Slaver Rarity

Cutie Mark(ed) Crusaders2,629 stories ·500 members

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Comments ( 12 )

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Game-BeatX14

Game-BeatX14 #1 · Dec 19th, 2014 · · · 1. I Don't Understand ·

Nice cover art

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #2 · Dec 19th, 2014 · · · 1. I Don't Understand ·

Scootaloo gulped, she’d heard once in Cheerilee’s class about not taking candy from strangers who might want to foalnap you, but she’d never heard of anypony around Ponyvillebeing foalnapped.

You need a space between these.

Wow. That. Was. Brutal. And... I actually enjoyed it. I usually do not. But you have a way of making me read things I usually would not, and end up liking them.

I shall favorite and like.

~KBO.

Proper Noun

Proper Noun #3 · Dec 19th, 2014 · · · 1. I Don't Understand ·

Similar Stories list includes Cheerilee's Garden.

Sounds about right.

Needs more proofing.

Locks key

Locks key #4 · Dec 29th, 2014 · · · 1. I Don't Understand ·

nice

Arzoo

Arzoo #5 · Jan 1st, 2015 · 2 · · 1. I Don't Understand ·

Why's it called slaver rarity if she's not even a main character...?

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #6 · Jan 17th, 2016 · · · 2. Opal II ·

Her broken wing was having the feathers plucked now, causing immense burning sensations to travel down the wing, through her spin.

"Spine".

Oh, damn, that last bit made me very queasy. However, it was still... enjoyable? Is that the correct word? Am I a terrible person if I found this enjoyable? I think I need to go read something cute or funny to make sure I am still capable of feeling good emotions.

~KBO.

Kaidan

Kaidan #7 · Jan 27th, 2016 · · · 2. Opal II ·

6844258

I'm surprised people still read things I write. Thanks.

Gebsfrom404

Gebsfrom404 #8 · Jun 10th, 2016 · · · 2. Opal II ·

Are you gonna write it up anytime soon?

DrSilverDusk

DrSilverDusk #9 · Jul 18th, 2016 · · · 2. Opal II ·

6876796 Finnish dash of humanity 3 plz

Neko Majin C

Neko Majin C #10 · Nov 27th, 2016 · 1 · · 3. Rarity's Diary ·

She was looking through Rarity’s possessions when she came across a leather bound diary.

Made all the creepier by the fact that this is a world of sentient farm animals that would otherwise be manufactured into leather.

It wasn’t a pony, nor any other creature she could think of.

"I".

Before Aloe could register what happened I was gripping her throat so tight that I saw her eyes actually begin to bulge out of her head.

Missing comma.

Oh, but what of Vera my future self may ask as I relive this most wonderful day? She did not escape my grasp either, for while I strangled her sister to death my magic was powerful enough to grip her hooves, cementing her to the ground. As the warmth flowed from the crystal skull into me I took greater and greater joy forcing Vera to watch her sisters die.

Missing commas.

The power which is had let me taste,

"It".

I was a filly after all and knew as much about sex as I knew about quantum physics.

Missing comma.

she was the meanest and most tom-boyish filly I knew.

The hyphen is unneeded.

In the end I raped all three of them.

Missing comma.

I’m still getting used to the sensation of controlling three ponies in addition to myself, it’s a bit exhausting

Comma should be a period, "it's" should be capitalized.

Sweetie bent a corner of the journal over to mark her place and closed it.

Monster! Deplorable, irredeemable monster!

There were four diamonds, and three must represent Aloe, Lotus, and Vera, who Sweetie had quickly gotten used to controlling.

Did this Rarity always have one more diamond that canonical Rarity?

Either my stomach is getting stronger, or this chapter was way more tame than the others. Either way it was still quite enjoyable. World building is always good. However, I did not expect this story to take an Indiana Jones turn.

Thank you for updating this.

~KBO.

PaintedNovel455