It is Hearts and Hooves Day and no matter what he does Soarin' feels empty inside. That is until a certain mare shows up at his door.
Chapters (2)
manuccia
Joined 13th Feb, 2012 ·
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This is my first story, I would like some feed back.
I may continue on with this story, I want to see if people like it.
The premise of this is actually really cute, but you've got a tone of grammatical errors.
It could also benefit from a good proof reading since there appear to be a lot of words missing that would make a sentence complete.
There are quite a few run on sentences.
Your = possession, you're = you are
But like I said, cute premise. I think there needs to be more Soarin/Spitfire fics out there.
467318
I kind of rushed through my proof reading, thanks for advice.
Look up syntax rules for using quotes, and you put a comma whenever you say the person's name you're talking to.
EXAMPLE: "I really like you, Spitfire..."
Comma right before Spitfire.
Was a nice read regardless.
A simple idea... but simple is always good. You have to always start somewhere right? Anyway, I enjoyed it and it would be amusing to see more.
And don't worry, I'm new here too... Things seem nice here so don't worry.
467348>>467357
Thanks, I am going to keep trying to improve, I am glad you liked it.
Error 404
Error 404
G-Error 404 sh Error 404
Yep, like it has been previously stated, cute story. Only problem was the grammatical errors. The flow of the story seemed natural enough. All in all good job.
WTF? error 404? either someone is a big troll
, or someone tried and failed to upload a comment 
. Im going with the first one, since error 404 has an avatar 
. Regardless, i now have a new background 
. Oh and nice story 
.
There are some grammar errors here and there, but this fic is really nice and cute. Keep up the good work and hope to see more Romance stories from you soon.
For a first story, this is pretty good. Normally, first stories are what I can adress as bleh. This is not bleh.
I enjoyed it. Maybe you should get a proof-reader.
Very sweet and natural. You really captured the flop-sweat and uncertainty of nice-guy Soarin. And as I've been wanting more Soarin and Spitfire fics, this is very nice.
The previous comments about grammar and such are very valid but just clean that up and it's perfect.
very sweet, I really liked this, yeah a few grammar problems here and there, but other than that really good.
Cherry Pie - Warrant
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/181/367/closeenough.png
nice job, though some re-use of adjectives and some punctuation mistakes... I will be watching.
For a first story, this is a wonderful start. The plot itself is interesting and it is carried out beautifully, even for a short story. I would highly recommend that you expand on this with another chapter, or even a new story.
Anyways, great start and i'll definitively follow you, 'cause I see good things to come
.
Trust me, I'm a Dr
-24th flavor out
469702
I am thinking of expanding with this story, I already have some ideas on where I want it to go. But first I want to try to find a proof reader. I am glad you liked it.
the good:
this story is short and sweet. i like that. no beating about the bush, or unnecessary conflicts. just a short, straight to the point shipping story. and super cute.
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-the-smile-games.gif
the bad:
there's not a lot of depth in the story.
needs more build up.
all in all, you can make good story a great story. not by adding more to it, but by refining what you already have.
467318
I'm assuming that you mean a 'ton' of grammatical errors. Not a 'tone' as you have stated.
Oh, and, dude. Great story, can't wait to see what'll happen in the future.
483840 ...yes, yes I do mean ton. Note to self... >_>
There is a problem with this story. There is not more of it.
Wait... Did you reupload this story? I could have sworn I read it before.
585849
There was some issues when I was editing it.
This is so cute. I really like it. Other than the grammar errors, which for some reason I was able to read through in this story. I'm not usually able to do that. Huh...
I sense possible plot twist incoming
Well, that was sugar coated and cavity inducing!
Cute
Apple Pie? Sorry man but for some reason I do not think of Sorin'/Spitfire when I see that in regards to a Sorin' ship fic, I think more of Sorin'/Applejack. Still overall a good story.
D'awwwwwwwwwwww!
This was really cute! Short and super sugary sweet. I like a lot. Well done!
Pay attention to tenses.