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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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"Maybe it's just a friendship problem, and they'll have it all cleared up in half an hour or so."
6473585
I have a lot of people to respond to.
Also, yes.
Also, I accidentally submitted that giant comment like 4 times since fimfiction told me Request Failed. Didn't realize until then, sorry.
6473717
Dedicated breeding by generations of misogynists has pretty much ensured that men will be powerful towers of muscle while women will be frail, vulnerable waifs. That's only on average, mind you. But all that breeding doesn't stop technology from being a great equalizer. I don't care how much you even lift; it's the one who holds the gun who (literally) calls the shots. The point is, that if a male is getting raped by a female who is very pissed off about something, and is lashing out at him, he's in much more danger than she is. Sure she would be in more danger than him, if he was the pissed off one, on average, but that assumes he's always going to be the angry, hateful, unjustified aggressor. I'm just saying that in those so vanishingly rare cases, where the woman is attacking while the man is simply trying to deal with her shit, it's dangerous for him to get raped, too.
In prehistoric, and modern times, absent partners and unwanted children exact large physiological and emotional burdens. So (1) and (2) are the same point, and it's a very good point. Many instances of rape lead to absent partners and unwanted children. Almost more than consensual sex! That's certainly a lot less fair to the woman than it is to the man.
And um... sins are propaganda made up by organized religion, to make you feel guilty about yourself. They're not really bad they're just spun that way. If they can take aspects to you that you cannot change, and make you feel like they are bad, and it's your fault for letting them control you, then you'll be more willing to tithe, and less willing to think unapproved thoughts. So, be careful when you invoke sins, especially Cardinal ones. When you are afraid of a little sloth, the people on the top reap the benefits, as you will work desperately even without pay, just to avoid falling into sin. That being said, yes she's a slothful slob, and she should be more willing to risk letting other ponies know. I just find it more uh... adorable than detestible. Honestly, she's been working really hard to recover, so I don't know if sloth is her problem, so much as paranoia and insecurity. Pride, I suppose if you must be Cardinal, since she keeps assuming she knows how ponies are going to react.
And uh... thanks, I think.
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Hey, I split it up into two, at least!
Tuesday disasters, good idea by the way.
6474275
I feel kind of bad sometimes, because I could be writing more instead of just revising and correcting and commenting and stuff. But I'm so happy to help you all, that I try my best at whatever I'm doing!
So it seems that you've decided to go with the alternate plot route I remarked about many months ago. At the moment, I feel it would be a bad idea to allow "Sweetie Belle" to be heard by anypony other than the guy possessing her body. Since you've obviously established a "bond" the two have, you would make that plot point, pointless if you made it so she could be heard by anyone if she shouted loud enough.
The only other avenue of communication was dreams but you sorta shot yourself in the foot as it were by making it so she can't follow him there.
Might I suggest introducing a catalyst of some sort?
Something that could act as a medium for Sweetie Belle to be able to speak freely to Rarity or anypony else for that matter.
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Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that even though the unexpected can occur any time -- sometimes not even on Tuesdays -- it's important to keep calm and believe in your friends and other ponies. Especially other ponies with flamethrowers.
Please don't kill me
Your faithful subject,
Sweetie Belle
6475272
Hehe he
Why yes, he did make that plot point.
Aheyshah3hhshahhshrhheah.
Fml my head is too down In them gutters
I almost fell out of my chair went I saw you released another chapter so soon, I'm freaking out in excitement, DINKY BELLE IS SO CLOSE TO BEING ABLE TO FULLY WALK AND WHEN HE CAN THE ADVENTURE SHALL TRULY BEGIN! and a lot more awkward and sexual moments!
Uh, I know you just released a new chapter and all, but I'm totally ready for the next chapter. So if you could like, maybe release it within the next five minutes, that'd be awesome.
6475218
Can her locomotion improve more already? It feels like she's hit another plateau, and now for some reason the doctor tells her *not* to practice? Don't you feel that the story is being constrained by her not being able to get anywhere except on Rarity's back?
You have an internet point
I was waiting the entire chapter for her to wake up from the obvious dream. Especially after this line:
I just knew it couldn't be real... Right? Well...
Oh you! Skyscrapers are much more beautiful than allergy causing open fields and boring rustic huts! I guess just another thing I disagree with the protagonist on.
Ha! I've always been able to lick my nose. Everyone else has a short tongue.
Can't the real Sweetie just try saying hello again when he's ready for it? I'm just saying...
Aha! Because crazy shit Ponyville always happen on Tuesdays.
When Rarity says "things like that are rare, even in Ponyville" she of course means on any other day than Tuesday. On Tuesdays all bets are off.
Also, I think its Sweetie's emotions seeping into Not-Sweetie rather than the opposite. Because I am pretty sure that even with the change in hormonal balance a 22+ dude would be mature enough to not cry over half a cup of spilled cocoa.
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Couldn't make it easy as Sweetie calmly explaining everything to Luna in a dream, after all! I'm not worried about how she'll communicate, though it certainly isn't obvious if she ever will be able to. I'm sure such a communication method would be very appreciated by the ponies, though perhaps not by the main character. There was only one commenter I noticed who guessed that Sweetie was trapped in a puppet role, in 5858639 named Rocky Runner.
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I guess you could say that this has really helped the two of them come together.
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>10 chapters later
"ANY MINUTE NOW! AAAAANY MINUTE OHFCKSHE JUST FELL ON HER FACE WTF"
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Okay, hold on let me just go dig up my time machine really quick.
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Oh, I do. It's terrible. I want to take her so many places. But it's been such a short time to recover, and I'm really in no hurry. If something's gonna happen, it'll happen eventually.
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I better not let that power go to my head.
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Don't be silly. Robots don't have dreams.
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SO JEALOUS also I'm fairly sure the protagonist hasn't mentioned skyscrapers yet. I'm sure she could find something bad about them, though.
Incidentally, allergies have never been worse as they are in a modern, industrial society. It's a combination of the sterilized childhoods, the regrettable air pollution, the increase in world transport spreading noxious weeds, and the regular upheaval and overhaul of the landscape. Short term strategy weeds like ragweed have the worst pollen, and always grow in disturbed soil. But uh, I too would prefer skyscrapers, rather than a quaint cottage in recently bulldozed land covered in killing weeds while the ozone and monoxide from the nearby city along with the spores and contagion from giant factory farms drifts pleasantly through my nose. I'm just saying it wasn't as bad as you might imagine before the advent of industry. Disease and nutrition were far greater concerns than allergies.
6478786
Sure, as soon as Apple Bloom gets enough competence to build a table.
6479741
Yeah, it is kind of silly. She's so desperate to have some kind of control over what's happening to her, she doesn't even realize that her emotions have been so drastically affected.
I don't want to harp on the "Tuesday" thing too much. It was a clever shoutout in the episode. It may or may not be adhered to (probably not).
6495491
Had....
The monomyth ended, or technically it began, at the end of chapter 16. (It was supposed to be chapter 12, but things got away from me.)
Thanks for noticing.
6496286
I know its a bit sad and grimmer to think like this but I would have preferred it if my previous post about Sweetie Belle and this game dying at the same time and this being one of those reincarnation deals but you've already shot that possibility out by having SB actually talk so I won't dwell on it.
Hahaha! Exactly what I was thinking but i wouldn't go as far to let it be known... CRAP
Good chapter by the way!
6496353
It's a decent idea, but a bit too grim for my liking. The thought that Sweetie would have to remember being that way is just... well, on the bright side she'd fold like a leaf on deceiving ponies, when she realized that the real Sweetie Belle wasn't ever coming back. She could heal, I suppose, but... it just wouldn't be very magical, at all. I like my idea anyway. It does appear to be gratuitous and out of the blue at this point in the story, but I like to think there's a method to my madness. Also it's sexier this way.
6496761
I too never let anypony know about all the many times I have thoughts like that either.
6496286 yeah yeah. Using the tuesday thing too much would just kill the joke... Something I am akin to doing sometimes. It would be like beating a dead (minature) horse.
Also why am I always in the bottom three when you do these mass reply comments? (Jealousy intesifies)
You know what, I still don't see any proof sweetie bell is real.
I don't mean to degrade your storytelling and creative genius. However, it occurs to me that everything that takes place after the possessed Sweetie Belle discovers the glory of the phantom cock orgasm __or whatever you wish to call it__ the hearing of ghostlike voices beyond the veil or whatever, seems more gross ignorance of dreamlike wish fulfillment and comes off as a fantastic bit of lucid dreaming on the protagonists part... You actually have me waiting for the other shoe to drop wherein the character finally realizes they are dreaming and wake up in a pool of ecstasy's excrement with a mortally horrified Rarity.
6499371
I don't see any proof that your dear sweet mother is real.
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There are lots of dropping shoes planned, eventually, but for now I'd just enjoy the cute fluffy experience. But you really feel that this whole entire story doesn't come off as a fantastic bit of lucid dreaming on the protagonist's part?
I could... add a thing where she tries pinching herself?
She's not old enough to make very much "ecstasy's excrement," anyway.
6503669
Technically speaking, yes, it all comes off as a fantastic bit of lucid dreaming on the protagonists part. It's just the last chapter lost its suspension of disbelief, and that could kill the story if it isn't handled with care. It also doesn't help that the amount smut is only excusable because the character is rutting in heat, and now apparently suffering from schizophrenia, OCD, and dissociative identity disorder. While the main character could be twisty the clown for all I care, and I literally could see this as his personal hell, it's the reaction of those around him that seemed genuine and you kind of lost that with this last chapter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DixyCXEEJQg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dqPtbqVI1I
6503830
Remember, these aren't literal ponies. I don't even have their sexual behavior consistent between my own stories. So there's no guarantees about how they should, or should not act, beyond what you read in this story here. I strive to be internally consistent, but, doing it the same way in two stories is both boringly predictable, and makes it hard to find ways in which those stories can be distinguished. I honestly don't think there has been much smut at all, yet. A kid awkwardly beating it off in bed, and then... um... that's it.
I'm kind of curious where in my story you picked up on schizophrenia and OCD.
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Google search Obsessive compulsive disorder symptoms
OCD:
Physical
Compulsive behavior, hypervigilance, ritualistic behavior, social isolation, etc.
Psychological
depression, fear, narcissism, repeatedly going over thoughts, or sexual obsessions.
Mood
anxiety, apprehension, general discontent, guilt, or panic attack.
Also Common:
food aversion, nightmares, or racing thoughts
The possessed Sweetie Belle is a textbook case of OCD, so good job on that front.
There are 5-7 types of schizophrenia, We can eliminate two right off the bat because she's not catatonic and has emotional dysregulation instead of alexethemia. And, there was a time Post traumatic stress disorder was considered a form of schizophrenia as well. Dissociative Identity disorder is often portrayed on television as Schizophrenia. However, I don't really feel like looking it up in the DSM at the moment and I have concerns about looking it up on google after they targeted people for looking up the flu... Looking up personality disorders and porn is totally acceptable because everyone has, does, engages, encounters, or indulges in it.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/stevensalzberg/2014/03/23/why-google-flu-is-a-failure/
http://www.wired.com/2015/10/can-learn-epic-failure-google-flu-trends/
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I don't think I've quite captured the extremity of hypervigilance. Trying to see what ponies you can recognize isn't exactly hyper vigilance, compared to say, being unable to leave the room without knowing exactly how many ponies are present in it. Ritualistic behavior is completely normal in almost everyone too. The degree at which it becomes OCD is along the lines of being trapped at home from a compulsive need to rearrange your furniture, never ever satisfied despite physical exhaustion. I don't think it counts as a mental disorder, when you're feeling anxiety while actually being stalked by a leopard, so NotSweetie's anxiety might be much more temporary and situation prone than someone with an anxiety disorder.
You make a fairly good point though. I hadn't even realized how NotSweetie's anxiety at constantly seeing show ponies with genitals right in plain sight might be remniscent of OCD. A fantastic point, in fact, since from the perspective of the ponies, this is exactly what Sweetie Belle might be diagnosed with. She's anything but socially isolated, but ponies are really social, so they could be like, "You just sat there and told your friends to let you have some time to just doze off alone? Wow, you're like a super double hermit! wtf is wrong with you?"
I really hesitate to bring mental health diagnoses into my writing, because I'm anything but a clinical psychologist. I'd be worried people would think that they had OCD for instance, from reading about my fictional attempt at depicting it.
Oh also good point about the search engines. Be careful what you search for, and ask for direct links instead of instructions to feed to a search engine.
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Sorry about the direct links talking about Google Flu Trends being mashed together.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hypervigilance&defid=4366333
I'm surprised you're concerned about your characters being labeled or assessed with a perfunctory diagnosis. I'm a Visual Media graduate. The closest thing to a minor I have attached to my degree is in communication because they kept dropping minor programs when the professors started leaving during the economic crisis/recession and there wasn't enough interest or students in the classes to make them viable. I was unlucky in that I kept picking minors that seemed to end a third of the way through the program. I even toyed with the idea of taking classes in social stratification since they kept moving the finishing line on me. (in case you're wondering it progressed from a minor in interactive media, to game design, and then digital cinema and my degree took a little more than 6 years to complete. And, that's not a Master's or science degree.)
Still, I find the pathology and behavior of characters fascinating. Whether or not they're morally or physically appealing is immaterial to the study of fetishism or voyeurism. I think your characterization is great, and that you could do better, which is why I was so disappointed with the latest chapter. The characters felt inconsistent or incongruent with their previous incarnation. You changed more than the environment, the nonchalance and complete switching of dynamic wherein the main character seems like the normal one and everyone else is odd was a nice touch, but you lost something that's difficult for me to describe without getting theatrical or technical. I really like the idea of Naughty Belle and Sweetie Belle being able to communicate with one another, If you read 'I am the Night(mare)' by LordBrony2040 you can see an example of how this was done in a way that I can appreciate more readily.
6518257
I think it safe to say the main character has an inferiority complex, suicide ideation, chronic depression, antisocial tendancies that aren't social anxiety, along with general anxiety, and a distorted view of gender, sex and sexuality that might border on delusional. Post traumatic stress syndrome may certainly be a factor too, but if you consider PTSD a form of schizophrenia, that's only when the traumatic stress gets so bad it causes hallucinations, waking nightmares so to speak. So, she doesn't have that... yet.
I don't mind that you aren't a clinical psychologist. Armchair psychoanalyze, away! It's good that you do, really (helps me with the possibility of introducing an in-story therapist at some point, because come on she is practically begging to get one). I was only referring to my own hesitation in committing to stuff like that, because of my doubt of my own knowledge and abilities. The above is the best guess I could make, but... maybe OCD is a thing? I don't have enough experience with cases of it.
Oh, and sorry about the characterization. I really do want to give readers the impression that these ponies only appear to be comparable to human beings, but in some aspects are undeniably... strange. I haven't had too much opportunity to do so, so I suppose one might have gotten a false idea of how these characters would act in non-normative situations. I really did intend for it to seem odd how Rarity responded to the event, making one wonder what about her caused that particular response.
Also it was fun pulling something completely out of left field, when it's been so plainly ordinary ever since they ran into the Lithoclast.
Horses are one of the few animals that do have hymens.
goddammit!
fuck
6522148
I have Sever OCD, a mild case of PTSD, Severe ADHD, and Arachnophobia
Do you mean Ditzy?
I thought she was gonna count the hot chocolate from the polar express.
9738366
While Dipsy is a real pony and looks like Derpy, he's actually a unicorn colt.
https://derpibooru.org/tags/dipsy+hooves