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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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About to go to sleep... I see an update at 1:26AM where I live...
6009492 I can't help but laugh at this.
Hmmm, I haven't really read this story for the last four chapters. I want to keep reading, but then I get anxiety about how cringe worthy the main character is. And yes, I actually get physical and mental discomfort thinking about him...
Ugh, this is not sounding how I wanted it to sound. Look, I sympathize with his feelings and curiosities fine, but it's just his selflishness that gets me. I would love to be in his position, but I wouldn't want to be if it meant stealing someone else's place. I understand being horrified by what the locals might think, but the longer he stays silent the worse it will get. Until his excuse of "I'm scared by what will happen if I tell you" will not work with the ponies.
I think that is where my main problem lies; I dislike reading something when I know exactly how it ends. There are exceptions to this, like if the main character is very interesting or the outcome needs the journey to understand, but watching someone screw up their own chances of being accepted more and more as time goes by is not one of them.
You are very good at writing, maybe a little shaky when it comes to helping an audience relate to a character, but good nonetheless. So don't take this comment as anything else than my personal opinion that is completely subjective, not objective.
PS. Any chance you could private message me if the ending for the main character is happy, that he doesn't royally screw up so much that everyone thinks him a monster, and that Sweetie Belle surives or not for me? I don't share with anyone, but if I knew the ending wasn't as tragic as it seems guarenteed to be, I will be able to keep reading. And I do want to keep reading. Regardless, I will keep this story faved and liked. I'm not cruel enough to dislike a story just because I subjectively dislike the character, or its ending.
I wouldn't confess before I took a while to dig into some information about spirits, posession and out-of-body experiences. Then again it's just me not wanting the status quo to change for a longer time. I love situational comedy and sexual awkwardness here more than the potential PLOT.
*blushes* Oh my.
Thank you. The words you crafted and the images you painted... you made something spectacular. The polish and care really makes this chapter sparkle. And sheesh, you strike from all angles. The strength of your writing hits at all angles!!! It's difficult to find any weakness.
Also omargash!! I adore how this entire chapter is one scene! There were no line-breaks or sudden transition. Nope! It was just a large smooth event. Gah!!! Ah'm so envious of you!! Also the chapter is adorable!! Double gah!!! I adore how you write hoof movements. And the other tiny things like "fluffy butt" is so freakin' cute. Triple gah!! The scenery description was overwhelmingly amazing! You illustrated the school house so well! And the clouds in the sky! Squee!! So much omnom stuff to omnomnom! And of course, the dialog was fun!!! Super squee!!!!! Sweetie Belle pulled off her oldness in such a wonderful way. Hahahahahahahaha!
*takes deep breath*
You are an amazing Author. Thank you for sharing this hug-worthy chapter.
Me: Things are really picking up now!
Reads Author's note
New chapter!! pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw9071_small.jpg
6069227 yeah its really messing with me too. so much anxiety
6069227
It's tagged comedy and adventure.
Nothing horrific happens. So don't feel so anxious.
The whole thing is happening very, very slowly... I mean, 11 chapters and still nothing has been actually accomplished.
And don't get me wrong, I'm still reading because of a reason, that reason being the interesting perspective, the selfish-pervy protagonist, and other details you've put in this fic.
It's all good, but as the author note says, I hope future chapters go somewhere.
Also...
I wonder who'll be the first one 'abused'
“Thanks for coming, Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom says happily beneath me, almost dragging a smile out of me. “It’s no problem,” I say looking down at her, “I really wanted to come too.” Then Apple Bloom says, “And thank you Rarity!” I don’t get why at first, but Apple Bloom explains on her own, saying, “We’re missin’ a piece without her around, and we were worried if she was okay.”
Okay, you need to stop slipping into this. When another character speaks you always make a new paragraph. It's simple.
Things are really picking up now!
Are they? Let me challenge you: We know parts of the conflict, at least on our OCs side. He is stuck in SBs body, but can't walk and is afraid to tell them the truth. Probably because he is in such a vulnerable position, again because he can't walk. If things go badly, he is at their mercy. So, maybe we could hurry that little part along? This is charming story, but it's at risk at being another Oh to be Old which is a great tale... that has a plot that moves at a reversed pace at times. Get the plot moving!
Celestia I love this story
oh lovely fuzzy chapter, I enjoyed the smooth ride.
action packed as always
(at a leasurly non-sweatshop containing universe pace)
6069227 Every story not focused on comedy needs conflict. If that conflict is simply the main character mental conflict then its fine. If everything was just rainbows and butterflies it would not be a story but a daydream.
Yes the main character is cringe worthy, but thats what I find interesting, and is what makes me relate to him. The main characters worries and faults are the main driving force of story as a whole.
While the pendilum can swing ether way I do believe it's going to land on a happy ending.
6073738 I guess it's just that I have never liked cringe drama. Or cringe anything really. Small amounts is okay, but this story seems to make me cringe every other paragraph.
Damn, she is slow, yeah they are ponies, did you just find out?
Still, the whole bit about "Caring about yerseft" was nice.
I don't think this violates any grammar rules (though my grammar sucks, so it might) but it is really weird having the phrase "for obvious reasons" twice, as well as two colons. I'd recommend rewording it and using semicolons instead of colons.
You forget to seperate the different speakers.
Where does he get his "facts"? Misanthropedia?
Anyway, another great chapter. I gotta admit, the whole 'care about yourself' speech actually made me proud of the little weasel. Maybe pony world will be good for his outlook on life. Can't wait for more!
6073790 If a character starts at the bottom they have a lot of room to grow.
But I agree that he should just stop being a whiny bitch and get on with it. Whether "it" is deciding to keep quiet or tell the others.
Yeah, I would be dead, or at the very least brain-damaged, without my helmet. They save lives.
I never thought I'd get such a kick out of reading a borderline pedophilic self-insert with such a liberal use of commas. Yet here I am, just finishing up the latest chapter after binge reading this all night. You, Sir, are a genius.
Well, every story gets one wtf before i give up on it. The only part of this story I don't like is your phrasing. Juicy this, tender that, perky whatchamacallit.
I just skip a few paragraphs when you start waxing poetic pedo crap.
Curiosity and hormones are all fine and dandy till you start sounding like an old porn writer. The subject of sexuality is fine it's just that theres is a thin pink line between sexual humor and disgusting pervert. If you look behing you with binoculars you may spot the line.
That said if you are satisfied with the standards of your story that's fine then.
Still aside from beeing subject to your own hormonal urges it's an interesting premise. Though personally I'd have spoken up right then and there in chapter one. Dying would be a small price to pay to save a child.
6084326
yes, because writing something descriptive makes you a pervert or a pedo...this just in! *insert name here* is a murderer for killing a character or background character.
6084357
No but when we write we put a piece of ourselves into the story, if you write an otherwise nice slice of life, drama or adventure story where your lead ocassionally has an otherwise unrelated to the plot urge to carve out eyeballs, constantly gets distracted due to meat tendernes of whomever they phisically touc and keep describing the taste for the flesh of the living? Issues.
I won't drop a fic just because it has unecessary gore, needles explict description of sex or tangental political rants. I will call people on it though.
I would have Zero objections if the doctors found unusual hormonal levels or something. Constantly getting arroused whike wearing a child's body just breaks my suspension of disbelief
Unless of course this story is supposed to be about sexual foalcon escapades of a body snatcher and the story so far is just an intro. I may have then completely misunderstood the poiny then. :p
Edit: sorry for spelling issues. Typi g on a tablet.
6084387
well, it adds strugge to the MC, just because there is that stuff in here, doesn't mean he's a pedo, I mean I'm sure he'd rather have a 5gb folder of other pony porn.
Now that I've finally gotten around to reading this chapter, I'm glad to say it was worth not being overly lazy for once! I would have slipped up on the "someone" and even said cars... and then there was the part with the mutton chops...
Love how you had in what the MC would have said normally. I eagerly await the next update!
ok time too read this story again
I really like this fanfiction and I was wondering if it were possible to get more regular updates?
Nice chapter with adorable CMC slice-of-life, and no pedo fantasies to mess it up. And for a brief moment, the protag acts like a normal human being with redeeming qualities, and talks life with a kid without dreaming up ways to get into her metaphorical pants.
But I'm sure like how Game Of Thrones kills off its good characters, you'll have the protag find ways to utterly destroy his own progress, and sigh contentedly at the sound of gnashing teeth from your readers.
6113504
I think the dislikable protagonist is a nice change of pace, where HiE’s are concerned
0:49
Oh, like she's so tall that she'll actually hurt herself when she fall. I can't roll my eyes any further. She's actively sabotaging her own ability to re-learn how to walk. Oh, and read too, let's not forget that moment of marvelous dumbicity either. Where did that care about yourself went?
This story would be pretty good if the sexual stuff was cut out