Really? Just REALLY?!
It was a fine day at Canterlot High. Seemingly normal, for once. No singing sirens, no ketchup and mustard colored demons, no purple pony princesses, just normal.
....
Oh. Oh. Ha ha ha. HA HA HA HA HA! You thought I was serious?! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! No no no, NOTHING is EVER normal at Canterlot High. Let's take today for example...
"Urrrrrgggg..." Sunset Shimmer groaned, banging her head against the table. Glaring at her friends, she continued to bang her head against the table, groaning all the while.
Applejack sighed and rolled her eyes. "A'right, Sunset, what's gotten inta ya?"
Sunset stopped banging her head, and let it rest on the table. "Just watch the doors in five seconds."
The occupants of the table swiveled their heads toward the double doors at the end of the cafeteria. Within a few seconds, the doors swung open to reveal a girl very similar to Aria Blaze, except wearing a purple collared shirt and black skirt. A white band with a equal sign on it encircled her arm.
The girl climbed on top of a table and took a deep breath. "Hello students. I am Starlight Glimmer. And I-" BANG.
"Vinyl! Why would you do a thing like that?!" came Octavia's voice from the table a few yards away from Starlight Glimmer, laying on the floor beside the chair that had been flung at her.
"Obviously she's just like those girls. You remember the one with the giant hair? Yeah, I bet she's just like that one." said Vinyl.
"That's no reason to just attack her!"
Starlight Glimmer rose to her feet, looking decidedly dazed. "As I was saying, I think that we need-" BANG.
Another chair hit Starlight, this time flung by Trixie. "The great and powerful Trixie will not be seduced anymore by girls with nice bodies!" she screamed.
Instant silence.
"W-what?" Trixie stammered. "Trixie does not need t-"
Starlight Glimmer rose again, saving Trixie. "-Need Equality, and that includes the not throwing of cha-" BANG.
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
"I'm with Trixie and Vinyl!" shouted Flash Sentry. "We don't need another demonic ruler! No offense, Sun-" BANG
Sunset was now the one who had thrown the chair- but at Flash Sentry. "No one likes you anyway, Flash! EVERYBODY ships me with Twilight!"
"Er... Sunset... what are ya talkin' about?" Applejack asked, a puzzled look on her face.
"Oh, it was just the author lady saying she doesn't ship Twilight with Flash Sentry, because she doesn't ship Twilight with anybody, but popular polls show that most people ship Twilight with Sunset! Right, author lady?" Pinkie Pie said as she bounced up and down, her mouth circled with a ring of frosting.
"Dear, what are you talking about?" Rarity demanded, looking confused.
Pinkie stopped bouncing. "You'll never know..." she whispered, her hair going slightly flat.
Starlight Glimmer staggered to her feet again. "I.. I demand... equality!" she said, her eyes slightly crossed at this time. "I... I demand..." BANG.
Derpy stood over Starlight Glimmer, with tears streaming down her face. "I'm tired of you people making fun of me! Now you're imitating me?" Derpy raised her chair, ready for Starlight when she rose. "You're so mean!"
Flash was the one to rise first this time. "Sunset, what the heck!? I was your-" BANG.
Sunset had thrown another chair. "I don't freaking care! I just-" BANG.
"Pinkie!" Applejack cried indignantly, whirling around to face her. "What was that for?"
Pinkie shrugged innocently. "It looked fun."
"You didn't have to throw a chair at me!" Sunset said, pushing herself off the floor.
"Y-yes.. this is entirely uncalled for.." Starlight Glimmer said. "I think-" BANG.
"I don't care what you think!" cried Derpy! "Just stop being mean!"
The students surrounding Derpy carefully edged away from her.
The double doors flung open again as Principal Celestia walked through. "Now, honestly, what is with all this ruckus? I allowed the singing, but-" BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.
Several students were in on it now, flinging chairs right and left, toward certain people.
"Applebloom, what are ya doin', don't you dare throw a chair at your big sis-" BANG.
"I can't believe that someone like you would even think of throwing a chair at my beautiful face, Scootaloo, I am Diamond Tiara, do anything I don't like, and I'll tell my daddy on you-" BANG.
"Oh my gosh, it's just like Mortal Combat in here! I can't believe it-" BANG.
"Golden Wings, don't you dare, I'm sorry I broke up with you last week, but that's no reason to-" BANG.
"I'm sorry for starting that rumor about you, Sound Berry! It's just that-" BANG.
"Take this, you stupid tennis-ball-stealer!" BANG.
"THIS IS FOR YESTERDAY, YOU SLUT!" BANG.
"Just because I critiqued your writing rather harshly, Lotus Scent, doesn't mean that you-" BANG.
And in the middle of it all, Vinyl, the person who started all of it, stood unharmed.
Looking around, she witnessed students saying, "Great idea, Vinyl!" or "This is so much fun! Good job, Vinyl!"
But all good things must end.
She could have caught it. She could have anticipated it. She could have dodged. But all the same, the champion, Vinyl, was struck down by her best friend, Octavia, and her chair.
BANG.
Several long, very grueling minutes later...
Discord wheeled his janitor's cart into the cafeteria. Looking around, he noticed the unconscious students, the comatose principal, and the chairs with head-shaped dents in them. There was food on the floor as well. He sighed and realized that this would probably take a very long time to clean up.
EN- BANG.
Hehehehehe
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What's next? The chairs rising up against their oppressors and creaming them?
To be fair, their reaction to Starlight Glimmer is entirely reasonable.
Pure silliness. Make sure this gets a Random tag.
Hilarity. Absolute, utter, brilliant hilarity. I love it!
Although I imagined less chair-throwing and more bum-rushing, plus someone calling "We won't get fooled again!", but I'll take what I can get.
Well you know what they say.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice...
I feel the need to make some kind of chair related pun but for the life of me I can't think of a good one.
Though this does remind of of this fun little scene. Behold warriors who've studied the ancient art of IKEA.
5884120 And you've officially become "That guy".
5884164
5884212 You know the one right? The kind that wears a backwards hat and uses his hand to shield the sun from his eyes? That's what happens on the thrice fooling.
okay, I give! Take your like already - BANG
I was laughing so hard at this! xD Though Sunset being involved with chair-related violence has always got me.
You wouldn't have happened to have read Cafeteria Control, would you? The parallels are uncanny!
Genius!
Lol this was jus-Bang
Several hours later, Starlight Glimmer is the first to wake up. She immediately knocks herself out again in order to be equally as unconscious as the rest of the student body.
Wow i mean wow so dam funny
5883624 Quite possibly. I think you might have just inspired a sequel, you'll never know.
5883668 Yes, I was hoping something like this was going to happen with the Sirens, but no tomato.
5883701 Random Tag added.
5883796 Thank you for taking what you can get. I am low on creative ideas, so thank you for your consideration.
5884120 Fool me thrice, you get a chair thrown at you. Depending on this story's logic.
5884147 I am beholding. Very enlightening. I like it.
5884652 I very much liked your reference. Thank you for the like.
\
5884766 I actually read Cafeteria Control yesterday after I posted this, and I was unable to breath due to laughter. I am a little ashamed of writing a story so similar though.
5885089 Exactly.
5885261 Thank you!
5885810 Dang, I should have included that!
5887119 Thanks!
5887520
I'm pretty certain that story can be used as a murder weapon. The laughter just about killed me!
I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of though; especially since you had never read it beforehand; It is just an amazing coincidence. This story does stand out on its own perfectly.
5887567
*cue overuse of 
5887579
*gets buried in fluffy pink ponies*
Wait did anyone gain permanent damage
5887601 None more than they might have already have had.
Discord as a janitor...
Ingenius!
She could have caught it. She could have anticipated it. She could have dodged.
Kanji Tatsumi would be proud.
5887869 Well thank you.
5888885 Fixed.
5890973 Ikr... i guess...
5890973
Hold on, wait, I've got an even better super-geeky obscure reference that like two people would get!
Chairs! CHAIRS EVERYWHERE!
That part just fricking KILLED me.
5888885 Yes, but she DIDN'T, now DID she?!
5913752 I am delighted in learning that you were killed, I suppose from laughter. Just clarifying, because, no, I am not a maniac.
Glad you liked it!
5913825 Thanks!!
I thought the bang meant guns.
5890973
"GET BENT, GET BENT, GET BENT"
5978077
Said the students to Starlight.
This story was so fun to read! Liked and faved!
/)
Just /)
I can't /) this enough
6028885 Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
6028959
SAY IT, SUNSET! I SHIP YOU WITH TWILIGHT!
...what? I ship Flash with Sonata! Give me a break... *hides*
Also, this was very random, but very entertaining...I would love a sequel to this!
6140678 There might be a sequel shhhh don't tell anybody it's a secret
Poor Discord. His alternate self is channeling all his negative karma over to his janitor counterpart.
(in secret he probably screws
withthe Principal, though)static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/3799660+_a7c34c0653b43fb2f679d67d735ff808.jpg
You wouldn't happened to have read this before writing this did you? Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I ended up having to wade through my 30+ Sunset Shimmer favorites to find and reread that fic again.
So really, I should be thanking you.
Was she basically wearing a nazi uniform?
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