Mom Says "Wash Your Moose Daily!"
Rainbow Dash heard a loud roar rising in intensity. She, Ebon, and Kera all turned their heads towards the right as they followed the other delegates up an ascending, curved hallway. A door, flanked with guards, led towards a balcony that overlooked a spacious chamber lined with similar looking platforms and seats. A dim red haze hung over the interior, and Rainbow spotted hundreds upon hundreds of deer and elk faces from a distance as they sat down to their prospective seats.
“Alas, we have reached our destination.” Chancellor Fishberry turned towards Arcanista and smiled. “Please allow me just a moment to go over the morning itinerary with my clerks and fellow delegates.” She gestured towards the guards. “You will be looked after for your entire stay. When it is time for the Council to convene, I will have my guard usher you in. After the second procedural review, the speaker of the floor will announce Her Majesty's presence and she will be given the platform to speak.” The deer bowed low before Kera, respectfully. “I look forward to your Xonan words of wisdom, Your Highness.”
“The'lussinul malla'kremmnen rekhtar seminulien three,” Kera chirped.
“Her Majesty thanks you for your hospitality,” Ebon Mane said.
“That is much appreciated.” Fishberry stood back up. “It's good to know that someone is.” Smiling, she swiveled her gaze past Arcanista and shuffled her way onto the balcony to confer with her associates.
Arcanista took a deep breath. She glanced aside at Rainbow Dash.
Without speaking, Rainbow Dash side-stepped, fidgeting slightly in her simple gown.
Arcanista spoke aside. “A normal Council meeting lasts two hours. To be safe, I would keep your search to an hour and a half.”
“I'm guessing I should be checking out Fishberry's office,” Rainbow Dash whispered back.
“Is the desert dry?”
“Have you got any idea where her workplace is?”
“I did five years ago,” Arcanista said with a slight sigh. “But I'm sure it's changed several times since.”
“I can cover a place this size in well under an hour and a half, but I can't be detailed about my search.”
“I might have a solution,” Arcanista continued to murmur, her eyes locked on Fishberry as she talked to several of her clerks from the balcony beyond the door. “Head to the third floor, north side.”
“Yeah? What will I find there?”
“The mailroom center. It has the number to every office and who uses it,” Arcanista said. “Find Chancellor Fishberry's name and head there as quick as you can. From there, you're on your own.”
“It's all cool. I'm always on my own.”
“Now to help you disappear.” Arcanista cleared her throat. “Excuse me, madame...”
Nilla glanced over. “Hmmm? Might you refer to me, Duchess?”
“Yes, indeed.” Arcanista took a few graceful steps forward. “Seeing as we will be here a while, I was wondering if it would be alright if I dismissed my servants so that they may run a few errands for me in the Council Archives.”
Nilla looked at the three mares, then back at the noble elk. “Oh, by all means! I'll see that they're properly escorted.” She waved at a pair of guards. The reindeer marched over. “Please, show these fine mares to the Council Archives.”
The two bucks bowed slightly. They made eye contact with Rainbow and the other mares.
Rainbow nodded. Mamunia and Jet trotted forward, and she moved along with them. Glancing back, the disguised pegasus caught sight of Kera.
The little “princess” waved, then resumed waiting for her role in bouncy anticipation. Ebon Mane said nothing.
The guards arrived at the Council Archives with the three “servants” in tow. A huge chamber was filled to the brim with elaborately carved book cases made out of oak and mahogany. Brass-embossed booths and tables made up the central study area while hazy orange sunlight shone kaleisdoscopically through an array of stained glass windows stretched out above.
“I don't think any of those windows will open up for me to fly out,” Rainbow muttered.
“Don't worry,” Jet whispered. “I've got it covered.” She trotted up towards the circular librarians' counter and spoke to a studious-looking deer on the other side. “Pardon me, but where might one find the lavatory facilities?”
The doe adjusted her glasses and pointed across the spacious chamber. “The corridor towards the far left corner, behind the microfilm storage.”
“Much appreciated.” Jet curtsied. She and Mamunia guided Rainbow out of view of the reindeer guards.
“What's with all this film stuff?” Rainbow asked.
“It's a simple matter of animated photography,” Mamunia explained. “All you need is an automated projector and a light source. It's quite a common artform here in Val Roa.”
“And they deliver that micro size?!” Rainbow exclaimed.
“Shhhhh!” Jet insisted.
The three entered the restroom. They strolled in slowly, glancing around. A doe was trotting out, her hooves freshly cleaned.
Once she was gone, the trio breathed easier and quickened their steps. They led Rainbow Dash past several stalls, a washing basin, and finally towards a long rectangular window with translucent gray glass.
“Can this thing open?”
“It can.” Jet reached in. “And it will.” She twirled a knob.
A slit of bright light widened, followed by a gust of desert air. Mamunia stood at the front of the restroom, eyeing the hallway leading in. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash shimmied out of her clothes and tossed her dyed mane back.
“Boggles my mind that they'd have an open window this high up.”
“Who or what do they expect to climb out?” Jet said with a smile.
“Oh... heheh... right.” Rainbow shuddered. “Seems like I keep forgetting how rare winged ponies are.”
“Try not to become any rarer.” Jet took Rainbow's clothes and smiled. “Best of luck.”
“Yeah...” Rainbow adjusted her pendant and nodded. “Same to you.” Her eyes narrowed. “Just how are you going to convince the deer here that you needed to use the bathroom for nearly two hours straight?”
“We've been in the presence of a 'princess' for over two days...” Jet raised an eyebrow, smirking.
“Ah. I see.” Rainbow saluted. “'Dump away,' you fine, fine ladies.” Fwooosh! She dove out.
Rainbow skimmed the northwest curve of the council building, flitting behind every empty bronze balcony she could find in order to remain hidden from sight.
Holding her breath, Rainbow made a mad dash for third floor on the north edge, seeking the mailroom.
Far down below, Floydien paced in tight circles beside the stagecoach.
Jake sat on the lowest steps beneath the council building, yawning wide. “Nnnnhughhhpp... simmer down, sock puke. No amount of restless hoof dragging is gonna make the Council meeting end any faster.”
“There's just so much crud crud at stake,” Floydien grumbled. “All of this is ass over flank stank. The boomers will be found. Their spit isn't enough to cover them from the desert stabs.”
“Hey...” Jake smirked. “You care about your friends. That's charming, especially for a tongue-backwards deertard like you. But, for the love of God, put a cork in it before I pour my moosema in it.”
“Moosema, the boomer spits?”
“Yeah, y'know. Moose smegma! Moosema!”
Floydien sighed. “The hairy livesjust to make Floydien vomit bucket.”
“Come onnnnn! Back when you were just a Duke of Buttiful, you loved that joke!”
Floydien growled. “The only thing Floydien loves is Nancy Jane and this is keeping Floydien from her!”
“Hey! You're the one who volunteered to go on this boat ride, butterscotch!” Jake scratched his chin, beady eyes squinting thoughtfully at the elk. “...unless, it was a different Nancy Jane that you were looking for.”
Floydien stood in place, saying nothing.
“Hey, have your secrets. Like I give a hooter's cooter!” Jake yawned again. “At least it got you to stop... friggin'... pacing...” His eyes blinked in the distance.
“...?” Floydien followed his gaze.
Across the courtyard, the thickest line of guards yet were arriving, all marching tightly around a splendidly ornate coach bearing the Crest of the House of Evo. Crowds of elk, deer, and ponies stood at attention, muttering in excitement and surprise.
“Well, I'll be shoved up a crocodile's butt and forced to cha-cha...” Jake drooled. “Guess who's coming to dinner?”
Floydien gawked in confusion. At last, the coach came to an end, and a tiny deer trotted out, flanked by guards. Everyone within sight instantly bowed, including Jake.
“The boomers must be kidding,” Floydien heard himself sneer. “It's a walking turd with baby eyes!”
Jake forcibly yanked Floydien into a bowing stance.
“Sp-Spit!”
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Hello, your majesty.
...Ew.
Did I ever mention that I love those two servants?
I love the way Floydien and Jake interact.
Have I mentioned lately that Jake's swearing makes me smile? Dammit, ):(, why couldn't this character have been around while I was still a Drill Sergeant?!
"Private, you have exactly seven point two nanoseconds to unfuck your weapon before I drown you in Moosema!"
No pushups this round, on account of all the new ideas...
Jake is just so nasty sometimes
Those servants are just so damn clever its awesome
hmm, the two youngsters meet.....
img.pandawhale.com/78179-dis-gon-be-gud-gif-sOR6.gif
also, moosema, really?
Will the prince's appearance give Rainbow Dash more, the same, or less time?
What the hell is smegma?
Oh, thank you Google, that stuff does in fact have a name. Maybe consider the question rhetorical next time and don't tell me, please?
Floydien no likey Eine eh?
5274979 It's why mom says you should wash your moose daily.
5274804
I love them too! I don't know why! They're not even my type!
5275111 That's okay. Kera will like him plenty.
omg i ship them so hard it'll be the most adorable thing ever
Heh heh heh... Jake you dirty motherbucker.
Well that was pleasant.
Also. A NEW CHALLENGER ARRIVES!
Hehe, we don't call him subtle Floydian for nothing.....wait..... no we don't
, this will be fun!
So more or less down the hall to the left. They're always down the hall and to the left.
Floydien bows to no creature.
5275209
Somewhere, in a far away land, a Diamond Dog cub sheds a single tear.
I wonder if someone is actually watching the maids, given that window is in such a location that no non flyer culd get to it, or without a carpet etc. so they dont have to be in there all the time, just sort of, regular?
Poor Floydian. Came so far fo so long, only to be considered spam by the psychotic protection squad.
Hope Jake manages to get this handled, before it all goes goblin poo inside.
5275209 THEY HAVEN'T EVEN MET EACH OTHER YET AND WE'RE ALREADY SHIPPING THEM
HOW???? WHY???
I'm so excited to see how this council meeting plays out. Oh, and what Rainbow discovers, too.
Also, if I had gone my whole life without hearing the phrase "Moose smegma", I could've died happy and content.
No, more like...
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/052/0/e/feature_length_by_expanddongplz-d77g7no.png
5275717
I think it's some kind of instinct. Or a virus. I'm not sure. I'd rather keep my distance anyway.
I have to wonder, of all the stories in this saga, which one has been the easiest to make up chapter names for (in terms of word count), beacause I say this one has the best ones.
HAVE HIM MEET KERA ALREADY SO I CAN SHIP THEM
Is it weird that a year ago these jokes made me want to inflict a short term memory loss to myself, but nowadays I find them relatively funny? This site is doing wonders to me.
5275111 Eine is Chrysalis.
Rainbow Most Rare.
gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/06/Disgusted-gif.gif
Oh, Floyd. Never change, buddy!
Oh Floydien, this is why we love you.
5276696
You can say that again.
5274810
Don't worry. He'll redouble his Sergeantry next chapter.
5276544 mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9289-159316__UNOPT__.png
everyone wash their meese
5276532 Of course she would take her beloved's last name.
Not sure you could wash that.
As I said. Fun. Floydien may throw a fit if Kera and Eine are shipped.
-Spirit
Rainbow is, by far, the best at becoming a ninja. But Jake is the best at making ridiculous jokes.
I just realized...they have to b.s. for two hours. How will Ebon make a two hour convincing speech when Kera likely will be spouting nonsense and, unless they have something written, Ebon will be making it up by himself.
Sneakings and meetings...
5921062 the whole council meeting is two hours. Our Xonan delegates will likely only speak for part of it.
5291507 It would probably be best advised to wash it with lots and lots of fire.
Wow, these elks are pretty high tech for a fantasy kingdom. Microfilm is a century or more ahead of steampunk.
8159182
there was a city earlier in the series that was very technologically advanced. If I remember right.
Really Rainbow
, you and your friends only a few days ago watched such films on the Noble Jury, and had a great time doing so.
07/09/2017
00:30 UTC
Poor Ebon Mnae. Dragged along with her mad scheme's.
8159182
Yeah, the dudes transcended steampunk and went strait to StarWars Central.
8285116
I think she's referring to the animation, it's not real ponies in the microfilm if I read that right
Eww.
(Did I miss this before?)
Quotes to live by.
Here we go, time to mix this cake batter up.