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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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it's no problem to be of help :D
0//+ why? What does this even mean?! MADGOD APPROVES SAID CONFUSION! CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!
4922859 moved the file betwen so many different programs I must have missed a few of the glitches
I love the chapter, especially because some of the girls are willing to "persuade" Dusk Shine to get the tickets. It's funny. BTW, I enjoyed Angel and Winona's introduction.
4922976 Thanks! I enjoy building things up over time, and wanted to make sure this all felt good. Thats why i've delayed the second half while we work the last kinks out of it. Great to see so much support and glad know your still finding it exciting!
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/339/0/1/the_most_interesting_stallion_in_equestria_by_amana07-d4i8tdv.png
4923157 Hahaha. Very true my friend.
Very nice!
Winona's condition was a real surprise for me but if the pony can talk, why not the dogs?
Also, just to be sure, Rarity was speaking about Dusk and not Blueblood, right? Because it would be totaly wrong.
4923243 Trust me. I went though 4 or 5 rewrites of that section to make sure it was clearly stated to be Dusk. I even added the flirty affection to his body to make sure it wasn't confusing anymore
I think Rarity is ing me.
Great job! Keep up the good work! I hope to see the next part soon too!
4923356 my pleasure!
Still, so many darn errors :( Baaah, if I wasn't working a 60 hour workweek I'd pitch in!
4923955 It's ok. Its life!
I like this first part of the chapter. It will be interesting to see Dusk Shine's version of the Benny Hill chase sequence.
4926512 Thanks! I could never match up with a real benny hill chase though
4926532
I would still enjoy your rendition of it.
Does Barb wear clothes? I've yet to notice any mention of them, so probably not. If not, is she a mirror image of Spike but with eyelashes, or does she have dragon boobs with her genitals out on display for all to see?
...
I know how to ask the hard questions.
I love your story, so please take this as the constructive criticism it is intended as. Little errors happen, I have no problem just skipping over them, but you used the word would way to often, and in places it wasn't needed. Your characters didn't maybe perform the said actions, and would imply that they thought about doing it, but ended up not. Usually, in most of these instances, you can simply leave the word out all together, and do a minor change to a following word to make the whole sentence better, and less jarring to keeping our emersion.
Example: At last he sat back and would look up while she stood glaring at him from the other side of the desk speaking up at last when he did.
Edit: At last, he sat back and looked up to see Barb glaring at him from the other side of the desk. When he did so, she at last spoke up.
Like I said, I love your story, so this isn't intended as an attack. I tried to use as many of your chosen words as possible in my edited version. Thank you for sharing your story telling with us.
Wait wait wait wait! Why the sudden interest in Blueblood right after the relationship status with Dusk last 2 or 3 chapters?
7359917 I'll point you to my previous comment here, Where someone else asked this. I think Rarity is still ing with me.
7359917 The quote I used to try to make it clear it was Dusk, not Blueblood was this line here btw, sorry of the confusion!
I was actually hoping Rarity was referring to Prince blueblood, by accident as she daydreams, which would be a blow to poor Dusk.
I know they both had some moments by now, but I doubted she would be speaking of Dusk still, over a long time fantasy crush.