Who Cares What Myth Buckers Say(?)
“Just tell me one thing, you walking can of horse excrement,” Haman spat, dangling Jex by his scrawny neck. “Did the Lounge send you? Because if the lizards are already double-crossing me, then this country will be bathed in blood so thick that...”
Haman continued his threatening speech, or so Roarke assumed. She didn't really know. The metal mare was too busy observing the situation around her, the dozens of goblins training their weapons on her battle-scarred armor, the scarce amount of space afforded by the top deck of the lurching battleship.
Roarke felt the weight of the final rocket inside its armored chamber along her fetlock's outer plate. She wasn't too far away from the middlemost propeller situated along the vessel's starboard side. A well-placed shot could knock the vessel off-balance, but not destroy it. If nothing else, it'd give her the opportunity to slay five... maybe six imps. But she was still dealing with an entire crew that knew where she was and already had their weapons trained. No matter how she shook it, she was looking at a situation where she would probably slice her way through no more than ten bodies before the minions finally ate through her remaining armor with bullets and flame.
There was only one possible way to take out the ship. She'd fire the rocket close to Haman. It most likely wouldn't even kill the fat goblin, but his subordinates would surely run to his defense. That'd give her the window she needed to dash down to the lower decks and fight her way to the engine room. Once there, she'd have no way of fighting her way out, because the security on the top deck would have closed her in. She'd be able to take out the skystone core—probably—but it would be a one way trip. The resulting mana cascade from a direct strike to the core would take her out, along with the ship, Jex, and every imp on board.
Surely, it would take the heat off of Val Roa, but there would still be one battleship left in the northern skies. And though that last vessel wouldn't possess any of the Lounge's skystone, it would nevertheless present a formidable threat to the Noble Jury within the next thirty-six hours. Whether Roarke fought tooth and hoof or not, this situation was still dire. Her friends were still outnumbered. Rainbow Dash still would be biting off more than she could chew—
“...are you even listening to me?!” Haman spat, his brow furrowing slimily. “Who even sent you on this suicide mission?!”
Roarke's copper lenses retracted beneath her helmet. She exhaled, and at last her voice crackled through the speakers: “Suicide mission...?
The goblins stared back at her. Jex's body twitched, convulsed, and was still.
Roarke was already twisting her hoof in a specific pattern from within her suit. “Pitiful goblins and their one-track mind.” She cocked her head to the side. “Do you know what they call me out west?”
“Ancient history?” Haman said. Several of the nearby goblins chuckled down their iron sights.
“'Roarke Most Rare,'” the metal mare said. “And I intend to live up to that title.” She jerked her hoof one last time with an internal clicking sound. “So long.” CL-CL-CLANK! One by one, her armored plates flew off, hydraulic cables flailing. Her body vented steam in every direction, the steam plugs billowing with thick haze.
Haman's jaw widened. He shouted above the tumult.
Goblins fired madly into the fresh cloud, but there was no sign of Roarke anymore. Some of the bullets ricocheted off the bulkheads, ripping through shrieking imps' legs and shoulders. Within the next blink, a dark brown figure came launching out of the fog. Swoooosh! Roarke sailed forward, naked save for her eye-lenses and two forward leg braces.
Haman's eyes reflected her incoming dive.
Roarke flew—and sailed past him. CL-CLANK! She knocked into his limb with such force that the fat goblin's mech suit dropped Jex altogether.
Gasping, the obese goblin turned to see where she landed.
Roarke rolled across the top deck of the battleship, skidding to a stop behind a stack of crates with Jex in her grasp.
“Turn them to hash!” Haman hollered.
By the end of his exclamation, the phalanx of goblin riflers had already spun and begun firing. The air around the crates heated as the projectiles chipped the containers down inch by inch.
“Hrkkk... guh... hckkkt...” Jex sputtered for breath. His one good hand suddenly grasped a long shard of skystone from the other ship. “Huh?” he wheezed.
“Hold onto this,” Roarke said, setting a grappling hook with her hoof.
“Hold onto...” Jex's bloodshot eyes squinted at her. “...why?” Th-thap! He gasped as he was hoisted by his vest in Roarke's jaws. The metal mare galloped straight for the port side edge of the vessel. “Wait! Wait! NoNoNoNo—Don't!”
But Roarke was already leaping off the vessel, throwing their conjoined bodies as far out into the open air as possible. Bullets whizzed past them, some even shredding through Roarke's scarlet mane. The mare exhaled. As she descended, she twisted her body, hoisting Jex's screaming figure along with her. She plummeted backwards, her copper lenses focusing on the looming battleship above. Aiming one forelimb, she fired a grappling hook at its steel underbelly.
Thwissssssssh—CLANK!
The barb embedded deep into the aircraft. Roarke swung at the full length of her cable—which honestly wasn't very far. She twirled her body around, spreading her legs to gain as much friction against the air as possible. At the end of her swing, she teetered, then swung back, slowed by her body's expert movements. Then, when she and the goblin in her grasp limply dangled from the undercarriage of the battleship, she detached the cable entirely. The two fell like a large stone, plummeting hundreds of feet into the arid mountaintops below.
“What... wh-what are you doing?!” Jex hollered.
“Choosing another option,” Roarke grunted against the billowing wind.
“Are you kidding?!” Jex yelped. “We're going to die! This is so stupid!”
“I know.” Roarke pivoted until she faced the earth screaming at them from below. “Trying on a new color.” With that, she stretched her fetlock straight forward, waited a few seconds, twisted her hoof, and fired the last rocket.
Pftiffffft! The projectile flew ahead of them, disappearing into the brown miasma below.
“Ponnyyyyyy—” Jex wheezed.
“Loosen your limbs.”
“You've gotta be kiddin—”
“Go limp!” And Roarke spun the two around, hugging Jex while her spine faced the earth below.
Jex clenched his eyes shut, burying his face in her fur.
Then...
Ka-POWWW!
A mountaintop beneath them exploded. Dirt and sediment flew up, as did a vaporous cloud of compressed air.
Roarke and Jex's body met the blast wave, slowing their descent ever so slightly. Seconds later, the debris hit, enshrouding them like a plush cushion of heated sand. The two split up, lost in the mess of rubble and dirt.
High above, Haman and the other goblins watched as the mountaintop beneath them exploded, billowed loose rock, then settled with a rough landslide of dust and ash.
The imps scratched their heads, glancing curiously at one another.
At last, several sets of eyes landed on the Cartel's boss.
“Hmmm...” Haman took a deep breath, leaning back in his mech suit. “It's a shame. I truly was hungry.” He inhaled from a nozzle of steam and exhaled billowing fumes. “We've had a shitty setback... but it's nothing compared to what we're going to put those deer through.” He pivoted on clanking limbs and gestured with his fat, flabby arm. “Full speed to the rendezvous point! Once Val Roa is ground to dust, we'll claim all the outlying provinces. Next... the dirty naga.”
Several of the imps shouted and waved their weapons in furious cheer. They rushed to their stations while the battleship churned its way north on heavy propellers.
The vessel roared off over the mountaintops, leaving the debris of its sister ship behind, along with the imploded remnants of a blasted mountain top.
A full minute or two later, a goblin poked out of the fine ash that had slid down part of the north face of the summit. Jex sputtered for breath, his face and neck bleeding in several places. Wincing, he swam his way out of the soft sand with one good arm—still gripping to the glowing skystone. At last, he pulled himself out onto dry ground. He lay against the sloped earth, panting for breath while streams of loose dirt and sand rolled past his figure.
“... … …?”
Jex glanced aside. He saw a metal hoof sticking out of the landslide several yards away.
Hobbling, he crawled and shimmied his way through the mess. Finally, he reached the limb and pulled on it, struggling to grip tightly with his one good hand. At last, he pulled enough of Roarke out of the mess so that her muzzle stuck out, along with her thoroughly scuffed copper lenses.
“Pony... stupid pony...” Jex sneered. “Do you realize how close you came to killing us?!” He gritted his teeth. “To killing me?!”
Silence.
“Pony...?”
More silence.
“Are you alive, pony?”
Roarke did not move.
Squinting, Jex reached over with his one hand. His fingers flexed, unflexed, then reached for the strip of copper lying over her eyesockets.
“... … ...don't even think about it,” Roarke's lips slurred.
Jex leaned back, wincing. He held the skystone to his chest, staring north at the retreating battleship with a shuddering breath. “Well... shit.”
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Huh.
I'll be damned.
I am starting to like Jex. Why do you do this to us, Scolon. Why can nopony/goblin/deer be simply black and white?
These feel infuriate me.
Well she got them out of that one. (like I think we all knew she would) I wonder what her plan is from here though?
Roarke most Resourceful.
Well, at least she's not going down with the ships now.
Myth Busters reference.
Myth: One can safely land after falling from a great height by setting off a precisely timed, huge explosion right before impact.
Myth Confirmed.
Still holding on to my theory that the goblins used to be mechanics/caretakers of the ring before it was sundered and they're going to provide Rainbow with the method of crossing the Grand Choke.
5391399
5391063
Background Pony is on my Read Later bookshelf. I've just read the first chapter and my eyes have not turned to ash nor has my soul been crushed. Does it really get that bad?
5392152
i wanna respond with something flowery and poetic, something that sounds like what a man who just went through hell would say in a novel
all i can say is yes
Adam and Jamie failed to account for this level of awesomeness. Which is rare for them, because they're usually great at that.
5392152
It's a good kind of soul crushing. And you get used to eyes made of ash after a while. Barely even hampers your ability to read, I swear.
5392111 What, Shell wasn't straight evil enough for you? Because if you need somepony more ruthless than him to make a distinction, well, I can't help ya.
5392111 ikr?
th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/076/a/d/rainbow_dash_like_a_boss_by_ratchetsuperfan-d4t1spi.png
5392152
Without saying too much, yes, but not till later. But don't think about it too much. You'll end up ruining the book for yourself if you think too much, because you'll be spending the entire time thinking about situations for it to get sadder rather than the story itself.
Or at least, that's how it'd be if it were me if given future information, but I already read the-*knocks sense into self* Just read the bloody thing. You'll be glad you did in the end.
That's some MacGyver shit.
... That was as bad as Batman and Robin sky-surfing out of Arnold Schwarzenfreez's escape rocket on a door hatch.
What's Roarke gonna do with the skystone?
Make a manabike out of sticks, skystone and tree sap, and go after the other two ships?
And why not have her make a new set of armour Conan style in a cave, while you're at it... heehee...
Anyway...
Wakey-wakey, Roarke is nakey!
5392282
5392209
5392197
I'll read the rest of it eventually. It can't possibly be as soul-crushing as publishing my own story.
5392282
mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Final-Fantasy-14-Character-Mocks-You-Laughter.gif
I wasn't aware Rainbow was a color.
5392152 It will crush your soul like so many grapes. Seriously, it is a poetic tale of hope, despair, happiness, helplessness, and everything in between. And by the end, you WILL shed a manly tear for the forgotten.
5392235 Sir, we do not mention that name 'round these parts. Thank you for your compliance.
Yay! Roarke isn't a suicidal moody butt for the moment!
That was interesting roarke. Roarke has no means of communication, correct? Perhaps they can make something out of the debris of the first ship.
You crazy rocket jumpers!
5392111
When was IC ever straightforward?
5389543 No no no no, not shipping.
Just as a troop, like Josho and EE
How the hell are they going to take down haman?
Knew that the whole "Roarke dying" thing was a massive fakeout on IC's part.
That happens at the end
5392385
Prepare to be surprised.
5392152 Prepare for the feels. They're coming.
An entire chapter dedicated to Roarke, it seems she's not so rare anymore.
Running to fight another day is a good way of doing the opposite of what I expected. I am good with that.
5392134
Except they actually tested it.
Busted.
Now is not the time to get cute.
One does not simply touch Roarke's lenses. Unless you are Rainbow Dash.
R.I.P Roarke's armor 2.0
You could've just given them some trees to fall into.
And yup. Was that armour 2.0 or 3.0? Lost count.
5393175
3.0 if you count her jury rigged steam powered exoskeleton from the end of Odrsjot. Which means now she gets to start building 4.0.
5392907 For real? I don't remember that. I'd hate to have been Buster that day.
5392235
First of all, I think you meant "He-who-must-not-be-named". Second of all, he was driven to insanity by several different traumatic events in his life, and also manipulated by Chrysalis, so yeah, he's not straight up evil, either. The only character we've seen thus far with no redeeming qualities is Chrysalis herself.
Also, the way you worded your question was super r00d, and nobody really appreciates that here. We're all friends, right?
Rourke uses armor jettison, not in the way you expect.
Rourke uses thrusters, not in the way you expect.
Rourke uses BatGrappling Hook, not in the way you expect.
Rourke uses Rocket Jump. Hell No, not in the way you expect.
The problem with teh explosive stop method, othewise known as a free space airbag, is that even slow burning gun powder doesnt geenrate a long enough airflow to drop you the last distance safely. In this case teh rubble was powdered and so could be considered a fluidised impact bed. Explosives generate a supersonic shockwave, so its like hitting concrete, you can be greatly slowed, come to a halt etc, but you do it near instantaneously. Splat.
Rourke has Jex an a Skystone shard, and most of the parts of a battleship. Should be able to rig up a mana glider, would be better if her armour was cleaned off the Gamma over te side, then she could get some bits back, but other stuff should be possible.
Rourke Hudson Hawk Most Rare?
Its not armor version 4.0 you got to watch out for. its armor version 4.2.
This is why we don't tune out lectures/monologues, Roarke. There's always a question/answer part.
I hope she can still contact the Jury and update them.
5393341 I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR THE REVISION 4 SUIT
THE REV 04 REINFORCED KINETIC EXOSUIT
R04RKE
(I have been saving that for 3 books now.)
5392152 Yes. It is completely worth it.
5391399 It was the ending the story needed, but not the one it deserved.
It seems Roarke has aquired a very large chunk of amber skystone. Just imagine the endless possiblities that shard could provide. Booster and Roarke could use it to manufacture some sort of heavy weapon system on board the Jury. Wizzball could get a huge upgrade to its energy reserves. Maybe it could even be used to power some type of mana based energy shield, rendering the Noble Jury immune to the Grand Choke's antimagic effects. Our favorite skystone ship is going to need some serious upgrades if it's going to fulfil its destiny and reach the Midnight Armory.
5393712 R04RKE: can't stop thinking of private numberplates.
5393662 its armor version 4.2: is this the answer to life, the universe and everything?
5393384 She fights for the life of her sister.
5393855 What, amber? Where was that stated?
5392371
The Searonese are cyborgs, what with the internal manacores and such. Roarke will simply shove the skystone up her rear hatch, and she'll be able to fly like Supermare.
Well that was one way to make an exit...
5394666
I just meant that it was amber colored skystone. Roarke snatched a piece from earlier. Way back in Stratopolis, the Lounge weapons and armor produced an amber colored light when powered.
This is from the most recent Lounge/Goblin encounter...
I bet the Lounge have even more badass amber skystone weapons. Too bad we probably won't be seeing them again.
Jex is an honorary member of the Jury now
Loot!
God I've fell behind...
Man, Roarke left her armour behind but something tells me she will be getting it back soon...
Haha wow that was awesome. (Right a word). I'm glad this exists in the friendship is magic universe where goodness is rewarded so Roarke can more plausibly get away with wearing plot armor.
Now back to that cave...
Oh, thank goodness they're okay. :applejackphewfacehere:
-Spirit
Talk about perfect timing.
How many times is Roarke going to almost die?