The Morning
Early One Morning
Twilight Sparkle awoke early in the morning to the sound of incessant knocking at her door. She groaned quietly, pondering for a moment why Spike hadn't yet answered, but the pounding forced the thought out of her mind for the moment. Whatever the reason, her assistant, it seemed, was not going to answer the door for her. Gathering what little, precious energy she could, Twilight rolled her way off the side of the bed, just barely landing on her hooves before giving a languid stretch. First her forelegs, then her back, then her hind legs. Finally, doing something she was still fairly unaccustomed to doing, her wings were spread wide and she felt her bones crack and pop quietly.
The knocking hadn't even slowed.
“Coming!” Twilight snapped, glancing out the window. The sun was just now rising above the horizon, and her habit of late-night studying was doing her mood no favours. Although, anypony who decided getting her up this early in the morning was a good idea could use a stern talking to. Or, if Twilight's current scowl was any indication, a brief shouting fit.
Barely taking note of the unclean state of her library, Twilight strode straight through the clutter of books and notes to the front door, much like a dear sprinting effortlessly through the woods. When she reached the large oak passageway, she uttered a silent, mental prayer for whoever ended up on the receiving end of her rapidly growing fury.
“What!?” She shouted as the door was nearly flung off its hinges in her newly found alicorn magic. The pony on the other side of the door didn't even flinch.
“Twilight, listen,” Rainbow Dash said quickly, taking a few well-timed steps away from the angered alicorn. “I know you're probably pretty mad at me for-”
“Understatement of your life,” Twilight deadpanned, noting the gap between them was much too far for her to take a jab with her horn. “What do you want?”
Rainbow nodded. “Right, about that. You see, there's a very good reason for all of this... but I can't tell you until tomorrow.”
Twilight blinked, confusion monetarily overriding anger, though not for long as she set her strongest death glare on the pegasus before her. “What?” She asked plainly.
“Okay... okay... okay...” Rainbow just kept repeating it to herself for nearly a minute, staring at the ground and breathing in huffs. As though she'd just run a marathon. Finally, she looked up. “Twi, I gotta say, you're a good friend. A really, really good friend, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.”
“Uhh....” Twilight's mental faculties came to a full stop, even her burning anger ran low on fuel as she ran over the unexpected statement. Eventually, she offered a quiet, “You too?”
Rainbow shook her head furiously. “No, no, no, gotta do this right!” She seemed to be talking more to herself than Twilight. Or to somepony else, like a pony were sitting in a bush nearbye, watchign her. Perhaps it was a prank? “Alright... okay... well I guess the best way is to just get it over with, right?”
Twilight squinted at her unusually uptight friend. The closer she looked, the more she began to notice; Rainbow's mane was normally unkempt, but now it looked as though she'd put it in a blender this morning. Her wing were a mess, looking like she hadn't preened herself in months, and her eyes were bloodshot. When was the last time she'd gotten a proper night's rest? “Rainbow, are you... okay?”
“What, me? No- I mean yes! Yes! I'm fine... fine... fine...” She was off again, repeating 'fine' over and over, to the point where it no longer sounded like a real word.
“Rainbow?” Twilight repeated, carefully leaning down to try and catch the mare's gaze. She'd gone from furious, to concerned, to downright scared for her friend's mental well-being. “Would you like to come in?”
Rainbow's head snapped up, eyes wide as dinner plates as she stared. “No... no?” She paused, looking up to the sky. “No, I don't have time... or do I?” Another pause. “I do have time. No, I don't, I'll make time, so yes. Yes I would like to come in. That sounds right, doesn't it?”
Twilight nodded slowly, stepping to the side and watching with a frown as Rainbow's shaking hooves carried her into the paper jungle. “Sorry about the mess...”
“Looks... normal....” Rainbow trailed off, looking at the books with a twitching eye. “Everything's normal... and it's all going to be alright.... alright.... alright...”
Following Rainbow through the mess of her front room, Twilight watched as the mare absentmindedly dodged every obstacle in the room, something even she couldn't do without proper focus, and she was the one who put everything where it was. Without fail or fault, Rainbow found her way onto the couch and flopped down, waiting in silence for Twilight to sit next to her.
“Okay...” Rainbow started, looking around the room. Her eyes covered everything she could see, until they eventually settled on Twilight. Her hooves slowed their shaking, and she gave her thigh as a solid punch, flinching from the blow. “Okay... not dreaming, everything looks normal. Twilight's sitting next to me, and I'm going to talk to her.”
Twilight's brow creased as her frown deepened. “Rainbow Dash, what's going on?”
“I'm going to talk to you!” Rainbow announced, smiling proudly. “I said I wouldn't trade your friendship for the world already, right? Back at the door? You remember that, don't you?” A sliver of fear slipped into her voice.
“Yeah... yeah you did; I remember.”
Rainbow's head nodded up and down spastically. “Good... very good. They're starting to blend together, you know? Anyway, okay, I already said that, what's next? Oh... oh right! Well, here's the thing, I'm not exactly... what's the word? Content with out current relationship? Sounds right. Sounds normal. Good, normal's good.”
“Rainbow?” Twilight started cautiously. “What are you talking about? Why are you-”
“Just let me finish!” Rainbow snapped. She sounded angry, but a wide smile never left her lips. “Please. It's normal to let me finish, right? We're aiming for normal here, Twi. Anything not normal won't work.”
Twilight opened her mouth, but closed it slowly. Whatever was wrong, it seemed Rainbow had her own way of getting to the problem. Still, she paid close attention to her friend.
“Right, so... I'm not content... I said that already, didn't I?” She chuckled manically. “Of course I did. So what I'm saying here is that I'd like more than just friendship with you.”
“Rainbow, are you-”
“I love you, Twilight,” Rainbow shouted suddenly. A deathly silence fell over the library immediately after; event he books seemed to be quieter than normal. Nothing moved, nothing spoke, nothing breathed. After a solid minute of silence, Rainbow jumped off the couch. “No! No! That wasn't normal! Stupid me! Stupid... stupid... stupid...”
Twilight blinked, staring at the mare as she paced around the cluttered room, still muttering to herself. “Rainbow?” She ventured slowly, standing up and reaching a hoof out to catch her friend’s shoulder.
“It's not going to work!” Rainbow yelled, turning around and staring, half fearfully and half desperately, at Twilight. “It all has to be normal. If it's not normal, it won't work. Would you describe that as normal?”
“Uh... quite frankly, I wouldn't describe anything that's happened today as normal, why are-”
“Exactly!” Rainbow took to the air, flapping her wings and scattering loose paper everywhere.
Twilight cringed as she watched ink spill and book towers topple. “Hey, I-”
“They'll be fine tomorrow,” Rainbow said dismissively, waving a hoof nonchalantly in Twilight's direction.
“Rainbow, will you take a breath for one minute and tell me what the hay is going on with you?” Twilight demanded, stomping her hoof on the floor and using her magic to grab Rainbow's tail before she could fly away. “Ever since you got here this morning you've been acting... well, crazy. Now this? What's going on with you?”
Rainbow growled low in her throat, obeying the tug of Twilight's magic and landing on the floor. “You never believe me when I tell you! I've tried so many times, but you just don't get it! It's not a joke, I'm not pranking you, I'm not lying! I, Rainbow Dash, love you, Twilight Sparkle. Why is that so hard for your egghead mind to understand!?”
Twilight sighed quietly, releasing her hold. “I need you to calm down, okay? Do you think you can do that for me?”
Huffing, Rainbow scraped at the floor, looking over her shoulder skeptically. After a moment, she nodded. “Fine, whatever. I'm calm. Nice and normal and calm.”
“Good. Now, from the top, explain to me what's going on,” Twilight instructing, guiding them both back onto the couch.
“Well this is new...” Rainbow muttered to herself, before looking back to Twilight. “I came here to ask you out on a date, Twilight. But you said no.”
Twilight tilted her head. “What do you mean? I haven't said no yet. You actually didn't even ask me out on a date yet.”
“No!” Rainbow shook her head roughly. “I mean yesterday. Or today. Or maybe a month ago. I don't know, it all seems the same. But the important part is that I asked you out on a date, and you said no. I was pretty upset, but I got over it. I went to bed that night and... I woke up the same day.”
“You mean you woke up later in the night?”
Again, Rainbow shook her head. “No, I mean I woke up that day. As in the morning of that same day; not the next day. I came to your house again and... you didn't remember anything.”
“Rainbow, that's simply not possible. I haven't seen you in a few days; you were in Cloudsdale at that big weather meeting, remember? You were supposed to get back last night.”
“Twilight, that...” Rainbow frowned, brow furrowing for a moment. “I... I barely remember that. It's been so long... almost a year, I think. I was keeping track of the days once I figured it out but... I stopped...”
Twilight placed a gentle hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. “That was just yesterday.”
“No! It was... it was months... years... I don't even know... it wasn't yesterday! Yesterday I flew into your bedroom window, woke you up and kissed you. Do you remember that?”
“W-what!?” Twilight reeled back with a gasp. “What are you talking about?”
Rainbow threw her hooves in the air. “Exactly! You don't remember. I don't know how or why, but somehow, every night, I wake up the same morning every time. I can remember what I did the previous day, but nopony else does, like I'm stuck repeating the same day over and over. It's not just Ponyville, either; I've flown to Canterlot and talked to princess Celestia. She doesn't remember a thing the next day. I figure the only way to fix things is to act normal. Just keep being normal, doing everything as I would normally, and things should go back to normal, right?”
“Rainbow, I don't think-”
“It's the only thing left!” Rainbow yelled desperately. “I've tried everything. This must be the dozenth time I've told you about what's going on, and you've never believed me. One time Celestia had me arrested, but I just woke up back at home. The only thing I have left is to do what I would have done normally; ask you one a date, only get you to say yes instead of no. It's never worked! It's the only thing that's never worked."
Twilight, held her hoof up, silently asking Rainbow to stop. Hesitantly, she closed her mouth, and Twilight took a breath. “Rainbow... what you're describing to me here sounds an awful lot like a time-loop.”
“You've said that before, but you always say it's impossible!”
“That's because it is,” Twilight said simply. “Are you pranking me or something?”
Rainbow's eyes widened. “Am.... I... Twi, do I look like I'm pranking you? This has been going on for months!"
Twilight nodded, thinking silently for a moment. “Well... alright then. You say I've never said yes, right? Well then... yes; I'll go on a date with you.”
“But you... you just.... you did it!” Rainbow smiled widely. “You said yes! You finally did something new!”
“Rainbow, are you-”
“This is amazing! All it took was me completely flipping out on you! Oh, why didn't I try that sooner? No, I did... it must have been exactly what I said! This is amazing! It's finally normal, it'll stop! I'll wake up tomorrow, and it'll actually be tomorrow instead of today!”
Twilight watched, concerned and slightly amused, as Rainbow took off and joyfully celebrated. She shook her head, chuckling quietly. “This was all some kind of ploy to get me to say yes, wasn't it? You know I'd probably have given you a shot no matter what, right?”
“You think...” Rainbow trailed off, staring at her for a moment, before shrugging it off. “It doesn't matter what you think. The important thing is that you said yes! We... we have to go on a date! It's been so long, what was my plan again? Something about... dinner? Dinner and a play! That's it; I already made the reservations because I thought there was no way you'd say no to my awesomeness. It's tonight at 7; Ill pick you up at 6:30!” With that she was gone, took off out the window. Twilight watched her go confused, more than a little concerned, and curious as to what the rest of the night held for her.
The Next Morning
Twilight groaned as she awoke to the sound of somepony trying to knock a hole through her front door. She sighed, sitting up in bed and flinging the blankets off herself. The sun was just barely above the horizon, and apparently Spike had better things to do today than open the door for whoever was trying to get her attention.
Getting out of bed, she stretched languidly and made her way down the door, navigating through stacks of papers and piles of books, which she really should have cleaned up already. Opening the door and preparing to thoroughly chew out anypony who tried that hard to wake her up, she paused as she saw Rainbow Dash, sitting on her doorstep, crying.
“Rainbow?” Twilight asked, anger being washed away in an instant at the sight of her clearly distraught friend. “What's wrong?”
“You... you don't remember, do you?”
Twilight frowned. “Remember what? What don't I remember?”
Rainbow sniffled. “We went out on a date yesterday... to a play, and-”
“How could I forget that?” Twilight interrupted with a warm chuckle and a smile. “I had a lot of fun with you. I even said we should do it again. Why wouldn't I remember?”
Rainbow's jaw fell open, her tears stopping in their tracks. She hastily reached into her wing and pulled out two crumpled slips of paper. “I found these on my table this morning... I'm so.... so sorry, Twilight.”
“What do you-...” Twilight trailed off into chocked silence as she recognized the paper in Rainbow's hoof. They were two slips of gold-coloured paper, each admitting one to watch a play. Tonight. A play that she very distinctly remembered attending yesterday, where they took the tickets.
“You're stuck with me now... I'm so sorry...”
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OH SHIT. This is a great story and that TWIST.
Groundhog Day loop. Interesting.
Once I reached the end of it, this quote from the movie Sandlot came into my head XD
So....They're in a jount Groundhog Day loop? Damn, that stuff's rough.
... Wow. Favouriting that. Even if it did make me doubt your sanity.
So, Rainbow ended up getting Twilight stuck in the same loop that she was in? That's pretty strange.
hey, at least they have company now. better than doing it all alone.
That was so depressing. I love it!
And so Rainbow Dash saved Equestria from an endless time loop by becoming the town bicycle overnight.
What? Why? Noooo.
I'm just curious as to whether pulling Twilight into a time-loop was her plan all along or was it just an attempt to fix her own time-loop problem.
Nevertheless, I like insane Rainbow, very cute, and I'd love to read about those 2 few years after this story takes place. I wonder how many ponies would have they ended up either pulling INTO their time-loop or just killing out of insanity
So... it's "Groundhog day" but with ponies?
Well that was interesting. At least having company in your time loop would mitigate a lot of the insanity-inducing aspects of one. And with Twilight's help maybe they can even find a way out of it.
Well, it'll be more tolerable with someone else.
Can someone do something similar but the ponies in it can choose to repeat a point in their lives and it having unexpected consequences?
Whoa, snap
...any plans for a sequel? 
They should just get all the ponies to join in on the loops! Then, infinite resources!
5434872 check out Mlp time loopz! Its this concept but bigger and better (not too be rude)
Oh no. This... This is so sad!
Please make this better! I want to be able to sleep at night!!!
I can't live knowing Rainbow damned Twilight to the initial's fate for all eternity!!!!
Jk
But seriously, i need to know what happens next
...
...
I have a question! Whowhatwhenwherehow?
That's not actually a question, but more like--
I don't care! What did I just read?!
Well, you just read--
I know what the f
k I just read, I just don't understand it! Help me, o you all powerful and all knowing author! Why is this hapenning?! I wanna know the why! I can't live without the why!
Also, yes, the "Groundhog Day" concept has been done many times over, both in published novels, in recent cinema, and even twice on Fimfiction (That I know of). Here is the first, and here's the other. (Also, have this one.)
Also, a more sensible traduction of my above rambling: There is a concept in fiction called "The Willing Suspension of Disbelief", which basically states that any witness of a fictional event hapenning in a fictional world will automatically try to believe said world, even if it is at the complete opposite of the reality he is confronted with every day. In return, the witness expects the author of the work to create for them a world that is coherent and possible. Not real, not realist or even realistic, just coherent and possible.
However, your story doesn't seem to have any set ground rules. For example, why does Rainbow Dash relive the same day over and over? What was the trigger? And why did going on a date with Twilight also transported the curse on her? If Rainbow Dash did the same thing over and over again and the events around her reset every night, how come she gets different results each day? What happens if she gets through the night without sleeping? All those little details disrupt the reader from actually enjoying all the other qualities of your story.
I'm gonna take a slight example from one of the fics I linked up to above: In Background Pony, it is made very clear from the beginning of the story that the whole world doesn't just reset, but rather the memory of the ponies get blanks at the points where they encounter the protagonist. What causes it? A cold wind sweeping through the protagonist's body. What causes it? Learn it in later chapters! Maybe! I've yet to finish it...
That's another issue I've found with this story: It's too short. And I don't mean just in a "Moar moar moar!" sense. It ended where I feel it should have really began. You had an interesting setup and it would have been fun to see the interactions between Twi and Dash, especially since you specialize in TwiDash, yet haven't truly written anything that dark. And no, I haven't read the Dream Saga, I'll go do it someday. Probably.
That's not to say that there's nothing of value there. As I said, Twi and Dash in this setup has never been done before, which gives it a few originality points. The whole "Rainbow Going Nuts" thing was pretty great too, though I would have appreciated to see the happenings during the dinner and the theater piece. And I've always been a sucker for crying RD (That came out so wrong), so you definitely scored a few points there.
But hey, don't take my words for it. You're the writer of pony shipfics, and I'm the one who writes 500+ word comments on shipfics. Those are both questionnable life decisions right there!
And now, if you'll excuse me:
5435780 Yes, sir! You can! Go do it, and become the best
doctorwriter there is!5434286 And weird. And every other synonym in the book. Still, could have been interesting hadn't the fic ended so soon.
5434559 Why? Wanna come sleep to my house? Don't worry, I won't bite. Probably.
5434420 Ehh, not so sure about that. If I were stuck with someone like RD, I'd probably jump off a building. Then the world would reset, I'd wake up with the biggest headache, and I'd slam my flank on a porcupine in order to delocalize the pain. As you can see, I am pure genius,
5434257 You should see his blogs, then you'd question his sanity all the time!
5434789 How? Who? Wheeeeeeen?!
5434509 You!... Definitely should be checked.
5436611
I... think you're missing the point of this fic a bit. Or looking too deep into it. I never set up base rules for the time loop because the characters don't understand it, and quite frankly I'm not a fan of dramatic irony. The reader is only supposed to know as much as the character I'm focusing on in any given story. In this case, Twilight, who knows only what Rainbow Dash has told her, and by this point Dash has... gone a little loopy.
... I'm sorry.
As for the length, this is a short story that isn't supposed to have an ending at all. The very nature of this concept is that everything repeats, looping over and over and over and never ending, yet also never beginning. You'll notice I didn't even start the story at the beginning, just when Twilight entered the loop. The story technically began when Dash first got stuck. Maybe I did set up an interesting concept that could be thoroughly explored should I put enough time and effort into a full story. But at the same time it could go nowhere, and for all the reader knows they could get out the next day by Twilight using some spell or another. Maybe they never get out, grow old, and die living that one day over and over. Maybe they go completely and utterly insane.
The point of this story is to give only a small slice of the events, and to leave the rest up to the reader. How did Rainbow Dash get stuck in the first place? Well, why do you think she did? That's as good an answer as I could give you. Will they get out? Well, whatever you come up with will probably be just as good or better than anything I could write for you. However, as mentioned in a blog posted just a little while ago, I am considering expanding this story. I just don't know where to yet.
Writing insanity, and the descent into insanity, has always been one of my favorite things to do. One of the first Twidash's I ever wrote was The Day the Sun Didn't Rise, in which Rainbow goes crazy and kills ponies. Psychology fascinates me, and the lack of normalcy battling the desire for normalcy is something that I quite enjoy writing, so I'm glad you enjoyed it as well. I actually have seen this set up in a Twidash before, though I can't remember the name, it's written by Cynical. It hasn't updated in a long while now. Do my originality points get taken away?
Questionable? Nah, I've never questioned my decision to write shipfics. Never been happier! The 500 word comment on the other hand...
5436611
O_o
*blink*
Okay, nope, you really replied to like twelve people.
On someone else's fic.
>_>
Kodeake, can I go back home now?
This is.... one of the most depressing and disturbing things ive ever read/seen (probably more disturbing than the Stanley parable)
So rainbow has been doing this for how long?
I sort of demand a sequel just cause I want to see more
5436683
Challenge Accepted!
So when Rainbow Dash came back from the weather meeting in Cloudsdale, she met Princess Luna, or more specifically, bumped into her. Luna plummeted to her doom, but RD saved her just in time. She still broke one of Luna's wing in the process, so she brought her to Fluttershy's cottage to make her get all better by some silly magic. Once she arrives, Luna gets back to her senses and tells Rainbow that she is very thankful of her saving and gives her a magical appearing 4-slot toaster as a token of her appreciation. Fluttershy also tells Rainbow that, in order to cure Luna from the mysterious alien disease she was struck with by "Accident". So RD gets sent out to Zecora's place in order to get the extremely rare cure-all medicine. Much to her surprise, Zecora doesn't agree to give it away for free, and says "Yo dawg, give away that toaster, or else you'll come back with nothin' but a rooster!". So Dash came back with the rooster, because that toaster was too frickin' sweet to give away! As she gives the rooster to a confused and frankly bewildered (That's a word, right?) Fluttershy, she goes back to her place with as much discretion as possible. The moment she comes back, however, a pink unicorn in armor is waiting for her, holding Philamena in her hoof. Said bird promptly burns the cute unicorn mare and goes to Rainbow Dash saying in a very racist german accent "Rainbow Dash, you must get back that rooster before Fluttershy eats him and bakes him. In that order". RD was quite shocked by that demand, since Fluttershy was her friend and that she wanted her to be happy, but she agreed when Philamena added a lemon pie in the offer. Once she had licked the pie off the contract, Dash went to the cottage, where Luna was still lying on the biggest couch there, coughing up unhealthy quantities of cinnamon she had stuck in her lungs. As she looked through the window, RD saw Fluttershy about to put the rooster which she had named George in the oven that was pre-baked to 8623 degrees (Celsius, if you were wondering.). Rainbow busted trough the window, did a flip and caught the rooster in her hooves before running off to hide with it in one of the supply closet, leavin a dying Luna and a shell-shocked Fluttershy without any magical chicken to eat. As she was in the closet, Dash saw a small light emanating from in front of her that seemed to come from a fairy. Rainbow Dash tried to grab it, but since she didn't have fingers to take it, she just squished it between her hooves, killing it until it was dead. Meanwhile, the high fairy council had decided to hold a meeting to decide on which version of Jenga should be played for Uldrik Fairy''s 298's birthday. Said council was interrupted when they learned that one of theirs was killed, by a pegasus no less! So they decided to lay off a curse that made one's day repeat infinitely for it and its loved ones until it and its loved one decided to finally bang. And that's what will happen in the sequel/prequel that you are writting right now!
...
...
You should write horror stories.
Wow... that. Was amazing!
5436805 Dat ending was absolutely perfect for that comment.
5436611
... Okay.
You remind me of someone. Someone who talks incredibly fast and makes sense without always making sense. Someone who can talk for hours about Cherrychangas and toothless alligators. Yup. You are now officially hereby dubbed... Pinkie-Clone 2.0
5436805
Oh....
....
Okay....
...
Uh.... That's.... a thing?
I'm gonna.... go respond to a few other comments now....
Please don't hurt me.... I promise to make a sequel.....
5436738
Run while you still can. It's too late for me.
5436804
I might make a sequel, but at this point I'm not too sure on what it would be about. I have a few interesting ideas, but the only problem is that if I don one of them, I can't do the other,s so I have to sit down and work out a solid plot for each idea and pick my favourite. Could take some time before I release a sequel.
Well done to a degree, but it needs revisions badly. There were errors throughout the entire story, to the point where I almost stopped paying attention to them because I already knew they were there.
There's even a mistake in the description of the story.
That's just ridiculous.
On the story side of things, my major critique is that the end felt too rushed; you could have done a lot more with that last conversation.
5436805
Yeah, no.
I finally read your first comment in its entirety, and I gotta say that, sir... you miss the entire point of a one shot fic. You tried to cover up your misunderstanding with humor and logic, though your logic doesn't even fit. "Suspension Of Disbelief" does not really apply to this fic. You could try and whine and say that it does, but it simply doesn't. If you're reading this fic on a MY LITTLE PONY WEBSITE, then that automatically means you're aware of the show and liked it, to some degree. Now their world is not completely defined through the show. There really aren't too many limits and barriers when it comes to abilities and magic, and it's really just up to the imagination of the writer to figure it out in a clever way that's fun for the reader/viewer. Something such as what happened above is entirely plausible in the MLP universe, because time travel already is a thing in the show. That episode didn't put any limitations on it, either. It merely said how that single spell worked. Who's to say that there isn't different time travel spells? And no one ever said what the laws of time travel are in MLP in the first place. So no, I'm sorry, but the plausibility of Kodeake's fic is entirely valid. Your reasoning for your argument is the weak point here.
In addition to that, I'll revisit what I initially mentioned about you not understanding what the purpose of one shot fics is. A one shot fic doesn't have to explain everything about its events and mysteries. It doesn't have to have a happy conclusion where everything is resolved. A one shot fic is a PIECE of what COULD BE a larger story, and it could also be THE ENTIRE STORY. A one shot fic is a nebulous unquantifiable object because it's purpose is to give just enough information that the reader will figure out what the writer had initially intended, but ALSO purposefully NOT give enough information. The reader isn't supposed to find out how Dash got stuck in the time loop. You aren't supposed to know why Twilight got pulled in as well. You're supposed to wonder and ponder, and never actually know, because what the writer wanted to happen is already accomplished. He is done with the fic right where it is, and he never intended to explain some of those parameters about the story and the events. Why?
Because it would ruin the mystery of the fic. And the mystery of the fic is why we read it in the first place.
5437538
I don't suggest writing a sequel if you plan to continue this story. This was a ONE SHOT, and as I said before, it's done as is. A continuation isn't necessary, because within the requirements of a one shot, this fic is COMPLETE.
However. If you're going to continue this storyline instead of leave it alone, then it is now NOT COMPLETE. Creating a sequel to it is a huge limiter when you would just be better off adding more chapters to it. The most successful sequels are the ones that continue a COMPLETED story. Look at Harry Potter. There were cliff hangers after each book, sure, but each book still ended in a way that felt like a true ending in the first place. If you're going to make a sequel to this fic, then this fic needs to have a better 'first book ending'.
I'd just suggest writing additional chapters for your preexisting story before you attempt to write a sequel.
5437538
Also I guess this means I didn't take your advice and run away. It looks like I'm staying here to help you put out the fires.
I did a dramatic reading. Do I get a cookie?
cool
5438170
Perhaps I was using the term sequel a bit flippantly. If I were to write a "sequel", it would explore this idea, rather than continue this story. As in I'd post an entirely separate story from this one, totally unrelated, just with a similar set up. This was written to fulfill my own personal desire to see a fic of this nature, a time loop from the perspective of someone outside the time loop, and it did its job. Should I get and idea and enough interest in said idea, I would create and entire, self-contained story around it. Not so much a sequel as an actual story based on the idea of this story. This would allow me to construct a more thought-out lore without the constrictions this story places, as well as widen my viewer audience by removing the fairly boring task of reading a short prequel.
5438205
Have all of my cookies for both the reading, and putting up with the terrible editing pass I did on this.
How did you even get featured with such poor punctuation?
5438928
Because clearly I have hacked FiMfic and put myself up there permanently. Or maybe the story's good enough for people to ignore a single missing question mark that I haven't gotten around to fixing yet.
5438988
It's more than the question mark, actually.
Well, if there's anypony I'd want to be stuck in a time loop with, it's Princess Knows-How-To-Cast-Time-Magic Sparkle. And it helps that they're dating. :)
So, how many loops is it going to be til they start killing each other?
How does one comprehend this story?
5439237
One doesn't.
One experiences this story.
Or that could be a pompous load of crap. You decide!
5439245 One Doesn't.
Well, this was like a punch to the stomach. Or a punch to the heart, to be more accurate.
Could you post one of the darker versions?
This is so Twilight Zone!(The actual show, that's not a pony pun.)
First thing I'd do would be find out the funnest ways to get kicked out of the theater
Obnoxious and loud commentary, flying on stage and 'defeating' the bad guy, flying on stage and spoiling dramatic irony to a character, flying on stage and make up your own lyrics if its a musical, flying on stage and become a character you have made up, flying on stage and go star struck (OMG I LOVE THIS PLAY!! NEED AUTOGRAPH!!! HAVE MY BABIES!!), Drunk obnoxious and loud commentary, yell fire as loud as you can then steal all of the concessions, laugh insanely obnoxiously and inappropriately loud out a funny part as long as possible (even if its not that funny), Harlem Shake, convince an actor to leave and take their spot and do a terrible performance, shoot spitballs, dumb buckets of varying liquids over the audience and or cast, hack the light system and start shooting neon club lights everywhere, hack the sound system and distort the actors' voices
Sorry
I know its supposed to be Dark and serious and stuff, but before I get serious, I think it'd be fun to mess around. And that's JUST the theater! 
5438928 Explanation: Fimfiction is a weird place, with weird rules, and most importantly, weird people.
5438204
you are very dedicated to your comments, my friend....
your chattier than me when I rant on the question "What kind of dubstep are you listening to?"
And THAT is saying something.
oh by the way, I'm listening to 'Sweet' by Au5, Auratic, and I.Y.F.F.E. Now you cannot ask me that question!
but that's Electro BUCK!!!!
I hate myself now.
.....
......
......
I'm gonna get back on topic now.
I applaud you, your future in accounting is secure.
Also, I read them all.
My head exploded from to much information.
cant wait for the sequel, and no doubt the comments from you that make me wanna put my head in a drawer and slam it shut.
5439540
Wow, you're quite poisonous.
Timeloop! *yoink*
Nicely done. A great little read with a
frustratingtantalising open-ending. Hmmm, by my reckoning, the only member of the Mane Six who now hasn't had a timeloop story is Fluttershy. :)