boutiq how may I help-” she stopped seeing it was Scootaloo, “What do you need darling?”
Scootaloo dropped several bits down, “I just need you to make me a costume, it's to help Rainbow Dash, you see she's still sad about Tank” Scootaloo explained.
Rarity smiled, “thats very nice of you to do this but what do you need me to make dear?” she asked putting the pink dress away that she was trying to make, but when it comes to making files or even a friend happy she will do everything she can to help.
Scootaloo started explaining to her what she needed a few hours passed and Rarity finished, Scootaloo gave her the bits and ran off to find her big sister.
Scootaloo had gone to Rainbow’s house but she wasn’t there, however Scootaloo knew of one place Dash goes to either be alone, or just hang out, the park, when Scootaloo got there she saw her sister.
“Hi Rainbow Dash , whatcha been up to” Scootaloo asked.
Dash smiled a bit at Scootaloo, “Sup squirt” she said as Scootaloo pulled out some type of costume Dash got curious.
Once Scootaloo put it on she was dressed as a tortoise, “I heard you missed your pet so I wanted to make you feel better, would you mind, if I be your tortoise for a few weeks?”
Dash smiled “Of course squirt I don’t mind” she said patting Scootaloo on the head, the two of them snuggled as the sun descended.
The End
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Not bad, but the ending was kind of abrupt.
5908900 I see I'll try harder for it not to be abrupt nexe time ^^
A little rushed...
5909561 I have rushing issues but thx I guess.
Thus the pet stories truly begin.. A bit rushed though...
Ha. I just stumbled upon this image. http://fav.me/d8rc8ry (What are the chances?)
5916737 that's awesome, now I need to ask if I can use that as coverart^
Heya, CMC_Scootaloo here!
I love the idea behind it, but the execution could have been done way better.
It is, as you said, rushed, you lack punctuation and you wrap everything up too quickly.
Usually, I immediately favourite a Scootaloo & Rainbow Dash story, but since you wrote it so rushed, there are no emotions behind what you wrote, which ruins the enjoyment of reading it.
If you want to become better as an author, you should try taking your time with stories and get a better editor (or better, learn the right grammar and punctuation yourself).
Edit: I recommend reading this writing guide:
https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
It should cover everything that is important for a good writing style.
5931695 I'm usoly good at writing but I do have some issues with rushing, even with a pre readers help it just don't turn out to well, but I try, that's all I can really do is try.
While it's a very good premise, the sentences are far too run-on. However, since that is literally the only problem with the story, I will withhold any declaration on its quality until you've had a good chance to correct it. Some strategically-placed commas would do wonders for its readability and impact.
5991698 That's the only problem with the story?
What about the two sentence resolution. Or how Fluttershy just knows it's only going to take a week for Rainbow to get over Tank's hibernation, because this sort of thing is the same for Everypony. And what about the abundance of telling?
Matt11: Dude this is not your best stuff bro.
6049937 eh, sometimes writers rush, I plan to try to make stories good, at lest, I'll try.
6049945 Everpony plans on making their stories good, no one is saying you didn't try. But if you knew you were rushing, why publish this? No one wants to read a writers half-assed ending.
adorable, that scoots is helping rainbow dash with the tortoise incident