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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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indecisiveness seems to be a character trait of his
Thank God he's a pony now.. Otherwise he'd be bringing shame to our entire race. We already have enough people doing that/
Good god. What is wrong with him?
Maybe Luna should find out what's wrong with that child.
5860497
So you can't accept even a fictional world where things work out alright on a consistent basis, or characters who aren't all broken in some way or deserving of failure? That's kind of sad...
5860793
Next chapter Rarity reveals herself as a heavy cigar smoker, leaving Sweetie in the care of the town drunk as a way for Rarity to try to clear up her dating prospects, while Rainbow Dash goes on trial for foal abuse, and now Sweetie has nopony to assist her with her incontinence issues. Also Twilight is the Metatron for some reason.
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My extensive (cough) research into the differences between males and females seems to indicate that on one hand having only one sphincter, it's a lot easier for females to wet themselves, but on the other hand when males get up there around 70 they start wishing their penis didn't have all those opportunities to block the way out.
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You are correct. However, hoping for a place where there is at least a way to live that isn't entirely terrible, if you really try, does not indicate you are a flawed person, who has no right to wish for those things. Yet people will accuse such a person of hoping for unrealistic perfection, and they will warn them to abandon their dreams and never speak of things that can never be. The reason they do is because they are afraid to admit that there is anything fundamentally wrong that cannot be overcome, so they blame the victim and try to convince them that bad is good. Nobody wants to hurt for their entire life, but some claim it is a good thing that happens, more "genuine" somehow, because it is real. But the fact is that reality really isn't all that great, and it's not wrong to suggest that it could be improved.
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I have no idea!
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Maybe she should find out what's wrong with your face. OOOOOOOH
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Yeah, especially serial commenters in their own story who can't remember everything they wanted to reply to before hitting Post Comment.
5873492 HEY! Uncalled for. :P Anyways I can't hep but come up with various scenarios in my own head about your story. One of them has Luna...well, never mind. I'm no writer, so I couldn't really tell you anyways.
I'm just wondering when Luna is going to step into the dreams and ask; "Just what is going on with you?"
I don't think I've ever wanted to strangle a character so much. He seriously makes all the wrong choices and selfish ones. For all he knows the real sweetie belle could be in his body and starving/dying or crazy and he doesn't care. He's just concerned with spending time with rarity. What a selfish prick.
I understand wanting to figure things out for himself but the moment he realized he couldn't read he should have asked to go to twilight or someone else to solve this problem... It really makes me wonder though if this is how someone would really act if they found themselves in this situation. Would they want to go back? Would they want to fix it? I like to think that if I was in this situation I'd be making the right decisions but who knows.
Even so I really hope he steps up soon. The only reason I'm still reading is I keep expecting him to give himself away or Luna to swoop down and figure out what's going on. Idk how much longer I can take.
Good Job Author, I've hate watched shows before but this is the first time I've ever hate-read something xD.
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Do you honestly think that was worth getting personal over? Because I certainly don't. What I said was my opinion of the character's motivations, as I believe them to be, from what I can tell by his behaviour and thoughts shown in the chapters you've published so far, as well as an explanation of why I think this kind of setting would make for a much less interesting story, based on what I think would be the natural behaviour for the character if placed within it.
It's not what I think about life, the universe and everything, personally, it's about how it would just not be believable. Yes, yes, "neither are magical purple unicorns," but that doesn't make it less obvious, just from looking at how inconsistent it would be with how actual people behave, that a place like that can't be real. Characters that are supposed to be as fully real, mentally capable and emotionally complex as any human need just as much of a subjectively good reason for their behaviour as any human has for theirs, because people don't do things "just because." Without that, you can still tell a story, but it is the sort that runs on saturday morning cartoon morality. The canonical setting of the show is one that works just like that: everything is just arbitrarily pleasant, nothing really bad ever happens to anyone, nobody is ever really mean-spirited unless they're one of the villains and everyone is just generally morally better than most real people - and as a result, the characters all look like unrealistically naive and vaguely emotionally retarded caricatures, instead of like real people. They would visibly be incapable of dealing with a world that isn't literally designed to be safe for children.
And since you already said that this is not the kind of setting you want to use, you'll have to concede that it would simply look visibly forced and unrealistic to anyone paying any attention at all. If you can't provide the pony characters with a believable reason for being nicer and more moral than people in the human world, despite being otherwise fully as capable as any human of deciding they have reason not to be, then either you can't actually write them as being that way or there's really no justification anymore for claiming it's not just the main character getting dumped into his personal wish-fulfillment masturbation fantasy.
So much text for useless descriptions of child`s life and bodily functions. And its crashingly boring. Very much so.
Not being able to read is hopefully the last straw. There's not gonna be any adequate way to hide that, so I hope Sweetie Dude comes clean sooner rather than later.
"How do you feel, Sweetie Belle?" Princess Twilight Sparkle asks me, I look at her, then stand up, wait I did stand up? Is like, I can grip the ground, I did it! I would jump out of joy, if it wasn't for the numbness felling around my horn.
"I dunno... I... I can grip things with my hooves now." And all it took was for Twilight to put a suppressor ring in my horn. It kinda makes sense, ponies can do this on an instinctual level, even as newborn foals, unlike unicorn magic, it doesn't need conscious control. Heck, all I should supposed to need is actually wanting to hold something, but for walking? Is supposed to just be automatic. So the reason I couldn't do it even when I wasn't paying attention is because I have out of control unicorn magic, that scrabbles everything.
But... to be a magicless unicorn... should I cry? My magic was working wrong and messing me up. In fact, with the ring on, I actually feel my age instead like an awkward teenager in a filly body.
Twilight Sparkle gives me several things to hold and grip, and is nice to not be thinking about THAT all the time, even if I feel awkward, but I have been awkward almost all the time since I woke up as a unicorn filly, so is not that different.
She then makes me stand up and walk, I can actually do it easier now, the princess keeps correcting my stance and posture, until I actually do automatically. Then I notice is night already, she gives me a light dinner, then goes to...
"No!" Funny, every other unicorn would want that thing removed, magic is like flying for the pegasi, even Fluttershy, who feels better on the ground, was horrified at the idea of losing the ability to fly.
"Sweetie Belle, you cannot sleep with a magic suppressor ring on, is unhealthy."
"But... can't you cast a spell on me or something?" I don't want to have wet dreams in a place Twilight Sparkle can hear me, I don't want to abuse a little filly body that isn't mine to start with like that.
"Well, I suppose I could teach you some meditation exercises that helped me when I was a young foal."
So she doesn't remove the ring yet, and teaches me to meditate. Then we try with the ring removed, now that I know is actually my messed up magic and not teenager hormones, I have better control about it. Thankfully I relieved myself before accepting coming to live with Princess Twilight Sparkle. Rarity didn't want me, but I have strong, uncontrolled magic, and I am not a newborn foal, in fact my control is WORSE than that. It was this or going into a private institute... were I would probably pervert fillies my age, since it was an all mares school.
Unfortunately, eventually I go to sleep, and nothing can protect me for my dreams. Well Princess Luna could, but they are dreams, not nightmares, and I don't think my dreaming feels like a filly my age should instead of an awkward teenager to her anyway.
As a literary device, the main character is one of the most interesting ones to date, because she is so utterly broken and pathetic, and yet it's not played as a good thing. In other words, you just deconstructed the kind of human who would most actually want to stay in Equestria (a pathetic, misanthropic, narcissistic failure with hints of sociopathy.) Well done.
The clincher? She may have gotten a second chance, but odds are she's no more fit to live in Equestria's society than in the real human world.
I can´t help myself, for my personal liking, he is a bit to obsessed with his sexual urges, i think you probably already told us why you think he has to act like this, but i don´t remember. Why was it again, that he suddenly wants Stallions/Males to havee sex with him?
It nearly looks like something he would have to cure somehow, he should probably talk with a doctor or psychologist abou his urges, it doesn´t seems to be healthy.
While i don´t really mind his sex talk half the chapter, it is weird that he doesn´t manage to talkk with one Stallion, maybe even Mare, without getting wet, or want to fuck him. I mean does he really want to have sex with "every" Stallion?, then he needs probably really help.
I just think you write a little biit to much about hs sexual urges, it isn´t that interessting to read anymore, after it is getting to much.
To be honest i skipped the Dream, i don´t really like his Dreams, but i still have a headache today.
I can´t say that i don´t like this story, but it is nothing perfect for me.
5874050
I felt very much the same about the character right away, too, and wanting to see how the obvious consequences of that will eventually play out is pretty much the whole reason I even follow this story at all.
5874165
Her magic is messed up and makes her body act like she was a horny teenager instead of a filly?
5874553
I know you really like getting hung up on your personal pet theories and treating them like they were God's own truth, but it's really annoying to everyone else that you keep talking to people who don't think it is as obvious like they're somehow stupid for it.
Personally, I think the MC is a bit insane. And not Pinkie-type insane or even Pinkamena-type insane, but rather traumatized by childhood issues, resulting in dysfunctions that were further enabled and magnified by a solitary lifestyle, resulting in even more dysfunctions.
In other words, she's not evil with a capital E, but she is really, really, messed up, and not even in the fun "explosions and fighting!" kind of messed up, but the depressed, near-suicidal loathing towards both self and society that you would in Evangelion or something. Probably with a Freudian excuse or three.
That's just my own pet theory though.
5874622
Check old comments, the author confirmed it, unless it was joking.
I feel like the moment
NotSweetie belle is able to walk again she is gonna have a LOTTT Of "Male" wink wink encounters Also is Luna going to visit her It's about time I favorite this story considering how long I've been reading and loving it.I CAN FINALLY ACCESS FIMFICTION!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
AND THERE'S AN UPDATE HERE!?!?!?!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*GARRRRRRHHHHHH* THANK YOU OH LUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*has sudden epiphany*
Woah. I just realized that Sweetie Belle is written like Bella from Twilight. And everypony is a sparkly vampire, so she's so distracted by their gloriousness.
Ehehe.
I'm okay with that. I liked that book series. :) The movies on the other hand... *shivers* Bleh!
OMG!
Belle .... Bella ... Belle .... !? COINCIDENCE!?!?
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Also the fact its a (maybe) hormonal filly body, with a lot of brain juices doing all sort of things. Plus instincts, cues and gender confusion that a human MIND can't work with yet, thus he have all these unchecked urges that Sweetie Belle herself wouldn't even bother thinking about (if she was even receptive to the idea of sex in the first place) since it would be "normal routine" stuff.
Then add the effect of the human mind on the pony body itself (his own expectations and experiences will have an effect), and you get a chaotic mess.
And on top of it, all the emotional funstuff to spice it up.
Magic don't seem to factor much into it, yet.
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She's spectating. And she is assuming its a child's dream. But its not a child's mind here. Not the same in any way to what she's used to. She'll go in, thinking its a child dream, but then realize too late its something else entirely.
I (like to) think that if she steps in, she's in for a wild ride that would make Discord look like a basket of kittens.
Dem silent houses.
5873495 lol luna is like wha the fuck is wrong with her. welp lets watch her dreems a second time and see that she is seeing no body and that thier are just silent houses as tho its normal. if i was luna i would find "sweete bell" and find out just what the fuck is wrong with her
Okay, I was going to say you pushed it too far with him not being able to read... but thinking back, some things DO make more sense. He did notice the signs, he simply thought they had odd symbols on them, that were symbols and not writing. Well done, that does make perfect sense. You even had it so he never gets to see what the doctors were writing, at least I think you did.
It would be amazing if he told her, I just hope he tries to and I mean REALLY tries.
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5875369
OHMYFREAKINGAWDLOL
5874553 That and the fact that there are hormones, and possibly pheromones, that he hasn't been exposed to before. The body may be used to them but the mind isn't.
5874553 hhmmmmm at least this would be a possible, but still weird reason for a Unicorn Filly, but it seems like it would be not enough to cause....this.
5874799 To be honest, if the Dreams should be important enough for Luna in this story, then she would probably already have a reason to visit him.
5875549 I like your explanation a bit more, but i am not totally convinced about his personality and other stuff yet.
I like this idea that ponies use their hoof grip for walking. Finally a good explanation for how they stick to that hill in Dragonshy
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/4/17/875896__safe_twilight+sparkle_rainbow+dash_pinkie+pie_rarity_applejack_screencap_dragonshy_fuck+physics.jpg
And I'm starting to think this protagonist was totally gay as a human. The obsessing over stallions, and apparent inability to find his/her clit. You'd think years of masturbation to porn of females would teach at least that much about how their junk works. Either that or I'm just weird for being interested in understanding what makes females feel good
That sucks...
inb4 princesses have old books with english in them. eh, I dunno.
5877037
Since her mind thinks that she should be older, her magic tries to make her body act like it was that of an older pony, hence, magical hormones.
5875549
Is mentioned several times that Sweetie Belle is several years too young to act as an hormonal teenager mare, hence, her magic being messed up and making her body act that way.
Also, if it was hormones, everypony would notice due to ponies having a better sence of smell that humans.
5877400 is this the official theory of the story? i can accept that if it is from the story, but i still thinks he needs help.
5877589
Well, if her magic keeps "her" trying to artificially make act like an hormonal teenager, it would explain why something that automatic and instinctual, like grappling with hooves to walk, isn't working. She is so messed up that's she is actually using most of her magic to do it.
And the author kinda agreed with this in a comment.
Here:
5827217
5877603 well like i said, if he choosed it for his story, then i accept it.
I don´t say you are wrong, i just have a hard time to believe that it is enough, to cause everything of this.
A part of me still believes, that he wasn´t much better as a Human.
Lady, I've been wondering that myself. Get that kid a shrink.
5873527 You know, that's really the reason I love this story so much. This is one of the most believable HiEs I've read. I can understand his fears of being vaporized. Sure, it's still selfish, but can you honestly say you'd do better?
I suspect Luna will be the first to confront the guy, it only makes sense after all.
But the dreams...I somehow feel like your trying to give us some kind of hidden code based on the events that transpire in them but what the hidden answer is, I have no clue!
5879257 Exactly, well besides his character being a complete pansy/idealist I think it's pretty realistic, and if you ignore his personality then yeah who knows how someone would react in this situation.
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5873513
You know, this chapter makes it reeeeally obvious. I'm surprised nobody caught on.
5873527
Some people just aren't heroes. Doesn't mean they're horrible people. Just when push comes to shove, there are those who forge forward bravely, and there are those who break.
5873620
You said "it would just not be believable" and what you were actually saying is "I don't find myself able to believe it" but you framed it in the passive sense, omitting yourself as a qualifier for your statement. My guess is that you do so because you feel like other people don't value you or your beliefs, and you feel obliged to trick them into accepting them by stating them as if they were fact. That's really what makes the passive voice so terrible, is it doesn't change the meaning, but it adds connotations that you speak not for yourself alone, but for the world at large. "I don't enjoy tennis," is a personal opinion, while "Tennis is unenjoyable," though the same thing, begs the question enjoyable by yourself, or enjoyable by anyone anywhere ever? And leaving that question unanswered gives false strength to what you want to be true, without requiring you to actually have any support for it.
But I'm just being piccayunish. I do agree that flaws can improve a character's depth. When people make characters who are perfect saints with no flaws or troublesome aspects to their personality, I sure don't enjoy those characters, and I think most people would agree. You can't have a story without conflict, and such characters thus add nothing to the story. I don't feel like I've made
Rarityany of the characters a Mary Sue in that fashion, but it's true that they are perhaps just a bit less broken than someone you'd meet on the street. I'm not trying to make them perfect, just... they've got a lot of things going for them, that most of us never even get to see. They're sort of that well adjusted friend of yours who never had any abusive parents or school bullying and you want to hate them to death for living a blessed life but you can't, because they're just such a wonderful person.5873651
Just a head's up, I love describing things. I have been known to stay up at night thinking of new ways to describe a child's life or bodily functions. Sorry it bores you, but I really do enjoy this stuff. Personally I was sitting on the edge of my seat the whole time I was trying to figure out what the nuances would be of the encounters between Notbelle and the physical therapist. Is she going to like him? It's got to be a him just to show her that the
universe hates herauthor loves irony. What's he going to be like? Is there going to be a lot of physical touching? Is she going to crave it? Is she going to be peculiarly averse to it, despite craving it, because of the anxiety of her new gender? That would be exciting! --- and so, other people find that boring. But it's what I like, so... sorry.5873652
Clearly she's going to come clean "First thing in the morning, I can tell her over breakfast when we’re all nice and calm." Would she lie to herself? Surely not!
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You sure are enthusiastic about that...
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5874165
Oh, no reason...
5874675
She thought Evangelion was a comedy. It literally is.
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"I knew how to raise my tail before I learned to walk!"
5875369
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https://derpibooru.org/863009
5875535
I wrote that before I saw the season 5 premiere.
5875549
I haven't watched Eraserhead! I'd never do that to Luna!
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https://derpibooru.org/528372
5875558
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I had the "not reading" thing as an idea from the very beginning, sort of the last straw before she starts to crack. I tried not to make it look too coincidental though. In fact I think it kind of neat: the idea that the pony world does with a lot less reading signs, and a lot more personal interaction than ours. A lot (most?) of the store signs in the show had only pictures on them, no words.
5876852
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https://derpibooru.org/697455
5877297
This protagonist didn't have anyone to be gay with as a human, so the world will never know.
Knowing what a clit is, and attempting to masturbate with a hoof are two different things...
derpicdn.net/img/2015/4/17/875896/medium.jpg
Meanwhile, in Season 1...
5877651
They really weren't, but perhaps a lot less um... you have to have a hope of getting laid first, before you can even think about being worried about it.
5879236
On it!
5879257
Honestly I would probably be blubbering at Twilight's hooves the moment I woke up begging for her forgiveness. It may not be virtuous to hide this from the ponies, but in doing so this protagonist shows an impressive amount of emotional fortitude.
Then I'd realize she wasn't a princess, and I'd be like "Oh! Um... can I speak to a lawyer, please?"
5880759
So, pretty much the protagonist is a complete Sweetie Belle.
5885373 Makes what obvious?
5885373
I don't know what about this is more disappointing: that you have a low enough opinion of me to assume I'd be wowed into shutting up by that kind of low-effort internet psychoanalyst routine, instead of just addressing a criticism of your stated intent to ignore the need for giving characters proper motivations on its own terms, or that you seem to be getting so into your own main character, you're starting to buy into his worldview enough to show early warning signs of an impending internet meltdown when perceiving a challenge to it.
If you can't separate yourself from your writing long enough anymore to respond to someone without repeatedly insulting everyone reading your story as "broken" if they're not some kind of happy-go-lucky ingenue, you'd best put this on break for a while and take a step back to regain a bit of perspective, for your own sake.
5885373
Eeyup. I am also bored and got time.
5885387
Ugh, sorry I just realized it's in my next chapter. I had to cut it out from the latest one because ridiculously long.
5885755
I really would recommend calming down. When I say these characters may be a little less broken than someone you'd meet on the street, I am not accusing you of being broken. I'm saying that I agree with you for the most part, so your request that I should stop doing what you disagree with was a little concerning. That's all I'm saying.