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Twilight gathers the girls for an Easter egg hunt, promising that whoever gathers the most eggs wins a prize. What the girls don't know, is that the winner was pre-determined, and the prize is for Twilight herself just as much as it is for the pony who would win the competition.
My Easter Special and entry for Bassie and Surry's Twidash Army's first official contest. Two projects, one story.
Enjoy
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"Pinkie bounced ecstatically around Sugar Cub corner,"
I think you meant Sugar Cube Corner
The fluffiness of this makes Flufflepuff look hairless. Good work!
Minor issues and missing letters. (I instead of It as an example.)
But all in all, a bit of a brilliant, bouncy tale. Well done!
Well that was just adorable
)
No relay that is all i have to say it was rather entertaining and fun to read, tho you have to wonder, what if Fluttershy won? somehow. (Twishy fan you see
Good job on this 9/10
~Tobben
Fluffier than a peep in the microwave.
You may want to look the whole thing over again once or twice. There were a few missing letters.
Still a very enjoyable read. It was a nice touch combining Easter and the timing of the contest. I have a feeling there won't be another entry that tries that.
... Hmm.
I'm starting to like
"The prize is just the icing."
I like eating the icing before eating the cuppycake!
And not an.
An not a.
She'd not shed.
As not s.
That is all.
Cute!
Yes, yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!
Love it, cute and fluff.
This didn't work for me at all. The first scene is completely unnecessary, for one. What bothers me the most is that Twilight manipulated her friends with a rigged contest in the hope that a pony whose sexuality she didn't even know might be willing to risk their friendship on a date. It comes off as wholly disingenuous. There are definitely ways you could have made this scenario work a lot better and still have the "fluffy" lovey-dovey ending.
I'll admit that Twilight's plan seemed very un-Twilike - she may be bright enough to pull it off, but I don't think she has it in her to be this callously manipulative - and the lack of an editor disrupted my enjoyment of the story, but you set out to write an adorable fluffy tale and in that you succeeded. Not bad, Kodeake!
4324652
Callous? Manipulative? I... really don't see it. I mean all she did was make a fun game for her friends to enjoy, with a bit of an ulterior motive. It's not like she did anything directly against the others, she just did something a little special for Dash, because she couldn't find the courage to do so herself, face to face. Sure, it was a bit unfair, telling the others there was a prize, but they never even had to know it was rigged; just that Dash found more eggs than them.
I don't see how that's uncaring; she made it fair for her friends, and enjoyable.
4324726
As I said, you did succeed in what you set out to do, so congratulations on that.
She didn't make it fair for her friends, though. She used them as pawns to disguise her true intent of asking Rainbow Dash to be her special somepony because she didn't have the guts to do it outright. She didn't give them a chance to win the promised prize - the very prize that happened to be the only reason a few of them were playing. Saying 'they never had to know' only makes it worse; lying to her friends and asking Rainbow to do the same is something I would hope the living embodiment of the magic of friendship would be unwilling to do. On top of that, she kept Pinkie from organizing her yearly egg hunt for the fillies and colts. I know somepony else would be able to do it in her stead, but it still sounds selfish.
But I suppose I'm overthinking it. It was meant to be a little piece of fluff and I'm going over it as if it was the next great epic.
4324867
By fair for her friends, I meant the other four, not including Rainbow. And it was; they all had a fair shot at collecting their eggs, and they still got chocolate out of it.
But at the end of it all I stand by my most basic of arguments. because there are no romantic situations in the show (disregarding HipsterxRarity and SpikexRarity because those are frankly not real romance) we truly cannot know how a character would act in a romantic setting/situation. We have a guess, based on their characters, but love can make people act very out of the ordinary, having seen it first hand. People who would sooner jump off a bridge than hurt a fly can, under certain circumstances, devise and act upon a plot to purposefully hurt people. It's an interesting reaction, one that drives people to do the opposite of who they are normally. Is it so hard to believe that Twilight could, under similar circumstances, tell a little lie when it became clear to her that she couldn't gather the courage to do it face to face? Nopony was hurt, and I showed the scenes of them all getting ready to show that the others were going to enjoy it specifically for such an argument. Because in the end, if no one was hurt, and everyone enjoyed themselves, does it matter that it was a little rigged?
But I suppose now I'm just making excuses to preserve at least some integrity and believably. Like you said; it was just a fluff piece, whose point was to be pointless. As long as you at the very least somewhat enjoyed it, I'm happy.
4324969
And enjoy it I did.
I'm... a little touchy when it comes to manipulative relationships. I know that Twi and Rainbow could be a great couple, but seeing it start off on that hoof makes me nervous. After all, if this Twilight is willing to play that kind of game with her friends this early on, who's to say how far she'll take it a few years down the road? A few decades?
But I know that's just my mind taking a half-formed idea and running with it. I'm sure that other readers that are less touchy about it than I am will be able to believe or at least ignore it. I'm sorry that I let that affect my reaction to your story.
Honestly, when I came up with the contest prompt, this was the kind of story I was expecting from a lot people. Glad to see you delivered.
I hate naming stories myself. I remember reading somewhere that the single hardest part of a story is the name. Right now, I have a twidash in the works, and the name for it only partially fits.
I really love how crafty Twilight was in this one, and it makes sense that she would find this way to ask Dash out. Rather bold of the lavender unicorn.
4325195
I honestly don't see where this relationship was all that manipulative. First, Twilight has always struck me as being the type that would find it very hard to ask someone out, and this was a way that she could do so while giving her friends a chance to have some fun. I found it to be really crafty, actually. And, if you think about it, all relationships have a fair amount of manipulation in them to start with. You're talking about two ponies (or people) with different wants and needs going into a relationship.
The vast majority of these types of fics always has twilight asking at the last moment, or missing the point entirely. This one doesn't, and I for one thought that it was cute.
5436839
*shrugs* She set up a false game and fooled her friends into taking part with the promise of a special prize that was only ever intended for one of the players. It would've been different if she'd asked the other four first, or if she'd apologized and explained, but as things stand... Crafty? Sure. Horrible? I think so.
As I kept saying, it's not a bad story; I just think Twi was mischaracterized.
After reading several Hearth's Warming stories, this one was suggested. We need more start-of-a-romance holiday stories that aren't Hearth's Warming or Hearts and Hooves.
Someone write me a Labor Day ShipFic, stat! Parker, I need pictures! Pictures of Ponies!
Tons of spelling errors. It seems you might need an editor who has an eye for this kind of stuff...
...ME! That is, if it's okay with you...
* Re-reading with a soft smile*.
