Yeah, KBP did particularly well with Chrysalis' appearance. This is probably my third favorite chapter. I really like the whole, "abominations made out of ponies" thing she's got going.
I actually have a theme song in mind for this story. I'll be posting a link to it in the last chapter as a 'if this were a movie, this would play over the credits' thing. You might like.
Ugh, don't tell me this isn't ANOTHER "tyrant Celestia" story. Do you have any idea how numerous those things are? You'd better come up with a creative twist on this...
You'd better come up with a creative twist on this...
You can knock the 'tyrant Celestia' concept if you like. I don't blame you; I fully acknowledge that the idea is overdone. But at the same time, Celestia and her manner of rule is not the topic of this story. You will learn no real details on this subject, be given no background. Don't blast this story for something that it's not, and it's not another 'Tyrant Celestia' story.
If you want to see my 'creative twist' on the topic, read the original Trixie vs. Equestria, for which this story is a prequel. If you disapprove you can blast it to smithereens and be well within your rights.
4477726 The part with Starswirl, first off. Let's just say that by now, you'd think that, knowing that this isn't her Equestria, would realize that this Celestia is not the Celestia she knows, that this Celestia this someone completely different. Given everything that has happened so far, Twilight should realize by now that something is wrong. And another "tyrant Celestia" story? Seriously? Put a creative twist on it, dude. (BTW, how was she stupid in Twilight's Kingdom?)
It is great how you are focusing so much on the effects of the various vices on the characters possessed of them, rather than just trying to get suspense and fights out of each chapter. After two lord encounters ending in gripping fights, I really love the way you portray Chrysalis: addiction and holocaust I presume. Having her encounter be more low key lets us just sit back and contemplate what she has become. Truthfully, her behavior brought to mind many of my thoughts and experiences in reading Elie Wiesel's Night as well as Survival in Auschwitz (things very possibly experienced in some of my ancestry). You did a very good job with this chapter and brought me to a lot of thought and comparison. I could go on more about it but comments should not be that long, maybe I can comment more later about what all I liked.
4477885 I also find it a bit annoying that Twilight is repeatedly getting stuck on this concept that the Celestia of this world is so different, especially after being effectively cast into Hell by her. She repeats those lines a lot in her arguments with Sunset, though it does make sense since she has no idea what Celestia believes she has done to deserve it in this world. It is a necessary thing to preserve some of that optimism in Twilight, though... for purely sacrificial purposes in later chapters of course.
4484505 I specifically chose Chrysalis to represent Gluttony, at least partially due to the presumed ravenous nature of a changling's hunger for love. Yet at the same time I knew that this hunger couldn't be the only driving force behind her actions, and so I sought to cast her even lower. Forcing her to bear witness to the death of her race – yet never being able to join them – struck me as a truly terrible punishment for somepony who, for all intents and purposes, was just trying to keep her race alive. A comparison to the holocaust, while not necessarily intentional, are very welcome.
4587991 sick bastard dont get me wrong im all for torture and mutilation,not so much with twilight, but i cant stand the of death a charecter,...........unless its pinkie kill her all you want
“When was the last time I ate?” She felt at her stomach, wondering at how she didn’t feel the least bit hungry. Sunset hardly noticed, walking along a breadcrumb road. “Another trick of Tartarus. I haven’t had a bite to eat since I got here.”
I actually had this assumption already, hence my non-query of it yet. You've addressed the issue exactly how I would have, were this my own story. In fact, you may or may not have an identical headcanon to the one I plan on using for an already-existing fic of mine. I'm sure you can guess which one.
“Why must you always seek a logical explanation? Just put everything down to this being Tartarus. Seriously, do I have to explain everything?”
Oh, you. This is such a meta-statement. I'm having a good chortle now.
Time and again, you've told me how much the changelings, as a race, terrify you more than any other creature. The way that you wrote Chrysalis seems to reflect that, but moreso this quote from Sunset Shimmer:
“When somepony ‘normal’ passes through, if they encounter Chrysalis, she sucks them dry of all love they might have left, too starved to stop herself before she reduces them to a mere husk devoid of emotion. In her dementia she uses their still-living flesh in a desperate attempt to create a changeling, but the results are always… gruesome.”
Having Twi cast the love spell was genius, but surprisingly expected—I was actually secretly wondering if you would do that. Great minds, and all that.
4930856 Addressing the issue of food here was the perfect timing, since Chrysalis's area is representative of gluttony and the entire punishment centers around her hunger.
A meta-statement that fits into the moment, or at least I thought it did. It was a fun little add-on.
The changelings do terrify me, but in this instance I was highly sympathetic. This Chrysalis is frightening, true, but she's also horribly tragic. This might surprise you, but I actually don't consider changelings naturally evil. I have plans for a No Heroes sequel that actually covers my view of changelings as a whole, though I have at least three more sequels to write before I get to that story.
The idea of stepping in the remains of what could have been - at one time - your relatives and friends, and watching it recycle itself in such a gruesome manner..
Still not dark enough. *Cracks knuckles* I thought you had some Dark for me to read :P
Okay, when I read I was time for the kid gloves to come off, I smiled. I can only hope these futures chapters give me nightmares for at least a couple of nights.
But meh. Still not getting my hopes up on that.
Anyway, nice chapter. Part of me is hoping that Twilights efforts pay off in the end. That when she finally gets out Of Tartarus she fixes her timeline and gets back to her friends. Though I'm starting to notice a running theme regarding Twi thinking of her friends and the elements they represent.
I hope these are little things that pay off in the end.
From the first time I observed the cover art of the story, I thought I'd have matched each Sin to a character. It changed some after a year of examination, based on how other authors and analysts viewed the villians. What I'm getting at is: I was certain Chrysalis would represent Envy. I was niive; that was way too simple. Her chapter was... Really good. Six chapters in. I'm looking forward to Twilight engaging your OC villians, PA.
“No.” Twilight turned away from Chrysalis, her head held high. “I am the Princess of Friendship and I will not see her killed! I would see her reformed, instead.”
This one is trickier than the other two, but, ultimately, wuth her hunger for love and consuming it, I may have to put Chryssi with gluttony. Originally, when thinking about the sins before encountering her abd ger realm, I thought she would be lust. But somehow, this makes more sense.
Yeah, KBP did particularly well with Chrysalis' appearance. This is probably my third favorite chapter. I really like the whole, "abominations made out of ponies" thing she's got going.
Well, same time tomorrow!
Doth my eyes deceive me? A pony story inspired by Dante's Inferno?
One... reward to you good sir/and or madam! From a Dante fanboy
HEY! I noticed you changed the rating!
4468209
...KBP?
4468240
Ah yes, all the suffering and pain is worth it for just one Fluttersquee!
4468258
Only for a couple days. Tomorrow it goes back to Mature... by necessity.
4468279
Just finished the chapter.
4468286
Interesting...
I actually have a theme song in mind for this story. I'll be posting a link to it in the last chapter as a 'if this were a movie, this would play over the credits' thing. You might like.
4468279
KBP = Key Blade Pony.
4468363
Oooooh, I knew that. Yeah, uh-huh.
I don't have much to say about this one. A more disturbing journey than a dangerous one.
Some interesting world building around Tartarus itself. I can see why so many are trapped in there now.
So, things get ramped up to the tenth level next time, huh? We shall see how this all goes down.
Why did you make Twilight so stupid? She's not stupid.
4477710
In what way is she stupid? Unless you count her natural in-show behavior. *coughTwilight'sKingdomcough*
But seriously, I can't answer an accusation if I don't know where the accusation is coming from.
Ugh, don't tell me this isn't ANOTHER "tyrant Celestia" story. Do you have any idea how numerous those things are? You'd better come up with a creative twist on this...
4477729
You can knock the 'tyrant Celestia' concept if you like. I don't blame you; I fully acknowledge that the idea is overdone. But at the same time, Celestia and her manner of rule is not the topic of this story. You will learn no real details on this subject, be given no background. Don't blast this story for something that it's not, and it's not another 'Tyrant Celestia' story.
If you want to see my 'creative twist' on the topic, read the original Trixie vs. Equestria, for which this story is a prequel. If you disapprove you can blast it to smithereens and be well within your rights.
4477726 The part with Starswirl, first off. Let's just say that by now, you'd think that, knowing that this isn't her Equestria, would realize that this Celestia is not the Celestia she knows, that this Celestia this someone completely different. Given everything that has happened so far, Twilight should realize by now that something is wrong. And another "tyrant Celestia" story? Seriously? Put a creative twist on it, dude. (BTW, how was she stupid in Twilight's Kingdom?)
It is great how you are focusing so much on the effects of the various vices on the characters possessed of them, rather than just trying to get suspense and fights out of each chapter. After two lord encounters ending in gripping fights, I really love the way you portray Chrysalis: addiction and holocaust I presume. Having her encounter be more low key lets us just sit back and contemplate what she has become. Truthfully, her behavior brought to mind many of my thoughts and experiences in reading Elie Wiesel's Night as well as Survival in Auschwitz (things very possibly experienced in some of my ancestry). You did a very good job with this chapter and brought me to a lot of thought and comparison. I could go on more about it but comments should not be that long, maybe I can comment more later about what all I liked.
4477885
I also find it a bit annoying that Twilight is repeatedly getting stuck on this concept that the Celestia of this world is so different, especially after being effectively cast into Hell by her. She repeats those lines a lot in her arguments with Sunset, though it does make sense since she has no idea what Celestia believes she has done to deserve it in this world. It is a necessary thing to preserve some of that optimism in Twilight, though... for purely sacrificial purposes in later chapters of course.
4484505
I specifically chose Chrysalis to represent Gluttony, at least partially due to the presumed ravenous nature of a changling's hunger for love. Yet at the same time I knew that this hunger couldn't be the only driving force behind her actions, and so I sought to cast her even lower. Forcing her to bear witness to the death of her race – yet never being able to join them – struck me as a truly terrible punishment for somepony who, for all intents and purposes, was just trying to keep her race alive. A comparison to the holocaust, while not necessarily intentional, are very welcome.
I wonder why this story has so few likes. Its good. REALLY good. Addicting even.
4521729
And now begins the pain. We shall see if you're positive outlook holds out.
About time. I wanna see some mutilation.
4587991 sick bastard dont get me wrong im all for torture and mutilation,not so much with twilight, but i cant stand the of death a charecter,...........unless its pinkie kill her all you want
4521729 I agree this is an awesome story
The end of that AN gives me a shiver down my spine.
I actually had this assumption already, hence my non-query of it yet. You've addressed the issue exactly how I would have, were this my own story.
In fact, you may or may not have an identical headcanon to the one I plan on using for an already-existing fic of mine. I'm sure you can guess which one.
Oh, you. This is such a meta-statement. I'm having a good chortle now.
Time and again, you've told me how much the changelings, as a race, terrify you more than any other creature. The way that you wrote Chrysalis seems to reflect that, but moreso this quote from Sunset Shimmer:
Having Twi cast the love spell was genius, but surprisingly expected—I was actually secretly wondering if you would do that. Great minds, and all that.
quickmeme.com/img/d4/d4301e5f2fbbfcb5dac964b6aaaad3dc0d016ae83528104e6d1fbee4840b6ac8.jpg
4930856
Addressing the issue of food here was the perfect timing, since Chrysalis's area is representative of gluttony and the entire punishment centers around her hunger.
A meta-statement that fits into the moment, or at least I thought it did. It was a fun little add-on.
The changelings do terrify me, but in this instance I was highly sympathetic. This Chrysalis is frightening, true, but she's also horribly tragic. This might surprise you, but I actually don't consider changelings naturally evil. I have plans for a No Heroes sequel that actually covers my view of changelings as a whole, though I have at least three more sequels to write before I get to that story.
The idea of stepping in the remains of what could have been - at one time - your relatives and friends, and watching it recycle itself in such a gruesome manner..
Still not dark enough. *Cracks knuckles* I thought you had some Dark for me to read :P
Okay, when I read I was time for the kid gloves to come off, I smiled. I can only hope these futures chapters give me nightmares for at least a couple of nights.
But meh. Still not getting my hopes up on that.
Anyway, nice chapter. Part of me is hoping that Twilights efforts pay off in the end. That when she finally gets out Of Tartarus she fixes her timeline and gets back to her friends. Though I'm starting to notice a running theme regarding Twi thinking of her friends and the elements they represent.
I hope these are little things that pay off in the end.
From the first time I observed the cover art of the story, I thought I'd have matched each Sin to a character. It changed some after a year of examination, based on how other authors and analysts viewed the villians.
What I'm getting at is: I was certain Chrysalis would represent Envy. I was niive; that was way too simple. Her chapter was... Really good.
Six chapters in. I'm looking forward to Twilight engaging your OC villians, PA.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/12/12/1606219.png
In all honesty, I'm grateful Twi is still herself. I'm also grateful she gave Chrysalis some love. Poor queen...
This one is trickier than the other two, but, ultimately, wuth her hunger for love and consuming it, I may have to put Chryssi with gluttony. Originally, when thinking about the sins before encountering her abd ger realm, I thought she would be lust. But somehow, this makes more sense.