4492742
I wholeheartedly pray they never do.

I guess this is the end? Oh, darn.

4492796
And you remind me that I forgot to add the TvE link at the end. Oops.

4492829 Glad that I reminded you.

4492803
Canon Cadance would probably kick this Cadance's ass. Remember, she's an alicorn, this one is decidedly not.

4492837
Me too, so thanks! Now everyone can know: Twilight's story ends where Trixie's truly begins.

4492862 I can't contain my excitement!

this story was just.......... needlessly unpleasant. of course the needlessly evil Celestia was part of it....... and the factor of luna not fightign against celestia is contrived as all hell i would argue. and tiwlight dying at the end like that.............
it is not a very good story at all. not badly written but there is nothing but misery to the point of idiocy.......... not to mention i am pretty damn sure tartarus does not fucntion that way. Celestia, luna, and cadance escaped with molestation by ceberus. i doubt its horrors would affect someone NOT supposed to be there.

and i repeat, bullshit that luna would do nothing. complete bullshit she would let her sister become what SHE had become without a fight. and bullshit she would leave twilight to suffer and die like that. as i said, needlessly, forcefully unpleasant.
it is not the worse story i have read but it is still not a very good one. whole situation is pretty forced to begin with and characters like luna not taking action against celestia is completely contrived. and no one would be thinking freaking changeling when the freaking changeling does not eventually return ot its natural form. pretty sure unconcious and near death a changleing could not sustain an altered form.

4492883

and the factor of luna not fightign against celestia is contrived as all hell i would argue

Someone hasn't read Trixie vs. Equestria. If said someone had, he'd know that there's a REASON Luna doesn't fight.

There's always more going on in my stories than the reader knows.

not to mention i am pretty damn sure tartarus does not fucntion that way. Celestia, luna, and cadance escaped with molestation by ceberus. i doubt its horrors would affect someone NOT supposed to be there.

Except that this is NOT the Tartarus of the show. It's an entirely different Equestria with an entirely different Tartarus that functions in an entirely different way.

and i repeat, bullshit that luna would do nothing. complete bullshit she would let her sister become what SHE had become without a fight

Read TvE. She did try to stop her. It didn't work.

and no one would be thinking freaking changeling when the freaking changeling does not eventually return ot its natural form

Except that nopony in this Equestria knows anything about changelings 'cause they're supposedly extinct, so if Celestia claims it and states that she's stuck in her form for whatever reason who is going to argue with her?

All your arguments show that you're either not paying attention to the details, don't know anything about the source material (TvE), and subscribe to the naive idea that all suffering must be balanced by a good ending. This journey had a purpose... if you would just take the time to see it.

4492962 ....i have a hard time buying that it wouldn't work. there may be a power difference between luna and celestia, true, but not so extensive that she stands no chance.

4493080
Not true for TvE. Luna was stuck on the moon for close to 1000 years. Celestia devoted that time to getting constantly stronger in every conceivable way. Plus, Celestia's mind... no, forget it it, I'm not gonna spoil TvE. Just know that there are clear reasons Luna's attempts to stop Celestia failed.

I have a very high respect for Luna, and I am always thinking about the acts of the events in my stories and their potential consequences. Always. I would not put her in this position without there being an actual reason for it.

4493129 wouldn't it be more of a draw in that case?

4493144
How could it be a draw? Luna is, more or less, at Celestia's mercy. Her mind is a wreck (for reasons I can't get into here), Celestia is in total control. Luna couldn't defeat her in a 1-on-1 duel – not even close – her attempts to utilize the Elements of Harmony blew up in her face, she can be sent to the moon on a whim, the entire world fears and hates her because of Celestia's political schemes. Luna has nothing to show for her efforts.

No, it's not even close to a draw.

If canon Twilight read this story, what would she do to you?

4492752 That bad, huh? And I am SO reading Trixie vs. Equestria when I get the chance.

4493289
I direct you to my sincerest apologies in the author's notes of this chapter.

And the end.

... I feel like I've been through Tartarus myself. I can't imagine how you and your editor managed it. This was a hard read, make no mistake. However, I'm glad I read it.

It really drives home just how much Twilight endured and sacrificed. How wretched this world is and how much it needs a savior to bring it to the light. Twilight couldn't be that savior, but she managed to get somepony else on the right track.

I'm also glad Twilight's last moments were happy ones. She deserved it.

Well, I guess that's it. Thanks for a challenging read and a great way to lead into TvE. It makes Trixie's journey all the more special.

4493331
And thank you for having the ability to get through it all. May Twilight have mercy on my soul.

Well, that was a long strange trip, but fun.

4493345
That's certainly one way to put it.

So now that it's over, I have one thing to say:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DarknessInducedAudienceApathy

I don't know if this is what you were shooting for, but the ending was a little boring to me, just because Twilight went through all of this for essentially no reason. I understand that you're setting up Trixie's story, but judging this story by itself, the ending was very unsatisfying.

A beautiful ending in its tragedy, and overall a story that tears you down and then raises you a bit higher with its very last breath. What a tribute to faith in the reality of darkness, where the most magnificent creatures die so very alone and cold, yet with a still glowing faith in hope and assurance of grace. Thank you for my tears, I am enjoying them very much.

I fully expected you to end it soon after she escaped. I thought you would bury her in crystal and let her spend an eternity brooding in darkness and silence after she spoke with Trixie. I think that is easily what your common author here would have done to get a reaction from the readers, or finish it with a cheap and realistic death like the countless others she witnessed in Tartarus. But instead I was rewarded for my reading with a bright, shining ray of light for a wounded soul (for the character and by extension the reader).

How has this become such an uncommon find in tragic literature? Namely faith in the face of reality. It takes strength to write that way, I say. And though you were doing it just to lead into TvE, I thank you for making this story what it is. I think it shows that an author deserves to wield hopelessness and despair when he will turn it to instill faith with that very same tone of reality. This is the kind of defiantly optimistic stuff that humans need in their storybooks. Nothing short of heaven can make up for hell.

4493722
Yes, the pain she went through seems to far outweigh any reason at all for why. But I feel that a truly good story promises you reasons for all that is or has happened and makes you care to know them. The key being that this story is not over yet. I suppose you can read on and see what became of Twilight's last decision to make something good come out of her experience in a world that handed out such unwarranted suffering. To me, it is a story of hope and faith in the face of unfair reality.

4493722
Not at all what I was going for, but that's okay. I dare to claim that this story doesn't fit the definition, because in the end there was a purpose and a good result, even if it's hard to see. Maybe when people finally see the big picture – either when I finish the franchise or just from reading Trixie vs. Equestria – they'll understand that I didn't write this to be meaningless torture.

4495332
I thank you for your praise. I'll be honest, the epilogue had me sobbing like a child even as I wrote it. I was happy to give Twilight that last bright moment.

She deserved it.

I keep searching for some way to clarify things, to make it so that the citizens of this world's Equestria can understand just what she sacrificed for them. I keep hoping that I can find a way to give her the recognition she deserves.

This story is to Bioshock Infinite as the sequel is to Bioshock. Very nice.

4495830

...

I have played those games.

This is such high praise I'm almost speechless. Thank you very much.

4495902
Twilight's death was very similar to Elizabeth's in Burial at Sea, and both of them died knowing they passed the torch onto someone else who could break the circle. Heck, the direct analogy of Twilight to Elizabeth is there too.

4496077
...huh.

I never thought of that.

4496153
Does it help that I prefer "Will the Circle be Unbroken?" for the ending song?

Oooh, I thought of another analogy. Trixie is the man, Canterlot is the city, and Luna's tower is the lighthouse.

4496181
The only catch is TvE isn't a franchise built around endless possibilities and time loops. But, carrying on your analogy... does that make Luna the girl to Trixie's man?

And do you have any idea how easily I could turn this concept into a convoluted story, given the right amount of time?

...

In fact, I can totally see myself scouring FIMFiction for countless LunaTrix stories (as I dub the pairing) and making a single piece linking them all with this concept in mind. Too bad I have a thousand other stories already planned, 'cause that would be worth something.

4496248
Yes to everything. You do have a time spell that works too. Celestia should know it.

4496303
...holy crapola, I just thought of something.

Forget time spells, I already have a tool that is far better. It won't be known until TvE 2, which is a looooooooooooooo *takes deep breath* ooooooooooooooooooooong ways away, but when that time comes... I love it when a pre-made plan generates whole new ones.

Suddenly I regret that I have 7 more stories to write before I hit TvE 2. This concept would make for a perfect "as a result of this event" side story and nobody (except perhaps you) would see it coming.

4496402
I do? It's Bioshock related?
Anyway, I got yet another analogy! Fine Crime and Octavia are the Luteces. They say to weave the truth from the lies and I did! What they are really saying is "What's more important, your part in the play or the play itself?" Forget all that about conviction or whatever! Role is what they are really emphasizing!

Also you should probably add this to both your stories now. You know, like 'now with 100% more unintended Bioshock references.'

4497934

I do? It's Bioshock related?

Would you like to hear it?

Also you should probably add this to both your stories now. You know, like 'now with 100% more unintended Bioshock references.'

Yeeeaaaah, how 'bout no?

4497959
It's because Celestia does the whole Atlas to Frank Fontaine thing, isn't it?

4497993
I'm not saying one word about it in the public forums. With the occasional exception of the 'exclusive scoop' (read: PM), I tend to keep my plot ideas close to the chest.

But I will say that I never do things in such a blatant fashion. The story would be inspired from Bioshock, not parodying it.

4498019
Yay, Bioshock inspiration from something that was totally unintended!

Wow this bad boy is going to take a while to judge
Actually were just going to have to judge this portion of the contest last so we can announce our other winner first.

Eeyup that's right, you have to wait even longer to find out if you won or not

4499744
That's okay, I am the king of patience.

I like the description of Twilight's battered appearance towards the end of the story, it actually has given me some really interesting ideas, althought for now I'm probably just do some fan art of Twilight based on the one at the end of the story once I get more versed with the tools of digital art.

4502401
Fan art? Seriously? That would be awesome!

4502441 Yeah, why not? You gave an excellent description that I could work with. Most likely it will be done somewhere between 1-3 months from now. So far my only complications visualizing it is the flattened leg, those aren't exactly all that common...

4502842
It's just that nobody's ever done fanart of anything originated by me before. so I'm kinda like .

Also:

4502861 Yay I get to be your first!
...Fan art maker piece person fan

I liked it! Normally I'd be upset at Sunset's fate, but in the grand scheme of things everything that happened here happened for a reason (that reason being poignancy). Surprisingly, Twilight's pitiful demise left me a little bit happier after the fact. Hope's the keyword.

4517510
I'm glad to hear it! I keep thinking the sheer brutality of this fic will scare everyone off.

4517564

It did bother me at times, but I knew it was going somewhere because you're you. Wouldn't art in general be boring if it never made you uncomfortable, or made you think? It's a personal taste thing, I guess.

4517605
Most certainly. I think the number of downvotes this story has is proof enough of that. It's easily my worst-rated story, and I'm convinced it's because a lot of people either couldn't take it or demand sunshine and rainbows in their horse stories.

4517661

I see your flaw now: you had sunshines , but rainbows were only in flashbacks

1/10 how Dark&Gory is this story?