• Member Since 21st Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 10th, 2018

Utmostnut


I'm a amateur writer hoping one day to write a successful fic

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"Oh hey guys, it's me, Scootaloo! You will never guess on what I found today! I found the most coolest looking creature I have ever seen in my life!!"

"Well maybe not cooler than RainbowDash, but defiantly cooler than most pony's I know.....
Anyways, he has this really cool looking armor that he wears all the time I swear I've never seen him take it off and he is really really tall I mean like maybe even taller than the princess and his sword is unbelievably huge!!"

"What? Oh, right, sorry, you want to know how I found him. Well I was walking home from a long day at school and I found this white rock just sitting on my table and there was a note on it saying it was for me and.....oops sorry l think I may have told a little bit too much. Don't want to spoil the whole adventure for you! You're going to have to read to find out."

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 44 )

Are you serious really

4950403 I was thinking of starting with demon souls, but I haven't played the game, so I decided to do dark souls since it's the one I have played

This is good keep going

lol you should make him fight rainbow.:rainbowlaugh:

it's an intriguing story idea, but the dialogue is really annoying.

4982754 hmm do you have any advice to give so that I can improve it?

4988742 i can give examples of where i would have improved something. would that help?

4988942 sure whatever makes it easier

4988994 well, I was able to put this kind of run on paragraph into what i feel is a better form.

Through all the rambling we were causing we didn't notice that Miss Cheerilee was eye balling us and didn't seem to like that we were distracting everypony else. She got mad at us and told us to keep it down. that there were pony's here trying to learn, and that we shouldn't distract them or whatever. We said sorry and she went back to teaching.........school stuff for a about a couple of minutes before she had to rush to the restroom to go do some business, and she takes fooorrreeevvveerrr in there, but I don't complain. It just means more time to sleep.

you also tend to use parenthesis instead of ending the dialogue and using descriptions.

SweetieBell place her hoof on AppleBlooms back to try to comfort her and she looks up to me and says, "Look we're just glad that we found you and....you're ok.....just..." she places her other hoof on my shoulder, "Don't do that again...please we are your friends....all we wanted was to help you." I look down to the ground feeling ashamed at myself for making my friends worry like that and having them look all over town just to find me.....it's just....(Sigh) wanted to be alone.

alright, i know that this isn't super helpful, but i need to go to bed. i've got an early day tomorrow. the only other advice i would have would be to read some of the majorly successful stories on this site, and see how they write. maybe get some ideas from them.

4989113 ok thanks for the tip and when you get back what do think of the story in general

If you want some help with some pre reading and correction I'm game for it. I can help you correct your grammar and put some essential punctation is what I'm saying, not the story.

"Oh hey guys, it's me, Scootaloo! You will never guess what I found today! I found the most coolest looking creature I have ever seen in my life! Well, maybe not cooler than RainbowDash, but definitely cooler than most pony's I know... Anyways, he has this really cool looking armor that he wears all the time, I swear I've never seen him take it off, and he is really, really tall! I mean, like, maybe even taller than the princess' and his sword is unbelievably huge!
What? Oh, right, sorry, you want to know how I found him. Well I was walking home from a long day at school, and I found this white rock just sitting on my table, and there was a note on it saying it was for me and... oops, sorry, l think I may have told a little bit too much. Don't want to spoil the whole adventure for you! You're going to have to read to find out!

I gave up coloring most of my corrections halfway through...

I like it keep on keeping on also someone get the soap that little filly needs her mouth washed out with it.

Some mistakes but still pretty good I'll admit I'd like to hear what happens next :moustache:

5487790 Why thank you kind sir I'll be sure to continue

Comment posted by Utmostnut deleted Jan 10th, 2015

I honestly want to know what this character's gear is. Can I know please? :pinkiehappy:

5665595 For right now he has the elite knight armor, the zweihander, and a div.grass crest shield, he'll be using more weapons and shields in the coming chapters.

5671526
That is ironic, my current character is using the same gear.

5672356 Really? Well then I guess you like this story even more thinking that it's your character kicking ass

5672557
I just hope scoots doesn't see the chosen die that will be sad and scarring

5986491 Pretty soon I'm still in the process of writing it

5986491 If want to be informed on updates you should read my blog I usually write one when I either finish it or I'm about to finish or why it's taking awhile

How is the protagonist able to throw a giant wooden wolf that may weigh a ton or more your wondering? Simple really, max out in strength mofo. kind-of glad to see this fic still kicking.

why did the phantom come from the markings? in dark souls 1 and 2 you can get summoned from using the soapstone not the other way around.

so a dark souls one crossover. I love the dark souls games though I have never been able to complete one or two yet. I forced my self not to yous a shield witch makes it much harder.

5538156 Ponies wouldn't know what a (non magical) shield is, unless they know about minotars, in which caes they might know about hands. Just saying.

6218207 Enjoyable, but If you use this for practice and learning how to write, then go back over it once you get to a more comfortable level it'll turn out much better.

this was my reaction to toby talking

Will you ever finish this?

This seems kind of interesting, but I'd appreciate it if you put more effort into editing.

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