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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Whoops, accidentally uploaded the last chapter of the story, there.
I literally just skimmed the entire chapter to make sure it's not another April Fools joke. I find myself equally pleased and displeased. There will not be any evil chaos from this...
Please don't be another joke chapter... Please don't be another joke chapter... Please don't be another joke chapter...
OMFG!!! A REAL UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEED TO READ THIS NOWWWW!!!
BWAAHAHHAHAHA!
I see we're earning the 'sex' tag. The 'gore' tag has me somewhat... hesitant.... But yeah, thanks for updating the real chapter so soon.
*applauds*
The last paragraphs will definitely make some people squirm. But omg, I still adore your writing.
I was rolling on the floor in ecstasy prior to the bedroom scene though. SQUEE!!! That part was so good!
Again, thank you for writing such a well written story. :)
To be um... silly. Ah felt like bed-Sweetie as ah read yer story. There ain't no touchin. But ah'm blushing at how yer words flowed around me, an' gave me a soft nuzzle.
Thank you!!!
Well... there is a sex tag XD
5813191 I feel like I'm the one person in the world who DIDN'T hate you for that. I laughed and gave you a proverbial "tip of the hat." I didn't see it coming, and it was clever.
I thought about where you could take this. He could dream about his old life back on earth while he's sleeping and then Luna would appear in the dream to question him about it. Just an idea.
5813191 If that were true you would mark the thing complete.
yum,
more words to eat!
...this is makeing me bash my head against the wall..... when do we get sweetie bell back?!
"So I put the doctor in a sleeper hold, and use the ensuing confusion to escape through a roof hatch. There, the spy chopper is waiting to pick me up and take me back to human central where we plot the infiltration and overthrow of our pony overlords." For a moment, I thought this supposedly actual chapter was another prank when I was reading those lines.
Weird that only one other story I am following did April Fools chapters. Very happy that you did an April Fools "and" a real chapter though.
Methinks Luna will have some very interesting company in the dreamworld tonight
5813609 Very very true... Only time will tell.
Ok. This guy is getting downright creepy. Super creepy.
5813996
Compared to the part where he was getting himself felt up by elementary schoolers, this whole chapter was practically tame. And what do you mean "starting" to be super creepy?
5813758 I thought so too.
Eeeeehhhh....
You'll be getting your upvote back, but...
I dunno.
Well, some girls develop sexually at an early age, but is rare.
Huh. I have never actually masturbated to orgasm in my bed. Ever. The reward is not worth the cleanup afterwards. That being said, won't Sweetie's sheets be sticky with lubricant now? Gross... yet kind of hot.
Hmm... It seems the ancient device has completely rewired Sweetie's brain in a physical manner, therfor it seems that it really is Sweetie, but she now has the memories of the protagonist burned over her own. Why an ancient device would have the memories and brain structure of a cynical human stored in it, let alone rewire Sweetie's brain with said memories, I can't begin to understand. This is only one of my many hypotheses.
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5814748
Oh my gosh that picture is so cute.
no more April fools? LOL whelp back to the fetishes!!
5813842
An interesting point.
Is his dream-self take the form of his human body and act out he human world, or he'll be in sweetie's body in pony world? Or both?
If Luna stumble upon them at either time, she could get confused that there are two distinct appearance to the same person... or go Human-hunting and fail at finding him, since he's only there in sleep-world.
5816240 Personally I hope that we will finally get an appearance from the original Sweetie, locked away in his subconscious and accessible while he's sleeping.
Sweetie is a good kid and I'd hate to see her forever lost.
And on what you said, I believe he will dream being in his own body.
5805194
You mean like Why am I X?
5805883
Ideas are always good! Fortunately, proving to the ponies what's going on is going to be the least of this protagonist's worries, so I doubt I'll run into that particular snag. I'll try to see about conveying her internal thoughts via actions, though doing that risks making her even more emo. (i.e. "I see a pony brushing off their welcome mat. Without explaining my thoughts, I immediately begin sobbing uncontrollably cutting my wrists and applying dark eyeliner.") That's sort of why I have to convey her internal thoughts so much, because without them it just looks like she's emotional for no conceivable reason at all. It's supposed to be confusing to the ponies, but not the readers!
5808565
Hu... you'd be the first to want her to keep it a secret. Or even half want it.
5810740
Every time is bot time.
5811174
Someone noticed! You were the only one, I think.
5811307
That's great advice! For April........ 2nd
5811871
I couldn't possibly insult literature more than Kurt Vonnegut already has.
5813261
Yep, that's about my extent of knowledge about medical dramas.
5813594
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5813758
Fortunately the protagonist has already been prone to such flights of fantasy over the course of the story, so I didn't think it'd make people worry all that much.
5813996
Well, her life was turned completely upside down, and she's terrified of making the wrong move, so of course she's going to be creeping around every little thing. I wouldn't call it super creepy; I think she's as creepy as anyone would be, who were so anxious that they couldn't act or decide, yet thrust into a situation where they had to act, and decide.
5814365
8 is definitely early, for humans at least, and ponies er... mostly fall along those lines here. But what I've read, and it might be wrong, is that girls start into puberty from 9-12, while boys generally start a few years later than that. I'm fairly sure shyness around mens can precede puberty by a good amount, though.
Plus pubescence isn't strictly... necessary for all sexual activity.
5814434
You know how it feels like you took an hour to fall asleep, but you were actually knocked out after only 5 minutes? She didn't even have a chance to get warmed up! Plus, some girls lubricate less than others, especially ones who haven't matured yet. I've even known some adults who have a serious problem with that. Fortunately, lubricants are not reserved only for the gay. I haven't really decided how much of a problem the protagonist is going to have with messy nethers, but it'll be a lot less of a problem than if they wait to do it until they're 30 again.
As for avoiding mess while doing it in bed, you get pretty good at it when growing up in a household where your bedtime is the only real privacy you ever get.
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5816240
If Luna even finds her dream at all. There are a lot of fillies and colts having dreams tonight, and Luna is only one mare. If the protagonist's dreams don't stand out somehow, then it's a bit of a plot hammer to assume that Luna would even notice her. Spoilers: They do.
I've seen stories where the dream princess is in total control of her realm, and ones where she is subject to the whims of the dreamer, and pretty much everything between that. People seem to think that Luna is some kind of panacea for discovering deception, but well... I've never been a fan of relying on that, and if I did, it would make for a lot shorter a story! She could discover the protagonist's treachery, but if she doesn't, that doesn't necessarily mean her powers are being nerfed.
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Thanks for your support! I really love these words of encouragement, and wish I knew something to say to thank you all for it!
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5816782
It might not be necessary, but at too young an age you would not be interested by it. Weird they did not point Sweetie Belle having a hormone unbalance.
5816782
I would give you a golf clap for that reply, but this site lacks the appropriate emoticons. So just imagine it in place of this here placeholder.
5817551
Some of that is hormonal, but a lot of it is the positive reinforcement that hormones effect on us. The protagonist is basically Pavlov's dog, sexually, at this point.
5818919
I am thinking about "Magic makes it true", since Sweetie lacks control of her magic, and she feels older than she really is, then her magic makes her enjoy sex more than she really should.
5811174 What about Sevens ?
5816782 Cool. Thanks for pointing out this group to me.
I get the feeling that Not!Sweetie's thoughts and actions stem from a combination of factors. Low serotonin levels could result in a depressive state, which would help explain the misanthropy, especially if it were a preexisting condition in his human form. The massively messed up motor complex explains why Not!Sweetie can't walk two feet without falling down. And the brain damage, when taking into account the current chemical imbalance, help explain why his train of thought has not only gone off the rails, but off the reservation as well. I'll admit, the character had been starting to grate on me more than a little, and it was getting harder and harder not to just skip his internal and external musings. Hopefully much of what we've seen so far is just the unfortunate result of a traumatic brain injury, and that Not!Sweetie will be far more tolerable once fully recovered.
That said, I'm a bit worried now. Whatever that device did to replace Sweetie Belle with Not!Sweetie was obviously incredibly traumatic, to the point where the doctor is not-so-subtly hinting that the protagonist is lucky to be alive. What if the cure is potentially worse than the illness? What if, by trying to return Sweetie Belle back to her body, the protagonist only winds up frying both of their brains in the process? It'd actually be funny if it weren't so morbid, here he is, bemoaning the fact that he might have to go back, when he might not even be able to go back. Heck, it's even possible that Sweetie Belle "died" in the process of taking over his old body, that is of course assuming she even managed to get that far to begin with.
"What in Equestria?" -Common phrase by Twilight Sparkle used in similar fashion.
Just thought you might want to know.
5825603
Well, "What in Equestria?!" is what you say when you're shocked by what you see. It's a very strong statement of incredulity, more like "What in God's Name" than "What on Earth". I figure ponies would just say "What on earth" when they're just puzzled about something, or mildly amused by what they saw.
Because they do call the soil they walk upon, earth.
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5819009
I... hadn't thought of that actually. I mean no I totally had it planned all along shut up
5821702
Especially since the protagonist herself has expressed a desire to die before returning to reality. She'd agree that cure is worse than the disease, but... it's not the worst possible thing.
I'm sorry she's started to grate on you. It might be that we all have a My Little Dashie protagonist inside us, struggling to get out, and as authors we remain blind to how objectively terrible they are, no matter how sympathetically we attempt to write them. But it also might just be that the people okay with the protagonist don't feel a need to tell me about it as often
5826185
Apparantly there are ammonia eating bacteria found in ordinary topsoil that consumes the trace ammonia that makes our sweat smelly, with little waste, and overtakes less efficient bacteria like e. coli, salmonella, or staph. The only catch is this beneficial, non-stinky kind of bacteria is very sensitive to soap, and quickly dies off when you wash yourself. In fact, humans are the only animal that bathe themselves with soap, but many animals bathe themselves in dirt. It might be worthy to note that many deadly plant poisons function by converting fat into soap and glycerin. Just thought I'd mention.
Pony forelegs are so maddeningly different that I don't even think a horse going to Equestria would be able to easily adapt. Horses that have shoulders, except when they don't? It's a little animation convenience that has rather disturbing implications for anyone who actually ends up stuck with those things.
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5826833
The protagonist is bisexual for ur mom.
5827217
You keep saying she, but that's... a pretty big step. If everything goes according to plan, and they achieve the best possible outcome, would the protagonist choose to remain a filly, or would he choose to become a colt instead? Because if the answer is the latter, rather than the former, I'm not sure he should be so quick to change pronouns. Self-image is important, and not a decision to be taken lightly.
5827236
I'm sure she would refer to herself as male, but on the other hand she sure isn't getting upset about being referred to as female, much less as Sweetie Belle. So, take from that what you will. Does using the proper gender pronoun for someone who feels they're the wrong sex really help? Isn't that like telling a polio victim what a great runner they are? I honestly don't give a flipping fluff about self-image. Don't worry I think the protagonist can only benefit from an author who's not afraid to mess with her a bit.
...
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5828065
Yes, it does help, and no, it's more like telling said polio victim that they aren't defined by their inability to run. That he has no issue being referred to as female could mean that he identifies as androgynous, his self-image isn't strongly male or female, or it could mean that he has really piss poor self-esteem and is willing to be anyone but himself. One makes the situation far less damaging to his psyche, the other makes it a heck of a lot worse.
Then again, I am speaking out of compassion for the protagonist, the whole point could very well be to fuck with him, among other reasons. Far be it for me to tell you how to write your story.
5827217 I'd just asume that because the ponies have other similar things for other words. Like for example "What the hay!?" for "What the Hell/fuck!?" and the fact they never said "What on Earth?" in the show.
Also they used "What in Equestria?" in moments of wonder rather than shock sometimes (I think).
Not to include the fact that the expression comes from using the name of the planet rather than refering to dirt, as the phrase is a shortened version of "What on God's green Earth" So... Um... Yeah, if you are going to keep it you still need to capitalize Earth.
5829270
Fairly sure the origin of the phrase "what on earth" is entirely impossible to recover, but the term "earth" has been around a lot longer than the term "God," so "What on God's Green Earth" is probably a religious modification of "What on earth," and not the other way around. The practice of adding "God" qualifiers to lend emotional weight is pretty well established, i.e. "What in God's name," "As God is my witness," "God damned" and stuff like that.
5828191
It kind of does, though. It's a constant, unrelenting reminder in every moment of your existence. You just can't not be affected by something like that. It doesn't mean they're bad people or that they don't deserve all the love, but it is something they have to deal with, something that can be a great hindrance to their lives. It's great that they can compensate for it, and become even better than your average schmuck, but to say it isn't literally inescapable seems disingenuous.
In other news, I'm totally not stuck on something and ditzing around in the comments to distract me from it.
5829742
*shrugs* That's your opinion, and you're entitled to it. I can't really dig much further into it without this turning into an amateur hour lecture about the differences between sex and gender.
5829742 And the religous figure of God is replaced with Celestia in Equestria.
"With Celestia as my witness!" -Rarity
But as it is stand most of our expressions have been ponyfied and like I said, that particular expression have been transcripted to other things.
But seeing as you where coming with valid points I did some digging around. (Aka a 20 sec google search and 5 minutes disseminating random websites) I have come to the conclusion I might be wrong about the capitalization. But I also discovered that "what on earth" have generally no difference in use from "what the fuck", "what the hell", or "what the heck". The biggest key difference being vulgarity (I have found myself saying "what the hell?" calmly when I found something amiss but couldn't place it in the past, but I thought that was just me being odd).
also the phrase sprung into existance sometime during the 1700's or late 1600's if the popularity of the phrase in written examples at the beginning of the 1800's is to be judged (Its use older than any of the others).
In ether case, if you feel as in the phrase is correctly justified I will bow down to your decision. At least the phrase is not vulgar.
Source:Link
PS: I still personally think "What in Equestria?" Should have been used.
A lot of stuff happened in this chapter, Like a lot... a shit ton..HOLY GOD THIS WAS A PACKED CHAPTER Well done, once again I'm on the edge of my seat in anticipation for the next chapter.
5830015
You're overinterpreting this. The character is clearly and visibly supposed to be an emotionally disturbed creepjob and not meant to represent anyone. His opinions and behaviour grow from that and his need for escapism from his horrible life. Of course that makes anything he says look bad, because the character is thinking these things to justify himself and he clearly isn't quite right in the head.
I can understand that you'd rather see more show and less tell, though. The whole thing has been moving rather slowly.
5830399
How so? A set of twins are the result of a zygote splitting in two separate, but identical zygote's. That is biology, and if you feel that is unnatural you just don't know the definition of unnatural. Even a guy who feels they are in the wrong body. That was a horrible, horrible analogy.
My issue isn't that they feel they have the wrong physical gender, my issue is that the body's physical gender is a way to physically identify people. I'm not going to call a blond a brunette just because they feel they are brunette am I? Until that person dyes their hair to brunette I will still refer to them as blond. Same goes with gender. Sadly, gender is much harder to change, but the same goes for them.
5830613
Neurological research has demonstrated that many transgender people do, in fact, have brains with the structure of the sex they identify as. We don't know why it happens, but it's a biological fact and outside of their control. So, does knowing that make a difference to you, or are you going to move the goalposts of what "natural" means until it supports your preconceived opinions?