As excited as I am to see this story FINALLY in the light of day, I don't know how hard it will be to read about best pony being tortured to near death...
I may not like the primary subject, but damn, is it (like all your other stories) well written... Poor Twilight...
4446456 A monster, you say? Well, I did break new ground for my writing with this story, so maybe. In a way, this story was an experiment into moving beyond my usual limits. What really makes me a monster is that I enjoyed writing it.
Agreed... I know I had mentioned previously about being hesitant to read this story (not being keen on stories with "gore" tags in general, plus the reasons stated above), but after loving TvE & the NH stories, I hafta at least give it a try.
Plus the cover pic, especially (presumably) Reddux, is bad@$$!
Nothing else to do but strap on my goggles & dive in!
4447821 There is a moment of badassery... but as my stories trend towards realism and making it hard for the characters, you may be disappointed overall in that regard.
Unless your definition of badassery means surviving seemingly impossible odds. In that case, sure. But if you're looking for explosions and epic duels and bad guys getting thoroughly trounced by an OP alicorn princess, then sorry but this isn't for you. I'm entering the contest based more on the 'exiled and forgotten' part than the 'badass' part.
I'm in ur story, readin' ur werdz. It's about time, right? Finally I will get to see this supposed masterpiece unravel before my eyes. Oh, and I would play this fic if it were made into a game, too. Just sayin'.
That beginning. Whoa. Of course I knew what Celestia/Solar Flare would do to some degree already, having read TvE. Her deceit and careful mannerisms—dropped only when nopony else was nearby to see—are very much present the same as they were. I loved reading about Celestia Flare in TvE (remember when I said in ch14 that I didn't trust her? I was right, wasn't I?) and to see her here brought back those memories. Onward to the seven circles of Tartarus. May Faust have mercy on my fragile soul.
I've jumped aboard, and I can say I'm not afraid of the length.
This is water under the bridge compared to some of the reads I've undertaken.
And one thing stands out to me, either because I learned it different, or because it's genuinely a mistake:
nothing as he lead her
Shouldn't that be 'led'? While the word 'read' may have multiple pronunciations, 'lead' does as well, but I believe you're looking for 'led'. I read it as 'Leed' (pronunciation), not 'Lehd'. I'm pretty sure you've got the wrong version, but that's my only nitpick here :3
5339677 I believe we refer to these things as 'typos.' There are certain words and phrases that I always tend to make the same mistakes on, even whenever I know what the correct way is. this is one of those.
I was in the process of describing Dis, and realized that I have no idea what Dis looked like, so I read through the chapter again, and it wasn't all that helpful, so I'm not going to go into too much detail. So I decided to just start the re-read now lest I put something in the story that doesn't fit.
Welp... I'm done. I tried the story. ... Ok, ok, OK! I'll continue on.
Terror filled Trixie to her core, making her entire body tremble from her spot behind the bed.
Is this the narrator talking about Trixie or just Trixie talking? I can never tell since she is such a dint. So far not too interested, grotesquely mutilated Twilight is not something I am a fan of.
What if she wasn’t even in the right time?
Heavy foreshadowing here? Also, I had to fix my laptop charger in the middle of this chapter. As well as read something happy. The idea of a mutilated Twilight just doesn't set well for me.
She had returned to the library, and she had gone to the right time. Somehow she had altered history… and everything was different.
Still not sure what exactly she did, other than something that made the Element of Magic smoken' hot. <Insert witty joke about Twilight's rear.>
She would solve this. She was Princess Twilight Sparkle, and this was not beyond her abilities!
Or it is cause Twilight goes through a freaking meat grinder.
She sat tall and proud, her pearly skin almost glowing in the rays of a sun
Do ponies have skin or are you just using the word as a stand in for "coat"?
She gestured, and Twilight eagerly walked at the princess’ side.
I have a bad feeling, this is too happy compared to the encounter with Trixie. Twilight has to end up in Tartarus somehow, its in the description. Celestia is going to betray the fuck out of Twilight, well, the not-her Twilight.
Ok, Celestia is paranoid as hell. So we must wonder what happened to her in the past. I also must wonder what she thought visited her when she and Luna were banishing Discord. Was it Princess Twilight, a changeling, or her world's Twilight, the one who is at "The Gate". Without knowing this it is hard to pass judgement but I feel Celestia was far to hasty and quick in dealing judgement. Princess Twilight admitted she was not Celestia's apprentice and Celestia seemed to know that Twilight was from a different timeline or something similar. How she would prove a threat to Celestia's rule, I do not know.
Reading through the comments, I feel I am missing a lot since I cannot bring myself to read Trixie vs Equestria.
Aside: Apple chargers are a pain in the ass to fix and my soldering job is shit. I have some experience but for some reason nothing was heating up like I expected, my tip doesn't look bad either but there is like no heat transfer going on.
6508623 Ah, but you're not supposed to know anything yet. I'm not about to give everything away because you have questions and assumptions that may or may not be correct. Some of the questions will be answered as the story moves on, if you can get to said answers.
Hi there. First of all great introduction to the story. Second of all, I have no idea what just happened.
Here I am looking for dark stories involving twilight and lots of violence for inspiration for my own story "Cracks in Reality". I always wondered if if was possible for two writers to unknowingly come up with some pretty similar ideas. And when I read the description for this story I just had to know what similarities they share.
I suppose only time will tell as I read future chapters.
A very atmospheric start. I have to wonder what this alternate Equestria is and what happened to the Twilight, as well as how this Twi got here. I look forwards to more Inferno references, though.
Reading this I felt the sense of dread just oozing out of the buildup. No way was anything good going to happen, and seeing Celestia just put the icing on the cake.
Well, this has been a long time coming. I have only one thing to say:![:yay:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/yay.png)
4443142
Correction: HALLELUJAH!!!
Oh, this is going to be a painful ride. Knowing Twilight's ultimate fate from Trixie Vs Equestria is going to make this all the more tragic.
Still, I'm willing to go through with this. Let's see just how far the rabbit hole goes!
4445447
It's a deep hole.
Still, I hope you enjoy the ride... so to speak. It will be nice to get some input from someone whose already read TvE.
I aim to update once a day at around 7PM or so (CST). There are 11 chapters, not including the epilogue.
As excited as I am to see this story FINALLY in the light of day, I don't know how hard it will be to read about best pony being tortured to near death...
I may not like the primary subject, but damn, is it (like all your other stories) well written...
Poor Twilight...
You monster!
4446456![:fluttershyouch:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/fluttershyouch.png)
A monster, you say? Well, I did break new ground for my writing with this story, so maybe. In a way, this story was an experiment into moving beyond my usual limits. What really makes me a monster is that I enjoyed writing it.
4445447
4446456
Agreed... I know I had mentioned previously about being hesitant to read this story (not being keen on stories with "gore" tags in general, plus the reasons stated above), but after loving TvE & the NH stories, I hafta at least give it a try.![:twilightoops:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightoops.png)
Plus the cover pic, especially (presumably) Reddux, is bad@$$!![:moustache:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/moustache.png)
Nothing else to do but strap on my goggles & dive in!![:rainbowdetermined2:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowdetermined2.png)
4446642
Why thank you, it wasn't cheap.![:raritywink:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/raritywink.png)
Good news: it takes time to get to the 'mature' part. By then you'll be locked into my trap and unable to stop reading, BWAHAHAHA!![:trollestia:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/trollestia.png)
So then Twilight will be badass in this story?
4447821
There is a moment of badassery... but as my stories trend towards realism and making it hard for the characters, you may be disappointed overall in that regard.
Unless your definition of badassery means surviving seemingly impossible odds. In that case, sure. But if you're looking for explosions and epic duels and bad guys getting thoroughly trounced by an OP alicorn princess, then sorry but this isn't for you. I'm entering the contest based more on the 'exiled and forgotten' part than the 'badass' part.
Getting into the mood here...
It's been a long time since I last heard these and I forgot just how expressive they are.
I like. Celestia and Twilight fighting made me sad, but I'm not quit sure why. Love the story though. Off to the next chapter.
So... the only link between this and TvE is that scene at the very beginning?
I'm in ur story, readin' ur werdz.![:ajsmug:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/ajsmug.png)
It's about time, right? Finally I will get to see this supposed masterpiece unravel before my eyes.
Oh, and I would play this fic if it were made into a game, too. Just sayin'.
That beginning. Whoa. Of course I knew what Celestia/Solar Flare would do to some degree already, having read TvE. Her deceit and careful mannerisms—dropped only when nopony else was nearby to see—are very much present the same as they were. I loved reading about Celestia Flare in TvE (remember when I said in ch14 that I didn't trust her? I was right, wasn't I?) and to see her here brought back those memories.
Onward to the seven circles of Tartarus. May Faust have mercy on my fragile soul.
4926542
Pfft, your soul is fine. It's mine that's in danger.
Celestia's words are laces with additional meanings, if you can catch them.
Dat ending. This is getting intense real quick.
I've jumped aboard, and I can say I'm not afraid of the length.
This is water under the bridge compared to some of the reads I've undertaken.
And one thing stands out to me, either because I learned it different, or because it's genuinely a mistake:
Shouldn't that be 'led'? While the word 'read' may have multiple pronunciations, 'lead' does as well, but I believe you're looking for 'led'. I read it as 'Leed' (pronunciation), not 'Lehd'. I'm pretty sure you've got the wrong version, but that's my only nitpick here :3
ONWARD!
5339677![:facehoof:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/facehoof.png)
I believe we refer to these things as 'typos.' There are certain words and phrases that I always tend to make the same mistakes on, even whenever I know what the correct way is. this is one of those.
Anyway, located and cauterized.
Well that escalated quickly.
It's time.
I was in the process of describing Dis, and realized that I have no idea what Dis looked like, so I read through the chapter again, and it wasn't all that helpful, so I'm not going to go into too much detail. So I decided to just start the re-read now lest I put something in the story that doesn't fit.
God help me.
6041760
In Tartarus? Well, we shall see.
Good luck.
Welp... I'm done. I tried the story.
...
Ok, ok, OK!
I'll continue on.
Is this the narrator talking about Trixie or just Trixie talking? I can never tell since she is such a dint.
So far not too interested, grotesquely mutilated Twilight is not something I am a fan of.
Heavy foreshadowing here?
Also, I had to fix my laptop charger in the middle of this chapter. As well as read something happy. The idea of a mutilated Twilight just doesn't set well for me.
Still not sure what exactly she did, other than something that made the Element of Magic smoken' hot. <Insert witty joke about Twilight's rear.>
Or it is cause Twilight goes through a freaking meat grinder.
Do ponies have skin or are you just using the word as a stand in for "coat"?
I have a bad feeling, this is too happy compared to the encounter with Trixie. Twilight has to end up in Tartarus somehow, its in the description. Celestia is going to betray the fuck out of Twilight, well, the not-her Twilight.
Ok, Celestia is paranoid as hell. So we must wonder what happened to her in the past. I also must wonder what she thought visited her when she and Luna were banishing Discord. Was it Princess Twilight, a changeling, or her world's Twilight, the one who is at "The Gate". Without knowing this it is hard to pass judgement but I feel Celestia was far to hasty and quick in dealing judgement. Princess Twilight admitted she was not Celestia's apprentice and Celestia seemed to know that Twilight was from a different timeline or something similar. How she would prove a threat to Celestia's rule, I do not know.
Reading through the comments, I feel I am missing a lot since I cannot bring myself to read Trixie vs Equestria.
Aside: Apple chargers are a pain in the ass to fix and my soldering job is shit. I have some experience but for some reason nothing was heating up like I expected, my tip doesn't look bad either but there is like no heat transfer going on.
6508623
Ah, but you're not supposed to know anything yet. I'm not about to give everything away because you have questions and assumptions that may or may not be correct. Some of the questions will be answered as the story moves on, if you can get to said answers.
Hi there. First of all great introduction to the story. Second of all, I have no idea what just happened.
Here I am looking for dark stories involving twilight and lots of violence for inspiration for my own story "Cracks in Reality". I always wondered if if was possible for two writers to unknowingly come up with some pretty similar ideas. And when I read the description for this story I just had to know what similarities they share.
I suppose only time will tell as I read future chapters.
A very atmospheric start. I have to wonder what this alternate Equestria is and what happened to the Twilight, as well as how this Twi got here. I look forwards to more Inferno references, though.
9499788
Oooh, someone new to go through Tartarus! I am looking forward to your reactions.
As a fan of the Divine Comedy, I am looking forward to this. (Note, this is the first of your stories I have read, I have not read TvE)
Oooof.
Reading this I felt the sense of dread just oozing out of the buildup. No way was anything good going to happen, and seeing Celestia just put the icing on the cake.
I know I'm in for a brutal ride.