interesting in concept at the very least........... still tartarus...... well not like THIS in the show. it is a place to hold dmeonic things, but not the dead.
By my definition, an 'evil Celestia' story is actually focused on and about Celestia being evil and/or somepony trying to defeat her. In Twilight's Inferno, Celestia's ethical alignment is just the background. In fact it can be argued that it's also just the background of TvE.
Now if you want to define an 'evil Celestia' story as any story that happens to have Celestia being evil, no matter how that relates to the actual plot, then yes, it's an 'evil Celestia' story. But if people are willing to condemn stories based on that terribly broad viewpoint then there's no helping them.
"Blueblood winced. “Sorry, Cadance.”" What? Blueblood? And no, this chapter not so cloppy. It have just enougth details for reader, that he can understand that it's six circle of tartarus — circle of lust.
Ugh, don't tell me this isn't ANOTHER "tyrant Celestia" story. Do you have any idea how numerous those things are? You'd better come up with a creative twist on this...
sounded rather aggressive to me. It made me think you were one of those sorts who see a hint of something they adamantly don't like and immediately go nutty. My apologies.
Well, that was certainly an unpleasant experience. With everything Twilight's been through, I'm beginning to think Reddux will just let her by because what more can he do to her? Hell, he probably will think that sending her out of Tartarus will be worse than being stuck in it. As hard as that is to be believed.
And now Twilight knows just how messed up she's made this world. Curious to find out how she comes to the conclusion that saving Luna will fix everything.
Yeah, as I said in chapter 1, I was not looking forward to reading about best pony getting the life torn out of her... The absolute pure torture you're subjecting her to is just... And making the second-to-last lord her brother? Who's realm is sexual torture?
That shit is messed up...
But this is tartarus... Messed up doesn't even begin to describe it... I hope you're not proud of this story... Such horrors were never meant for Twilight's innocent, soft and caring soul... And yet I can't stop until I see the end... Like Twilight, we must continue on, to maybe reach what good her entire being exudes...
You're a monster... And I love you for it... Everything is so vivid and real, I only wish it happened to somepony who at least remotely deserved it...
4482846 Actually, Cadance is the second-to-last Lord, but tomAto-tomahto.
I hope you're not proud of this story...
I'm not proud to put Twilight through this hideous torture... but I am proud that I'm able to evoke such feelings within people. As an individual always fascinated by the worst states of humanity, I regret to admit that I looked forward to writing all of this and seeing if I could do it well.
But I didn't write this for the torment instilled within Twilight through the journey. I wrote it because, in my mind, the journey exists and has purpose. What purpose? Well... perhaps the conclusion will clarify that.
4482776 Somehow I never received any notice that this comment was made. Huh.
So you imagine lust would be a particularly terrible chapter? But then, considering how I more or less saved it for the end, I guess that's understandable.
As to Reddux... well, I'll just let the story explain.
4483165 I was counting on this, actually. It's established that Shining (one of the single most useless male leads I've ever seen) is so very important to Twilight, but he's also totally forgettable (because he's so useless?). I was expecting people... well, not to expect him.
4483238 Oh, the story's been finished for a week or two. It's all pre-written and getting posted in pieces for maximum exposure prior to the contest due date. The only part not finished is the editing, which me and The Bean do the day of or before posting.
4483236 Well... He capitan Royal Guards of Equestria. Equestria totaly peacefull country(but not Ponyville ). All that he can do like royal guard: sit down on his ass and look on wall... and wait. If some ancient evil show up then his little sister with battlecry "Solar prism give me power" go in this mess. If some minor evil show up, Celestia just use diplomaty. SO... all that he can do: sit on ass, look on wall, do paperwork, drill new recruts and fuck out brains from Cadance. And that is it. So yes he useless
I'm shaking as i write this, and i'm astounded by the emotions running in my mind. this is the second story since Cheerlee's Garden that has legitimately scared me into shaking. well done sir. i cant wait for the end.
4485106 This isn't the bad kind of fear mind you... this was the kind of fear that i love to find. i love the other feelings that i from from this too you know, sadness, pain, concern, very rarely do i find any kind of media that can invoke things like this out of me.
4485320 As I mentioned to RamCard below, the story was completely written before I ever started posting. All that's left is to edit the day of or before a chapter's publication. I was waiting for the cover art (in all its glory) to be ready before releasing, and now I'm publishing one chapter a day to maximize exposure.
4485099 In the original, the final stretch of the journey had Lucifer with three heads eternally devouring Judas and other traitors. He was also halfway encased in ice, as you reminded me when discord showed up. I dont even think Cerberus was in the Inferno, he is from greek mythology.
4485063 It was only Chrysalis' behavior that reminded me of the Holocaust survivors, not anything you did intentionally. It was a common thing to feel tormented and even guilty for having survived when so many friends and family did not, and the overwhelming, mind consuming hunger and wretched survival had results very similar to how you portrayed chrysalis. The Holocaust recollections are much more vivid and real, but you had more than enough to bring it to mind.
4486336 Incorrect. Dante used many mythological figures from assorted mythologies in his work, such as King Minos in Limbo, who determined in which circle every sinner was meant to be (Steven Magnet's cameo was actually a reference to this), Charon of Greek mythology was the pilot of the boat that transported the sinners across the Acheron (Tazel's work ferrying ponies references that), the raging whirlpool Charybdis from Homer's Odyssey appeared in the 4th Circle, among others.
Cerberus in particular appeared in the third circle - gluttony - and stood guard over the sinners of that circle to prevent their escape. But even though the show specifically makes it known that Cerberus guards Tartarus, he won't be appearing in Twilight's Inferno. Those who have read TvE – and were paying attention – will know why.
Bear in mind that this story is not following the order of the circles, nor are the punishments and imagery of Twilight's Inferno precisely linked to Dante's Inferno in purpose or locale. Also note that we're moving farther and farther away from the magics of the draconequus tomb, so the fantastical elements of Tartarus are fading at this point in the story.
I could barely read this. I could see where it was going since last chapter but I didnt want to think about it. I wont tell you good job, but you accurately crossed the boundary into the most sensitive of human pain and betrayal. Having dated and loved a girl who was abused early in life, as well as having a close friend who did social work in this area... this hurt very much and I wont be analyzing it further. Until next chapter and the end, I need to time to recover.
Shining Armor – her brother – was behind Cadance, thrusting into her with a savage eagerness. The pegasus had her face to the floor, a rapturous smile on her lips as she pushed back against his eager bucking.
4492881 The spell of the Winds of Passion, perhaps. Twilight makes an assumption to the whole 'why' a few chapters from now, but the exact history of how they ended up down here won't be revealed until I get to the Archons prequel I'm planning.
“I don’t know how I could ever repay you for something so precious.”
Oh, no...
“But, I know one very nice thing I can give you, something that you’ll love.”
God, no...
“Shiny, my love… you would do anything for me, wouldn’t you?” “Of course, princess.”
Nononononono—
“Rut her.”
—nononoNONONONONONONONONONO—
“As you wish, my princess.”
—NO!
That's it. You just broke me. Even though I suspected it was coming, I hoped and prayed so hard that this would never come to pass. I'm crying right now, I hope you realise. This is beyond brutal. This is... just... Fuck.
I'm out.
...
Well, not really. I'll see this through. I've given it enough attention. At least now I know that Twilight can't possibly suffer anything worse... right? Right?
5068837 Why don't you care about Twilight? What could have, in your opinion, been done better in order for you to have cared about her? Why would caring for Twilight be necessary for you to sympathise with her? Her own brother is molesting her, how is that not enough for her to deserve at least pity? Why isn't a situation like that enough? I'm trying to me more respectful of other peoples opinions... Tell me how I'm doing.
Lets see my thoughts on the chapter... You said you wanted to loll people into a false sense of security in the comments... Well you accomplished it... I know this is hell and that horrible shit like this happens alot but do you think you could have clued the reader into this shit a little earlier? I feel betrayed by you. I don't know how you meant me to feel... but I feel betrayed. This doesn't live up to it's sequel's name... Holy shit man. I hope your proud of yourself. I'm off to bed probably with nightmare fuel... I'll finish this tomorrow and give you my thoughts as a whole... But I'm done for today.
interesting in concept at the very least........... still tartarus...... well not like THIS in the show. it is a place to hold dmeonic things, but not the dead.
4482406
It doesn't hold the dead here, either.
4482298
By my definition, an 'evil Celestia' story is actually focused on and about Celestia being evil and/or somepony trying to defeat her. In Twilight's Inferno, Celestia's ethical alignment is just the background. In fact it can be argued that it's also just the background of TvE.
Now if you want to define an 'evil Celestia' story as any story that happens to have Celestia being evil, no matter how that relates to the actual plot, then yes, it's an 'evil Celestia' story. But if people are willing to condemn stories based on that terribly broad viewpoint then there's no helping them.
"Blueblood winced. “Sorry, Cadance.”" What? Blueblood?
And no, this chapter not so cloppy. It have just enougth details for reader, that he can understand that it's six circle of tartarus — circle of lust.
4482284
Sorry, but
sounded rather aggressive to me. It made me think you were one of those sorts who see a hint of something they adamantly don't like and immediately go nutty. My apologies.
Yeah, I'm not reading this one again. This chapter . . . got to me.
4482671
...
Let me just go and fix that epic act of stupidity...
4482694
Sorry, bro.
Another chapter I've been dreading.
Well, that was certainly an unpleasant experience. With everything Twilight's been through, I'm beginning to think Reddux will just let her by because what more can he do to her? Hell, he probably will think that sending her out of Tartarus will be worse than being stuck in it. As hard as that is to be believed.
And now Twilight knows just how messed up she's made this world. Curious to find out how she comes to the conclusion that saving Luna will fix everything.
Next time...
4477707 I want to be provided with a longer answer via PM.
I... Uhh...
Yeah, as I said in chapter 1, I was not looking forward to reading about best pony getting the life torn out of her... The absolute pure torture you're subjecting her to is just...
And making the second-to-last lord her brother?
Who's realm is sexual torture?
That shit is messed up...
But this is tartarus... Messed up doesn't even begin to describe it...
I hope you're not proud of this story... Such horrors were never meant for Twilight's innocent, soft and caring soul...
And yet I can't stop until I see the end... Like Twilight, we must continue on, to maybe reach what good her entire being exudes...
You're a monster... And I love you for it... Everything is so vivid and real, I only wish it happened to somepony who at least remotely deserved it...
4482846
Actually, Cadance is the second-to-last Lord, but tomAto-tomahto.
I'm not proud to put Twilight through this hideous torture... but I am proud that I'm able to evoke such feelings within people. As an individual always fascinated by the worst states of humanity, I regret to admit that I looked forward to writing all of this and seeing if I could do it well.
But I didn't write this for the torment instilled within Twilight through the journey. I wrote it because, in my mind, the journey exists and has purpose. What purpose? Well... perhaps the conclusion will clarify that.
Maybe not.
Two more days to go...
I forgot to comment on something. A funny little thought (maybe).
Ever notice how we all forget how Shining Armor exists until he suddenly appears? I totally didn't expect him to show up and yet it makes sense.
I can now see how Twilight forgot to mention him for two years straight.
4482776
Somehow I never received any notice that this comment was made. Huh.
So you imagine lust would be a particularly terrible chapter? But then, considering how I more or less saved it for the end, I guess that's understandable.
As to Reddux... well, I'll just let the story explain.
4483165
I was counting on this, actually. It's established that Shining (one of the single most useless male leads I've ever seen) is so very important to Twilight, but he's also totally forgettable (because he's so useless?). I was expecting people... well, not to expect him.
You're really pumping these out.
4483238
Oh, the story's been finished for a week or two. It's all pre-written and getting posted in pieces for maximum exposure prior to the contest due date. The only part not finished is the editing, which me and The Bean do the day of or before posting.
4483257
Oh, that explains it!
4483236
Well... He capitan Royal Guards of Equestria. Equestria totaly peacefull country(but not Ponyville ). All that he can do like royal guard: sit down on his ass and look on wall... and wait. If some ancient evil show up then his little sister with battlecry "Solar prism give me power" go in this mess. If some minor evil show up, Celestia just use diplomaty. SO... all that he can do: sit on ass, look on wall, do paperwork, drill new recruts and fuck out brains from Cadance. And that is it. So yes he useless
I'm shaking as i write this, and i'm astounded by the emotions running in my mind. this is the second story since Cheerlee's Garden that has legitimately scared me into shaking. well done sir. i cant wait for the end.
4483566
Well, at least he's useful to Cadance.
4483582
There's nothing so satisfying as knowing my writing can evoke intense emotion in people.
...
...though I'd be happier if I were evoking something a little different.
4485106 This isn't the bad kind of fear mind you... this was the kind of fear that i love to find. i love the other feelings that i from from this too you know, sadness, pain, concern, very rarely do i find any kind of media that can invoke things like this out of me.
How can you write so fast? Seriously, you are writing faster that I can read(Not that it's bad thing).
4485320
As I mentioned to RamCard below, the story was completely written before I ever started posting. All that's left is to edit the day of or before a chapter's publication. I was waiting for the cover art (in all its glory) to be ready before releasing, and now I'm publishing one chapter a day to maximize exposure.
4485099
In the original, the final stretch of the journey had Lucifer with three heads eternally devouring Judas and other traitors. He was also halfway encased in ice, as you reminded me when discord showed up. I dont even think Cerberus was in the Inferno, he is from greek mythology.
4485063
It was only Chrysalis' behavior that reminded me of the Holocaust survivors, not anything you did intentionally. It was a common thing to feel tormented and even guilty for having survived when so many friends and family did not, and the overwhelming, mind consuming hunger and wretched survival had results very similar to how you portrayed chrysalis. The Holocaust recollections are much more vivid and real, but you had more than enough to bring it to mind.
4486336
Incorrect. Dante used many mythological figures from assorted mythologies in his work, such as King Minos in Limbo, who determined in which circle every sinner was meant to be (Steven Magnet's cameo was actually a reference to this), Charon of Greek mythology was the pilot of the boat that transported the sinners across the Acheron (Tazel's work ferrying ponies references that), the raging whirlpool Charybdis from Homer's Odyssey appeared in the 4th Circle, among others.
Cerberus in particular appeared in the third circle - gluttony - and stood guard over the sinners of that circle to prevent their escape. But even though the show specifically makes it known that Cerberus guards Tartarus, he won't be appearing in Twilight's Inferno. Those who have read TvE – and were paying attention – will know why.
Bear in mind that this story is not following the order of the circles, nor are the punishments and imagery of Twilight's Inferno precisely linked to Dante's Inferno in purpose or locale. Also note that we're moving farther and farther away from the magics of the draconequus tomb, so the fantastical elements of Tartarus are fading at this point in the story.
I could barely read this. I could see where it was going since last chapter but I didnt want to think about it. I wont tell you good job, but you accurately crossed the boundary into the most sensitive of human pain and betrayal. Having dated and loved a girl who was abused early in life, as well as having a close friend who did social work in this area... this hurt very much and I wont be analyzing it further. Until next chapter and the end, I need to time to recover.
4486824
This chapter's getting that. A lot.
If canon Cadence and Shining Armor read this chapter, what would they do you?
Tirek: Yes... About that... But to be fair if he was in here he'd try to drain the magic of everyone in here...
4492769
Yes, about that...
This isn't the same Tartarus Tirek was banished to.
What would happen if this Cadence and canon Cadence met?
And she's not on top because?
4492845
...seriously? Twilight just got her horn ripped off and this is what you're interested in?
How did Cadence become evil? Is Shining under some kind of spell?
4492881
The spell of the Winds of Passion, perhaps. Twilight makes an assumption to the whole 'why' a few chapters from now, but the exact history of how they ended up down here won't be revealed until I get to the Archons prequel I'm planning.
Poor twilight. From unicorn to alicorn to one eyed earth pony. When will your torment end?
4516045
Earth pony?
...not yet. But soon. She still has wings, after all.
Poor Twilight
Wow...I love it, but it terrible and evil and I should be ashamed...But I love it
Man, I feel sorry for Twilight now. The psychological trauma...
I am starting to understand the mature rating... Nt as bad as I originally theorized but this goes way to close to a sickening dream I had...
4685990
Yes, it does take a while to get there. I tend to think of this story as a 'gradual descent' into hell.
Alternatively, I also think of it as luring the reader into a false sense of ease.
Oh, no...
God, no...
Nononononono—
—nononoNONONONONONONONONONO—
—NO!
That's it. You just broke me. Even though I suspected it was coming, I hoped and prayed so hard that this would never come to pass. I'm crying right now, I hope you realise. This is beyond brutal. This is... just... Fuck.
I'm out.
...
Well, not really. I'll see this through. I've given it enough attention. At least now I know that Twilight can't possibly suffer anything worse... right?
Right?
4931695
Well, from my perspective, it doesn't get worse than this.
...
Others disagree with me on this matter.
This plays way, and I'm talking waaaay too much on us caring about the character.
5068837
Why don't you care about Twilight? What could have, in your opinion, been done better in order for you to have cared about her?
Why would caring for Twilight be necessary for you to sympathise with her? Her own brother is molesting her, how is that not enough for her to deserve at least pity? Why isn't a situation like that enough?
I'm trying to me more respectful of other peoples opinions...
Tell me how I'm doing.
Lets see my thoughts on the chapter...
You said you wanted to loll people into a false sense of security in the comments...
Well you accomplished it...
I know this is hell and that horrible shit like this happens alot but do you think you could have clued the reader into this shit a little earlier?
I feel betrayed by you. I don't know how you meant me to feel... but I feel betrayed.
This doesn't live up to it's sequel's name...
Holy shit man. I hope your proud of yourself. I'm off to bed probably with nightmare fuel...
I'll finish this tomorrow and give you my thoughts as a whole...
But I'm done for today.