I’m a feminist woman looking to write stories on a male dominated site. It’s an uphill battle but a satisfying one, only as long as I succeed.
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Every forest has some secret whether it be magical guardians or ghosts of the past, every forest has something. But not every forest has a good secret. As Princess Luna will finds an unknown hurt alicorn in the forest, she will learn something about the Everfree; that some buried secrets of the past are best left forgotten.
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Very creative and unique I give you a fav cause I like it
and a mustache.
Ah heck i'll go head and give you a follow.
darn right I want a sequel, I'm already hooked on this story
I'm ready for another chapter! No! Five more chapters.
You can't leave a story with a hanger like that!! It's not kosher, cricket, or any other word of your choice! And you still left the intial question of what drove Luna into the forest unanswered! And what about the guards and Celestia's dealings with Violet?! There's too much going on to not continue!
Also, you might want to work on your pacing a bit. I realize to start a story you need a *bang* as it were, but you might have gone into a bit more detail with the feelings that Luna felt during the events that transpired and noticed from Violet Swan as they spoke.
5026434
I might do a sequel to answer some questions, if enough people want one.
5026457
Thanks for the advice. I need that.
I loved the ending. I will just give you a review. My opinion by the way.
No offence, but the story needs a bit more work on it. Sometimes when you explain stuff you don't give so much detail for example:
You explain the pony extremely well but you never said what cutie mark she had.
As well as some punctuation issues:
Wrong.
Right.
Remember I am just helping you. I am no professional writer myself but I'm just pointing out the basic flaws you are having.
Use paragraphing, I had a problem with that on the two chapters of my first story. I recommend you read the writer guide if you haven't already. Oh and make sure this Alicorn OC isn't a Mary Sue. If you don't know what a Mary Sue is, again, I recommend reading the writer guide if you haven't already.
Despite the basic flaws the story idea is great and the ending is also great.
I liked the story, and if you are planning on making a sequel I would read that.
Please have a nice day, and you sure can expect me reading some of your stories.
5188180 Thanks for the advice!
5188454 No problem! I am happy to help!
I need a sequel!!!