"I want to be an uncle...THAT'S AN ORDER, PRIVATE!"

by Dr Atlas

The plan

“W-w-wh-WHAT!?”

Shining narrowed his eyes and stood over Flash. “Did I stutter, private Flash?” He said in the darkest tone of voice possible

Flash shook his head. “N-No sir...I-I’s just that...well…what?”

“Don’t ‘Well what’ me, private.” Shining continued to look down at the pony in front of him. “You heard me loud and clear, didn’t you?”

Flash was starting to think this was some test, that the captain would never say something like this to him, that it was some sick joke, that he didn’t ask him to...to…

Shining stomped his hoof on the castle floor, causing Flash to lose his train of thought and continue to quiver in fear. “Private!” Shining yelled. “Did you even understand what I said, much less hear what it was?”

Flush gulped. “Uh...sorta, I...uh...I’m still trying to...well, understand.”

“What’s not to understand? This order is as clear as I can make it, Flash.” Shining was starting to lose his patience with this pony. “What more do you need to know, should I go in detail?”

“NO!...N-no…” Flash shivered and continued. “I’d...just like to know if...what I’m hearing is...well...true” Flash tightened his grip on his spear, wanting to hold it in defense in case the captain punched him in the stomach.

Shining sighed. “Yes private, you heard me. I don’t want a son, or a daughter. I can’t take such responsibilities, you understand, right?” Shining raised a brow toward Flash, hoping this hint was enough for him.

But Flash continued to stand and looked baffled at his commanding officer. “S-Shining, sir, I-I don’t know if...well...I could-”

“I know you can, private. I’ve seen you on the field, not many ponies can jump hurdles as tall as yours, and the amount of laps you run without tiring out, I’m sure that kind of skill will work in this situation.”

Flash blushed. “I-I-W...what does running have to do with-”

“You have a lot of stamina,” Shining explained. “and being very athletic only means you can last longer.”

Flash’s face continued to go scarlet. He couldn’t believe a word this captain was saying to him. “Wh-what does lasting longer mean any-”

“It means you’ll have a better chance.” Shining crossed his arms. “And what’s with your face private?”

Flash could feel the burning on the sides of his face. “It’s...Well, what you’re talking about, sir, is very...well...personal and…and...awkward.”

Shining was baffled at that statement. “What's awkward about this, private. Heck, what you’ll be doing tonight will be the same thing you've done for the past years, but this time it will be with a mare.”

“I’m not...wait, past years...Y-you think that-” Flash held his hoof up in defense.

“I don’t think, I know. Almost everypony does it, heck, Even I did it before I met Cadance.”

Flash almost fell to the floor, all this talk about this was bad enough, now Shining was bringing his wife in the matter. “Before, so-so you don’t-”

Shining wrapped a hoof around Flash’s neck. “I’ll admit, private, for a long time, I was pretty bored and lonely, until I met Cadance, that mare and her beautiful eyes, that soft hair, and that...luscious pink body made me think about her for months when I was off duty.”

Now Flash was so embarrassed that he wanted to run. He struggled to get out of the grip Shining put him in, but it was too strong for him to do it, even Shining wasn’t noticing him doing it as he gazed into the distance. “And let me tell you, private. I’m pretty sure she did the same, you do the same, right?”

“W-what?” Flash dropped his jaw, wondering why his captain was asking him this instead of his mother.

“Oh come on, private, you can tell me, in fact, tell me who you think of at the time.”

“Think of? What do you-”

“Who’s the mare, it is a mare, right?” Shining was starting to think this plan would backfire at this point, not the private’s opinion, but what Flash was into.

“Y-yes Sir, I-I like mares, b-but...uh…” Flash looked down, not wanting Shining to see the still crimson face he had on.

“But what, you think of her, right?” Shining had to be sure this whole this was perfect. This plan could fail at any moment, and he didn’t want that to happen.

“W-who…” Flash asked stupidly, he knew all too well what Shining was talking about.

“What do you mean ‘who?’” Shining didn’t realize it, but he was tightening his grip on Flash the more he talked. “I’m talking about the fourth princess, the alicorn, slightly tall, purple, one of the elements. Come on, Flash, tell me who. Who do you think of at night?”

Shining waited for an answer, but Flash struggled and had a face of blue instead of red. Shining rolled his eyes and let go of him, making Flash gasp for air and collapsed on the ground. “Well?”

“Deh...whel...do whah….what?”

Shining growled. “Do you think of her while you’re hoofin’ it? Yes or no, private!?” Shining stood over him, his body right above Flash’s

Flash gulped. “W-well, Wh-when I am...stressed...or...bored...I...Uh…” Flash realized that his face was within inches of the captain’s. “Y-e...yeah...I-I-I do.”

Shining stepped away and wiped the sweat off his head. “Oh good, I thought for sure you would think of someone else. You don’t, right?”

Flash got up and shook his head furiously. “N-no sir, I-I I’m single, so...I don’t have any-”

“Well, you won’t be tonight private,” Shining smiled. “Soon, you’ll be a full fledged father, with responsibilities I wish I had.”

Flash dropped his jaw again. “So you want to have a child? T-then why do you-”

Shining glared at him. “I never said I wanted to have one, private, I just said I wish I could have the same responsibilities, which is where you come in, you’ll make me have them in a...different way.”

“How?” Flash was starting to think that this plan was, not only insane, but also stupid.

Shining scratched the back of his neck. “Well, when I’m not on duty, I’ll be sure to stop by and see how you, her, and the little bundle of joy, are doing, and when both of you are busy, I’ll be there to take care.” Shining held a hoof to his chest.

“Nice rhymes, b-but how will I still be part of my work, what if it...well, interferes with my...guarding.” Flash was now thinking of ways to get out of this.

“It won’t. If Twilight can handle having one baby, I’m sure she can do the same with two.”

“I mean me.”

Shining waved his hoof. “I’m sure you can handle having that and being active in duty, as for me, I have too many responsibilities, and last I heard, you only have guarding to worry about.”

Flash started fidgeting. “I...I don’t know about this, captain, what she...well, doesn't want to.”

“Oh please, I see the way she looks at you, and I know you do the same, right?”

Flash blushed again. He had no idea how to answer this, he wasn’t so sure about his feelings with her, and it wasn’t every night he thought about her. “Uh…”

Shining gave him a slight punch in the arm. “I’ll take that as a yes. So, you understand this assignment now, right?”

Flash did, but he had a tough time figuring out the little things. “I...W-why aren’t you mad?”

Shining laughed. “Why would I be mad?”

“Well, I’m...messing with your sister, so-”

“So what? My sister knew who Cadance was when I was about to marry her, and she wasn’t mad, and since I know you. It only makes it fair.”

“Fair?” Flash had a tough time trying to see the logic in that.

Shining leaned into his ear. “But if anyone asks, I had no idea about this, and be sure to prepare for when I get mad at you in front of everyone. It only makes it more believable.”

Flash stepped back from him. “H-how? How is you being mad believable?”

“Well, a simple private trying to marry an alicorn could cause a lot of strange eyes.”

“M-M-M-MARRY!?” Flash had to take that in while Shining started to explain.

“Well, duh! When others find out about you doing this, you’ll want to get married. What, did you think that this would all be over in one night? No siree. This will take a while, and sure it will be hard, but I’ll make sure to put you second in command after this.”

Flash couldn’t take it anymore, he had to say no, now! “Sir, I don’t want to...second in command?” Flash wanted to make sure he was hearing that right.

Shining nodded. “You might even be prince at her kingdom, that would be pretty nice, eh?” Shining nudged his shoulder while Flash stared off into the distance.

“A-uh-uh...a prince?” Flash would never think of such a thing, to think that doing this would not only make him second in command to such a large army, but also being a prince, that was too much an honor for him to have.

“I’ll tell you right now, being a prince aint all that bad, you got the servants, the caterers, the pleasure of being noticed, and having a beautiful wife too.”

Flash could almost see it now, him sitting at the throne right next to Twilight, and others catering to his every whim. “Wow…”

Shining smacked him out of his trance with a hoof to the back of his head. “Ey, this isn’t about being a high commander now, this is about me being an uncle. Remember?”

Flash nodded furiously. “Of- of course, I remember. Just….second in command?”

Shining rolled his eyes. “Don’t push it, private.”

“Y-yes sir.” Flash saluted on instinct.

Shining smiled. “Good, so, a recap, where are you going?”

“To the train station.”

“And after that?”

“T-to Twilight’s place.”

“And you’ll do what.”

Flash shook, hoping the next words he would say were not only happen, but would not give him a black eye from his commanding captain. “Uh...m-mate with your sister?”

Shining sighed. “Not mate, just have sex with her, and you better make sure it’s good, I don’t want her complaining about how bad it was when all four of us ask how it went.”

Flash gulped. “W-well sir...I-I’ve never really done this before...Well, not with anyone else.”

Shining patted his back. “It’s kinda the same thing, private, trust me, I’m sure you’ll figure it out, now, if you would excuse me.” Shining started trotting off, leaving Flash to think about things.

“Where are you going?” Flash asked.

“To get a letter.” Shining yelled behind him. “You can’t just go over there without a reason, that would be creepy.”

“Like this isn’t creepy enough.” Flash muttered to himself.

Shining turned to the nearest corner, leaving Flash to himself. As for Flash, all he could think of was what would happen after all of this, and how it would all go down, but the one thing that scared him most was this.

“Hopefully she wouldn't punch me again.” He laughed nervously before he looked down and groaned, knowing full well the first time he met her, she practically hated him the second she saw him.

“I need to find a new job.”

Comments

[WiseFireCracker]

Well, that wasn't a sentence I expected to write or say today, but...

Poor Flash Sentry.

[Europa]

Wow, you can feel Flash's exasperation. Shining, that was creepy as hell.

[Scarheart]

Shining sighed. “Yes private, you heard me. I don’t want a son, or a daughter. I can’t take such responsibilities, you understand, right?” Shining raised a brow toward Flash, hoping this hint was enough for him.

This makes him a jerk to his wife. What if Cadence wants a foal? Selfish, Shiny.

No...just...no...
I would not want to be a part of this military if Shining Armor was leading it.

Not because he wants Flash to hook up with his sister, but because he wants to deny his wife the opportunity of being a mother. He's taking it upon himself to deny her the choice.

[Fervidor]

Ha. Well, Shining is still a jerk, but it's nice to see a subversion of the usual "hoofs off my sister" thing.

[StardustSurvivor]

i only have one word for this story. sequel!

[Breaking News]

The description of the fic filled in more of the plot than usual but it was still funny in spots. Poor Flash is in way over his head here. Nice to see Shining doing the shipping for once though.

[Feelsbadbro1337]

5069705
omg so leading equestria's military is less important than having foals

also his wife should know what she was getting into if she married him ffs

[Dustin Lange]

private Flash

Oh god!

[Dr Atlas]

5069721
S'what I was aiming for.
I've always liked seeing a different takes on certain genres in fiction.
and this kind of story was too good to pass up.
Sorry in advance.
or...sorry it happen...
or just...sorry
I regret nothing.

[Fervidor]

5070319

Honestly, I like to think Shining likes Flash and would be okay with him dating Twilight.

Just, maybe not this okay.

5069791

Flash: And that's how I met your mother. Eleven months later you were born.
Starburst: ...I so didn't need to know that. Mom, do you know any brain bleach spell?
Twilight: Fortunately, yes. In fact, I think I'll use it on myself while I'm at it.
Flash: Come on, it all turned out well, didn't it?
Twilight: Of course, honey. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go declare war on the Crystal Empire...

[Father Figure]

10 outta 10, 10 outta 10, best story, best story!

[Shakespearicles]

This is the exact opposite of my head canon. But I'm all for Flash being in a situation that makes him uncomfortable.

[Slavenger Karl]

That is so bling-bling, that it should be illegal!

[SageBrony07]

That was a weird and entertaining story. Good luck with your next story. Great job with this one.

[Utopianking]

Not sure what I just read, but this is the only Flashlight story I like. I'm not sure whether to congragulate you or use my space cannon.

[Ese Wey]

You sir make the best stories, i can't belive i wasn't following you before. This definetily needs more chapters.

[Moonlit Shimmer]

[Dust Scoll]

Requesting new with chapter with the meeting and lots of spicy details. Pwleeaaase

[grogar]

Twilight: I don't like ponby flash i love HUMAN!FLASH HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND!!

Pinkie: Very apparently.

[Shocks]

Is it saying something when you have to order people to buck your sister?

[Mile High]

5069705 oh so if a woman said to a man lets have a baby and the man says no. The man is an ass? That's bull. He is not saying its out of the question at all. It's out of the question right now because he grew up in a normal family where he hung out and learn and had his parents with him growing up so if he can't do the same and be there for his kid because of his job to an army and nation, He mite as well not have a kid right now. although he wants one but doesn't want to neglect it. He devisees a plan. Witch the plan is weirded. So next time you get on your men are bad women sould have there cake and eat it to hoarse. Open your eyes instead of your mouth

[TheKitten]

The description sucked me in. Now I must read it.

After reading: Please let there be a sequel...

[Dont tread on me]

SEQUEL

[Scarheart]

5071435 Wow, you read waaaay too much into my comment.
You are welcome to your opinion and I'll stick to mine. Have a nice day. Disagreeing is healthy for society. Keeps people from turning into mindless sheep.

[Hillbe]

PIZZA COLT WE DELIVER! "Hello I'm answering an ad you placed for a delivery driver"

"Your name please"
" Flash"

FLASH THE PIZZA DELIVERY DRIVER

[Slavenger Karl]

Fuckin unbeliveable.

[Crystal Cuddles]

5071147 Lol maybe

[Slavenger Karl]

Bucking unbelivable what do people write. This is gold.

[Chesire11]

I'm thinking of a spicy delight of a sequel.

[Anyne]

"PRIVATE! I order you to buck my sister!"

Silly Shining, that's not how babies are made

[Crystal Cuddles]

Sequel plz?

[Snake Staff]

Friggin' hilarious.

Could get a second chapter? Or a sequel? Please.

[Valen Machina]

5070503 JonTron?

[SP00KY NINJA-PON3]

5073372 5 Stars! A+! 4 Stars!

[Valen Machina]

5073881
*commences victory dance*

[SP00KY NINJA-PON3]

5073895 You can leave a complaint, in the complaint box, but I DON'T CHECK THAT SHIT!

[Handyman]

He laughed nervously before he looked down and groaned, knowing full well the first time he met her, she practically hated him the second she saw him.

Am I missing something here? This wasnt the case in the movie.

[justanothername]

I would love to hear Cadence's reaction when she hears about this.

[Mad Maudlin]

Okay, looking at that picture.. Does anyone else feel that Flash is expecting Shiny to rape him?

[Dapper Guy]

Awkward.

[SoothingCoffee]

5073938
Oblivious male is oblivious.

[howard035]

Great story. I feel like Shining made one of those "we can do each other's job" bets with his wife, and right now Cadance is off training recruits or eating corn dogs or playing Shining Armor's character in Oubliettes and Ogres, while Shining does his best to encourage romance in others.
I add my voice to the chorus asking for a sequel. How do Cadance and Twilight react? Who are the other 3 in "all four of us ask how the sex went"?

[Ardent Dusk]

Hilarious story! :D

[Father Figure]

5073372 Yep!

[cosmosain]

My kidneys

I don't even

[Valen Machina]

5076059
The Victory dance resumes

[NotDerp]

. . . flash, become a sniper, kits great work, out doors, garenteed you would not go hungry. In the end, sniper is a good job mate!

[benjewsal]

so when shining says 4 of us, does that mean his parents and cadance are in on it?

[Dr Atlas]

5076278
And I'll be honest with you
his parents, do not care for it.

And does he really have feelings for her?
Look mate, you know who has a lot of feelins'?
Blokes that bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy.
You see, Professionals, like him, have standards.