Soarin wasn’t always a confident and skilled member of the Wonderbolts in fact, he used to be shy with low self-esteem and only with the help of his longtime crush Spitfire in their junior year of high school did he truly realize the kind of stallion he could be.
Image by some-peasister at deviantART
(Used with permission)
sounds good will give it a read
I liked it... short, sweet and to the point, but also having enough meat on it not to feel rushed like so many one shots. Good job have a 'Stash
A
SoarinDashSoarinFire!? I never miss out on stories like this! Time to put on my funderwear!~SolidFire
3266323
Um, it's actually a SoarinFire...
Cool story cant wait for moar
3266332
My bad. I had the contest for SoarinDash open in the other tab and that was on my mind. I was even thinking "SoarinFire, oh gosh I can't wait to read this" as I was typing my damn message. So... I feel like an idiot, but I'm okay with it.
~SolidFire
Thank you for giving me credit.
It was a pleasure to help out a fellow brony. With your permission I will try to review your story to the best of my abilities..
That, used 2 times. "Learned that harsh reality last year"?
locker
as he
she's like a young Nightmare. I like
add "them"
leech
brilliant!
What? Start
You go girl! But why did she wait a year?
If he is lucky, he will finish much later then Heavy-Weight
And that's all for today.
That was a nice read.
I'll see you tomorow?
3266683
i223.photobucket.com/albums/dd120/hipsterrunoff/photographs/eric-cartman-290.jpg
Saright.
3266916
Fixed the errors you mentioned.
A few reasons;
It wasn't around the end of the last school year that Soarin managed to ask her out and got shot down.
Over the summer she was working on various charities and when she wasn't doing that she was practicing with the Wonderbolts after she impressed them enough to allow her to join.
Learning to jugglw that and her schoolwork didn't give her much time to hang out with Soarin, and she was hoping he'd have been able to overcome his issues himself at that point, but when she realized he needed guidance from someone else was when she acted on impulse.
Probably, I'm trying to get at leas ONE story up per day for One-Shotober and I usually watch the like/dislike bar like a hawk until I'm confident that I've done a decent enough job to move on to my next story.
3267014
Ah, now I understand and will check back tomorow.
Just remember that if you have to explain in the comments, you might have to enrich your story in order to prevent those questions in the first place
BTW, my name is fELYon
: P
3267137
Sorry, about that...
(DAMN YOU SKYRIM!!!)
3267140
I used to be a player like you, but then...
Nah, I'm so not gonna finish that.
But seriously, is there a character named Feylon in Skyrim?
For I've been using Felyon since 2003 in World of Warcraft.
Based of Elyon from W.I.T.C.H.
3267196
Maybe it was the name of an Elf from Dragon Age...or the god-awful Dragon Age II (which I forced myself through on account of being an 'Achievement Whore'.)
3267307
Feel your pain 'bro.
But seriously, I never played Skyrim.
3267341
It's addictive as but, because of that you probably shouldn't play it because of how addictive it is unless you find yourself with a LOT of free time on your hands.
Not bad, not bad at all. Hopefully there will be some more little stories about their interactions in high school. I'll be looking forward to reading more by you soon.
~SolidFire
3274186
That's good to hear, because I plan to write more about them before the end of this month.
... Too short. The conflict was simply told, and not shown and Spitefire just up and kissing Soarin like that really killed the pacing.
not that bad of a story you have here, though it does seem to be more like the beginning of something greater. it felt like it was a bit short and the "conflict" just up and ended a bit too quickly, even if it was meant to be on purpose.
also, just thought i could help with something.
I think that "...seriously depressed guy; you're so focused..." and "...of the time, that you don't..." would sound a bit better than what was originally there.
By the way it sounds, it's almost like Burning Passion could be some type of perfume. Anyway, this is a really nice story. Nice job.
3279402 3278491
I'm sorry.
But, yeah I suck at writing romance.
3785432
Only way to get better is by practice.
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121002120323/victorious/images/a/af/22463_safe_scootaloo_animated_sweetie-belle_hearts-and-hooves-day_oh-come-on.gif
This story should have an alternate universe tag since Spitfire is extremely out of character (see Rainbow Falls) to know that she doesn't care at all about Soarin and is extremely self-centered.
Heavy-Weight seems like the cliched high school jock/bully and Burning Passion the stereotypical hot, but bitchy popular girl.
3278491 3808001
Agreed, and I'm sorry to say that this story is terrible; the only reason for Burning Passion to call Spitfire a dyke seems to be just to show what a stuck-up bitch she is.
Thumbs down for this one.
4400540
Actually, this was written and posted a few months before the episode aired.
But, I see your point-so I changed it.
Spitfire and Fleetfoot's attitude towards Soarin are also why I will never write anything starring any of the Wonderbolts in the future.
Probably needed a page break cause I didn't realised there was a time gap until Spitfire mentioned that Soarin asked her out about a year ago.
Real good story, needs to be longer though. But what if it was Spitfire that he had a crush on and they only became friends at high school, I find that would be a interesting story especially for the fact that they have a really good relationship now in the series
4400540
I really feel like in rainbow falls Spifire was only trying to get Cloudsdale a better chance at winning, yes she was very rude to Soarin but what if something had happened back then and she was not really herself.
Okay right now so am just babbling