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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The interactions between the characters was very well-written. I like how Dusk is getting Shy to develop feelings for him as well as watching AJ bond with him. I also found Dusk's leadership skills to be interesting...especially since he caught Bronze's eyes with them and his desire to protect the men under him. Fluttershy's family life is intriguing and I bet that not even Rarity, who's the closest thing to a lover she has, knows about it. I also found Silken interaction with the Wondebolts about the mission to be a good scene...and it seems I was right about Silken and Luna being together, albeit the event happened offscreen...though I'm slightly surprised about how quickly Silken has come to accept the event considering her shyness in the previous chapter. I wonder if Luna has introduced Silken to Redheart? Given that Silken hints that Luna visits her on her dreams for "friendly" visits and Redheart having Luna's panties and her comment about having a mare, it wouldn't be surprising if Luna choreographs a meeting between the three...ok, I need to stop reading too much into the situations. Anyway, this was an amazing chapter and I hope to see how Dusk and the girls finally confront the dragon.
My only issue here is toward the end, where Dusk asks Misty and Surprise if their wings could take the dragon or keep up, then it says that it ended the argument right there. What argument? I could understand if they were bouncing ideas off each other about the capabilities their wings and Dusk deciding the unknown was no decent plan but, he just asks the question and boom, argument ended. Is there something missing/typo, or did I just miss something? lol
5885205 my bad haha. It was ment to imply he already knew the answer and so when asked it out loud, they dropped their arguments. I'll make a small edit to make that more clear.
I did a better job (i hope) of this issue in the next chapter when Dash tries to fight the dragon, but you're right, it should be more clear here.
5884221
Thanks! One of my biggest concerns is world building without being boring!
It's a big part of part 5, don't worry! :3
Your naughty Don't worry, if you're well behaved you shall be rewarded!
5885640
Not at all! The main point of the Bolt's armor is that its thin and light. Stronger 'bolts might use plate [and mithril if they are famous or wealthy, making it thinner and lighter still] but I realize now that your talking you mean plate alone. From my own [admittedly minor] experience with real world armor, they normally layered historical armors [i could have been misinformed, i totally admit that]. So the way I am picturing the setup is rather simple: A layer of silk to protect the skin from chaffing against the metal, with the chain mail weaved between that layer and another outer layer of silk. the tight, molded to the individual style is to try and keep them as streamlined as possible while offering protection, but as soon as I realized you were suggesting thin plate mail without a layer of chain mail below it, I saw your logic. I will consider, and likely revise this point in the future. Thanks! And glad your enjoying the story, always feel free to leave comments on anything you want!.
Huh... This chapter you introduced the concept of hybrids between the pony tribes. Now you said these were rare even though its been seen that relationships between ponies of different tribes isn't thought peculiarly at all. So what exactly is a hybrid? A pony that shows traits and characteristics associated with a tribe that they weren't born into, such as Fluttershy exhibiting weak flying but Earth pony strength even though she is a Pegasus? And how does that work with other phenotypes? Can an Earth Pony use Unicorn magic without a horn? Can a Unicorn fly without wings? Or would these be traits less reliant on phenotypes such as a Unicorn being able to touch clouds without a spell? Or an Earth Pony more inclined to... To be frank I have no idea what Unicorn trait could be used without their horn.
5886719 it will be expanded upon in time, but since i don't consider it a spoiler: a crossbreed is possible for any of the tree clans but incredibly rare. It is far more likely that they will be born pure a or pure b with less than 1% being born a hybrid. Because of population breakdown (48% earth / 30% pegasus / 22% unicorn / 0.00001% alicorn) hybrids almost always appear as strong pegasi who are weak flyers. The extremely rare time a unicorn hybrid is born, it's a unicorn with impressive strength.
The current medical theory in universe, it that pegasi and unicorn hybrids are either A: impossible or B: Princess Cadence. But because Cadence is a known descendent of Princess Celestia, that has never been accepted as proof that she is the first known example of a Unicorn / pegasus hybrid.
This question makes me again think I should have a glossary for this story. Do you think I should start a blog post for that similar to my profile blog?
5887008 Wouldn't hurt to have a glossary, especially when you introduce things that aren't used often in the fandom.
Pinkie's awareness of Fluttershy's feelings makes me think that, when you hopefully get to Filly Vanilli, it's gonna take a lot of reworking since you Pinkie would never pull that kind of crap.
(Because of who they are, Captian) Might want to rework that last word.
Test exercise turns into a real exercise. Classic.
I felt AJ's pain. Never been in a situation like that, but I felt it.
I wonder how this Fluttershy would react to Shinji Ikari, and whether or not she'd call him a whiny bitch like everyone else does.
Well, nice chapter as usual. Though the scene with Bronzewing offering to become captain of his guard brings up an excellent point. Considering, from what I'm aware, the three Alicorns have their personal royal guards, despite Alicorns basically being superior to most other species, by a large margin (to the point where anyone who could harm them would easily overpower any guard, rendering the idea of bodyguards pointless, in theory), why wouldn't Celestia assign Twilight/Dusk respectively a guard, as well as the rest of the Elements of Harmony? Especially since they are nowhere near as strong as Alicorns, despite them having the ultimate Friendship Cannon, which requires all six and seemingly some charge time (as well as potentially a friendship speech every time, though that may just be Twilight/Dusk's own pride). If one of the six dies, the Elements are theoretically useless, unless they find a replacement holder, which would probably take time. And considering how important the Elements end up being, why wouldn't Celestia keep them safe?
If I were the ruler and my ultimate weapon was so unguarded, and nowhere near as powerful as me, I'd either slap them into a highly defended fort, or assign a personal guard for them. I mean, they already have spies watching, so why not just straight up tell Dusk, we're assigning a guard to keep you all safe, since you're pretty much our ultimate defense if shit goes south. I'm sure he'd rationally understand.
Now that that rants off my chest, I really do hope we get a to hear a 'Oh captain, my captain' between the two, and not a recreation of the infamous poem.