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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Man, I've never thought I would prefer seeing through some other characters viewpoint till he keeps doing this weird leftish world hate with bits of paranoid social justice added towards the mix thrown in his weird creepy rambling thoughts.
Though I was certainly spot on the money towards Misanthrope, though I wish I could tell by now what sort of protagonist this is.
I officially despise him now. The Higgs Boson is the greatest thing to be discovered in particle physics for years! Because of this discovery, we now know for a fact that the Higgs Field exists. You know, the reason particles have or don't have mass! This is as big a deal as when we discovered the electron! But I guess it's not like that discovery led anywhere, no sir!
Do you know what people like him said when electricity was first discovered? No? They said it was a gimmick; a neat party trick that wouldn't lead to anything.
Sorry for the short rant, stuff like this makes me absolutely livid!
Edit: After finishing this chapter I have concluded that the protagonist has a skewed image when it comes to science. First of all, scientists don't loudly declare things as impossible when they observe something that is inconsistent with previous observations, instead they try to figure out why it is possible. Secondly, he says he is glad he isn't a scientist (We are all glad he isn't a scientist, he is kind of ignorant), like it is a bad profession to be in.
What is his deal?
Another thing is that he thinks humans are trying to be as noisy as possible, when in reality we are making do with what we have. Maybe if humans had magical noise mufflers we wouldn't be as noisy. What an idiot.
It's my
partybody, and I'll clop if I want to! Clop if I want to, clop if I want to! You would clop too if it happened to you!Congratulations on getting featured!
5759643 He is the worse protagonist I have ever had the displeasure of reading from their perspective. He has very few redeeming qualities, and at this point I hope he gets sent back to Earth kicking and screaming.
He seems to be anti-human, anti technology, anti-science, anti-knowledge, and even anti-critical thinking. His rants on how loud humans are and how the world has gone to shit are gratting on my nerves, especially when he compliments the train's 'perfection'. In reality, the only reason it's quiet is because of fucking magic! If they had no magic it would be as obnoxious as old human trains. The clean smoke thing is also because of magic, yet on Earth we have figured out how to fliter out most of the crud and have ways to clean smoke! Without magic!
What an ignorant, whinny little man.
5759716 Yeah I certainly aint reading it for him, but to see how the narrative goes.
But yeah he's quite an irritation.
5759716 He has a pessimistic view on reality, what do you expect? When you stick a cynical pessimist in a land of literal rainbows and happiness, it can get entertaining, if only because of the humor behind the scenario.
I personally find this fic entertaining, and not just because of the scenario, I genuinely want to see where the author goes with this.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
This is turning from my favourite story to the point where I'm not sure if I want to continue. I don't necessarily mind that this character seems to be everything wrong with humanity, but the fact that 80% of the story is his observations on the world is getting to be too much. Even if I emphatically adored his personal views, it would get old after a while. In over 6000 words, all he did was walk to the washroom, play with a ball, and get on a train; everything else was just internal monologue ... that's kinda bad.
This is another thing, can we tone down the needless sex talk? I get it. It is hard to be a male human in a female pony body and the bits in the previous chapters about the character trying to figure things out was good, but when you write almost 2000 words on the topic, after the thinking the character has already done on the topic, the main character is hardly "not eager". The character is sounding like a broken record at this point, rehashing over and over again how "hard" not thinking of sex is (by constantly thinking of sex).
In short, the leftist misanthropic hate I could deal with, but that combined with literally tons of inner monologue and sex is driving me up the wall with this fic. Please, at the very least tone down the monologue and have the character actually do things. The plot is good, but it isn't so good that I would want to read tens of thousands of pointless-internal-monologue-words to get at it.
5759655 As much as I like this story I have to agree that any discovery in the infinite discipline of science is a reason to celebration, as it is allowing us to get better understanding of our world and how it's working.
Please hold the current status quo for as long as possible, don't fall into the PLOT.
I would prefer if the mystery of where the real Sweetie is would never be resolved altogether - but that's just me being an asshole.
5759655
Thank you for expressing everything I hate about the protagonist so perfectly.
This story is so awesome!
But so embarrassing sometimes...
But so awesome!!
“Apple Bloom, your butt doesn’t have wheels,”
Fucking. Killed me
Fuck this guy. I can't put it better than everyone else has, but seriously fuck him. I hope shit goes horribly for him. Not get found out and exorcised or anything, but still have a horrible, awkward time. Let him see his 'perfect' world fail him, and find that he was much better off as he was.
I can't even fathom willingly sacrificing your humanity, or having it happen against your will, and then not wanting it to be reversed.
Disgusting.
The Higgs boson is pretty damn important to restrict the range of W and Z particles, the mediators of the weak force. We wouldn't be able to explain nuclear decay without it! I completely agree with EverfreeSparkle.
Anyway, about where you're going with this fic: I mostly agree with CheshireTwilight. While I like detailed descriptions of the actions of the character and his/her environment, it gets tedious if it doesn't drive the story or explain the setting/world mechanics.
More actions, please!
My thoughts on the story so far.
So, the protagonist is getting a lot of hate. I mean, sure, he's an ignoramus, but he's also dealing with what would realistically be a super-stressful situation for all of us. Think about it: YOU'RE FUCKING SWEETIE BELLE! Well, no you're not ACTUALLY...I mean not sex...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. He's a technicolour horse and he doesn't really want to go home, how the hell do you approach this absurd situation from a rational perspective, let alone maintain coherent thoughts on the Higgs Boson?
And even so, the protagonist is allowed to be a little bit of a dick anyway. I mean if it's too egregious than I'll be agreeing with you folks but otherwise I consider it nuances to the character.
Awwwwwe.
Pony centipede is so cute. :3
Cool chappy.
This guy whines like a cheerleader looking at her first cock. *shakes head sadly*
5760337 The point isn't just that he is being a dick due to stress, the point is that he is a deplorable human being. He is anti-science, anti-humanity, and he is even anti-himself (His one good quality).
He thinks the world is going to shit and is a hell hole, as well as mocking scientific research for no reason what so ever. It's ironic that he implies that scientific breakthroughs with no current practical use are pointless, yet most scientific advancements started with those breakthroughs with no current use. Electricity comes to mind.
I could rant more, but I already have on another comment.
The only reason I am even reading still is because I like the concept, and the author's writing is pretty decent.
I'm finding this story to be entertaining, but the way this guy is carrying on about how horrible home is...earth better be some post apocalyptic hell hole or Africa the very least.
5760579
because that magic is temporary.
*if I orgasm, it means no ejaculation.*
Female ejaculation does exist, but is more like lubricant and... dunno if ponies have it.
*physically impossible*
You are a talking unicorn pony, you live in a world with MAGIC, respeat after me, nothing is imposible!
*Where’s the unstoppable corruption? The cheaters who prosper? The unhappy endings?*
*I haven’t been able to give a fuck enough to try this hard for... a long time. I could really use a hug right now.*
Okay, DUDE YOU NEED HELP!
The level of distress this is causing is pretty hilarious.
Who knew people were so touchy about the Higgs-Boson?
Geez, this guy... I'm really getting sick of the constant commentary about how bad humanity sucks. It's almost becoming his defining personality trait. Also...
Gee, maybe it runs on wood? Or maybe even magic considering the setting. Steam engines can run on other stuff besides coal, but I guess you're too busy being a wet blanket to know this.
(nerd warning)
For those wondering about the white smoke;
Coal coke. Coal is pre-burned, removing the smoke creating particles.
The coke then burns and leaves an almost clean white gas. It was never used for steam locomotives due to the fact it is cheaper to burn coal, then it is move the coal, burn it in the special method, and ship it back to the railways.
5760337 I agree. It seems like people only ever want a fucking boy scout as the protagonist, but if something like this were possible, who's to say a misanthropist dumb ass won't be the one it happens to? It's obvious to anyone that's read the comments that the author doesn't feel the same way, so chances are there's a reason for the protagonist's mindset.
I don't mind the protagonist's opinions. I even agree with him on some things. He obviously had a rough time in this world before he went to the next one. I think a lot of us would want to stay in the Equestria this author describes.
What a great story so far. It's uncomfortable to read at points, mostly the sex stuff, but it's kept me interested. I can't wait for "Sweetie" to meet up with Twilight again, and I hope the real Sweetie Belle is safe wherever she is. I hope the plot moves faster from here so we can find out.
<Insert Randomly Generated Human Being> being misanthropic about humanity is one of my biggest annoyances when it comes to HiE. Mainly because that shit happens way to often AND because its so narrow-minded it hurts.
This protagonist takes this shit to the next level in his whining.
let the fun times roll
5759643
Hm, I do plan on switching viewpoints but it's about two chapters away and only briefly. I hope she doesn't appear too leftist. My right-ish leanings might make me caricaturize someone of that opinion, a bit too severely.
5759655
She didn't say she was glad she wasn't a scientist.
I think the discovery of the Higgs boson, and of the electron, are very different situations both socially and scientifically. For one thing, the electron was rather scarily popular, even before they knew what it was. Franklin and his lightning in a jar, for instance. I can't say I appreciate the protagonist's blasé attitude towards science either, but I find it terribly amusing that's what disturbs you enough to hate her.
She never meant all humans were trying to be as noisy as possible, only some of them. I intended for her to express that she felt some humans were influenced that way, by action films and automobile commercials. I thought I made it clear it wasn't a blanket statement, but I'll take a closer look thanks...
5759716
Sorry to disappoint you. I could try to make her more sympathetic, I guess. I sort of wanted to move away from the "noble human" stereotype where the human in Equestria is never a complete wreck of a person, but I also sort of want to show people how to empathize with sorry souls like this, so maybe I'm being a little bit too harsh there.
5759815
Especially when it's not a land of literal rainbows and happiness...
5759849
Unfortunately, the protagonist is far more perverted than she is philosophical, so I don't anticipate the pontificating outrunning the sex talk any time soon. As for this:
Yeah, you might want to steer clear of this then. This is a story about people and feelings, more than about actions and events. It's a very inward journey. It's not so much that they're playing with a ball that I'm emphasizing, as much as what playing with a ball means for them.
I would very much love to see your story about a human become pony in Equestria unearthing ancient treasures, that's full of action and adventure, and not just a bunch of character development as the protagonist practically has an epiphany from a train arriving.
5759983
Sweetie Belle is Ron Jeremy. She was Ron Jeremy all along. And Scootaloo is Chicken Boo.
5760217
And I can't fathom anyone liking Warhammer 40K, so I guess we're at an impasse here!
derpicdn.net/img/2015/2/20/833179/large.jpg
5760291
Noted. And the question is, what can you do having better understood the nature of nuclear decay?
5760297
What's really unsettling is how much she enjoys baths. Why hasn't she taken one in so long, then?
5760337
You're absolutely right, but the question remains whether I'm writing it correctly, to convey that.
5760525
It's a pretty solid fact that the most nihilistic, depressed bastards in the world are the well educated ones in industrialized nations.
But yeah, maybe they grew up on a sugar plantation, or a diamond mine?
5760386
If it wasn't clear, she was declaring Rarity to be far too loving and motherly to have any hope of being Sweetie Belle's sister. So, it was about as respectful as the protagonist ever gets. Which is still, admittedly, pretty rude.
Her sister would have agreed it was the fillies' fault, and lost respect for them when they felt bad about it. Might go more into her later, but it was the protagonist's way of saying "I'm going to do what my sister decided was wrong, and not respect her convictions."
The parenthetical afterwards, now that was a bit spiteful.
5760424
They're really rather strikingly naive about sexuality. It's a bizarre contrast to their perversity, and seems like an impossible combination.
5760579
Well, if Harry Potter's parents never locked him in the closet under the stairs, and merely refused to acknowledge him or afford him any respect as a human being, simply feeding him inadequately and getting him in trouble when he does wrong, and nothing else, then yeah. I always thought that closet under the stairs was a terrible literary crutch.
And you ask why can't they use magic, to make Scootaloo fly? Well, why can't they use magic to give her a cutie mark? It's the same answer. Another way to think about it is: is it really so tragic that Scootaloo can't fly? And if so, then why isn't it equally tragic that Apple Bloom can't fly?
5760658
Well she sure ain't a paragon of perfection!
Don't worry, I stopped reading after the fifth book.
5760728
The jury is out whether that ejaculation counts as peeing or not. Some suggest it's urine combined with some other stuff, but most every reference you find to female ejaculation is going to be urine. Not that urine is bad necessarily (not really my thing) but those lurid mangas and seedy porno flicks have secretly been giving you a piss fetish all along.
5760787
Hey, you try building a 27 kilometer tunnel over 10 years with room sized superconducting magnets, and see if you don't get a little emotionally attached to it.
5760832
Neat! I didn't know "coke coal" was that stuff specifically.
5761962
I don't read a lot of HiE... just the ones where they're ponies... and where they're not their pre-selected OC pony, either... so, sorry if I missed all the misanthropes in there.
5761311
I'll do my best... there's still a lot of exposition still though, and a little thing I wanted to bring up before going into what happened to Sweetie. If you don't mind spoilers though, yes, she's safe.
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Thanks so much!
5763006
I'm no expert (really, I'm not), but my understanding is that isn't the hole it comes out of.
This entire story is a huge tease, it always gets close to something important happening and then, they change the subject and the chapter ends, IT'S TORTURE!! I MUST GO INTO THE FUTURE SO I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR CHAPTERS!
I don't know how to feel when I read this story. The writing keeps me coming back, but this will be one of the few stories I've read that is mature. Though, I think the few I have read have prepared me for anything.
5763006 When you go down and start speaking about the Patriarchy, the invention of civilization and misogyny, the discussion on males vs females, and a few other statements on the thoughts of society along with the anti-science and other bitter thoughts on humanity it almost made me think somehow a bitter Tumblr Social Justice Warrior had managed to be taken to Equestria after convincing themselves that they are the bastion of purity and light that should be listened to, so... Yeah it did kinda seem caricatured.
Problem is you've hit the other directional stereotype, where the HiE is just a general bitter misanthrope, at least In my opinion.
Also before I'm accused again of hating a story, I do not hate the story, I dislike the protagonist and I'm interested enough to see where the story goes, as I can see you are trying to make him unlikable from your comments, though I think the inner thoughts may be a bit more grating because of how he has treated everything so far along with the long discussions in his mind.
5763006
An older sibling can take the role of a parent if the parents are neglectful or dead. Since Rarity's parents seem to leave Sweetie Belle with her a lot of time, it counts as neglectful. And if Rarity is mothering Sweetie Belle a tad too much if because Sweetie Belle got "Crippled" and got "memory loss", is not THAT rare for an older sibling to be nice to a younger sibling who is sick with something really bad. Memory lost, unable to control her magic, unable to walk... try to see that from the ponies point of view, is not that different from a patient who woke from a coma and has to relearn to do a lot of things again.
Plus, display of affections are a pony thing.
5760345 38.media.tumblr.com/1b344e12951a897c939b741470243ce1/tumblr_mrl03bO61x1s8ill8o1_1280.gif
Not sure why it isn't animating though.
5763006
I suppose from what others are saying is that you want the character to be hated while, at the same time, want his internal monologue and feelings to be the main focus of the story. I just hope you know, by definition, that means you want the readers to hate the main focus of the story ... it just doesn't seem like a good idea.
Either way I'll keep reading until I can't, I suppose, you've read my suggestion and ignored it, that is the best I could hope ...
Really?! Seriously, do you need to sound like a condescending ass? I was being civil, giving clear suggestions on what I saw wrong and ways to improve the story (in my opinion of course).
Well ... if you would really love to, you can read my story about Sweetie Belle unearthing an ancient artifact and getting into action and adventure: Sweetie Belle and the Tablet of Knowledge
I imagine you don't actually care. None-the-less, I hope you appreciate it anyway.
5759849 i didn´t knew how to say it, but i think i second what you said right there.
That massive sex problem he has every chapter, well....i think he should be more or less over it for now.
I still hope he get´s Sweetiebells body, because for one reason i just don´t like it that much if they turn back.
I am not sure if that was what i really wanted to say, but i think i would maybe be a bit reserved as well about being in another Body, and about all the other problems he is having, but i think after a while i would act as if the Body was mine to make it short.
5763006
There are already many valuable applications of nuclear decay, from carbon dating to medicine (and yes, the bombs). It's not so much what you can do with a proven Standard Model, it's about answering the philosophical question of what happens not only during nuclear decay, but in every nucleus from a quantum mechanical point of view. It represents another step towards a Theory of Everything a unifications of interactions, even though the Standard Model (which incorporates Electroweak theory which required the Higgsboson) still doesn't incorporate gravity. If we understand how the universe works now, then we can uncover what the universe was like in the past and how it's going to be in the future.
Cheers!
5763006 Applications of knowing more about nuclear decay could lead to cold fusion. You never know. That's the thing with science; even the most out of there hypothesis' and discoveries can lead to unexpected applications that could make ground breaking advancements that improve everyone's lives.
The Higgs Boson is direct evidence of the Higgs Field, a field that is everywhere in the universe. I won't get into massive detail on what it does, but the basics is that it is the reason particles have mass.
In the distant future we might be able to manipulate this field, and if we can we could make particles mass-less, or at least seem that way by not interacting in the field. Mass is directly related to inertia. Inertia is the difficulty to change an objects momentum, in simple terms. Imagine the applications of mass-less inertia free objects. When I think about it, it kind of reminds me of the 'mass effect' thing in Mass Effect.
This is pure speculation, and by no means possible with our understanding of physics or technology... Yet.
Too much monologue...
5759655
I think it's safe to say that the protagonist in this story (and probably the author as well) has a skewed perception of reality as a whole, constantly whining about how terrible everything is in life.
wait a second *looks again*
Oh
Zordon "Alpha call the power rangers. there is a new threat in another world."
What have you done.... LOLZ
I feel somewhat insulted by his views of humanity, especially considering I happen to belong to that species.
God, its like he in competition with the human from my little dashie for "worst human with a massive victim complex" award.
How..do I still love this story? PRODUCE MORE FOR ME GOOD AUTHOR!
Applejack the background pony in its entirety.
5763006 hurry up
Errrr... Sorry to disappoint you, but ponies do have toilets like ours:
[youtube=mtsle9CeEQA]
Pause at 1:12
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ok, ok, got it. More stuff happening, less whining. *throws out next 30 chapters*
5768271
Trying to have something for this Wednesday, but it takes a long time to write when you're busy browsing derpibooru!
5770695
Discord. Your argument is invalid.
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> SCIENCE
I agree that being able to change the mass of something would be very useful. It would also violate thermodynamics buuuuut, who cares about silly things like that? Unfortunately, "the distant future" doesn't include me, so I can't really say I'm all that excited about it. Just be careful you don't let the process become the goal. We have reasons we need to understand things, reasons that measurably affect our lives. If we understand how the universe works now, and that enables us to understand how it will work in the future, that's understanding in order to understand. But we don't want to understand. We must understand, as a requirement to get what we do want, which is a better life. Don't read the dictionary. Use the dictionary.