Yaerfaerda

by Imploding Colon

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

"Mmmmmnnnzzzzz—zzzzzzzz—znnkkt..." Josho's fat face rattled against the mess hall's tabletop.

Booster Spice reclined in his seat, his head hanging back and drooling wide.

Zaid sat, chin planted against a hoof, bored eyes glued to the flickering projector screen in front of them.

After a long buzz of silence, the Noble Jury rattled with minor turbulence.

"Shhhnort!" Josho jolted upright, shaking his skull. "Hnnngh... wh-what? Where?" He rubbed an eye, then scratched his five'o'clock shadow. "Mrmmmmfff... wh-what are they doing now?"

"Same thing they were doing four hours before, ten repeats ago," Zaid muttered. "Staring at each other while standing next to a lake."

"Nypppp..." Josho yawned heavily. "Why do I get the feeling that we were simply stuck with all of Helaman's rejected student art p-pieces?"

"What I don't understand is what would possess two grown stallions to film nothing but the two of them standing on the lake's docks and looking depressed for twenty minutes?!" Zaid cackled. "If I wasn't so bored, I'd be dead!"

"You're the one from a cult. Shouldn't you be explaining weird stuff to us?"

"Kera."

"Huh?" Josho looked around, blinking blearily. "Where?"

"I mean 'meh.'" Zaid stood up, cracking his joints in the morning light wafting through the portholes. "Mrmnnnnghhh... there's still hope. We've got one last untapped reel."

"Hmmph..." Josho lifted a half-empty mug to his muzzle. "...oh yeah?"

"Yeah..." Zaid held the canister up into the projector's light, squinting at it. "'Something something... attack of the satin saddle mares?"

"Spkkktkkktktkttt!" Josho thoroughly doused his side of the table. Sputtering, he wiped his muzzle clean and gawked at Zaid. "You're telling me that you spent all last night playing two morons spouting monologues by a friggin' lake on repeat when you still had that to pop in?!"

"I dunno." Zaid shrugged. "I figured it was just some boring educational movie!"

"Educational my third buttcheek!" Josho flailed his forelimb. "You should have put that sucker in first!"

"No way!"

"Why the buck not?!"

"Kera was watching with us at the time!"

"Yeah, so?! Her tattoos are getting crowded! Let her grow up!"

"You're—like—the worst damn uncle ever."

"Hell, I could an uncle, an aunt, and two and a half grandma's!" Josho scooted out of his chair. "Pop it in, already! Ledo on a zamboni, I need to be fully awake for this! What's for supper, pal?"

"Beats me. You're the one preparing it. Pal."

---

The Noble Jury gently drifted its way south. The mountains here gave way to a low, rolling valley with sporadic slusters of oak and pine. Below—as the dawnlight spread over the earth like a blanket—a break in the foliage appeared. A tiny patch of land exposed several quaint buildings and cottages through the trees. Quadruped figures trotted back and forth between buildings, inns, merchant shops, and warehouses. Chimneys puffed quiet streams of smoke into the air, adding to the tranquility of the early morning.

Rainbow Dash sniffed, and she liked what she smelled. A soft grin covered her tired face as she looped and looped around the slowly cruising Jury for a morning stretch. After giving the rooftops of the little village a few more flyby's, she ascended to the clouds high above the Jury. From there, she surveyed the landscape. Below the Jury and to the southeast was a round building surrounded by a decrepit wall. Centuries of wear and tear had left the bulwark a crumbling mess, overgrown with vines and moss. Although the wall had given way countless years ago, there was no longer any need for it, and much of the village had bled into the fortress' inner circle. Ponies milled about, calmly carrying produce and tradesgoods from one place to another. In the center of the community—instead of a stone-wrought keep—there was an elegant mansion, three stories tall with majestic gothic architecture. Built around the manor was a series of parks, elegant in their horticultural design. It was—by far—the most affluent sight that the pegasus had stumbled across since departing from Durandana.

She smirked to herself. "Bingo." With a rattle of her pendant, she dove down and perched on the hull of the vessel, just outside the cockpit.

---

Cl-Clack!

Floydien looked up from the instrument panel.

Rainbow Dash waved immediately outside. She cupped two hooves around her muzzle, lifting her voice to be heard through the windshield. "This looks to be Sehlp! Try finding a place to park the Jury while I go have a look-see!"

Floydien merely nodded. He reached up, pulled a lever, then shot several tiny sparks from his antlers into the surrounding instruments.

The Jury slowly descended while Rainbow Dash darted off, zipping her way toward the rooftops.

Floydien looked at where she was flying. He did a double take. Floydien blinked. He leaned forward. He blinked again. He leaned forward even more. His red eyes began twitching.

"... ... ...NOPE."

Cr-Crunkkk! He pulled savagely at another lever.

---

Inside the mess hall, Zaid and Josho leaned forward, their jaws dropped as their wide eyes reflected the writhing figures on screen.

"Whoah..."

"My goddess..." Josho slurred. "...can you even do that with a beach ball?"

"B-before or after you inflate it?"

"I think we're about to find out."

"Shhh! Look!"

"Oh..."

"Ohhhhhhh..."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh!" Josho slapped the table, laughing. "Haahaah! Oh jeez! They sure as hell never did that in boot camp!"

"Nnnnghlkkttt..." Zaid held a hoof over his muzzle. "Forgive me, Props, I-I think I'm going to be s-sick."

RUMMMMMBLE!

The whole ship shook, throwing both stallions onto the floor with shocked yelps. The projector fell to its side while the reel rolled off like a runaway ball of yarn.

"Snkkkt—snhorrt!" Booster Spice woke with a jolt, his goggles flying off with the turbulence. "What in the balls?!"

---

"Oooomf!" Pilate fell out of his bunk and collapsed to the floor. Wincing, he sat up on the floor of his cabin, bracing himself against a rattling bulkhead. "What in Sp-Spark's name?!"

"Aaaaaaaa—" THUD! Belle fell onto him from the top bunk. "Ooof!"

Pilate moaned.

Belle sat up, blinking blearily. "Pilate?!"

"M... m-morning, beloved..."

---

"H-huh?!" Rainbow Dash spun around. She watched with muzzle gape as the Noble Jury turned savagely on its side, almost pivoting fully horizontal. "Whoah whoah whoah—jeez!"

Even the residents of the village below looked up, their collective voices rising in surprise.

"Floydien, what gives?!" Fwoooosh! Rainbow shot herself towards the careening ship like a bullet. "Floydiennnn!"

---

"NOPPPPE."

The elk's cockpit lit up like a lightbulb from all the lightning.

Teeth clenched and sparkling, the crazed pilot yanked and twirled at the controls, swinging the ship hard to port. "NOPE NOPE NOPE."

---

"Aaaaackies!"

Props fell off her cot, rolled across the engine room floor, and bumped her head against the base of the central iron cage.

"Ooomf!"

Wincing, she reached up and rubbed her skull. That was when she noticed the savage lavender flicker throughout the room.

Scampering to her hooves and struggling for balance, she hobbled around the cage, gasping at the book. The tome was pulsating at an unprecedented speed. Steam rose from its runic pages.

"What in the fuzzle-what?!"

She clawed her way up the leaning floor and slapped her hoof across a console.

"Handsome, stop pouring so much energy into the lateral thrusters!" Props sputtered, ponytails dangling—as were her legs. "Nancy can't take the strain!" She panted, wincing. "I really mean it! The core's gonna short out! Do you even hear me?!"

"NOPE NOPE NOPE—sncrkkkt!" was all the intercom relayed.

"...handsome?" Props blinked worriedly.

---

FWOOOOOSH! The Noble Jury lost altitude, cruising towards the forest floor to the west of the town.

Rainbow Dash darted all around it, trying in vain to "push" against the hull of the careening vessel. Despite her best efforts, the ship still glided its way towards the ground.

"Floydien?! Snap out of it! For realsies!" Even from where she pressed her shoulders to the bow of the ship, she could hear the cockpit's warning alarm blaring at full volume, echoing off the surrounding branches as the ship descended past the treeline. Breathless, Rainbow took one glance at the incoming throng of oak and pine. "Awwwwww buck it." And she zipped up and out of the way.

SMASSSSH! The Noble Jury struck dirt, grinding its way across the soft soil. It plowed into a few trees, uprooting two of them and bending three others at awkward angles from their central trunk. Despite the heavy impact, the ship's momentum soon stopped, and there was only half-a-dozen scratches, harmless... if not glaring.

With a few lasting flickers, the skystone shard above the gondola dimmed, and steam vented tiredly from the plates in each bulkhead.

All was as quiet as it was before the ship steered off path.

---

Inside the mess hall, Zaid and Booster cooperated to help Josho onto his hooves. The three stallions brushed themselves off, looking at all the disarray. The ship had stopped in a permanent lean. Sunbeams bled through the portholes at sharp angles while many of the chairs had collected in the far corner of the room.

"Okay, I give." Zaid shrugged. "We struck an iceberg?"

"Sounds like the engine's off!" Booster exclaimed, galloping straight into the kitchen. "I'd better check on Props!"

"Say! Uh... isn't that my job?" Zaid sputtered.

Just then, Belle, Pilate, and Kera stumbled out of the hallway.

"Is everypony okay?!" Belle remarked, breathless.

"Only my pride," Josho said, wincing. "And even that has indigestion."

"I don't think we hit anything," Pilate said, ears twitching. "Feels like a catastrophic power failure."

"No, Rainbow charged the tome yesterday," Belle said. "Besides, didn't you feel that heavy turn we just made?"

"I sure as heck did!" Zaid exclaimed.

"Hey..." Kera squatted low, pawing at an unrolled spool of film. "'Saddle Mares?' We didn't watch this that night!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Zaid swiftly galloped over, yanking his hooves over Kera's eyes and dragging her farrrrrrr away. "Nothing to see here, kiddo."

"Hey!" Kera frowned, horn glowing. "What gives?"

"At least not until your tattoos are old enough to buy drinks." Zaid gulped, smiling nervously at the couple.

Belle glared. "Zaidddddd..."

"Don't look at me!" Zaid sputtered. "I'm not the one who was flying under the influence!"

"Where's that dayum elk?!" Josho grumbled.

At the sound of hoofsteps, Belle turned and gasped. "Mr. Floydien! There you are! What in Spark's name happened?!" She frozed in place, cockeyed. "Is... s-something the matter—?"

"nope Nope NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE Nope nope." Floydien marched straight past them and into the kitchen, his chanting voice producing a doppler effect.

Everypony exchanged nervous glances. Seconds later, they all bolted through the kitchen, chasing after the elk.

---

By the time they had reached the hangar, the mechanical doors had already whirrrred open. They arrived in time to see Floydien shuffling briskly into the forests in a straight line.

"Nope nope nope nope nope!"

"I hope he doesn't look as bad as he sounds," Pilate stammered.

The door squeaked open as Props and Booster rushed in from the engine room, a frazzled mess. "The engine's fried!" the blonde mare sputtered. "It's going to take a full day of mantenance and who knows how many zaps from Dashie to get Nancy up and running again!"

"Meanwhile, there goes our elk of the hour," Booster said, pointing.

"Hey handsome!" Props shouted like a megaphone. "Where are you going?!"

"Floydien is off to... uh... to... to do hunting!"

Kera's muzzle scrunched. "Hunting?"

"But Mr. Floydien—" Pilate started.

"Boomers, do not stop Floydien!" The sounds of exploding trees echoed across the forest at random intervals, following the elk's exclamations. "Floydien must be Floydien for a while!" More explosions. "With the hunting!"

"Ahhhhh Hell." Josho gulped. "We are really screwed."

"Without Floydien, how are we going to get anywhere?!" Belle exclaimed. "He's the life blood of the Noble Jury!"

"Hey!" Zaid grinned, hooking a forelimb around Props. "It's a good thing I've learned how to control the ship better since Stratopolis, right?"

"... ... ...as I said," Josho grumbled. "We are really screwed."

Fwooosh! Rainbow Dash flew down before the open hangar, startling half the Jurists. "Hey!" She gulped. "You guys okay?!"

"We're fine, Rainbow," Belle said, breathing more calmly. "And you?"

"Tell you what, I freaked the heck out when I saw the ship go down!" She spun, squinting towards the distant brown speck that was shooting lightning randomly in all directions. "Has it finally happened? Has he finally flipped his rocker?!"

"To be honest, he didn't exactly have a firm seat on this plane to begin with," Josho muttered.

"Give Mr. Floydien some credit, Josho," Pilate said. "None of us truly know much about him." He tapped his chin in thought. "Perhaps... something set him off? Something specifically?"

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow Dash twirled about, staring at the manor through the trees.

"Just what could have done such a thing to our poor friend?" Belle remarked.

"I bet we could find out..."

"Got a plan, Dashie?"

"If you call it one." Rainbow pointed. "Booster. Josho. Go keep an eye on Floydien. Don't let him get lost in the forest!"

"Sure thing." Josho gestured at the stallion. "Hop to it, four eyes. You've been drafted."

As both ponies galloped off, Rainbow pointed. "Propsy, see what you can do about the engine."

"Aye, Dashie!"

"We'd look really silly lying on our flanks when Roarke flies Whizzball down here to meet up with us." Rainbow pivoted. "And Belle?"

"What?"

"Fix your mane."

"...what?"

"We're going into town," Rainbow said, hovering off. "Time to pay this 'Sehlp' a visit..."

Comments

[Eyes of Avo]

Is it possible that Floydian had been here before? That was a really strong reaction.

[Zaid ValRoa]

Floydien seems rather frazzled.

[VNilla]

??????????????????

My first thought is that this is where Floydien was experimented on, but that would not make a lot of sense...

[RoboRed]

Well, THAT was certainly a big reaction...

[Lightning Bearer]

On one hand, Floydien obviously has a connection to this place. On the other, you'd think he would recognize the town's name or the general scenery of the area. Some elkish backstory would be delightful.

"Floydien?! Snap out of it! For realsies!"

derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/9/30/732755__safe_meme_equestria+girls_rainbow+rocks_spoiler-colon-rainbow+rocks_sonata+dusk_sudden+clarity+sonata.jpg

[SilentBird93]

What just happened?

[IceKitsune]

Whelp time to learn about Floydien. This is going to be one heck of a trip.

[Arcanist Ascendant]

"Beats me. You're the one preparing it. Pal."

I'm not your pal, friend.

up-ship.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Nuke_it.jpg

[not_a_rainbow]

up-ship.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Nuke_it.jpg

[Relevant Heavy Metal]

Unida - Nervous

[AppleTank]

Well, that don't look good.

[Arcanist Ascendant]

5094200
5094180
Omg we are so in sync.

[Cynderfall]

Oh Floydien... *Hugs*

[FloydienSlip]

NOPE

[Ms_Fruit_Bat]

What in Sam Hill's name is going on here?

[Nevlamas]

Ah I see...

he's afraid of gothic architecture.

[kihutaja]

"My goddess..." Josho slurred. "...can you even do that with a beach ball?"

gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Horse-Exercise-Ball-Fail.gif

[CasualMarshmallow]

Quadruped figures trotted back and forth between buildings...

More elk?

[Fishberry]

What, were those elk? Is Floydy in rutt or something?

[YoshiFawful64]

I'm tempted to start saying "Kera" instead of meh.

[YoshiFawful64]

"nope Nope NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE Nope nope." Floydien marched straight past them and into the kitchen, his chanting voice producing a doppler effect.

I guess you could call that a... nope-ler effect.

[Hippowhisperer]

i.imgur.com/6n56aGx.gif

[Jex]

Oh man, are we finally going to get a taste of that sweet Floydien backstory? Its been a long time coming.

[Super Trampoline]

5094180 I'm not your friend, buddy.

[Zecoro]

5100395 i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/172/737/ff1.png

[TwilightUCrazy]

"Hell, I could an uncle, an aunt, and two and a half grandma's!"

You probably swallowed an uncle, an aunt, and two and a half grandma's.

...

How many frickin' times is the damn Ignoble Jury gonna faceplant?

[Sarda]

Floydien's place of capture?

[Truth_Seeker]

The space elk had a strong enough reaction to crash Nancy? What is this spit?

... methinks we're about to learn more about the stabby-stabby.

[whizzball1]

What could be the matter with Floydien? All I know is that was hilarious.

-Spirit

[katarjin]

Guess he has an Ex there or something.

[JustAnotherTimeLord]

Oh man. The day Floydien finally loses it.

[Hazard]

He must've seen a spider.

[arancaytar]

"nope Nope NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE Nope nope."

Floydien must have seen a spider in that village. I know that feeling.

[Tim the Planes-pony]

Floydian sounds like he saw something that he did not like.

06/22/2017
17:06 UTC

[Prism Break]

What is happening here
I knew SOMETHING weird was gonna happen when I saw that chapter title. I feel we’re about to learn a lot about Floydiens past.

[FOXTrot2]

WUT

[FOXTrot2]

8153046
XD

[Merallakos]

mansion, three stories tall with majestic gothic architecture. Built around the manor was a series of parks, elegant in their horticultural design. It was—by far—the most affluent sight that the pegasus had stumbled across since departing from Durandana.

Gothic? Horticulture? I like it already.

[hypervelocity]

Teeth clenched and sparkling, the crazed pilot yanked and twirled at the controls, swinging the ship hard to port. "NOPE NOPE NOPE."

That's not good.

"nope Nope NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE Nope nope ." Floydien marched straight past them and into the kitchen, his chanting voice producing a doppler effect.

Yup, definitely not good.

[Zyrah]

I can practically smell some painful memories rising up in Rainbow Dash after this chapter. That nope is TOO familiar.

[SnowOriole]

Floydien is... Allergic to horticulture ?

[Luminous Tune]

Are we about to learn about Thunder Elk's past?