8/40 Double Dank it
"And that's why homosexuals have cleaner butts than straight people." said unnamed stock teacher character as he erased the graphic buttsex from his chalkboard.
"Man, this is totally bogus," whispered Randall to his friend,"wanna smoke some weed?"
"Everyday replied Snoop Dogg as he received a lit blunt from Randall," said Randall's friend.
Randall laughed at the hilarious joke his friend made, a joke that only weed-smoking quickscopers like himself would understand. He and his friend smoked fatties for like an hour, watching their science teacher explain the benefits of a good buttfucking.
"So wanna come over and pwn some noobs like a hardcore gangsta after school," asked Randall's friend.
"Of course my homie, right after I look at more boobs in real life."
Just then, a loud bell rang, and every student got up and left the classroom. Randall and his friend went separate ways, as Randall liked to go pretend things were boobs for an hour and a half after school. He stared at rocks and made his eyes do that out of focus thing where your vision gets all fuzzy, but it really just made the rocks look like rock biter tits instead of real human ones.
Realizing that he wasn't getting anywhere, Randall decided to stop wasting his time and go to his friend's house to do something productive.
Randall arrived at said house pretty quickly, and his friend opened the door.
"You weren't out looking at boobs for very long today."
"Whatever," Randall said," I just didn't feel like lookin' at hot tits very much today."
"That's fine I guess, anyway, I got the Doritos and Mountain Dew, come inside and we will get high yet again and play Call of Duty on the Xbox, as per our defining character traits."
"These aren't character traits, they're quirks at best," said Randall in an uncharacterquirkeristically sad tone.
"Man, who really gives a shit anymore? Lets go get high."
So they pretty much did that exact thing. They fucking got high and ate Doritos and drank Mountain Dew. After they were suitably high on barely-illegal substances(seriously nobody even really gives a shit about weed, one time in middle school, a kid tried to give me some pot that he brought TO SCHOOL but I reported him because I'm a snitch who would get shanked in jail and they didn't even care) they turned on the Xbox and started playing Call of Duty.
After getting into a gun game lobby they plugged in their mikes and laid out some phat freak-style jive.
"Haha, faggots, you're gonna get totally pwned like the noobs you are!" Randall and his friend shouted in unison.
They were immediately swarmed by a bunch of twenty-year-olds who just wanna play an M-rated game without some asshole kid screeching like a banshee for once, who basically scarred them for life.
Randall's friend cried and called his mommy, who came over and blamed them for swearing on a game made for adults. The twenty-year-olds ended up scarring the mom too because they told her that she is a shitty parent for allowing her stupid children to be exposed to such a negative stimulus, especially since she funded it. Seriously though, if I see another one of you faggots in my game lobby I'm going to find you and deck you right in the gabber ya dig? Also this fanfiction is not appropriate for children.
Eventually the mother was convinced by the adults and she took the Call of Duty game away from the kids.
Randall and his friend responded by throwing a huge temper tantrum on the floor. In response the mother told them that they could not blaze it for a week.
This upgraded Randall from temper tantrum to Faze Class Temper Tantrum Prestigeᴴᴰ which resulted in him doing a 360 every time he punched the floor.
"Noscope!" He screamed every time his fist connected with the carpet. Eventually, the Mountain Dew combined with pot and Doritos experienced a powerful chemical reaction due to the constant stirring of the 360 noscopes, which resulted in a fedora and sunglasses forming on Randall's head. Pot flew everywhere each time Randall punched the floor, and lightning struck the pot thanks to dank MLG.
The lightning lit the pot, shrouding the the whole room with the essence of blazin' it. The resulting dank caused a gravitational time ripple that tore apart the universe and rebuilt it as Equestria. The only one MLG enough to survive such a tragedy was of course Randall, who's very molecular structure was rearranged into a super badass soldier that didn't value human life and wouldn't give a shit if a rocket hit him in the wiener .
A cool narrator said "Gun game!" and Randall sprinted towards Ponyville, having to stop every fifteen seconds to catch his breath just like every trained military professional. When he finally reached the small horse town he was immediately greeted by Lyra.
"Hi there, I'm Lyra, I am apparently obsessed with humans because I sat on a bench weird."
Randall pulled out his radical laser-sighted Python Speed Reloader and blasted Lyra right in her head. The second she hit the ground the Python Speed Re-loader transformed into two Makarovs. The Makarovs had bottomless clips because Randall is a jerk who has to cheat to win. It's not my fault that he beat me, my mini-fridge was making weird chirping noises. Does anyone else have that problem? It's really distracting. Anyway, the noise attracted more ponies, which were immediately blasted to smithereens.
This got Randall up to an M16 which he was pretty hyped about.
Until he turned his head and got blasted by a big purple laser.
"What the fuck?" said Twilight as a SPAS-12 appeared at her hooves," This is bullshit, my lasers are at least a Grim Reaper."
"Come on, at least he's dead, although it would've been cooler if you did a 360 or something." said Rainbow Dash.
"Rainbow Dash, trickshots are for idiots who feel like wasting time and efficiency makes you good at video games."
"Whatever."
Unfortunately those would be Dash's last words, because Randall respawned and shot her in the chest, kicking her heart's ass with gun bullets that go bang. Randall got his least favorite gun, the Famas, which sucks and is gay.
Of course Twilight still had lasers so she killed him again.
This continued for about twenty minutes, with Randall slowly killing more ponies and getting better weapons, only to be shot with a laser every time he tried to 360.
Finally Randall had to camp in the corner, sitting down with his ballistic knife because getting killed over and over is really tiring.
"Why can't I kill that purple bitch?" said Randall aloud as he cried like a girl. "I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter."
Suddenly, the lead singer of Linkin' Park appeared before Randall.
"Randall, you can't just trickshot an MLG like Twilight Sparkle, she's too #originalpro."
"Then how can I beat her?"
"You've got to trickshotᴴᴰ."
Randall kissed the lead singer of Linkin' Park right on the lips and then went to go trickshotᴴᴰ Twilight Sparkle. He eventually found her, but stayed just outside her field of vision. Then, instead of 360 noscoping her, he 360 noscope ricocheted her, shooting her in the leg. She fell to the ground, and Randall ran up to her, and he started spinning.
"360, 720, 1080." he said as he counted his spins, Doritos and Mountain Dew creating a tornado around him. He was just about to pull off the final trickshot when a booming voice echoed across the town.
"How dare you attack my subjects!" Screamed Celestia," I will tear you apart, and use your bones as Tupperware!"
Randall scoffed.
"You don't have the MLG for it loser."
In response, Celestia spun in circles and noscoped everything until she had like, fifty ballistic knives. She then fired them all at Randall simultaneously, ending gun game and killing Randall forever. Then everyone respawned except Randall, and they all smoked weed for charity.
The end.
Or is it?
Nope.
Four years later:
"C'mon guys, you're totally going to slow for me," yelled Scootaloo to her friends as she hacked away at the foliage with her machete cutie mark. It pretty much amounted to her running around like an idiot, hitting grass and trees with the side of her butt.
"Yeah yeah, hold yer horses," replied Applebloom, who was still a blank flank loser, unlike her arch-rival Microsoftbloom who had a Steam cutie mark. Also Microsoftbloom could run Flash.
"My feet hurt," said Sweetie Belle as she rubbed her feet with her hands.
"Shut up Stupid Bolle, I'm trying to help you."
"Scootaloo, for the sake of exposition, why exactly are we wandering through the Everfree Forest?" asked Applebloom.
Scootaloo turned to Applebloom.
"There's something in here, something that gave me my cutie mark, you worthless hick-shit. Maybe it'll help you stupid losers find what you're good at. God, don't you know anything? If anything magical or plot-lengthening happens it's in the Everfree Forest."
"Alright, another question: Why are you being such a dick all of a sudden?"
"It's my special talent; being super edgy all the time...religion is stupid. Oh cool we're here."
Scootaloo walked up to a large statue of a soldier eating Doritos and drinking Mountain Dew at the same time. Her friends just stared in bewilderment at it.
"What is it?" asked Sweetie Belle.
"It's that guy who pwned every noob in Ponyville all those years ago. All you have to do is spin around in a circle and yell 'NOSCOPE' and you will totally get your cutie mark."
So Applebloom and Sweetie Belle spun in a circle, shouting the phrase with all the heart they could muster.
Suddenly, Steve Jobs' face appeared on Applebloom's butt.
"I finally get it now; my special talent is creating inferior versions of other products, calling them revolutionary, and selling them at ridiculous prices." so Applebloom ran off to go invent the iPhone.
"My special talent is having hooves," said Sweetie Belle, and hey, her hands and feet melted off.
Suddenly it started raining sniper rifles.
"And as you probably noticed, a light drizzle of sniper rifles has come across Ponyville, be sure to wear your umbrella hats." Twilight turned off her TV(canon) and returned to her book(not canon: Twilight never reads).
"Ah Spike, there's nothing better than sitting in side and reading a book with the harsh metallic clang of hundreds of thousands of sniper rifles slamming against your giant castle."
Spike just continued drawing Rarity naked, not even giving a single poopoo about Twilight's stuff.
Suddenly Rarity burst through the door of the huge crystal tree.
"Twilight we're in super duper bad trouble! I swear I tried fashioning at it, but rifles can't wear dresses."
Twilight closed her book and calmly sauntered over to Rarity.
"Yes, what is the issue my dear friend?"
"Look at this gun!"
So Twilight looked at it.
"So what, it rains sniper rifles all the time in Equestria."
"Yes, but look closer. Not a single one of them has a scope. Also they are spinning in circles really fast. Honestly I'm surprised you didn't notice that immediately..."
"My god...360noscope."
"What?"
"Get everyone inside, I need to go get the others, meet me at the Tree of Harmony."
Eventually all of the elements converged(that word fits right?) at the Tree of Harmony.
"Twilight, ah'm not quite sure why ah waited fourty-five minutes to ask you this, as opposed to asking before we got here, but why exactly did you bring us all here?" asked Applejack, being super-honest as always.
"Randall's coming."
"What? That horrible noscoping freak?"
"Yes, and I'm afraid that Super Optic Noscope Celestia won't be enough this time. You see, if my theory is correct, Randall has been 360 noscoping even while trapped in stone, allowing him to reach critical levels of ᴴᴰ."
"You mean, 1080p?"
"Even worse, if my calculations are correct, Randall has reached a level of ᴴᴰ imperceptible to the equine eye. Randall has reached 4K."
"So soon we'll have an invisible noscoping super-madman running all over Equestria? What are we doing here then? We should be sheltering the poor ponies before they can be slaughtered, and subsequently teabagged!" shouted Rarity.
"No, he'll just find us and kill us anyway. His Invidia graphics card makes him able to sense his pray from anywhere on the planet. To defeat this monster, we have to use the Elements of Harmony."
"But what about the poor Tree?" asked Fluttershy.
"Fuck the tree."
That was pretty much good enough for all of the ponies, so they ripped the elements from the tree, and watched it die.
"Here, smoke these," said Twilight as she handed a blunt to each of the elements, "they should react with the Jewelery Ex Machina."
So each of the ponies got super high, and the pot fumes mixed with the elements to create the Elements of Weed, because that is just stupid enough for a story like this.
"Finally, now we're ready."
Elsewhere:
Randall was really raisin' hell, noscoping fools left and right like a pro.
"Oh you'll be a fun one," he said to the poor cross-eyed pony in his arms. He was about to 360, when a sniper bullet hit him right in the face.
"Not today evil doer, me and my fellow bros will like, totally defeat you," said a chillaxed Twilight, wearing sunglasses to cover her bloodshot eyes.
"Hah, you stupid fools will never be able to topple Randall the Powerful, my ᴴᴰ is so dank, that even Snoop Dogg himself would bow before me. How can you, a lowtime junky, who barely even smokes weed hope to defeat me?" monologued Randall.
Twilight just stared blankly at him.
"...what?"
"Agggh," Randall charged all of the elements, firing bullets as he spun around like a top on speed,"you noobs will never win."
The elements just dodged and fired back like they didn't even give a shit, because they didn't, they were totally blazin' it.
"Hah," they all said," nice try, but you'll never win! You are bad! You are bad and we are good! Your badness will be the end of you, and our goodness will be our triumph! Bad is bad - good is good! Bad-bad-good-bad! Good-good-bad-good, bad! Good."
Randall actually managed to listen to that speech, and foolishly allowed the elements to power up their trademark laser, except this time it was in the colors of the Jamaican flag. The beam shot out and froze Randall in his air-tracks.
"Do you wanna know why you lost?" asked Twilight.
"Not really."
"It's because although you smoked weed every day, you didn't do it with your friends. Friends are what truly gives weed and noscoping their power."
"Please just kill me."
"Pinkie Pie had the Element of Munchies, her insatiable Cheeto lust rivals that of the gods."
"I really don't care at all."
"Rainbow Dash is the Element of Goingway2quick."
"Awesome."
"Rarity is the Element of Cool Smoke Rings."
"You're actually going through the entire list."
"And, well Applejack and Fluttershy are still honesty and kindness regardless."
"Oh sweet Christ you're done."
"But me,"
"SHUT UP!"
"I'm the Element of Weed. See, Friendship is Magic, but Friendship is also weed, and weed is pretty sweet."
By this time Randall had already killed himself to escape from the crippling boredom, so they partied and smoked weed.
The end.
Or is it?
Yes.
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ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉyus yus yusヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ
Obvious trollfic is Obvious
10/10 would clop
9 out of 11 would blaze it again
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) / 20
After fininshing this story, any noob that saw this will scratch their heads in confusion at the dank ness of this fic.
4865631
4865658 Obvious anally angered plebeians
*slow applause*
4865782
Bby can u add story to the Writer's Group? For whatever reason I'm banned.
(I literally actually don't know why)
4865865 sure tongs bby
4865868
danke
Oh my god this is one of the best things I have ever read in my entire life
would quikscope agen
360noscope/20 would blaze again
"Fucking pleb tier/10 would probably dank again"
- Pewdiesnipars
9dope10me
#blazeiterryday
#2160noscopetrickshotswagyolopewdiepiedankassshiznit420blazeit6969lololololololololololo
#swag
4865631
How dare you call this masterpiece a trollfic?
4865996 U wot m8
Fite me irl
Ill fokin rek ya
I swer on me mum
Right PSN users are n00bz ( you spelled it wrong N00B) because we don't like being robbed by our source if entertainment. And please, you write a cod related fic and think your a gamer. That's probably the worst franchise in the business. Your a N00b for playing it. And jeez what does Xbox even have anymore. No one cares about halo anymore, and everything else is either on PlayStation as well it only on PlayStation. A system that's both cheaper and doesn't have ridiculous system requirements. It's got better hardware, better software and better games. Not that you'd know what any if that means. Cause your a N00B!!!!!!!
4866095 y u delete comment
4866123 And yet people still buy their games
This is literally the dumes f*cking thing I have ever read. I want my 10 minute back.
4866123
Sorry, I muted you.
I can do that because I have an Xbox.
4866149
Cool.
4866149 did you really look at the discription and go "Ya know, this looks like a good story,"
This was so amazing
4866135 Yeah, N00bz.
4866222
I'm not sure if you're trolling or just stupid.
4866230 Neither apparently. You're boring.
4866251
So you're stupid then.
Chuckward / 10.
4866123 PC master race filthy peasant.
I honestly can't decide if I want to give this an upvote or a downvote.
4866305 Do what I did. Say fuck it and drink a gallon of bleach.
4866298
You keep saying that.
Why?
Not sure if going to fav...
Fantastic. Amazing. I cannot think of enough adjectives for how much I loved this.
Would 360 no-scope again.
Also, Mountain Dew? Wouldn't Red Bull fit better?
4866430
4866095
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little scrub? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the MLG, and I’ve been involved in numerous Counter-Strike LAN parties, and I have over 300 confirmed 720 noscopes. I am trained in Battlefield by gorillas and I’m the top sniper in the entire CoD franchise. You are nothing to me but just another windowlicker. I will wipe you the fuck out with noscopes the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of lagswitches across the USA and your IP is being DDOSed right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your ping. You’re fucking ded, noob. I can be in any lobby, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my melee humiliations. Not only am I extensively trained in throwing-knife ricochet trickshots, but I have access to the entire server farm of Treyarch and I will use it to its full extent to lag your miserable ass ten years into the past, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy pwnage your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit noscopes all over you and you will drown in them. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
gr8 b8 m8 i r8 8/8 no h8
4866596 wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked ova 300 chocolate globbernaughts frum tha corner shop. im trained in street fitin' & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil bellend w/ a fit mum & fakebling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? think again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper scrap. A roomble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. me crew be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o' newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a' kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yea stupid lil twat, innit? ima shite fury & ull drown in it m8. ur ina proper mess knob.
4866375
You know why.
4866153 Holy shit I love you
This was as amazing as weed and Doritos combined to create the ultimate noscoping drug
-Reads story description-
NOOOOOOOPE!
-Leaves without reading or rating the story at all whatsoever-
4866596 Wow.
That was overkill. It's just a stupid game. You probably have no skills on the REAL battlefield.
Awesome story.
Smoke w33d erry day
4866814
It's a copypasta
lrn2internet, pleb
4866945
Well it's fucking entertaining! 
4866301 Who the fuck are you? No wait Nvm don't care.
4866123
4866153
Silly console players. PC elitist laughs at your foolish fighting and arguments over such frivolous things like Xbox and PSN.